Tessia W. - Balancing Motherhood and Self-Care

In this week’s episode, Tessia talks about the difficulties of balancing motherhood with self-care and the need for mothers to prioritize their own well-being. She shares her journey of creating a childcare service called Les Petits Belots to provide parents with much-needed breaks. Tessia emphasizes the need for a shift in the narrative around motherhood, focusing on the mother's happiness and self-care as key factors in raising happy children.

Find Tessia on Instagram , Facebook, and on her website.

Takeaways

• Seeking help and building a support system is crucial for new mothers.
• Trusting your intuition and finding joy can make a significant difference in navigating motherhood.
• Having a positive mindset and resilience can help overcome challenges.
• Being grateful for one's health and the opportunity to be a mother can bring perspective and strength. Informed consent and advocating for oneself during childbirth are crucial for a positive birth experience.
• Mothers need to prioritize self-care and make time for themselves to maintain their well-being.
• Creating opportunities for parents to have breaks and time for themselves is essential for their mental health.
• The narrative around motherhood should shift to focus on the mother's happiness and self-care as key factors in raising happy children.

Special thanks to Steve Audy for the use of our theme song; an original piece titled “Quiet Connection”

Transcript

Chelsea (00:02)
Hello, today I'm here with Tessia. Tessia, how are you?

Tessia (00:07)
I'm great. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me.

Chelsea (00:12)
Of course, thank you for being here with me. I was just talking with Tessia saying good morning and then realizing that she is not in the US. She is in London. It is the afternoon. So once again, we're hopping across the pond. We love having our international guests. So thank you for taking the time and talking with us.

I'm going to dive right in and I'm going to ask if you could tell us a little bit about yourself as well as who you were before you became a mom.

Tessia (00:46)
Yes, name is Tissier, I'm French, I'm based in London currently, it's been a couple of years now. I have two boys, now 11 and nine years old, born here in London. so before becoming a mother, I was already living here in London I was working

nothing special, I will say, before. And when obviously they arrived, everything changed for me. And I think it's the same for lot of mothers out there. I've made the decision to stay at home, to raise them, to be with them as much as I can. So...

It was a great decision and it's a decision that I could make as well. Sometimes you don't have that type of option. So I was grateful for this. everything was, I would say, you had two sides of the story, I think sometimes, because I was so happy to become a mother. It's something that I always wanted to be. But

it was impossible to anticipate obviously what I would go through. And that was tough. That was very, very difficult for me. When we just start with the both of them were, I said I have two boys, so both of the births were traumatic. They were very lengthy. I was in labor for the first one.

32 hours and for the other one for 42 hours I know some other it's even more than that and other it's less than that everybody has his own obviously story but it was very difficult and and I had C -section you know emergency C -section for both of them so you the baby arrived and you already in that state tiredness don't know what's going on because everything

Chelsea (02:43)
Hmm... both.

Tessia (02:54)
you goes fast as well. You, at that time, become a mother. You know, the baby's here. It's a huge responsibility straight away. And you don't, you know, feel your body. It's just, I was scared, to be honest. I was really scared when, you know, my first one was born. I was like, how I can even, you know, care for the baby? Because...

I'm at the hospital and can't even move. Obviously, each day passing, you get better and better. But it was difficult for me to accept that I gave birth in those conditions. Because obviously, I imagined the kind of birth I wanted to have, and it was a smooth one.

Chelsea (03:24)
Mm -hmm.

Right.

Yeah, I would imagine.

Tessia (03:48)
So it was the first kind of turn in another direction, from the direction I wanted or expected to happen. And of an expectation coming when you become a mother, I feel. it's good to prepare yourself because you kind

You can be calmer, you can be more in control of things, but it's not always going in the way that you really want, you know. So it's something that we need to be aware of and that's okay. I think the most important thing when you become a mother, it's how you will deal with what's rather than how to make sure that it happens.

because it's just not out, it's out of our control. So that was very difficult for me for that. And then what I really, really find, found difficult was baby was not sleeping. Like I know it's for everyone the same kind of, you know, discussion around newborn, but some, for whatever reason,

Chelsea (04:44)
Absolutely.

