Fighting to Stay - One Mom’s Battle Out of Postpartum Darkness: Adriana’s Story

In this deeply moving episode of Quiet Connection, Chelsea sits down with Adriana Sanchez, a stay-at-home mom and college student who shares her raw journey through two high-risk pregnancies, consecutive NICU stays, and severe postpartum mental health crises.

Adriana opens up about how her "go with the flow" life shifted dramatically when her first baby arrived prematurely at 32 weeks. When her second pregnancy was complicated by severe preeclampsia at 28 weeks, she found herself in a terrifying spiral of panic attacks, suicidal ideation, and intrusive hallucinations. 

This conversation shines a necessary light on the biological realities of PMHDS and serves as a vital reminder that fighting for your life sometimes looks like asking for professional help.

Connect with Adriana on Facebook or Instagram. 

 Key Takeaways

• The Myth of the Immunity Village: Even with a strong, loving support system, perinatal individuals aren't immune to severe physical and mental health crises.
• Trauma Compounds: A previous traumatic birth or difficult trying-to-conceive journey can severely heighten anxiety and PTSD in subsequent pregnancies.
• Postpartum Preeclampsia is Physical and Mental: Sudden spikes in blood pressure and aggressive medical treatments like magnesium drips cause severe physical dazes that deeply impact mental well-being.
• Validation is the Turning Point: True healing often begins when a professional validates that your experience is biological and normal, stripping away the internal guilt and self-blame.

Impactful Soundbites

(29:44) Chelsea Myers: "Just because it's in your head doesn't mean it's not in your body either. It is insane what your mental health can do to your body."

(42:17) Adriana Sanchez: "Get it out, take it off my hands and you fix me. For my husband, it was like me giving up, but no, it was me fighting for an answer, fighting for a treatment, fighting for validation."

(46:22) Adriana Sanchez: "What could be wrong today is not what's gonna be wrong tomorrow. I just try to keep telling myself that I'm okay, and then just hug my kids."

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

Visit our Patreon to help support our mission to normalize the conversation and end the stigma surrounding PMADs!

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:50)
Hello! Today I am here with Adriana. Adriana, how are you?

Adriana Sanchez (00:57)
I'm doing good, how are you?

Chelsea Myers (00:59)
I am good. This is another one of those like it's been a long time coming. I feel like I say that a lot lately. I feel like I'm like, and that that recurring theme of like podcasting is just scheduling and rescheduling and rescheduling. Well, Adriana, you, you stuck with me and I appreciate it. And I'm so thankful that you're here with me this today. I almost said this morning. It's not a it's not the morning. No.

Adriana Sanchez (01:05)
yes.

no, it's 1pm, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (01:27)
Before we started

recording, was like, Adriana, hold on tight, because I'm a little brain dead this morning. And it's not the morning. Oops. OK. Well, we're in this together. It is not the morning. It is the afternoon. We've got this. We've got this. What I would love is if you could introduce yourself to my listeners. Let us know who you are today.

Adriana Sanchez (01:33)
Yeah, same here, yes. Yes.

Chelsea Myers (01:51)
and a little bit about who you were before you started your parenting journey.

Adriana Sanchez (01:56)
Okay, so today I am a mother of two, married and a college student. And I am currently a stay at home mom. I love it. If I could stay home, I would stay home forever, but I can't. But yes, I am married to my forever love. So we met when we were 15.

and we're still married today. before now, I was just living at home, living a very good, you know, Latina life, I guess you could say. I come from a Catholic family and we would go to Mexico every year and travel and just go to college and then,

I stopped going to college for a while after I got married and then I had kids and then, you know, the life happens. But yeah, I was just a very chill, normal girl, just living life, very calm, very go with the flow. And I just, you know, I loved it. Everything was great.

Chelsea Myers (03:08)
Yeah,

I love that I always love a good high school sweetheart story. That's, I mean, and that's amazing. You guys have been together for a really long time and it sounds like you were kind of living your best life for a little while. Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like you had a really good village around you. You had like your family that you could kind of rely on.

Adriana Sanchez (03:15)
He

Yes. yes, yes, very, very good life, yes.

Chelsea Myers (03:36)
do you, do you still, do you still consider yourself to have a good support network today?

Adriana Sanchez (03:42)
yes, yes. My support network has actually grown since I was young. I got married and my husband comes from a very close-knit family and I have a really close-knit family now. And so I have a really good village behind me and around me. And I have really good friends that I've had since high school and that I can call and text whenever I'm going through something and they'll be there to pick me up and help me through it.

And so, yeah, I have a really good village and I did before and I still do now. So, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (04:16)
I love it. I love it. I always ask about that because it does play into our parenting journey, right? Like, and we always hear about the village and I do like I like to stress and I'm sure we're gonna get into it. But like, even if you have that village, it doesn't make you immune to some of the curveballs that come up in the parenting journey. I'm, I'm curious before we dive

Adriana Sanchez (04:34)
Right.

Right, yes.

Chelsea Myers (04:44)
into that like with two feet. you always envision yourself having children? Was that something that you pictured for yourself?

Adriana Sanchez (04:52)
yes, I've always wanted to be a mom. I've always wanted to get married in whites and have the big wedding and then go to the honeymoon and then build the family, you know. And yes, that was always my dream. I always, you know, envision myself with three or four kids and my husband was the same. He came from the same family values as I did. so yeah, kids were always in our plan and

Chelsea Myers (05:01)
You

Adriana Sanchez (05:20)
And so now that we have our two kids, we have two kids now. I mean, now, if I could, I would definitely have more, but you know, just life and everything I went through with these pregnancies, just, it's just not attainable for me anymore. But I mean, I love kids. My husband loves kids. And I mean, our kids are our world right now. So, so yes.

