Neurodivergence and the Minefield of Motherhood: Stephanie’s Story

What happens when the Pinterest-perfect vision you had of motherhood clashes with a chaotic reality? 

In this candid episode of Quiet Connection, I’m connecting with Stephanie, a mother of two and the founder of Connection Therapy Clinic. Stephanie shares her whirlwind transition into parenting, from a chaotic emergency room diagnosis story to navigating the everyday complexities of raising an autistic child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID).

Stephanie opens up about the exhausting reality of survival mode, the pressure of perfectionism, and her own journey toward self-diagnosing autism as an adult. Together, we  dive into the deep complexities of the parental grieving process—not grieving the child, but letting go of an expected life path to build a new, beautiful reality. 

This conversation is a masterclass in shifting perspectives, enforcing bold boundaries against bullying, and embracing "actively happy" daily choices.

Key Takeaways

• The Reality of Parental Grieving: Grieving in special needs parenting is not about wishing a child were different; it is honoring and releasing the specific timeline or vision you originally mapped out for your family.
• The "Triple 30 Rule" for Burnout: To survive intense parenting days, Stephanie implements a strict boundary: any sensory activity must take 30 seconds to set up, provide 30 minutes of independent entertainment, and take 30 seconds to clean up.
• Understanding ARFID vs. Picky Eating: Picky eating is often a flexible developmental phase, whereas ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) triggers a biological fight, flight, or freeze response, causing the brain to view unfamiliar or altered food as an active danger.
• Accepting Non-Linear Partner Journeys: Acceptance of a child's neurodivergence looks different for every parent. Partners often move through denial and grief on completely separate timelines, and honoring that individual space is vital for family cohesion. 

To connect with Stephanie, follow her on Instagram at @connectiontherapyclinic or explore her educational resources online. 

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (01:19)
Hello! Today I am here with Stephanie. Stephanie, how are you?

Stephanie (01:24)
I am great, thank you Chelsea, how are y'all?

Chelsea Myers (01:26)
I'm okay. It's crazy Monday. I feel like I say

that every Monday. It's crazy. ⁓ but I'm really excited to have you here. excited to get to know more about your story. I always say I like to learn as little about you as possible beforehand because I want to meet you for real. So with that in mind, I would love it if you could introduce yourself to my listeners and let us know.

Stephanie (01:32)
Yes, yes.

love that.

Chelsea Myers (01:55)
who you were before you were a mom.

Stephanie (01:58)
Absolutely, and I love that you ask who I was before a mom because that person is almost like a distant person I don't even recognize to be honest. But anyways, hi everyone, my name is Stephanie. I am a mom to an autistic ADHD PDA, ARFID, amazing son who just turned nine last week. And then I also am a mom to a Spitfire, neurotypical-ish

daughter who will give you a run for your money. ⁓ It is a little crazy with the two of them, ⁓ but that is, those are my kiddos who I am as an individual. ⁓ I own Connection Therapy Clinic, which we do speech and occupational therapy, and then I also manage Travel with Autism to try and inspire families to go travel all over the world to places that are more, not as structured like Disneyland or.

Universal Studios and things like that. Before I was a mom, ⁓ I did sales, I did marketing, I kind of floundered a little, didn't really have my direct purpose, but when I conceptualized, ⁓ I'm gonna be a mom someday and all of that, I thought I was gonna be like that Pinterest mom, like my kids come home from school and they have cookies or they have, I

whatever, like homemade snacks and things like that. And we're gonna do, yes, that's exactly where I was going. I was like, we're gonna do crafts for every single holiday. And you know, that was the vision I had in my brain that that's the person I was going to be. And then as you you go into having an autistic kiddo and things like that. And I always, I know it's very cheesy and corny, but the line that says, you you have a plan and then God laughs, that is 100 %

Chelsea Myers (03:23)
Like a craft ready to go. ⁓

Yeah

Stephanie (03:50)
my life. To a T.

Chelsea Myers (03:51)
Mm hmm. Yeah, I

feel that. That resonates with me. And I'm sure it's going to resonate with a lot of people. But ⁓ you kind of already you answered my number two question for me sort of. I always I always go into did you always picture yourself being a mom? And it sounds like you had a pretty clear expectation of what kind of mom you would be. Yeah.

Stephanie (03:57)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, so not

only that but I come from a very very big family like ridiculous I'll tell you my wedding was 230 people and 85 of those people was my immediate family not even extended immediate family So I come from a very big family with that. I always thought that I would have four kids and you know, we would

Chelsea Myers (04:31)
my gosh.

Stephanie (04:40)
go to our religious celebrations and we would do all the things and the Pinterest crafts and the holidays and the outings and all those things. Well, I'll tell you, after having both my kids and especially my daughter, the Spitfire one, I'm like, yep, nope, I'm done, two is good. Yep, no crafts, no nothing, no play-doh, no paint, can't do it.

Chelsea Myers (04:58)
with you.

my god. I will avoid paint at all costs. And Play-Doh I am trying I'm trying so hard. Maybe this is my own sensory needs. But they love the Play-Doh, right? They love those sensory seekers love the Play-Doh and I just I just don't want to be picking it out of my carpet for the next five years. Yeah. Me either.

Stephanie (05:07)
Yes.

yes.

I can't handle the mixing of the colors.

That's what I'm like, I can't know, you've got to keep the color separate, but I get it. How can you not create something if you don't mix up? But that's me, so in my house, no play-doh, no paint, no rice bins. I have a strict 30, 30, 30, 30 rule. It has to take me 30 seconds to set up, 30 minutes of me not being needed of entertainment, and 30 seconds to clean up. If I can't get a triple 30, I'm not doing it.

Chelsea Myers (05:30)
Yep. Yep.

I know.

No play, no paint.

I think that I'm adopting that. really like the triple 30 idea. ⁓ my gosh. So with all of this in mind, I'm definitely vibing. ⁓ A lot of this resonates. Let's go back. Let's go back because the vision you had is not necessarily the life that we are living right now. No, the journey into parenting. What was that like?

Stephanie (05:56)
Thank you.

love it.

No. Absolutely not.

Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (06:22)
that when you decide it now's the time.

Stephanie (06:25)
Um, so my husband and I, got married. We waited a few years because we wanted to kind of get settled. I am a very type A individual and I was like, I'm not moving pregnant. I'm not looking for a house pregnant. I'm not anything on top of that. my husband has never really been around babies or little. So I was like, all right, we're getting a dog first. We're going to start there.

Chelsea Myers (06:46)
Mmm.

Stephanie (06:48)
And, know, my husband, again, not being around babies or dogs or anything like that, we had this little puppy, we had a Samoyed. So have you ever seen the proposal and a little white fluffy dog in the proposal? So that's a Samoyed. ⁓ they get bigger and they stay so cute. But anyway, so we had this adorable little fluffy dog and he's like licking my husband and my husband's like, he's licking me. And I'm like, yeah, we're not having a baby anytime soon. So we had to, we had to, we had those growing pains we had to get through. So dog house.