Tessia (05:07)
they go to a level that even when you put them down, they're just waking up. It's like that all night long, all night long. And the repetition of newborns babies is just, know, they wake up every two or three hours, which is already something very difficult to handle because we're just not used to that. We sleep through the night. But in my case, just with the first one, not the second one.

Chelsea (05:13)
Yeah.

Mmm.

Tessia (05:36)
it's not every two hours or three hours. It's, I don't sleep if you put me in the cot. So I was completely, I was desperate. I was like, Tess, it's okay. It's something you have to go through. There's no solution. You have to endure what's happening.

Chelsea (05:42)
Ugh...

Tessia (06:00)
It's part of being a mother and you can do nothing about it. So it was awful. The lack of sleep was unbearable. And it's torture if anyone has been through that. It's torture. You're able to do anything to get some sleep. So I was crying almost... I think it lasted at least one or two months. I can't remember properly.

But for this time, was crying every night asking the baby, just sleep, it's okay, I'm here. No, didn't work. It's on me and as soon as it starts sleeping, I'm like, yes, let's go. And straight away. So it was a I think it's a light sleep baby, it just doesn't go deeper in his sleep for whatever reason. It could be anything, could be the traumatic birth, it could be anything.

Chelsea (06:39)
No!

Tessia (06:59)
don't know, you have to just, you know, manage. And a couple of years after that, I've made a very good friend, she's now a very good friend of mine. And I remember perfectly this conversation because I asked her for the first time I was, you know, meeting her, what are you doing? And she said to me, I'm maternity nurse. I'm like, okay, so what do you do? We go home, you know, we go at, you

Chelsea (07:22)
Mmm.

Tessia (07:27)
parents home and when they just have a newborn and we're helping, we just stay over.

for a night and just to make sure that the parents can have a little break. Okay, my world stopped right there.

Chelsea (07:35)
You

Yeah.

Tessia (07:46)
right there and I almost cried because I went back to the past. It was such a difficult time that I couldn't believe that a solution existed I was just not aware of

Chelsea (07:57)
Mm -hmm.

Tessia (07:59)
And it's the first time that I understood that. It's because I assumed that there were nothing out there to help me with what I was going through, that I didn't even bother to go online, look up, know, how you can be helped when you have a newborn who doesn't sleep, whatever you can put in the search. I had to endure

So I was like, no way. my God. And I'm not saying that I was able to do anything. So even if money -wise, was not something that, you know, it was maybe expensive. my God, I don't care. I would have done it and maybe not, you know, spending the money on something else. But it was too much suffering for me at least once a week.

Chelsea (08:46)
Mm -hmm.

Tessia (08:55)
Have a little break like this? No, I would have done it. I would absolutely have done it 100%. And it's a good, good lesson for me and for anyone who's listening that whatever the problem might be or is currently, a solution exists. Always. It's a matter now of finding it.

Chelsea (08:58)
Yeah.

Tessia (09:24)
And because now I'm a spiritual student and teacher, I understand the law of polarity. You can't have a heart without a cold. You can't have a back without a front. That's the same. You can't have a problem without a solution because we live in that type of world ruled by these type of laws. So it's...

It's a law that there is a solution. And it's something that helped me tremendously because now I'm just looking for the solution. I'm not staying in the problem, whatever it is. And I think that is one of the greater lessons this context gave

Chelsea (10:04)
Mmm.

it's so cool to start hearing more and more moms and parents talk about...

finding out about these. I mean, it's not cool that you didn't know about it then, but that hopefully this next generation of parents is hearing this and is knowing now that these things exist. In the US, we call them postpartum doulas.

I don't know what it's like in the UK or in London, but in the US it's definitely not, like it's not covered by insurance, it's not something that's like widely known about, it's not super accessible, but it does exist. It exists and hopefully in raising awareness and sort of...

spreading the word, maybe we can make it more accessible. Because in other parts of the world, that's just what happens. People come and they take care of you, and they take care of baby, but they take care of you first. And like you were saying, if you could have just got some sleep, what a world of difference that would have made.

sleep is so huge, especially in relation to your mental health. So like a few things that I heard you say that that stuck out to me were like that you were crying and just crying and crying and you were like, well, this is just what babies do.