Chelsea Myers (05:42)
every answer is so different.

Like I said, like it seems like such a mundane question, but it really tells me so much about your mindset when you headed into this journey. So let's like, let's get into it a little bit. when that journey started, what did that look like for you guys?

Adriana Sanchez (05:56)
Yes.

So we really wanted to enjoy our marriage before we started thinking about kids. We got married really young. I was 22, he was 23. We were fresh out of college. I still hadn't graduated from college. I was still trying to figure out my life and try to see where we were gonna head, in what direction we were gonna head into.

And so we wanted to spend time alone and then eventually we were like, know, well, let's start trying and see how it goes and see if we can get But that really fast, I came to realize that that was not easy for us. We tried and tried, I think for about half a year and nothing was happening.

I went to go get myself checked, he got himself checked and we know the doctors couldn't tell us why we weren't getting pregnant. They just kept telling us, you know, we're healthy, we're young, we should be able to get pregnant, you know, quickly. I was never on any kind of birth control. So that wasn't a factor that I was, you know, worried about. So it just wasn't happening. And that's when I guess my anxiety started and I started getting just, just looking up, Googling everything.

tracking my period, checking my ovulation, checking just every little thing that I can think of that could help us conceive and following the pages of TTC. And it was just a roller coaster of emotions going through that process of trying to get pregnant. eventually we did get pregnant with my son who is now eight. He was...

conceived naturally and everything. whenever I got pregnant with him, I was super happy. He was super happy as well. And we were just over the moon with this news. And I mean, it was such an amazing pregnancy after that. I mean, no issues. And it was like, it just clicked for us and it was finally happening and no issues. The pregnancy was great. And

It was just amazing. You know, we were on cloud nine.

Chelsea Myers (08:22)
Yeah.

Yeah, of course, after trying for so long, and especially both of you, both of you had that dream and that goal and, yeah, and to hear that pregnancy was really smooth for you, like, yeah, who wouldn't be on cloud nine? Yeah. So, yeah, go ahead, talk to me a little bit about after or even the process of your son coming into the world.

Adriana Sanchez (08:38)
yes, yes, but

I think it was probably about I was probably about eight months pregnant. I was around 30 weeks. That's when things kind of took a turn and I started getting Braxton Hicks contractions and I started swelling and I started just being very tired and it was just very unexpected since the the, you know, previous

weeks of the pregnancy were so great. I wasn't doing anything different at this time. I was working full time and, know, just doing the normal wife duties at home. so it just, it just came out of nowhere. And then I had my baby shower and after my baby shower, two days later, my water broke. So I was, yeah, I was 31 weeks pregnant and my water broke.

Chelsea Myers (09:37)
Ooh!

Adriana Sanchez (09:44)
we immediately went to the hospital and they confirmed they had broken and then my amniotic fluid was just flowing out and they had to go ahead and admit me and start giving me all the treatments for the baby to make sure he's developed okay and in case he comes early, then we would be okay with the treatments. so...

really fast, started just panicking and my anxiety was just over the roof. just, couldn't think straight. just, it was just like everything was happening so fast and my, didn't necessarily have a birth plan to begin with. I was just going with the flow with everything before that. But then to just suddenly go to the hospital and now you're going to have your baby and now, you know, he's going to be premature and

He's gonna have to stay in the NICU and and just everybody just coming to me and telling me all that was kind of just really sudden and made me just you know, I guess panic because I now I know that was a plan but not the plan I wanted so so yeah, so so so yeah, he was born early. I was 32 weeks with him. He was three pounds.

Chelsea Myers (10:57)
Mm-hmm.

Adriana Sanchez (11:06)
When he was born, everything, he was great. I mean, he breathed on his own and he only stayed in the NICU for about 20 days. No issues except just trying to gain weight. And he was a Caesarian because he was breached. He was feet down. So they had to get him out quickly and he was coming. so...

So I had to recover from the C-section and then visiting him in the NICU and he was here local because he wasn't so premature. So he was here local and I could go see him every day. It was such a smooth process. Everybody at the hospital was so great. I was healing great. So then yeah, I mean, he came home and then after he came home, it was like it shifted again.

like the unexpected stuff like being a first time mom, having a NICU baby, a premature baby that's really small. I just didn't know how to, I guess, navigate being a first time mom and having a premature baby and then just having to deal with I guess, expected but unexpected duties of a mother.

And probably also being sleep deprived also. I slowly started to get what they call the baby blues after he came home. Just randomly crying and feeling sad and I couldn't explain why. And then very quickly though I got through it and I didn't even realize that that's what I had gone through until somebody explained it to me that that's what it was called.

Chelsea Myers (12:27)
Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (12:54)
that it was baby blues and that it's completely normal for first time mothers and especially with mothers that go through the NICU process and then have a cesarean and have complications with their births. So yeah, that was something that I went through with my first pregnancy. And I mean, it didn't last after that.

It was like it didn't even happen. It was like the light switch turned on and it was like, okay, I know what to do. I can do this. Let's take care of this baby. And then we were a happy, jolly family, you know? Everything was back to normal.