Chelsea Myers (06:56)
Yes

You

Stephanie (07:18)
got to the babies. I am also a very strong, independent individual where I like to suffer alone and in peace and silence, all that. So I'm tell you my story with my first born and my thrust into motherhood. So we get to the hospital, or not we get to the hospital, let me take this back, that was my daughter was we get to the hospital. My son, apologize, my son, my husband wanted to go skiing and we live very close to some,

Chelsea Myers (07:25)
Mm.

Stephanie (07:47)
ski locations like two hours away. told my husband, I'm like, listen, this is the first kid. We're two months out from the due date. Go skiing. Worst case scenario, I'll call you. You'll come. It takes at least eight hours. You're going to make it here. All right. So halfway through his day skiing already, I'm like, I don't feel any movement. And I'm again, type a paranoid individual. So my mother and I go to the hospital. They're like, okay, whatever. Cause of course it's a weekend. Cause these things never happen on a weekday ever. So it's a weekend.

Chelsea Myers (08:15)
Yeah, of course.

Stephanie (08:17)
they're like, okay, well we see you're everything's fine. All that stuff. We're gonna have you walk up and down the halls a couple times We'll send you home because again, I'm still two plus weeks out from my due date So I walk up and down the hall on my second lap all of a sudden the contraction comes and I'm like swell Great Wow All right. So now and of course, I'm skipping big chunks of this. I'm in labor and delivery and I'm sitting there and then my husband's

Chelsea Myers (08:32)
god. Swell.

Stephanie (08:46)
He's gonna make it, this is not the story where he misses it. He does make it, but he comes running in in ski pants and I'm telling them that I've got my husband, he's six, five. I'm like the really tall guy in the ski pants, that's gonna be my husband, just direct him in here. So he walks in with the anesthesiologist. At the same time, I think I might have forgot to tell him I was actually in active labor, so he just thought I was chilling at the hospital. So he walks in with the anesthesiologist.

And they're like, all right, we need you to brace her shoulders right here. They pull out the, words are escaping me. Thank you, the epidural needle. And all of a sudden he goes white. And then the nurse is like, sir, I think you should sit down. I will say, side note, in my husband's defense, he's been up since 3 a.m. because he had to drive to the mountains. I don't think he really ate breakfast or lunch at this point. It's like 6 p.m. at night. So we'll give it to him that maybe it was just a lack of nutrition.

Chelsea Myers (09:21)
The epidural needle? Yep.

Stephanie (09:42)
So he sits down, they give me the epidural, and yeah, so anyways, and then the rest of the birth goes semi-relatively smoothly. We have our son. So that is kind of my thrust into motherhood, and it was really like I did all the things, no screen time, and I made the baby food, and I did the nursing, and all of that. And I laugh now because my son, so my son, as I said, he's autistic, he was very delayed in speaking, he was very delayed in a lot of things.

And I always like to pull back at the point that I did all the things you're supposed to do. And I'll tell you a story after I had my daughter. I was like, cause they're only 20 months apart and my son being delayed was still very much a baby. He was not a 20 month old. He was essentially a 10 month old in a bigger kid body. So I'm trying to nurse my daughter and I'm like, okay, we're going to put the TV on and I'm just going to just for like, I found some sign language.

video easily from the 80s, I don't know where I found this thing. But I found it and I put it on because I've been trying for like months to teach this kid even just like milk or help or anything. I kid you not, I put this video on in 10 minutes he like looks at me and is like milk and I'm like dude I can't with you right now. Are you kidding me? So.

Chelsea Myers (10:43)
Ha ha ha ha!

Now is where

you're going to show me that you can talk to me?

Stephanie (11:07)
Right, exactly. And then as like my parenting journey continued with trying to nurse and take care of a newborn and an essentially 10 month old, even though he was 20 months, we watched every single Cars movie, Monsters Inc, you name it, all of them. And all of a sudden he's picking up words here and cars and ready, set, go. And I'm like, why? Why did I try so hard to be that perfect Pinterest mom and do all of the things and make his baby food and

do all the things where he was just, he just had a different way of learning.

Chelsea Myers (11:42)
Mm-hmm.

You touched on so many things there and I'm so curious about, I wanna like dig a little deeper into it. So you were like, your first birth story really was this like thrust into motherhood. Like, hey, things are a little weird.

Stephanie (11:57)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (11:59)
Uh, okay. Now my baby's here. Oh boy. Okay. Um, so that takes a toll and then you're, you're mothering a newborn and a, and and growing baby who you're realizing is delayed, um, in certain areas. And that has to take a toll, right? Cause you had a vision of what motherhood was going to look like. How did that impact your view of yourself? Like what, how were you feeling about yourself in those moments?

Stephanie (12:11)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know, I got to be honest. I don't even know if I can register how I felt as, as a human, like in an individual, like I think back on I'm one those crazy people. love the newborn stage. Like absolutely love it. I can function on no sleep. like that part doesn't really faze me too much. I love, I just love everything about newborns. And the one thing when I think back, I get very sad because I don't remember my daughter's newborn.

Chelsea Myers (12:40)
you

Stephanie (12:56)
existence because she was essentially just a thing there. I tried nursing her. only lasted about two or three months because I want to paint this picture for you because my son, again, you got to imagine he's and he wasn't a little kid. He was a big chunker of a kid and he actually put me on bed rest in my pregnancy because he wasn't walking yet. He was crawling. So I had to carry him everywhere. And I mean, you're talking about like this 30 pound lug of a child.

Chelsea Myers (13:20)
Hmm.

Stephanie (13:26)
kind of a thing. ⁓ So I've got him and I'm trying to get him to walk or move or be independent so I can nurse my daughter, but then he's trying to grab her and then I'm like, okay, I'll pump because then my daughter was having issues because my grandmother always said, if you can't handle kids, you should have had plants because you can't, there's no way, like it just is, you just gotta roll with those punches. And so.

Chelsea Myers (13:26)
Yeah.

I I kill plants,

so I don't know if that would work for me.

Stephanie (13:54)
I too. I'm like unless

they're screaming in my face, sorry, you're not gonna get the attention, the squeaky wheel thing. But you know, you're pumping then and so then I've got like the cords and the things hanging and everything and I do say thank God he wasn't nursing because I don't know how I would be able to manage him not understanding why he wasn't getting an opportunity and my daughter was. ⁓ But I've got the.

Chelsea Myers (13:59)
Yeah.

Stephanie (14:20)
tubes hanging, I've got the pumping machine and it's making the pumping noises and all the things. And then I have my daughter next to me in the pack and play, but she's not just in the pack and play because she's a newborn. So she's in the pack and play in the baby rocker seat. And then I've got my son trying to get into the pack and play and then the pumping machine is going. And it was like, that's the best way that I can describe who I was. I was a cow and a mitigator. That's all, know.

Chelsea Myers (14:44)
Yeah, so yeah,

like so you didn't even have a moment to even think about you or like, no, no.

Stephanie (14:54)
No, no, and

then my son started all of his therapies at 14 months, so a couple months before my daughter was even born, and I didn't even register that there was maybe some type of neurodiversity involved because especially, there's been this huge shift in the world of accepting neurodiversity and accepting autism and ADHD and all the other type of profiles, but even just...

seven, eight years ago, it was still, your kid isn't talking, it's okay, uncle didn't start talking until he was seven or five or whatever it was or the phrase that I used to hear all the time from my parents are, your son, he's totally with it. I hate that phrase, I hate that phrase because exactly what does that mean? He can look you in the eye, he can play how he wants to play, like what does that mean for an 18 month old? So when my daughter was born, we were like,

Chelsea Myers (15:34)
What does that even mean?