And I think that that's the assumption that a lot of parents have, is that, this is just what babies do and I just have to deal with it. Is that kind of where your mind was at at the time?

Tessia (11:50)
Completely. There is no other way out. There is no exit. You just have to do what you have to do and it's just endure physically what you have to endure there.

Chelsea (12:03)
Yeah, but today, so if you were going through that situation today, do you now that and knowing what you know, do you think you would feel more comfortable being like, nope, I need help. I need to find a solution.

Tessia (12:18)
I knew I needed help, I assumed that the help didn't exist, that type of help. I needed help, but I just, if I knew that it existed, I would have started to make, you know, just search or even talk about this a bit more, and I would have been directed to some sort of solution.

Chelsea (12:24)
Mm -hmm.

Tessia (12:43)
But I didn't say anything because I didn't believe that help could be there for me. It's just a lack of awareness. It's just ignorance here. I just didn't know. But that's why you just said so many other women can be in the same situation as me. They just don't know. And if we start talking about this...

topic much more, they will just know and then they will just make the right steps to just find what they need. So, really important.

Chelsea (13:17)
Absolutely. I'm curious too

while you were going through that, did you have any sort of support? Like, I know you said that you're living in London, but you're not from London. Did you have any sort of family nearby that was supporting you at all?

Tessia (13:34)
So that's the thing. My mom came obviously to help me out the first 10 days when my first one was born, which was great obviously. I was at the time with my ex -partner and he was just going to work and in this context of it was not really helpful. I was breastfeeding, so...

Chelsea (13:43)
Mm -hmm.

Tessia (14:00)
even if, I don't know if it could have maybe, but it didn't happen that way. So not really much. And that's what I talk about in my book called Rejuvenated Moms Make Happy Kids. I talk about the fact that

Chelsea (14:15)
Yes.

Tessia (14:18)
Nowadays, know, we've been lots of people, you know, are just living abroad. It's not like it was in the past where your family is around and you can have a lot of support. Some still, I know obviously that they just, you know, live nearby the parents or some family members, but more and more we kind of explore the world and we end up, you know, in location where we don't have family.

And it's down to us to build that support system. And it's our responsibility. If you don't do it, if you just don't go out there, meet with other moms, meet with the professionals out there asking questions, asking for you won't get it.

Chelsea (14:53)
huh.

Tessia (15:07)
you won't get the support you need, the help you need, because you have to create it. It's different. Your family is not around. So that's what I had to do. in London, when you give birth and you have some difficulties with breastfeeding, they created some sort of groups, breastfeeding groups, breastfeeding support groups.

And so I've attended those groups, which I found helpful because you feel that you're not alone first. Like other women are going through, you know, different challenges or the same challenges. But it was not helpful regarding that specific issue that I had with my newborn in terms of the sleep.

Chelsea (15:38)
Hmm.

Tessia (15:58)
With the breastfeeding, of course it was. They gave me so many advices because my baby was not able to open widely his mouth for a long time. when he was latching on the breast, it was kind of, you know, going back to just the navel and it was just hurtful. was a nightmare.

Chelsea (16:10)
Mmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Tessia (16:24)
So we've been referred to a doctor to just see if he had to undertake the surgery, the tongue tie surgery. And they said that it has to be done. So at two months old, we did this. I was very scared. Again, you just had a baby and you had to go through a procedure. But it's the minor one, but still, you just don't want to be there. You don't belong there in your mind.

Chelsea (16:51)
Yeah, of course.

Tessia (16:53)
And yes, and so many people are telling you, you should do it. No, you shouldn't do it. Just leave it. Wow. So here, the best advice is to go with your intuition. I can't say anything else. lot of people really close to you will say, don't do this. And some others will say, I think it's better for the baby, just in case, whatever. So you don't know.

Chelsea (17:02)
Ugh.

-huh.

Tessia (17:22)
You have to trust your instinct there, your intuition. That's what I did. So I went forward with it. And it's very short, very, you know, it's a little procedure. It doesn't take that much time. As soon as they just, you know, cut this part of the tongue that needs to be cut.

I put my baby back on the breast and it was absolutely fine. So he cried maybe two seconds, three, maybe four, I don't know. It was very, very quick. So I was really, really relieved. And yes, the breastfeeding improved massively, massively. So that was something that I should have done. It was great.