Chelsea Myers (13:37)
my god. I mean, yeah, that's so much though, Adriana. I mean, no, no, no. Like, I get this wonderful vibe from you. And you've said it too. You're like, yeah, we're just, we just got with the flow. And you're like, I didn't really have a birth plan. you know, and, but these things kept coming up for you that even if you didn't have a plan, it was certainly not what you expected. And my goodness. so

Adriana Sanchez (13:43)
so sorry.

yes, yes.

Chelsea Myers (14:06)
Yeah, and to hear to like that, like, right, you experienced the baby blues and you didn't really have any knowledge or background of what that was. But like you said, well, yeah, I got through it and I and I worked with it. Like, I'm not minimizing it at all. It's just you give off this aura of like, yep, that happened. And then I and then I and then we were okay. Like that's wow. That's, that's just wow. I'm speechless right now. But did you have

So you said you hadn't heard of the Baby Blues. Did you have any sort of background knowledge on like preeclampsia or like preterm birth or anything like that? Or was this all kind of like uncharted territory?

Adriana Sanchez (14:51)
So I myself am a premature baby. So I had some knowledge of prematurity and the NICU process and how many babies go into the NICU a year and stuff like that. But I never knew that, preeclampsia warnings or anything like that, or baby blues warnings, anything like that. I knew about postpartum depression, but I never knew how it...

Chelsea Myers (15:16)
Mm-hmm.

Adriana Sanchez (15:19)
started or how you knew you were in it until I was in it. So yeah, it's something that, I mean, you hear about it with mothers and stories and stuff, but you never realize how easy it is to get once you are going through it. So yeah.

Chelsea Myers (15:25)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it highlights, it highlights just how common it is, right? And yeah, and like you said, like how easy it is to just kind of fall into it without even realizing that that's where you were And you said too, like,

Adriana Sanchez (15:55)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (15:59)
you kind of fell into a groove with your first, right? You finally got to a place where you felt like, okay, this is behind us. So, it with your second that things went a little bit differently?

Adriana Sanchez (16:07)
Yes.

yes, yes. So,

so I guess because of my first, the way everything came out with him, his birth story, and I guess I did, I became a little, I guess, traumatic when it came to birth and stuff like that. I didn't want to experience that kind of birth again. And then having to go through the NICU again, I did not want to experience that again.

But I knew that now that I had a premature baby and that my water broke early, that I was in a higher risk of that happening again. we waited a while to start trying again because I wanna let my body heal and I wanted my mind to heal. I wanted to enjoy my son and just enjoy our three little...

family for a little while before we started trying again. then even the trying to conceive process gave me, know, post-traumatic stress. even that, even going through that in itself was, you traumatic. So I guess whenever we started, we decided to try again and

Chelsea Myers (17:17)
Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (17:29)
it just was all starting to come back again, all those memories and the feelings of how I felt trying to conceive. And then those memories of my son being premature and being in the NICU, just all of that started coming back when we started trying again. from the beginning, I already was coming into the second pregnancy with anxiety and a lot of worry.

just a lot of doubt. I didn't know if I was gonna have another premature baby. I didn't know how this pregnancy was gonna go. And sure enough, it went the way I thought it was gonna go. I don't know if it was cause she was a girl and I don't know if there's a difference between having boy pregnancies and girl pregnancies, but my pregnancy with her was horrible.

I had morning sickness from the very first day I found out I was pregnant. It was just a horrible, horrible pregnancy. I was just always tired. My legs were always hurting. My back was always hurting. I couldn't even stand up from the bed. I was always struggling. Even to eat, I would get full so fast. I didn't want to eat. And it was just a really, really bad pregnancy with her.

Chelsea Myers (18:18)
Mmm.

Adriana Sanchez (18:44)
And it could have been because of my C-section or something. just, you know, I kept trying to connect the dots. I became very type A where I started researching everything and everything had to be, you know, in line with why I'm feeling this way. so, yeah, we struggled to get pregnant with her as well. It took us about a year or two to get pregnant with her.

They could never tell us a reason. So that was already, you know, gave me anxiety from the beginning. with her, I knew I was feeling, you know, cruddy the whole time. So when I started getting the, I started getting preeclampsia symptoms and I had never heard of preeclampsia before. mean,

I have heard it maybe just said somewhere, but I never knew what it was. I started getting really swollen feet, really swollen legs, headaches, lightheadedness, just all of it. And I started getting like fast heart rate and stuff. And I guess that's from the blood pressure. yeah, I knew I felt

like bad, but I didn't realize how bad it was because I was feeling bad the whole time during the pregnancy. So it was really hard to distinguish what was really bad and what wasn't. So we also had our baby shower with her and at the baby shower, I remember feeling, I just couldn't walk, I couldn't think, I was very tired. think

Chelsea Myers (20:08)
Mm-hmm.

Adriana Sanchez (20:31)
I look back at those photos now and I'm like, yeah, I remember feeling what I was feeling when I look at those photos. But yeah, I went to the hospital that night because my blood pressure had spiked. And the way I found that out was because I was just feeling really tired, really lightheaded and like fainting, like I wanted to faint. So yeah, they had me admitted my blood pressure was really high.

Chelsea Myers (20:36)
Yeah.

Yeah, wow.

Adriana Sanchez (20:58)
They started me on magnesium, the magnesium drip immediately. I didn't, I never heard of that. So that was something scary in its own. They told me I had severe preeclampsia. yes. It was a wild experience. And then at this point I was 28 weeks pregnant. So I was a lot earlier than with my son.

Chelsea Myers (21:06)
Yeah.

And that's an experience.

Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (21:25)
So that made me even more scared because I didn't know how she was and if she was delivered, how she would be. So that was very terrifying. the plan was to keep me on bed rest to see if my preeclampsia symptoms could go away for a little while, but it just kept getting worse from there. So they had to

send me to the city, which is about an hour away, and to another hospital that could specialize in micro-premies, which was my daughter. So that was an experience as well, as I had to... I mean, I saw so many different doctors. I don't even remember exactly who...

Chelsea Myers (22:05)
Mm-hmm.

Adriana Sanchez (22:17)
delivered my baby until I saw the pictures because it was just so many providers like on top of me and trying to figure out what was going on and make sure I was okay, the baby was okay. And it was just a lot of stuff going on now all at the same time. So yeah, whenever she was born, she went straight to the NICU and for anybody that's a NICU parent, they know it's...

Chelsea Myers (22:23)
my goodness.

Adriana Sanchez (22:44)
That's traumatizing when you don't get to hold your baby and they have to immediately put them on the CPAP machine and give them air and stuff. It's very hard. I remember I didn't get to hold her until probably after seven days that she was born. At that point, I was still very, very out of it.

from the magnesium and from all the treatments and I couldn't She was born cesarean as well, so I couldn't walk and my legs were balloons. So I couldn't even like, it was just horrible.

Chelsea Myers (23:28)
Yeah,

yeah. And it's validating too, like this whole experience up to this point, you had such anxiety, you didn't get a moment to enjoy the pregnancy. Even like going into trying to conceive was a challenge. And then I can't, I can't begin to imagine like when you're in a situation where you've been dealing with these fears for so long, and then they kind of happen and

Adriana Sanchez (23:39)
Right.

Chelsea Myers (23:57)
what was going through your mind in that moment. Also, the timeline seems so quick. Like, it's like your baby shower, you didn't feel good, you got checked out, and then baby came? Like, was this all within like a day or two?

Adriana Sanchez (23:57)
Yeah.

Yes.

Right, so my baby shower happened. I got admitted that night of the baby shower. My preeclampsia was just getting severe, so they delivered her two or three days after I was admitted. it happened really quickly. Yeah, it's like, I remember the providers telling me what was going on, at the moment I was like in a daze. It was like,

Chelsea Myers (24:22)
Okay.

Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (24:34)
I wasn't in reality anymore because I just, could not focus. could not, I mean, all I wanted was my baby to be okay and for me to be okay. And that was it. Just keep us alive and do what you gotta do and just keep us alive. so, so yeah, it happened very quickly. So the third day after the baby shower, they delivered her.

Chelsea Myers (24:49)
Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (24:58)
And then seven days after that, I got to hold her, which I got to see her right away. But I remember just, I couldn't really visit her in the NICU before the seventh day because I was just, I remember they were giving me blood pressure medication, just trying to control my blood pressure. And it was just trying to get myself stable

I remember my husband going up to the NICU to see her as much as he could and he would, you know, take videos and pictures of her so he could show me and I remember going up one night to go see her and just not being able to even stand up, you know, from the chair to look at her through the incubator and just having to go back to my room because I just could not.

I was just not in the right mind and not physically able to be with her. it was very hard. And then I guess that's when I didn't realize, I thought these were preeclampsia symptoms where my heart would be racing. I would wake up in a sweat. I couldn't even sleep, but I would roll out of the hospital bed in a sweat.

Chelsea Myers (25:58)
Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (26:19)
I've called the nurse and be like, I'm not feeling good. My heart is beating really fast. And they would tell me, you're fine. Your blood pressure is high, but you're OK. And then that's when they started telling me that they would check me with the EKG machine and make sure nothing else was going on. They would send me to go get tests like MRIs and CT scans.

Chelsea Myers (26:40)
Mmm.

Adriana Sanchez (26:42)
and they would see that everything was normal, everything was fine. They couldn't figure out why my heart was racing and why I was feeling the way I was until they, I think a psychiatrist came to my room and started telling me that they were gonna put me on some calming medications and some anxiety medications. that's when it clicked that it was...

probably on, you know, in my head, probably, you know, just something mental going on instead of physically, but I physically felt horrible. So I was just trying to tell them, hey, I'm not okay. You know, something's going on. Is it the preeclampsia or what is it? it all happened very quickly. And I think after a couple of weeks of going through all of that,

Chelsea Myers (27:17)
Mm-hmm.

Adriana Sanchez (27:35)
My daughter was still in the NICU. We were an hour away from her from the hospital. And so we would go as much as we could to go visit. But I was still feeling, you know, everything that I was feeling when I delivered her. So, so it was really hard for me to go as much as I wanted to. And then I guess it just happened very quickly, too, that I started feeling

Like I wasn't myself and having panic attacks like crazy and waking up in sweats, waking up like my heart was about to jump out of my chest. Like I was, so weird. I mean, know, Chelsea is like, you're not yourself anymore. You're not yourself.

Chelsea Myers (28:15)
Yeah. Yes.

I know I'm hearing you talk about it. I'm hearing you talk about it.

And I'm like, especially when you said at first, like, well, and then I was like, I guess it's in my head. And I'm like, just because it's in your head doesn't mean it's not in your body either. Right? Like, I remember those feelings. I remember the feelings of feeling like I was having a heart attack or feeling like I can't eat because I'm so nauseous because I'm so scared or waking up in a sweat. Like, it is insane what your mental health can do to your body.

Adriana Sanchez (28:30)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (28:46)
And

Adriana Sanchez (28:46)
yes.