Stephanie (15:47)
in the thick of it. He was in speech therapy three times a week and we were being told he probably needed occupational therapy because he was getting aggressive. there was, besides the pumping story, now there's my son and his therapies and it was just, it was like this whirlwind of like I couldn't breathe so when you ask me who was I, I can't even answer that. don't know who I was. I was coasting and I don't think I even remember that part of my life.

Chelsea Myers (16:13)
Yeah, you were completely in survival mode. Totally in survival mode. Especially since your kids are so close in age. You were navigating so much and you said to like, prior to this, you kind of had a totally different like career trajectory and everything. Did you have any sort of background knowledge on neurodiversity or autism in general? No. Dr. Google.

Stephanie (16:16)
Yes, 100%.

Yeah.

Yes. Yes.

Nope. Nope. None. Nothing. Dr. Google or Google University,

whatever you want to call it. Best friend right there. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (16:44)
Yeah, well,

I was gonna say like, you didn't have time to even think about you or your own needs. How, what sort of was your tip off that something needed investigating with your son at least?

Stephanie (17:00)
Yeah, so I'm trying to think, I don't know if I had like a tip off if you will. My son was in speech therapy, so we had that going. And then I remember his speech therapist telling us after she brought me in and she had me observe one of his sessions, my son, he was kind of running into a corner. He didn't really want to engage in the session and my speech therapist was like, listen, I think he has some sensory challenges. I'd really love for him to get some experience or some engagement with an occupational therapist.

who can help him figure out where those challenges are and maybe give us some tools so then he can come back and get more benefit from speech therapy. Okay, great, fine. So now he's in speech and OT. And then a couple months pass and the pediatrician is telling us, well, and I'll say this as this comes out, this is not the best way to say it anymore, but there are some red flags for autism. We don't say that anymore. Now we'll say we might see some characteristics

something that might be worth looking into, but at this point it's red flags. And they're like, we suggest you get a neurologist appointment. My husband and I were still in this illusion that it was just speech delay, that it was just a challenge in this moment that was not going to be something that was a neurodiversity, because even seven years ago neurodiversity wasn't even a well-known term. It was the scary A word of autism. And that's what it was. So God forbid,

Chelsea Myers (18:20)
No. Mm-hmm.

Stephanie (18:25)
And if you're listening and your child does have autism right now, please know that this is my story from where I was at seven years ago. If your child does have autism, there's support for you, there are resources available. And it is not as scary as what you feel like it might be. And once you get into this world and you do the research, I want to stress that there's support out there, you just need to find it.

Chelsea Myers (18:55)
Yes.

Stephanie (18:55)
So

as I tell this story, just know that this is from seven years ago of me not knowing a single thing at all and only hearing from like my parents from the boomer generation. So this was, what we exactly, exactly. So we're told there are some red flags to autism. We're like, no, no, he's fine. He's okay. He's no big deal. He's making eye contact. He's not stimming. He's not lining up toys. So.

Chelsea Myers (19:07)
And what we grew up with, right? The limited exposure we had to it. Yeah.

Stephanie (19:24)
We're good. Well, we put it off, we put it off. We eventually were like, okay, fine, we'll get on a wait list because it's a seven month wait list, you know, to get to see the neurologist. We get to the day of the neurologist appointment. And if you want to hear that story, that's a funny story, the day of the neurologist in diagnosis. All right. All right, let me tell you this story. So again, we're going to strap in. This is a funny story. All right.

Chelsea Myers (19:42)
for it. Go for it.

We are strapped in and this is a judgment

free zone and we are going for it.

Stephanie (19:54)
All right, so seven month wait list. At this point, my husband has moved, we live in Southern California, my husband has moved to Northern California, because we're about to shift and move to a new area, new job, all that kind of stuff. So I am staying at my parents' house, because we also got new people living into our old house. So I am trying to get my son to leave, to get into the car. He trips, he falls, he hits his head on the stucco outside of my parents' house and gets a nice,

long gash on his forehead and if you've ever seen head injuries they're gory they are not they are not like let's just wash it off it'll stop bleeding in a second or two no no it's all down his face and at this point he's only like 18 19 months he is still very much a little he's new to walking he all the things okay so now we're putting compression on it and again this is the seventh

Chelsea Myers (20:31)
Yeah.

Stephanie (20:53)
seven month wait list, we waited for this appointment and I was actively walking out the door. So it's not like I had a lot of buffer time to take care of this situation. My mother happens to have steri strips, so those like little strips you put over something that would essentially maybe require stitches. We put that on, we put some bandages on, we drive 30 minutes to the neurologist appointment, I park the car and as we are walking in because, me carrying him in, because...

Chelsea Myers (21:00)
Yeah!

Stephanie (21:20)
It's a pediatric neurologist, so I thought it would be a space for a child. I noticed the blood is dripping through the bandage, down his face, and I'm like, okay, it's okay, they're gonna have a band-aid. I'll see if they have a band-aid. We walk into the office and I'm like, do you have a band-aid? They're like, no, we don't. And I'm like, you're a pediatrician office. How do you not have a band-aid? Well, you know, so I got some tissues. We got tissues. Okay, so now we're gonna walk into the neurologist office and.

Chelsea Myers (21:41)
Yeah!

Stephanie (21:48)
I have to paint the picture for you because I cannot make this up. We walk into the neurologist's and a pediatric neurologist and it's like you're walking into an attorney's office. There's this humongous mahogany desk that the doctor is sitting behind. There are these like humongous mahogany bookcases that she has porcelain Disney figurines on plus glass picture frames and it's like at shelf height.

Counter level, that's the phrase, counter level. And normally when I go to a doctor's office that I feel like I'm have to talk a lot at, I will put my son in a stroller because I just, can't contain him because he is, the way I now know he stimmed when he was younger is he would run in circles nonstop and that's just how he regulated. So of course, that's what he's doing and he sees the Disney porcelain figurines, he's trying to grab that. So the doctor's like, so when did he start walking? And I'm like,

Chelsea Myers (22:20)
my god.

Stephanie (22:47)
It's in the form, I don't know. So she's asking me all these questions and I'm chasing after my son. She looks at him for whole five seconds and she like hands me a piece of paper. It was like 10, 15 minutes, I kid you not. And I'm like looking at it and it's like speech therapy, OT, ABA therapy and stuff like that. And then it had like something on it, I can't even remember. And I'm like wait, so does he have autism? She's like yeah, obviously. And I'm like, huh?

Chelsea Myers (23:15)
What? That was what she said? Yeah, obviously. Oh my god!

Stephanie (23:15)
What? Yeah, yeah. And we're not gonna forget there's blood dripping down his forehead.

Let's not forget the blood at this moment. And I'm like holding him upside down and I'm like, wait, but how did you get to that realization? Because I saw you, you did the little knee flexy thing with the triangle and you asked him a couple questions like, well, that, and then I asked you if he used to wave and you said he had to be taught that. And when you picked him up, he went limp.