Chelsea (18:08)
I wonder too, I'm curious, since you said like the sleep issues were like the first, the first like two months and then he, do you think it might have been related to the tongue tie and the trouble breastfeeding?

Tessia (18:22)
We talked about that and it could be a lot of different answers. It could be the burst as well. It could be that, you know, he needs to feel me all the time. It could be the problem with the fact that he doesn't eat properly. do we know? We don't know.

Chelsea (18:24)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mmm... Mm -hmm.

It could have been anything. Yeah. Yeah. I love that you mentioned trusting your intuition too. We have such a pervasive culture of like, mom shaming or mom judgment. And I think it's, there's a very fine line between

building a mom community and being a part of that community, but then also being super judgmental. So, and so I've loved how you've shared your experience up to this point with the caveat of like, this was my experience. This was my, you need to trust your intuition because it's fabulous and wonderful.

if you've gone through something and you want to share that with another mom, that's great. But then it gets a little sticky when you go that extra mile and like you were saying, like, don't do this. Don't do this. This is bad for baby. Or yes, do this. This is everything you need for baby.

You need to trust your intuition. Take in that information. Hopefully parents can get a little bit better about not being pushy. Like this worked for me, so it's going to work for you. Knowing that there are options is great, but trust your instincts. Do your research and make the choices for your family that feel best for you. Yeah, that's at end of the day that you can only do what you think is right for

and your family. So now am going to follow that train that I had earlier. I go down so many rabbit holes. I have such a jumpy brain. After going through that experience with your first, the traumatic birth and the lack of sleep and the feeding issues,

Tessia (20:11)
Yes.

Chelsea (20:32)
When did you decide and how did you decide? Maybe I want another one. Maybe I want to try this again to have your second child.

Tessia (20:43)
I don't really believe that when you go through one experience, if you have another one or you do something else, will have the same kind of results. Thanks to my upbringing, I'm very resilient and extremely positive as a person. It's helpful.

Chelsea (21:06)
Yeah.

Tessia (21:08)
It's helpful to take that kind of decision. And so just to give you a little background, I grew up with a sick mom. So my mom has sickle cell. So she was constantly sick when I was young. I didn't grow up with my dad. He separated from my mom when I was, I think, four or five months old.

Chelsea (21:35)
Mm.

Tessia (21:35)
So it was me and my brother. I have an older brother, two years older than me. And it was very difficult in that aspect. My childhood was beautiful, except that when she was at the hospital and I don't know if she's coming back because she was staying at least two, three weeks. At home, it was very peaceful because she's sick or can become sick easily.

Chelsea (21:50)
Yeah.

Tessia (22:03)
We, you know, tend to don't do much noises. We play outside a lot, but at home, if we play it more quietly. So we were, my brother and I were, I don't know, very respectful of what's, you know, what's going on in her sleep. If she has to sleep in for longer, we're okay. We're just not gonna make noise or things like that. Thankfully, my grandmother came to live a bit with us. we,

with my auntie so they gave my mom a lot of support. I think through that experience I came to that belief that if you're not sick like her, not having kind of a life, everything else is alright.

Because for me, it was so awful to see a woman like my mother always at hospital or always sick that if you don't have that, wow, it's heaven. So anything that's coming my way, thinks I'm, you child, of course I'm like everyone else, I'm going to be sad or it's going to be tough or whatever, but I'm not going to stay there.

Chelsea (22:52)
Yeah, that's an interesting take on it.

Mm -hmm.

Tessia (23:20)
I'm always moving forward. I don't stay too long in what's happening, where it's negative or uncomfortable. I'm like, Tess, you're not sick. You're full of health. And as soon as I have this thought, boom, I'm back to, yeah. So I'm going to cry.

Chelsea (23:32)
You

Tessia (23:45)
I'm going cry, course. I'm going to go through that sadness. I'm going to express it. And I'm going through whatever I have to go through, right? But I'm just not staying there too

And I think it's something that is coming from my childhood, the way I've been raised. She showed me too much courage for me to not following on her steps. So I'm so grateful to not be sick, to be healthy. And I think it's the best gift ever you can have on this planet. And I have it.