Chelsea Myers (28:47)
that's not even touching on the fact that you just went through like another major surgery. That's your second cesarean section. You had like severe preeclampsia and from what it sounds like postpartum preeclampsia. you were dealing with a lot. I'm curious too, like, did you have any prior history?

of any sort of mental health challenges or like, had you ever experienced a panic attack before?

Adriana Sanchez (29:16)
No, never in my life. So I had no idea what that was that was going on with me. And that didn't even come to my mind when I was experiencing these physical things. And so I had no idea that that was going on. So after I was, I remember not wanting to leave the hospital because I kept telling them something's wrong with me, something's wrong with me, I'm not okay.

Chelsea Myers (29:41)
Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (29:41)
And they were like, no, you got to go home. You're fine. We did everything we could for you. So I remember going home and I was just so scared. And that, you know, that fear of not knowing what's going to happen is very scary. And I remember when I was home the first night, I started feeling like I felt at the hospital where my heart was racing. I wanted to like crawl out of my body. was like so jittery and just

I couldn't control it. And then that's when my husband was, you he's like, you're probably having a panic attack. Just try to calm down, just breathe. then I guess knowing that that's what it was, was a little bit of relief. But at the same time, I was like, okay, how do I get rid of this? Like, I don't want to feel this, you know? So like, okay. So...

Chelsea Myers (30:31)
Yeah! Yeah!

Adriana Sanchez (30:37)
I would be okay for a day and then the next day I would feel that way again. And then it was just a constant having to go back to that feeling. then having my baby with me was also, you know, adding to that factor. then I guess all the hormones stuff that postpartum women go through was also a factor. And it just, it kind of built up. I remember

after a month of feeling that way and it was just like a never ending nightmare of feeling that way. And I remember that's when it just was like, okay, I don't know if I can keep doing this. Like if this is how it's gonna be every time I wake up, I don't know if I can do this anymore. So then that's when I started getting like the suicidal thoughts and

not wanting to wake up the next day and I didn't want to keep living that way. So then I was like, okay, well, like, I never really had like a plan or anything like that. But it was like, okay, what can I do so my family can be okay, but I can stop feeling this, you know what I mean? And so yeah, that's when I

Chelsea Myers (31:48)
Yeah. Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (31:54)
told my family, I opened up to my husband that I was feeling this way. at the time we were, I believe we were staying with his mother. mother, my mother-in-law was letting us stay at her house. That way she could help me, you know, with the recovery and visiting my baby in the hospital and stuff like that. so that's when I let them know that I was feeling this way and that I need to go get help. And

Chelsea Myers (32:20)
Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (32:21)
I

didn't know what kind of help that was, but I just, I didn't want to, you know, keep feeling this way and not do anything. I told them to take me to the hospital and they did. And they, you know, they were really understanding and they let me go. And I remember telling them that what I was going through and what I was thinking and where my mind was.

they decided to hospitalize me. so then that's when I got hospitalized. I just wanted anything, like just some kind of help, just anything that would help. so, so yeah. And then my first hospitalization was only about a week. And that's a whole nother story on its own, but.

Chelsea Myers (33:07)
Okay.

Yeah,

I'm currently doing a series about my hospitalizations and I can tell you no two are the same. No.

Adriana Sanchez (33:13)
Yeah.

no, no, So

I say that was my first because after I was hospitalized, I came back and nothing had changed. I was still feeling the same. So then I came back and I begged to go to the hospital again. And that way I could try to get hospitalized again and see if somebody else could help me and try to find something somewhere that somebody could help.

Chelsea Myers (33:29)
you

Adriana Sanchez (33:45)
And I begged for them to let me stay local this time. That way my husband could come see me and I could feel like I'm closer to my family. And the only local place that is in my town is more of a detox center. It's not really a mental health crisis center. So that wasn't...

Chelsea Myers (34:01)
Mm-hmm.

Adriana Sanchez (34:08)
working for me and I remember just I was admitted but then I only stayed for a day or two and then I requested to get out of after I got out of there, I think I stayed home for a couple of months. The doctors at this last place

They, well, the doctors at the first place gave me, put me on some medications and then the doctors at the second place also switched my medications and I wanted to give the medication some time to work as they told me it would take three or four weeks, probably more to start working. So this time I held on a little longer to try to see if the medication would help me feel a little better. And it did, I was good.

At this point, my daughter was still in the hospital. She stayed in the NICU for three months. I remember in August, specifically, feeling the best. I felt amazing. I felt calm. I understood where she was and where she needed to be. And I understood that I was still healing and I,

I had accepted what had happened with the birth and everything. so I was a lot calmer. I remember feeling the best during that time. But then something happened at the hospital where my baby stopped breathing and they called me at five in the morning and I wasn't there. And that's when it all went downhill again.

I started getting panic attacks and freaking out. And I remember just all of it. All the bad waves came back crashing on me again. And yeah, so it was, I think like that for a couple of weeks. And then she came home, which, know.

Chelsea Myers (35:40)
Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (36:01)
I was like so, happy about, she was finally coming home. Was this finally gonna be over? Like we were both gonna be together and, you know, and it wasn't gonna be like with my son where he came home and then all of a sudden I felt great, you know? But then, yeah. Yes, the light switch. I was waiting for that light switch and she came home on an NG tube because she was having trouble feeding and.

Chelsea Myers (36:17)
Yeah, like the light switch that you were waiting for.