So that's low muscle tone. I'm like, okay, but if you picked up any other tantruming two-year-old, they're going to go limp. So it was, it was like this whole, whole thing. Okay. Days not over. So he's still bleeding from his forehead. I've got this now diagnosis prescription in my hand, bleeding from the forehead, crying in the car. I'm calling my mom. Cause again, my like in another part of the state and I'm like, what do I do? Oh my gosh. And she's like, well, you need to go to the ER.

Chelsea Myers (23:50)
Yeah.

away yeah

Stephanie (24:13)
because he's still bleeding and it's like four hours later. So I go to the ER and my son has to get seven stitches because of his gash in his head because it was like a vertical cut and not a horizontal cut. So they couldn't use the glue and the stitching. So forever, August 18th will be a day I remember forever. Never forget. So that's my, that's our autism diagnosis story.

Chelsea Myers (24:31)
You'll never forget. You'll never...

my gosh, and this is okay. So at this point you did you had not had your daughter at this

Stephanie (24:44)
she was two months old. She was two months. Yeah. She's two months old. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (24:46)
Oh my gosh. Okay. She was two, she was at a two month old and

you just get this autism diagnosis in the most chaotic way I think I've ever heard.

so you're juggling essentially a newborn, an infant, and then this brand new diagnosis that you have incredibly limited information about. See, you guys like...

Stephanie (25:01)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (25:10)
He's just doing speech therapy because he needs some speech therapy. And then all of a sudden, the A word gets dropped. Yeah. Yeah.

Stephanie (25:12)
Yeah, yeah, then out of nowhere. Yeah, exactly. Yep, exactly,

and that's exactly how it felt. we were, I would say in this moment, I was mildly still in denial. And I want to stress that because I feel like a lot of therapists will see parents that don't want their kid to get diagnosed or therapists will see kids be like, yeah, immediately I know that kid is autistic. And they're like, the parents are in denial.

And I feel like that's one of the things that are very important to me is to train therapists to understand denial is okay. It's part of that process. There's denial and there's grief and then there's acceptance. You are not going to get parents that are all in and like, yes, give my kid every single therapy, every support that they need that's beneficial until they go through that whole phase. And so even when I had that diagnosis for my son, again, probably because

Chelsea Myers (25:51)
Yeah.

Stephanie (26:09)
the experience that we had that I did not feel like my son was seen for who he was. I didn't feel like I was seen as a mother, as someone who genuinely, like again, I'm an A type of parent. Like I had all the ducks in the row I filled out every single form. When they tell you, me about your child, like I don't just be like.

My son is a little aggressive and is a speech like, no, like it is a dissertation and this is before chat GPT existed. So like it is handwritten there. You know, so it's all there and that's the kind of information. So I went in with all of this and like essentially I don't even know if I wanted to hear a diagnosis or not want to, to be honest. I don't remember where my brain was at, but I was still in this mild, there's no way my son, my son.

Chelsea Myers (26:35)
You

Yeah.

Stephanie (26:59)
He couldn't have autism. No, it's my son. Like, I did all the right things. I did them all. That kind of a concept. And so it's very hard to get into that moment when it's like, no, here's your diagnosis. Here's the big A word. And then I will say on another side of it, and I think this also doesn't get discussed enough, is your partner. And when they get on board, because I gotta be honest,

Chelsea Myers (27:02)
Yeah?

Stephanie (27:25)
I said I own a speech and OT clinic and a lot of the reason I created it is because I felt like there was no space out there that honored me as a parent or my son. And I started this clinic three years ago. My husband stopped being in denial maybe a year ago. So just because you're at a level does not mean your partner is going to be at that same level in the same journey and you have to let them take that journey.

Chelsea Myers (27:53)
Mm hmm. Yeah. So many things that you said resonated and like set off like little pings in my brain. one of you took the words out of my mouth when you said that you felt like your son was not seen and you were not seen. And that's kind of what I was like alluding to what I was like, I'm going to keep my thoughts to myself. But like that appointment, it felt like you were just like

Stephanie (28:03)
you

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (28:23)
in and out, right? In and out, like a fast food appointment, right? Like come in, watch him for a minute and then you're like, yeah, obviously, So, yeah, so like acknowledging that experience, of course, of course it's gonna come with confusion and denial and like you talk about the grieving process, that is a grieving process.

Stephanie (28:24)
Yeah, we were a number. Yeah.

100%.

Yeah, it is, it really is.

Chelsea Myers (28:49)
Even before you get to the point where you accept the diagnosis, there's a part of you that kind of has to acknowledge like, is the vision I had for my child.

Stephanie (28:59)
Exactly, and that's exactly what I was gonna say is when parents who have autistic kids or have kids that are neurodivergent and we talk about the grieving process, I think there is a quick assumption to be like, but your child's still here, you're not grieving your child. And I try to give this analogy because obviously, I'll say majority in most parents love their child and do anything they absolutely possibly can with.

in their capacity to give their child the best life that is available to them. When we say grieving process, we're not talking about a child that is no longer there. The analogy I use is like, say you're a doctor. Your dad was a doctor. Your dad's dad was a doctor and now you find out you're going to have a child, you're like, ⁓ my child's gonna be a doctor.

I can't wait and you're imagining this whole life and everything that goes into that. Then you have your child, they get older and they're like, actually, you know, I like literature or I want to be an artist. Okay, well, you're going to be disappointed with that because there was a certain vision you had of your life, your child's life, how it was going to play out, maybe having a joint practice, something like that. And that's no longer the case. That doesn't mean

You don't absolutely adore your child and you wouldn't give them everything you possibly can in the world to make them the most successful artist or author or whatever it is, circus performer. You know, it doesn't matter what it is. You're gonna get on board and you're gonna go give your kid everything they can, but you still had enough vision in your mind at one point that they were gonna open up a joint practice with you. That is the grief that we talk about and that is

Chelsea Myers (30:35)
Yes!

Mm-hmm.

Stephanie (30:51)
the hurdle, because that's what it is, it's one step to the acceptance part that parents have to go through. You can't pass that level.

Chelsea Myers (31:00)
Yeah, yeah, it's, and every, I think for every person, each stage kind of, it's gonna be a different duration. You may go in a different order. may like, but again, this, it's not about me. It's not about my story, but coming from, we are a very neuro sparkly family and I can 100 % relate to.

Stephanie (31:08)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (31:22)
thinking things are going to look a certain way and then having to come to terms with the fact that that's not the vision anymore. It doesn't mean that the new vision can't be something beautiful. And it's not always gonna be beautiful. ⁓ It's not always gonna be beautiful, but there is still beauty in it.

Stephanie (31:25)
Yup.

All

Exactly, exactly. No!

Right, because if you're still, if we'll use that analogy, you're going to becoming a doctor, you're still gonna go to med school, you still gotta get in, you still gotta do your board. So just because that's the life that you imagine, that doesn't mean life isn't gonna come with challenges. Just on the same side of it, life is not meant to be lived without challenge. And it's just how you approach those situations, you approach those challenges that set you up for the next stage in the next journey.

Chelsea Myers (32:02)
Mm-hmm.