Chelsea (24:05)
Mmm.

Tessia (24:22)
So with the rest, I'll do my best.

Chelsea (24:27)
That's quite the superpower, Tessia. Because not everyone in that situation would take that away from it. So that's absolutely beautiful to hear that even in the face of watching your mother suffer, you took that and you said, you know what? I can find joy.

I can find joy. And yes, I'm going to feel my feelings. But I have my health. I can find joy. That's a superpower. Like, holy wow.

Tessia (24:58)
But Chelsea, my mom was able to be happy while she was going through all that. If she can do this, my home was a home of joy and peace. My mom was not blaming us or blaming life or blaming others. She was a happy woman. So if she can do that with this miserable life, that's my perspective.

Chelsea (25:03)
Yeah!

Mmm.

Ugh.

Yeah!

Tessia (25:28)
that she had, she didn't grow up the same way we did. She was always sick. So she was always in, not really having friends, not going to parties. My mom, think in her whole teenager period, whatever, she just maybe went to twice in her life outside. She's constantly sick. So if she can find happiness in this life journey for her,

Chelsea (25:47)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Tessia (25:57)
Woo! I think it's easy peasy for me.

Chelsea (26:01)
my gosh, your mother sounds like an amazing woman too.

Tessia (26:06)
my god, she is. She is my inspiration. She is my, you know, my everything. Come on. She's amazing.

Chelsea (26:15)
Yeah, yeah. to hear you say earlier that you knew you always wanted to be a mom, like I'm sure that part of that came from the love and joy that your mom provided you and your brother. Okay, so superpowers apparently run in your family. You guys have the superpower of feeling your feelings and still finding joy in life, which is beautiful.

Tessia (26:26)
yes.

Chelsea (26:43)
So you went into your second pregnancy being like, this doesn't have to be the same. This doesn't have to be the same way. Take me through that birth process.

Tessia (26:54)
Oh, that was awful because I told you, I was like very positive. So I go to the hospital and after 10 hours of labor, I say to the doctor, oh, it's weird, it's 10 hours already. Let's go with it, let's do the C -section. No, Tess, come on. It's not the same birth, it's two different pregnancy. You need to have faith. Oh, believe me, I have this kind of faith, but it's already 10 hours. So we can just.

Chelsea (26:59)
Yeah!

Tessia (27:23)
you know, avoid all this nonsense. No, trust. After 20 hours, guys, don't you see it's kind of the same story here? No, give it time. And I was like, I don't know, this time I don't feel it's gonna be different for whatever reason. With the second one, it was worse. It was 42 hours.

Chelsea (27:33)
Yeah

Hahahaha

Tessia (27:51)
10 hours more and the same C -section at the end. And I was like, gosh, this is happening.

Chelsea (28:00)
what's ironic is that as we're recording this right now, I have no idea when this will be released, but as we're recording this, it's it's Birth Trauma Awareness Week has just ended and the theme this year was informed consent and like

You're advocating for yourself. You're there and you're like, listen to me. Liz, I know what's happening with my body and this is not going to work and I'm a positive person and listen and they weren't listening to you. They weren't honoring your wishes.

Tessia (28:34)
They didn't, they just felt it would be okay. But I had a precedent, know, for whatever reason it happened like that. I was not able to open in a reasonable time, you know. So I said, maybe it's going to be the same thing. And it was the same thing, exactly the same problem with the second one. So,

Chelsea (28:50)
Mm

Yeah!

Mmm.

Tessia (29:02)
We did it again. But I went through it once. So it was not as traumatic as the first one because I knew already this kind of birth. And I didn't have the issues with the non -sleeping baby. It was waking up every two or three hours as a newborn, you know, normally.

Chelsea (29:11)
Mm -hmm.

Tessia (29:27)
does, so I didn't experience the same thing as the first one. yes, I still at this time I didn't know about the monetary service anyways, so thankfully I didn't have the same experience.

Chelsea (29:41)
how was that? There are so many of my listeners right now who are either having their first or are parenting with a newborn and a toddler. And I, I, my kiddos are spaced. seven years apart. So I didn't experience having a newborn and a toddler. what was that like? How did that go for you?