Adriana Sanchez (36:30)
She had a lot of doctor's appointments to follow up with because of her prematurity and so she had a lot more things that we had to medically take care of with her. I remember after a week or a few days after she came home, I was still feeling the same way that I was feeling when she was at the hospital. And I remember

thinking to myself, why am I still feeling this way? Like she's home now, everything should be good now. Like I'm still healing, but I know I can do this and I have a lot of family around me that can help me. so I didn't know what was going on. So at my second hospitalization, told me that I had post-partum depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

So at this point, I knew that I had that, but I was healing. But when she came home, those, especially the suicidal thoughts, I guess got worse. and maybe it was also the sleep deprivation that also was a factor in this, but I also started like,

seeing things and hearing things. And then I was just like, okay, what's okay. This is not what they told me I had. And then this is not something I've experienced so far. So what's going on. And then that's when I started like, thoughts in my head would start telling me that, okay, you're not safe. Your baby is not safe. Like you, you need to get help again.

So it was, I don't know, it was a very drastic difference from when she was in the hospital and from when she got out. remember thinking, okay, I can't live like this. I can't do this. And that's when I had my breaking point. I had my breaking point. I remember telling my family, like, I'm done, I'm tired.

Chelsea Myers (38:11)
Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (38:35)
I can't do this. I don't know what's going on. I'm not okay. And my family, because it was going on for several months and several weeks, they kept telling me, you're fine, you're okay. They kept trying to snap me out of it, but I just was not snapping out of it. And that's when I was like, okay, if you guys won't help me, I'm just gonna take this matter into my own hands and do something. And it wasn't like,

me trying to blackmail anybody or anything like that, but it was just me trying to get myself out of this. At this point, I didn't have any consideration for anybody but myself. probably the worst that I got.

And I remember begging my family to take me to the hospital again. I just wanted something to help me, just anything. I think when you're going through something like that, you just want anything to work, anything that can help you feel better. It doesn't matter what it is. And I remember telling them, yes, yes, of course.

Chelsea Myers (39:41)
Yeah

You want it taken out of your hands, right? Like you want it just to give

it to somebody else.

Adriana Sanchez (39:50)
Yes, yes, get it out, take it off my hands and you fix me and something needs to fix me. And I remember my family was, they didn't quite understand what I was exactly going through. And so they had a hard time having to send me away again.

So I wanted to be hospitalized because I was like, you know what, I can't be here. I don't want my kids to see me this way. I need to get away. for them, it was like I was kind of running away from it instead of trying to fight it head on. And I guess in a sense, I was trying to run away from it. I was trying to run away from the feeling from all of it.

Chelsea Myers (40:27)
Mmm.

Adriana Sanchez (40:39)
so yeah, that's the last time I was hospitalized. I was hospitalized again for that time. And at that time, whatever it took, I just wanted this to get better. So I didn't care how long it took. I didn't care how long I was away from my kids, from my baby that just got home from the hospital. I mean, it's really...

you know, scary and sad to say, but that's how I felt at the time. just have to put myself first just worry about myself. I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I got the help I, you know, desperately wanted. It was at this last hospitalization that I actually, I got a really good psychiatrist doctor that told me that

Chelsea Myers (41:12)
Yeah?

Adriana Sanchez (41:28)
all of this that I was going through was normal and that it's biological that I did, you know, everything that happened from the point that I, you know, from the pregnancy, from the delivery, from her being the NICU, from me going through the postpartum, all of it was validated for me. And I finally felt like somebody understood. And that's when it like, that's when I could start healing.

and accepting everything that happened. And so, so yeah, that was, I remember that was the last time that I got hospitalized and I came home. And after I came home, I felt I did. It did still take me a while to to accept it and try to, you know, go through it and fight it. But eventually I did. And and and that's, know, it was a happy ending.

Chelsea Myers (42:27)
yeah. So like several things that you said stick out to me. And the first thing that I want to address too is, like when you said, like, I guess I was trying to run away from it and your family was saying like, why aren't, why don't you want to stay here and fight? The first thought that came to my mind was you are fighting, you're fighting for your life. And

For somebody who's never experienced a mental health crisis, whether it be perinatal mental health or just mental health in general, I think it's really hard to be able to understand that while it appears that we're giving up. And it kind of almost feels like that to us too, right? Like those moments of, just, want to fall asleep and not wake up. I can't do this anymore. The fact that you voiced that to your husband and to your family,

Adriana Sanchez (43:05)
Right.

Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (43:19)
The fact that you spoke those words out loud, the fact that you fought so hard to be hospitalized and to receive treatment. One, it shouldn't have had to get to that point. We hope that it doesn't get to that point for many people. But two, that was you fighting as hard as you could fight to stay. Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (43:39)
Yes, yes, yes. And that

was really hard for me at the time because it felt like they kept fighting me and fighting me and my husband didn't want to take me to the hospital. He didn't want me to go get locked away and he knew that that wasn't going to help me. So he wanted to do everything he could to help me. And I remember just thinking, like, you can't help me. need somebody else. I need something else. I don't know what it is, but I need the help. that was

For him, it was like me giving up, but no, it was me fighting for an answer, fighting for a treatment, fighting for validation, just fighting for somebody to understand. now going back and thinking of that time, a little bit a part of me does get mad at myself because I'm like, okay, I was giving up. I blame myself for not fighting harder, but...

I try not to go back and think like what if, what could have, but I was fighting the best I could. I was doing what I thought what was best for me at the time was to go away and to get better and to fight for my baby that needed me. So yeah.