Well, what's really striking to me though is for someone who really didn't have much of a background in this and who was really slammed with a lot as a first time parent and then very quickly a second time parent. ⁓ And I'm sure you can correct me. It sounds like you kind of went all in. Like once you got to that...

Stephanie (32:20)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yes, I do.

Chelsea Myers (32:38)
understanding and acceptance, you jumped in with both feet.

Stephanie (32:40)
Mm-hmm.

I did, and that's a little bit of my personality, and I have started to realize that, and as I'm learning more, I'm realizing that girls that are on the spectrum present very differently than boys. And there are a lot of girls, women, that are getting older, where their kids are getting diagnosed, that they're almost self-diagnosing themselves. I am one of them. The more I learn about how girls present younger,

that are autistic. I'm like, yep, that's me. I had an issue with clothing. yeah, perfectionist, that's me. Remember type A personality? Yep, that's me. All those things. And I'm also learning that you present yourself as when you're stressed out that, no, life is good and people tell you, I don't know how you're handling it and you thrive off that. Yeah, that's also like part of it. All of these things and I used to live.

Chelsea Myers (33:39)
It's masking.

It's masking.

Stephanie (33:41)
Exactly, it's

all masking. It's becoming this professional masker and having all those internal thoughts, it's part of it. And I used to live, and I still do, but now I'm realizing it's not really that great of a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson of, not go where the path may lead, instead leave a path or leave a trail for others to follow. And that kind of has always been my driving force with everything. And when there's this one story that I tell,

that were at a clinic that my son was getting speech and OT and ABA and if we want to jump into that ABA topic, we totally can. ⁓ But yeah, so and they were just pushing me in a direction that I did not feel like was best for my son. The speech and OT therapist, amazing, the best people and that's why I stayed there. ⁓ But it was just, it was a really bad experience and I end up, and I remember,

Chelsea Myers (34:18)
I'm open to it. I'm open to it and I yeah, we'll see where it goes

Stephanie (34:39)
crying on a curb to another autism mom, like, what do I do? This is not the right direction, this is not helping my son, it's making it worse for my son. And I don't know what to do, and I think she like jokingly was like, well just create it yourself, and I was like, huh, create it myself. I could do that. How hard could it be? I mean, I could do that, and then I could do it, and then I could come with a parent perspective, I could coach parents.

Chelsea Myers (34:55)
You

I could do that, yeah!

Stephanie (35:09)
and help them feel like they're not a crazy person. And then I can bring on therapists and coach them on the parent perspective from that side of it. So those two therapists that I thought were amazing, yeah, they're my partners and we did it. So, yeah, exactly. So I guess I jumped in with both feet and everything and my whole body and everything. Everyone, just come on. It's a pool party at this point. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (35:21)
And you did, you created it. Yeah.

You did. Yeah. And your whole body, every-

Come with me, we're all getting in. ⁓ my

goodness. Yeah, I don't even know where to begin. I don't know where to begin because, well, okay. What's so challenging for me is that there are so many aspects of your story and your son's story that pull at me, that tug at me, that I'm like, like, hey, I can relate to that or, I understand that.

Stephanie (35:41)
You

Yeah. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (36:00)
And then I keep trying so hard to bring it back to you in all of this. And because, but it's hard, right? Because you were, and I don't know if you would say you still are, like all consumed with both of your children. I mean, primarily your son's needs seem to be taking a little bit of a higher priority because they needed to.

Stephanie (36:08)
It's

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

Yeah,

right, exactly.

Chelsea Myers (36:30)
⁓

but you had two very little kids. There wasn't time or space to even process what you were thinking.

Stephanie (36:35)
Mm-hmm.

No, no, and I think that adds to the capability of me able to fully either create the clinic or do the things that I do because I didn't fully process it. It was, I'm going all in because that's what needs to happen, and so I was able to process that. But when you're asking about me as a person, I'm like, in this moment, trying to think about who is Stephanie right now?

We were talking in the very, very beginning and sorry to jump to the beginning of that. was in marketing and things like that, but I have a very hard time. And this probably goes back to the fact that I'm self-diagnosed autism. ⁓ I have a very hard time doing something if I am not all in and passionate and pulling that line. When I did sales and marketing, it was always for something healthcare related.

Chelsea Myers (37:08)
go for it.

Stephanie (37:28)
I mean, I even did medical waste, but it was still medical. It was still helping in some way because I need there to be, there needs to be more than just I'm selling a product. I'm talking up to buy Q-tips, know, kind of a thing. I need it to be connecting. And so I would kind of jump and I would get a little grief from my family, like, ⁓ Stephanie's bored with that one. Here she goes to another job every year and a half, two years. I'm like, I can't do it. just, doesn't.

Speak to me. I need something that I am wholeheartedly body and mind. I cannot separate work-life balance because I need it to be all encompassing. And so that's exactly there is no separation. There is no Stephanie without connection therapy clinic. There's no Stephanie without my son or my daughter. I will say that I can look back on who I was before having children and I will admit I was a judgemental.

not happy individual, and we'll just leave it those examples. And now I can genuinely say I choose to be happy. I went through a process where people would be like, how are you? I'm like, I'm actively happy because I'm gonna choose to be happy. I'm not going to approach this world and this life in this, how are you today? Still kicking, here I am alive today because that used to be my answer. And then I realized like how,

Chelsea Myers (38:48)
No.

Yeah.

Stephanie (38:55)
How messed up is that for you to be going through life like still kick in, you know, and you're in your early twenties. There needs to be a better route. And so I chose this phrase of actively happy and then it actually manifested to being I am a happy person. I used to be very judgmental. You know, you watch the Grammys be like, what's she wearing? That does not look good on her. Or like they chose to walk out in public like that, you know, and then now I'm

You know what if that makes you feel good about yourself, then you do you because I'm not wearing it's not what do I care? Like honestly what makes other people happy or other people do certain things? By all means enjoy your life to your fullest because I'm gonna enjoy my life to my fullest

Chelsea Myers (39:29)
Mm-hmm.

goes back too to what you said when you were talking about how you were trying to like pump or nurse with your daughter and you finally were like, okay, we're just going to turn something on. It's a shift in perspective, you do what you need to do. And at this point in your life, what's serving you is like you do you, you do you and I'll do me, right?

Stephanie (39:52)
Yeah. Right.

Exactly. Exactly. And it,

it's not said with a, do you over there. Like, you know, it's said with like the most genuine, like do like, I genuinely want you to do what makes you happy. What works for your life. So if no screen time and no red dye 40 and no gluten and no whatever works for you, I genuinely want you to do that.

Chelsea Myers (40:08)
yeah, no!

Stephanie (40:28)
For me, that doesn't work because all my son eats are chicken nuggets and I need him fed. But if you know, it's one of those things like I'm gonna do me, you absolutely do you and I will support you however you need it to be.

Chelsea Myers (40:31)
Yes! Yes!

Yes. ⁓ okay. You are, you are hitting my heartstrings in all like, I, I try so hard. I'm telling you, Stephanie, I try so hard to not infuse myself. But I can relate so deeply to the like, I just can't invest in something if I'm not passionate about it. Right? And, and hearing you talk about, like,

Stephanie (41:03)
Yeah, mm-hmm, I agree.