Tessia (30:04)
I've been doing lots of research. Since I had the first one, I was so much into education because my goal was to be the greatest mother I can possibly be. I had only one goal and that was that one. So I didn't have the goal to be the greatest wife ever. I didn't have the

Chelsea (30:25)
Hehehehehe

Tessia (30:27)
I didn't have this goal to make sure that I'm, you know, super healthy and super... no. I don't know why. I had just one goal, it's to be the greatest mom possible ever. Which normally I have to include being super healthy and super, you know, because that's the way it's a way for you to be the greatest mom. So I've done, and I thought for

Being the greatest mom is to know as much as possible in raising children, you know, positively and make sure, you know, your children are happy, healthy and striving in life. So I went to books a lot. So I self -taught myself a lot. So having a brother or sister, whatever, I've read about it and how you can introduce that and how you can, you know, make sure that, you know,

you get the first one is not really, doesn't become too jealous, but there's a bit that you can't avoid, okay? The first one was the first one, okay? Just my baby and us, and suddenly there's someone else. So it will be tough for anyone on this planet to kind of feel that you are replaced. so I did my best. I did my best with what I learned to work that out.

Chelsea (31:31)
Right.

Hahaha

Mm -hmm.

Tessia (31:49)
In terms of how it was, I decided to hire someone but not to have for me to have me time or breaks, whatever, is because I was doing so much with the first one and I didn't want him to lose on this. So while I was still doing, let's say, swimming lesson with him, I needed someone to care for the baby. I can't just go into the pool with the baby and the toddler.

Chelsea (32:12)
Mm -hmm.

Tessia (32:17)
But it became too tough regarding for myself, caring for myself, having time for myself. And that's when everything started to trigger in a sense that this little voice was always constant here. This is not the right way. This is not the right way. I'd have been, it's too tough. It's too tough. There's no time for you.

Chelsea (32:22)
Yes.

Tessia (32:43)
before you said tell me who you were before. Okay, I was working before becoming a mother but I was going to the gym. I was going out, you know, with my friends and all of a sudden I don't do these kind of things anymore. those kind of things are still, you know, part of who I am. Why? Because I still want them. Some mothers, they just don't want them anymore.

Chelsea (32:54)
Mm -hmm.

Tessia (33:08)
and that's fine, know, they are in harmony with what's happening and they don't really miss that. I did. I did miss, you know, going to classes, gym classes. I missed going out with my friends. So I was like, it's only the babies, nonstop, 24 -7, from Monday to Sunday. And I was like, oh my God, no, I can't, I need...

It's not working, it's not working, it's not this way, it's not this way. So this, that was the voice telling me. And it was progressive, it's not sudden, it's progressively I'm just realizing that I want me back.

Chelsea (33:54)
Mm -hmm.

Tessia (33:55)
And step by step I'm starting to take actions to make sure that I can start to go out a little bit to see my friends, but with no kids because when you become a mother, you do a lot of play dates with the new moms that you meet and it's beautiful. But when you are doing the play date, it's not really you and your friend.

You're still watching the kids and they're interrupting your conversations every two seconds. it's just, you can't have a conversation, come on. It's just, no, it doesn't work this way. So you are not really there for your friend. It's something that you enjoy as well, but it's for them again. It's time for them and it's okay, but it's not okay when you start feeling that...

Chelsea (34:29)
No.

Tessia (34:47)
there's nothing left for you because what kind of mother you're gonna be you start to be frustrated you start to have negative thoughts I don't like I don't enjoy that much all sorts you know and I didn't want to go to you know I didn't want to go that road even if I did a little bit because I want to to be happy while having my babies so and for me

Happiness is making sure obviously they're alright and they're happy, but making sure I'm happy as well, that I can enjoy the things that I used to or the new things that I would love to enjoy. And so that's why I later on decided to write a book because self -care is so important and I'm certain that no one can...

can say that we are two different people when we are absolutely exhausted and where we are full of energy. get me wrong, you don't come into the space the same. I'm shouting more if I'm exhausted. I don't want to be really involved in anything because I just don't have the energy. And when you do have it,

Chelsea (35:56)
Mm

Tessia (36:10)
you just, you know, the children can sense it because you're you know, happy there in the present there's no negative vibrations, you know, going through you. So the whole atmosphere and experience is really nice. But when, you know, you're constantly exhausted or frustrated,

tired, whatever. What is going through you? It's not positive vibration. It's not. So if it's negative ones, then obviously you express them, people can sense them, the whole atmosphere, it's more tense, it's different. And that's reality. So if you want to show up as your best version,

for your children, all the time or as much as possible, you have to care for yourself. You have to do the things that needs to be done for you to be in that state of being. And it's done to us. It's our responsibility. And I noticed that I was going to work, so I was kind of dressing up. I was going out, so you know.