Chelsea Myers (44:43)
Yeah.

Yeah, I don't. I feel like I'm saying this more and more often lately. I don't like to insert myself or my experiences because this is about you and your experience. what you're speaking on resonates so deeply with me. And I know you know this. I know we've talked about this like online, off of the podcast.

Adriana Sanchez (45:15)
Yes.

Chelsea Myers (45:20)
there is, I think, like I said, it's very, very challenging, especially for our partners to kind of understand, especially if you have a partner who's a fixer, like my partner is, right? Like your husband was like, No, I can help you through this, I can do this. And my husband was the same way, like, we can do this, we got this, it'll be like inpatient at home, and it'll be fine. and at that when you're in that place, when you're in that place, you are so far removed from yourself. And

Adriana Sanchez (45:33)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (45:50)
And again, if this resonates with you or if it doesn't, you can let me know. But for me, it was really like somebody else, a trained professional needs to take control. I have, I don't have control over, over myself anymore. I can't have control over myself anymore. Yeah.

Adriana Sanchez (46:02)
Right, right, exactly. Exactly, yes, that's how I

felt exactly. I remember my husband telling me that, you know, all I, he felt like all I wanted was medication and you know, just like another way out and stuff like that. I was like telling him, I'm like, no, I just need somebody.

that is experienced in this and knows what to do and deal with this kind of situation because at this moment I am not me. My brain is not me. I don't know who this is I can't tell you what to do to help fix me because I don't know what to do either. And so for him it was very frustrating.

I remember just telling him, I'm sorry, I just, I don't know what else to do. I'm just sorry. And he felt defeated. He felt like I gave up as a mom and on our relationship and that I was, you know, leaving him and the family.

Adriana Sanchez (47:11)
I never asked or related to see how he was feeling through all of this. so it was a very hard challenge. And I mean, we're still healing from that But yeah, you don't know what you're going to do until you're in that.

in that position. So yeah, it was really hard.

Chelsea Myers (47:33)
I mean, yeah, it speaks to your relationship. It speaks to yes, it's going to be a challenge to but you guys are dedicated to figuring this out and navigating this together. I'm curious to know a little bit more to like

when you did finally get that validation, when you did finally have someone say to you like, yes, this is a thing, this is really common. we're gonna, we're gonna get you through this. Did you believe them at the time? Or did it take it did it take like, I have to see it before I'm really going to believe it.

Adriana Sanchez (48:08)
I actually did believe them and it might be because that's my personality. I trust the professionals and I wholeheartedly know that if they're in this field that they care about the patient and they want the best for the patient. So they're not gonna lie. I want to always believe that something good is gonna happen. So yeah, I did, I did.

wholeheartedly believe what they said to me and I knew they were going to fix me and when I didn't doubt it until obviously, you know, after a while coming home, I would get those occasional panic attacks and then I would try to, you know, fight through them and try to, you not put my mind in that place anymore. But

Yeah, it was, if it was a doubt, it was only a small doubt. And, you know, I always believe and wanted to believe that I would get out of this and I would get through this. And I think that that is very important when someone's going through that is to give them that hope because is not the end and it's not going to always be like this. And now

you know, after a couple months and years of, you know, going through that, I now wish I could go back and tell myself, hey, you did get through this, the doctors were right. it takes time and only time can heal, but, you know, we will get through it and we did. you know, I think everyone needs that hope that they will be okay.

Chelsea Myers (49:51)
and that is a really common thread with a lot of us who have experienced this kind of thing, like wishing we could go back and just hold ourselves a little bit and just be like, okay, I know this feels like the end, but it's not the end. And you mentioning too, like, it takes time. And when you're in it, that is the hardest thing to hear and to accept.

Adriana Sanchez (50:02)
Yes.

Chelsea Myers (50:16)
It's like time, I don't have time. I've got two kids. I can't feel like this every day. But you're right. It takes time from where you were then to where you are now. How would you say you feel about your mental health today? And have you developed any like coping skills for when maybe those feelings creep in again?

Adriana Sanchez (50:17)
Yes.

Right.

So what would I say? My mental health now is a lot better now that I have my daughter here and I have her home and I've learned to accept my story and what happened and that's big in itself is accepting what happened because for a while I didn't, I was so angry and

just so mad with the world, so mad with God and for making me go through this. So accepting was a big, big step that I took in my healing journey. so now my mental health is, you know, I do not get those panic attacks like I did. If something were to happen again where it's out of my control, I think I would

take a step back and try to reflect on how we can get through this. because now I'm a very type A person, I want to be in control of everything. If it's out of my control, I try to just tell myself and just be kind to myself and tell myself that, you know, some things are out of your control and that's just life. And, you know, just try to accept those facts.

Chelsea Myers (51:44)
No.

Adriana Sanchez (52:03)
So my coping mechanisms now is just to take a breather, go outside, go get in the sun. I love the sunlight. should be a lizard because I love laying out in the sun. taking walks, definitely just.

Stuff like that, that helps you calm yourself down when a crisis is happening is what I try to do now. Because yeah, there are always gonna be stuff that is out of your control. And I guess when I was going through all of that stuff, it helped me realize that fact. when before I never had something like that happen. I, know, now that I've...

had some life experience and, you know, gone through that. I think it has definitely helped me and I am a lot calmer now. I try and be kind to myself, always be kind to yourself and to the situation because what could be wrong today is not what's gonna be wrong tomorrow. And that's what I just try to, you know, keep telling myself and tell myself I'm okay.

and then just hug my kids. That's always a great coping mechanism for myself is just smell them, hug them, kiss them. that's how it is now.