Chelsea Myers (41:10)
Yeah, I am not separate from, like, there is no me without this. There is no me without my son. There is no me without... I think that's something that I'm trying to adapt a little bit.

Stephanie (41:14)
Right.

same time. That's not everyone though too. There's a time and place like that is me. That is who I am. I have always been about those that are closest to me. Those that would go to war for me. Those that are under my protection like my kids. My dogs even. My dogs are my children. I am that type of person. I'm sorry. I have two now by the way. It's more than just this moid. Now I have a malamute. And now I'm telling my husband I need a third. You know I have issues guys.

Chelsea Myers (41:26)
No, exactly.

Yeah

you

my god.

My daughter would lose her mind. One

of her hyper fixations is dogs, all things dogs. So she'd lose her mind. But, but yeah, no, you're no, you're absolutely right. I just am I am it's like solidarity in the fact that like, yeah, I see myself in that. Like, like, tying yourself to what you're passionate about. Yeah. Okay, I have to like, breathe for a minute and like,

Stephanie (41:56)
Yes. Yes.

Yeah.

100%, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (42:17)
figure out what direction I'm gonna go in because, ugh, there are so many. I didn't, well, I didn't realize how much this was gonna resonate with me. And I truly, truly, truly.

Stephanie (42:22)
All good.

I love that.

Chelsea Myers (42:30)
I do not like to insert myself or anything about my story into other people's stories and so this has been an active challenge because I'm like, my god girl me too. my god girl me too, but I can't, I can't. So I have to like breathe and figure out what- my god.

Stephanie (42:34)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (42:48)
So we talked a lot about, we have been talking a lot about like those early days, those early days of diagnosis and then how that shifted you into this new career path and this new passion. Let's kind of talk about today, because your kids are older now. Right, it's.

Stephanie (43:05)
Yeah, seven and

nine.

Chelsea Myers (43:07)
Yeah, it's not the chunky little toddler with the head gash in the... So, he still has the scars. You will never forget that day. No. August 18th I'm gonna remember it now and be like, am I... What about this day? ⁓ I remember. Stephanie told me. my God. ⁓

Stephanie (43:10)
No.

Yeah, he still has a scar though. I'll say I'll see it there. I still has a scar. I still see it. No, August 18th.

Yup.

Chelsea Myers (43:35)
So let's talk a little bit about how your relationship with both your kids has sort of shifted over the years. And you've talked about it a little bit. Like your kid only eats chicken nuggets. My daughter only eats chicken nuggets. I don't know if you do this, but we buy the chicken nuggets that have the plant protein in them too, so that she's getting something. He wouldn't do it. ⁓

Stephanie (43:45)
Yeah.

Yup.

So I would try, but my son is so very specific. No, he

will only eat letter dino nuggets. Not just dino nuggets. No, no, because they're different than the letter dino nuggets. It's a different breading and I don't put it the air fryer or a toaster or an oven. He wants it in the microwave. That's it. Microwave one minute each side. Exactly, and he won't eat chicken nuggets if we go out to a restaurant.

Chelsea Myers (44:05)
We do dino nuggets!

Letter, Dino Nuggets. Okay.

So he likes it soft. Okay.

Stephanie (44:25)
He won't eat them if anybody else but like me or someone who knows how to make it in the microwave, which literally is thrown in the microwave for one minute each side. He won't eat them. It has to be that brand made that way. ⁓ Now he does have a couple other things that he does eat, but it's pretty limited.

Chelsea Myers (44:32)
Yeah.

so

Yeah, let's for listeners, again, this is not where we would typically go, but I want to go there for listeners who aren't familiar with ARFID because we are also dealing with ARFID Can you explain a little bit about what that is and why it's not just picky eating?

Stephanie (44:53)
Yeah. Yeah.

So it depends upon each individual kid and ARFID is avoidant restrictive, I forget what the I is, disorder, intense maybe? Let's just call it intense because it is, it's intense. All right.

Chelsea Myers (45:10)
I know I can't remember what the eye- look it, I'm gonna Google it. I'm gonna Google it

while we do this because I always forget what the I is too. And I was a special educator, I'm supposed to know what this is.

Stephanie (45:19)
Bye now. Okay.

So let me explain it between my two kids because of course, why would I have a kid that has ARFID and not also have a picky eating child? So I have both and I'm gonna explain it to you. So my daughter is picky eating. It is the most phase type thing that every kid does go through. And she will eat the chicken nuggets, the same chicken nuggets that my son, quesadillas and all those things. However, I can sometimes bribe her.

Chelsea Myers (45:31)
Exactly.

Stephanie (45:51)
in whatever bribe that is for her to try something, to lick it. That doesn't mean she's gonna like it. That doesn't mean that she's going to eat the whole plate and magically, my God, this is an amazing new food. She's still going to be picky, but I can bribe her to actually try something. Or she can, within her own free will, be like, ⁓ maybe I'll try something. And that's great, that's picky eating. A kid with ARFID is a kid where...

Chelsea Myers (46:09)
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie (46:20)
trying new foods or adding on a new food physically does something within their body that puts them into a fight, flight, or freeze state of mind. And I will never forget this one experience, and I know we're talking about my kids older, but still, this was when my son was maybe about five. We started doing more intense feeding therapy, and this is before I even realized that he had ARFID, and I thought it was just picky eating.

but we put him at our table, which was a demand, so that's one thing that made it hard for him. I made him sit. That was another thing that added onto his demands, because my son also has PDA, which is pathological demand avoidance, or the way I like to look at it, persuasive drive for autonomy. We can get into that in a second. All the lingo. It's great.

Chelsea Myers (47:08)
I really

like that though, I really like that.

Stephanie (47:12)
It gives a better picture of what PDA is. But anyways, at the table, sitting, and I put a plate out for him. Now, I want you to imagine this plate. It's one of those suction plates that's stick to the table. It's got three sections. Two of those sections are his preferred foods. I'm talking his chicken nuggets and blueberries. This kid is going to turn into a blueberry. I kid you not, every time we go to the dentist, they're like, my God, this staining. And then they're like, it comes off quick. I'm like, yeah, it's because it's blueberries.

Chelsea Myers (47:15)
Yeah.

you

Stephanie (47:40)
we normally see this with like 18 month olds. I'm like, yeah, thank you. Thank you for that nugget. Great. Anyways, then in the third thing, I have, I think those same chicken nuggets that he eats, but I cut them into a different presentation. He will not touch those chicken nuggets. Not only will he not touch those chicken nuggets, he now won't sit at the table. And when I try to get him to the table, he is fighting me. He's kicking me. He is...

completely done with the situation. He will not touch them because it is presented in a different way. it physically, it's not just a kid who is having a tantrum. This is a kid who is in the flight and fight mentality in his brain because he cannot process that his food is different and it's not, he's not actively choosing to behave like this. This is how his brain is internalizing this change.

in environment and once you start, exactly, thank you, yes, exactly, it is presenting as a danger to his brain and once you start looking at behaviors from kiddos that are neurodivergent as their brain is perceiving the situation as a danger, as a risk to their life, you start to change the way you approach situations. You're like, is this demand worth it? Is changing the situation worth it? Right now,

Chelsea Myers (48:39)
It's presenting as a danger.