Chelsea Myers (53:22)
love the energy that you kind of bring to this whole experience in that.

It's something that happened. It was out of your control, but it doesn't define you. And you even said at the time, right? Like when you were experiencing those things, that's not me. That's not who I am. And the person that I see in front of me and the person that I finally got to meet today is a freaking fighter. And you fought against things that are constantly telling you to give up.

They're constantly telling you, you can't do this anymore. But you, you did keep fighting back and all of that doesn't even take into account that you had two children at the time, two children that had very unique needs. One child was in the NICU at the time.

So you were up against incredible odds. And I just want to tell you, I am so grateful you stayed. I am so grateful that you did keep pushing until you got the help that you needed. I'm grateful that you didn't give up on yourself and you didn't give up on your family. You did. You fought and you crawled and you scratched. And I'm so thankful that I'm here talking to you today.

Adriana Sanchez (54:41)
Thank you, thank you, you're gonna make me cry. But yes, I'm...

Chelsea Myers (54:44)
Well, I'm not I

don't want to make you cry. I think this is I think this is hitting me especially hard because again every every person I say we may have experienced the same storm, but we're all in different boats So I'm not gonna compare my story to your story to the next person's story Everybody's story is unique, but I do know that feeling

that darkness, that all-consuming darkness, and I know how hard it is to not stay there and to fight back. So I just want to say, from one fighter to another, I see you. I see you, and I'm so glad that you're here.

Adriana Sanchez (55:30)
haha

Yes, thank you. I'm so glad as well. Right. No, no worries. Yes, I... Yeah, if I could go back and tell myself anything, it'd be to just keep fighting and to hold on, to hold on to that lifeboat and...

Chelsea Myers (55:34)
I don't even know, like I don't even know what to say.

Adriana Sanchez (55:56)
to not slip because it's so easy to slip away and I almost did and it is a very scary place to be in and so it is a very challenging and hard thing to go through but there is light at the end of it. Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (56:14)
Yeah,

of course. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your experience so honestly and so vulnerably and for allowing me to share space with you through that. I know, like I said, we've chatted here and there over the months, but to be able to sit with you and hear it in your own words.

Yeah, deeply, deeply resonated with me. And I know it's going to resonate with so many other people out there who have been there and who have experienced this.

if my listeners want to know more about you and your journey is there a place that they can look for you?

Adriana Sanchez (56:54)
Yes, I'm active on Facebook and Instagram and TikTok. I actually posted a little bit of my story on my TikTok for anybody that wants to see like pictures and an inside view of what that looked like. They could go on my TikTok and look at that. But I'm always available to talk and to share, you know, insights of how I got through my experience.

And I'm always willing to listen to others and help other mothers that are going through the thick of it. I completely want mothers to feel like they're being seen and heard and understood and validated because that's what I needed when I was going through all of that. So yeah, I'm available through Facebook, Adriana Sanchez and know.

I don't know my Instagram handle right off the top of my head, but yeah. But yes, I'm always, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (57:52)
That's okay. We'll get all that. We'll get all that and we'll link

it in the show notes. So listeners check the show notes and it'll lead you right to Adriana. I'm also grateful that you are willing to connect with other parents because like you said, we all just want to be heard and seen and validated in that vein.

Adriana Sanchez (58:01)
Okay.

Hmm.

Yes.

Chelsea Myers (58:19)
I am doing this new kind of experiment thing. It's not so new now. I've been doing it for a little while, but the episodes haven't come out yet, so you haven't heard it yet.

Adriana Sanchez (58:30)
Okay.

Chelsea Myers (58:31)
I

am, I'm doing this thing where I'm asking my guests to, you got to think back to the days before cell phones and text messages and everything where we weren't always reachable, where you couldn't just like get ahold of somebody all the time. And when you called and the person didn't answer, you had to leave a message. So you don't know who my next guest is going to be. You don't know if they're a mom, you don't know if they're a dad, you don't know who they are or what their experience is.

but you called Quiet Connection today and they weren't here to answer. So I'd love it if you could leave a message for them and it can be any message you want. It could be a message about you and your story. It could be a message of affirmation. It can be just something you heard that felt good at the time. But what message would you leave for my next guest?

Adriana Sanchez (59:24)
The message that I would leave would be to hold on and to know that everything will be okay. Because when I was going through my darkness, I just needed somebody to tell me that everything's gonna be okay and that I'm safe and that I'm in good hands and you're loved.

And that's what I want the next person to know is that no matter what they're going through, no matter how dark and scary it might feel at the moment, there is light and there is hope. And I just want you to hold on and fight. And even if that fight is just wake up one day and take a nap and do the best you can, that's good enough. That's the best you can do. And that's the greatest.

thing that you can do. just know that you're loved, you're cared for, and we want you here. So yeah.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:29)
I think that that is a beautiful message. think there are so many people that need to hear it. And yeah, thank you. Thank you for leaving that message for my next Adriana, it has been a joy getting to share space with you today. You are a fighter, you are a warrior, and yeah, just thank you for sharing your story with me.

Adriana Sanchez (1:00:52)
Thank you for listening and having me on here. cannot thank you enough for hearing me out and sharing this podcast with so many moms. your podcast was one of the things that helped me get through my darkness. So yeah, thank you so much for everything that you do.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:13)
my goodness. Now you're

going to make me cry.