Stephanie (49:07)
I can tell you the foods my son is eating. He'll eat frozen meatballs from Costco. He'll eat these chicken nuggets. He'll eat a quesadilla that I microwave for him with the right cheese and the right things. He'll eat blueberries and he'll eat spinach if I put it in the smoothie he likes. You know what? That sounds like a well-balanced diet to me. I'm not touching that. That's not the hill I'm dying on right now.

Chelsea Myers (49:29)
No, no, and I mean, I'm impressed that he's eating spinach and that he's eating blueberries. I am impressed. ⁓ If he could have a chat with my daughter, that would be really cool. Yeah, anyway, so yeah, and I ask that because again, like this isn't we're not all taught.

Stephanie (49:37)
Yup.

Chelsea Myers (49:53)
It's not all about, this isn't like a lesson about autism day, but this is your family and this is your experience. And I think ARFID is also very misunderstood. I think a lot of families are like, oh, they're just picky. They're just picky. Just put it on their plate and they'll eat it if they want to. And it's like, no, this is presenting as a danger.

Stephanie (49:56)
Right, no, yes.

Yes, exactly, exactly. And going back to like my daughter, I could take her and have food put on the plate or next to her so she gets the exposure. For her, she'll do that. She'll be like, I don't wanna eat that, but she'll be able to sit there with it on her plate. My son would perceive it. It could have been a shark on his plate ready to eat his face. And that's how his brain presents it.

Chelsea Myers (50:31)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you for giving, especially your family's ⁓ experience with ARFID and your son's experience with it. Because that does, that adds another layer to parenting in general. Let's just say this, to umbrella your entire story up to this point, parenting in general is a battlefield. It's a minefield. it very, very rarely is going to look like that Pinterest, like, ⁓

Stephanie (51:02)
Yep.

Chelsea Myers (51:03)
portrait that we all have of the cookies and the crafts waiting for our kids after school. It might last for a little while, but it's not sustainable. At least not for me. To add on top of that, you are navigating circumstances that...

Stephanie (51:09)
Mm-hmm.

Exactly.

Chelsea Myers (51:21)
You didn't even anticipate. mean, none of us can anticipate what we're gonna face in parenthood. None of us can. And I think also speaking as another family who is neurodiverse, it's all we've known, right? Right. So this is, it's just, this is how your family functions. And it goes back to like what you were saying, like, I'm happy. I'm gonna do me and you do you, right?

Stephanie (51:33)
Right. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. Exactly. And

like I said, when I, when you asked me in the very beginning, how did you picture motherhood or how did you picture your life? was like, I was going to be that Pinterest mom on the porch baking cookies and being the cool kid like house that every kid comes over and does the play dates and does the things. And I'm going to be that parent and or that family and all that. Well, let me tell you, my son, he's nine. He's had three play dates in his life because it's just too much.

Chelsea Myers (52:10)
Yeah.

Stephanie (52:12)
It's too much to have kids over, it's too much to have friends come over, all of it. I am not that mom who everybody is like, that's the mom of moms, I wanna be like her, you know, which is fine because that is not my aspiration anymore. Right now my aspiration is I want the school to be scared of me when I walk in because they're not giving my son the accommodations. I want them to be scared in the most respectful way possible, but.

I want them to know exactly. I'm coming in and if you're not doing your job, I'm gonna call you out on it. I want people to know that if you're going to bully my son, I'm not going to come and be this soft-spoken person and be like, hey, do think you can talk to your kid? No, I'm gonna be like,

Chelsea Myers (52:42)
Mama bear.

Stephanie (53:05)
mess with my kid. Like, I will mama bear your child and tell your child that the behavior is unacceptable. Because it is. There is no reason in today's society that we should be teasing kids for being neurodivergent, for being autistic, for being ADHD. One in five kids is neurodivergent.

Chelsea Myers (53:06)
Yeah.

Stephanie (53:23)
When you think about that, that's insane. Absolutely insane. No, kids are not quirky. They're not weird. They just have a different brain. And us as parents, kind of going back to that parent, it starts with us. So if we're seeing a kid, because, and I am very passionate about this right now because my son was bullied last year and he's had a couple of remarks said to him this year, we actually ended up changing schools.

Chelsea Myers (53:27)
Yeah.

Stephanie (53:50)
So I'm like in this part right now as my son gets older where some kid said to my son, you're ADHD or something like that, which no one at his school knows that he is autistic because he's now at the stage where he's like, mom, don't tell anybody. I'm like, all right, I'm not going to tell anybody except for the people who need to know. So your teachers know, the administration knows. I'm not going to tell parents and kids because that's not my place. You can tell them if you want. And we talk about autism.

Chelsea Myers (54:08)
Right.

Stephanie (54:16)
very openly in our family. My son knows he's autistic. He knows how to communicate his needs and his wants and supports that he needs. ⁓ But going back to the bullying thing, that's learned behavior from parents. And that's what truly is just like really getting me on fire as a parent because kids do not wake up going, calling other kids ADHD or something like that. That is from the parents. And that's, I don't know what to do with that.

Chelsea Myers (54:46)
Yeah. Yeah. I, first of all, I appreciate you being so vulnerable and honest about that and feeling safe and doing that. Because I see you and I understand that frustration because just like you said, like one in five kids is neurodiverse. This isn't a new thing. Like we're being told. And I think if

Stephanie (54:46)
That's my current struggle.

Chelsea Myers (55:11)
there were really more studies done. We would find that most adults are also neurodiverse. ⁓ And I think, again, this is me and my opinion, but what I think that that says is that we all just think, I'm not, ⁓ I don't even want to say just. We all think and process differently.

Stephanie (55:14)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yes.

Chelsea Myers (55:34)
Some of us, when we say neurodiverse, can be so many different diagnoses. That could be autism, that could be fragile X, that could be Down syndrome, that could be... But we are not made to be machines that are clones and clones and clones of each other. So, and even hearing you say that like someone called your son ADHD, I'm like, that's not even... Like, what kind of an insult is that?

Stephanie (55:40)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Right.

Chelsea Myers (56:01)
That's a diagnosis, right? Like, you're ADHD. Like, well, I might have ADHD, but like, what does that mean?

Stephanie (56:01)
Exactly. Right.

Right, exactly, that's exactly, that's like,

and that's what I'm saying, like the kid doesn't even know, but you can tell the intent is meant with some type of aggression or meant in a mean way. That's like when you see a kid running around or having a lot of energy or something, you're like, they must, that's an ADD or ADD kid or something like that. Like, it's like, why would you even say that? What is the purpose? What are you adding to the conversation to?

Chelsea Myers (56:16)
Yes.

Did he? Yeah.

Stephanie (56:37)
to be able to actually voice that out of your mouth to someone else.

Chelsea Myers (56:41)
The mama bear in me sees the mama bear in you and I'm getting so much more fired up than I anticipated. But it goes right back to, and I feel the same way, it goes back to you do you and let me do me, right? And not in a, right, don't mess, exactly, exactly. But that's kind of, let me know if this resonates with you, but like you said, it's not in a,

Stephanie (56:43)
Hahaha!

Yeah, just don't mess with my kid or I will be getting in your do you business.

Chelsea Myers (57:10)
malicious like, well, you do you way. It's more like, why do we need to be pointing out these things about each other? Why, why can we not coexist? And if you're curious, you can ask me and and let that be that. Yeah.

Stephanie (57:13)
Right.

Exactly, yeah, absolutely.

Right. Yeah.

Yeah, right. I'll tell

you a story that just happened and the most beautiful thing after talking about kids bullying, I'll do the flip side of that of how beautiful sometimes kids can be. I said that my son knows he's autistic. He is very verbal about it when he wants to be and he wants to share it. He told me recently that he did tell his best friend that I'm autistic and I was like, ⁓ that's awesome. What would your friends say? He's like, cool. And then we went and played and I'm like, awesome.

Chelsea Myers (57:58)
Yeah.

Stephanie (57:58)
Awesome, that's how it should be. It should be no different than like any other type of neurodiversity or neuro anything or personal preference or color. Yes, exactly. Like there's, okay, cool. Yeah, exactly. No big deal. You do you and I'm gonna do me and we'll still go play and go push each other on the swings. That's all it needs to be.

Chelsea Myers (58:09)
Or like the color of your hair, right? Like, yeah, I dyed my hair red. ⁓ cool. Let's go play. Yeah. Right.

Yes.

I literally could talk to you forever. But I know so that ⁓ you should you should you should and this is coming from someone who has been told repeatedly to write a book and I'm like, I don't know when I'm gonna have the time. Please write the book. Please write the book. I will read it.

Stephanie (58:27)
I have stories. I think I'm gonna write a book. I'm on the fence.

Right?

Chelsea Myers (58:46)
So again, this has definitely been an episode where I've gotten more fired up than I typically do. But like I just said, like 30 seconds ago, the mama bear in me sees the mama bear in you. And I think it's important to have conversations like this. and yeah, sometimes sometimes I get thrown off when I try really hard to pull the focus in.

Stephanie (59:00)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (59:13)
to you, right? I want to like get to the heart of you when really you're telling me all along this is the heart of me. My kids, my son is the heart of me. What I do now is the heart of me. You've been telling me all along and I just had to listen.

Stephanie (59:14)
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I get a lot of grief from people because I am a very transparent, like to a fault. There is no filter. There's very minimal anything except I wear my heart on my sleeves. If I'm angry, you're gonna know it. I cannot hide it. I have tried and I can't. If something is going on with me, you're going to know it. If I'm ecstatic and I'm super happy, you're gonna know that too. That doesn't mean I'm an oversharer.

which I can be, every, exactly. But I am very transparent and especially when it comes to the platform of my kids, both of them, I know we've spoke a lot heavily on my son and our path and our journey with him specifically, but both my kids and my husband and my dogs and everything about it, like I am going to share and my heart is going to be in every single one of my stories because there is,

Chelsea Myers (59:58)
I mean, I am.

Stephanie (1:00:26)
Everything that I am, I give to everybody that I can and that makes me happy. So maybe it's a little selfish that that makes me happy to give to other people or maybe it's the autism in me. I don't know which one it is, but I will take it because I have to say no matter on my most stressed day right now with everything I'm doing, my heart is full and I am happy and I feel like what I'm doing and contributing to the world and to my family is worth every second that I do.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:55)
I think that that's absolutely beautiful. I will give you one of my terms and you can choose to take it or not, but I call it ⁓ selfish selflessness. Yeah, because just like doing this, just like speaking with you, ⁓ it's an opportunity for you to share your story, but it's also an opportunity for me to connect. And I say every time I meet with a new guest, a tiny little part of me like,

Stephanie (1:01:04)
Yes, I love that.

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:23)
clicks into place or like a little piece of me gets filled. So I call it selfish selflessness. If that feels good to you. So you're free to steal I absolutely I, I'm lost for words right now, which doesn't happen often. So let's see here. Okay. Before, before we bring it home.

Stephanie (1:01:29)
I love that. Yes, it does. It does.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:50)
I because we didn't get to talk a whole lot about what you have created and what you're doing. We've touched on it briefly. But if my listeners want to learn more about you, everything will be listed in the show notes. But for the people who don't check the show notes, where is the best place for them to find you in the work that you're doing?

Stephanie (1:01:56)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Absolutely, so you can find me on Instagram. It's connection, C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-O-N, Therapy Clinic. That's our Instagram handle, all one word. Or you can find me on my website, which is the same word, .com, connectiontherapyclinic.com. I keep it simple. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (1:02:24)
Easy. It's easy. And it's got connection in there

so you can't forget it. This is quiet connection and that is connection. You just, yes. You have no excuse.

Stephanie (1:02:31)
Exactly.

Exactly, it's all there. You can contact me on my contact information, my clinic information, my travel with autism information, it's all there. And if I may, what I would love to leave your listeners with are two things. One, if you do have a neurodivergent kiddo or you want to find out more information about neurodiversities but you don't want to go down the deep, dark, scary web of misinformation, I do have an AI.

Chelsea Myers (1:02:51)
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie (1:03:06)
It's called Steph, AI, Steffy. ⁓ It is on, yes, thank you. was very proud of myself for that one. ⁓ Which is funny because I hate being called Steffy, personally. But it works for the AI, exactly. So you can go on there and you can ask it anything that you want. You can ask it for prompts on how to do an email. You can ask it on, I'll say it, do vaccines cause autism? It's gonna give you a response with.

Chelsea Myers (1:03:15)
Well that's okay, that's your AI. Yeah.

Stephanie (1:03:34)
Case studies, large scale case studies on the findings and what you should know about and not going into the web of misinformation. Any questions that you have, hey, my mom is telling me my son isn't autistic, but I think he is, you can have a conversation, the deep scaries of I don't think I'm being a good mom and tell them straight up, you can cuss at it, you can say bad words to it, I've tested it, I've tried it all.

Chelsea Myers (1:03:57)
you

Stephanie (1:04:01)
Go there and feel confident that you have a safe space and nobody can read what you're at, what you're writing. Not even me who created it, but it has my entire brain, everything of my empathy, everything that I would share to you. If you can't get in touch with me at 2 a.m. you can go on there and you can ask it anything. And the last nugget that I do want to leave your listeners with is if you are stuck in it right now, you feel like you can't

Breathe, just know you're not alone. We have all been there. Whether you have a neurodivergent kiddo, a neurotypical kiddo, you're overwhelmed, you have personal stresses going on, you are not alone. And the first thing to do is take a breath. It's hard, really hard. But one breath can lead to two, can lead to three. And you can do it.

Chelsea Myers (1:04:57)
I love that. You wrapped up my episode without me even having to prompt you, Stephanie. You're a pro. You're a pro. I didn't even have to do my little outro spiel. You just did it. ⁓ Thank you. Thank you so much for your candor, for your honesty, for your vulnerability, for your passion. ⁓ And I am excited to follow your journey.

Stephanie (1:05:22)
Yeah. My pleasure.

Chelsea Myers (1:05:27)
So thank you for joining me today.

Stephanie (1:05:27)
Thank you.

Yeah, my pleasure. Thank you, Chelsea. I appreciate it.