I was putting my elegant clothes at the time, clothes, and I was like that. Suddenly it's only sneakers, you don't wear heels anymore. can't chase after toddlers all the time with high heels, who can do that? So it's okay, it's okay, it's part of the journey, right? But it's down to you to create moments.

Chelsea (37:41)
I live in my sneakers. Yeah.

Tessia (37:58)
occasions to be able to wear those things again, to express who you are again. And if you don't do it, nothing is not going to drop from the sky. It's up to you. It's really up to you. And if it's something that you want, I know that some mothers, not, know, sometimes they don't relate to that. That's absolutely fine. But when you do relate to that, you used to go out, you used to be, you know, elegant. You still are. You just stopped.

Chelsea (38:09)
No.

Tessia (38:28)
expressing it the way you used to. Find ways to still express it or moments, you know. And it's a way for you to connect back to who you are, to your core self. And it just makes you feel much better.

Chelsea (38:36)
Yeah.

I'm going to piggyback off of that. whereas like where your experiences you loved dressing up and going out and doing those things, you listeners may be like me and I'm much more of an introvert and a homebody. You can still lose yourself in parenthood. Even if those are your things. like, I, when people tell you like self care, do things for you, do things for you. A lot of moms are like, well, I have no time. I have no time to do that. I have no time to do that.

I understand that and I can feel that.

I will tell you that I have to be incredibly intentional with how I use my time when my kids go to bed. So I'm an introvert. So whereas maybe I'm not getting the babysitter and putting heels on and going out, but I am every night making time to make a cup of tea. Every night I have a cup of tea and biscuits from London, by the way, because I'm a tea snob. I get my tea from London.

Tessia (39:44)
This is my favorite one.

Chelsea (39:44)
I am a total tea snob. So I get my tea, I get my biscuits, and I sip and I either watch a movie or I watch a show and then I go to bed and that's my form of self -care.

No matter what self -care looks like for you, whether it's going out and meeting up with your friends and that fills your cup, or it's having tea and watching a true crime documentary, make the time and find the time to fill your cup.

Tessia (40:17)
Exactly.

Chelsea (40:17)
This has led beautifully to two things that I want to talk to you about. Because you talked about not knowing what the resources were and not even knowing that there were resources available. You have since written a book, which you've mentioned a couple of times, while having two kiddos, which is a feat in and of itself, getting a book written. I am in the process and it's really hard.

And you also are the founder of... I'm going to break out my French Canadian here and hope that I say this correctly, but... Les Petits Belots? Is that how you say it? Yeah? Yes!

Tessia (40:56)
Yes. Yes. You can see below. Yes.

Chelsea (40:59)
Le petit bello of my French Canadian grandmother would be proud that I said it correctly. Tell me, tell me about, tell me about both of those things and what that has brought to you in your journey and what you're bringing to others.

Tessia (41:05)
Yes.

So you remember when I said that I felt that I needed time for myself. And at the time, the sort of time I needed, it was just not being with my babies, just to be with me and just read a book or just going to shop without them. Just like...

Chelsea (41:36)
Mm -hmm. Yeah!

Tessia (41:38)
So I started to look for a childcare service. I thought that when my first one was one, I just thought it would be nice if he could spend two hours in a setting while I can take that two hours to do something nice for myself. And in France, it's quite common to have settings for children whose parents are

stay at home parents. you just go to those kind of crashes and you book slots, maybe one in the morning and one in the afternoon, whatever suits you, and you get your time for yourself. So I just thought it existed here. So I started to look up and I was like, there's nothing.

It's childcare only for children, for working parents. And I was like, what? Why? So in France, I think I'm proud of this, that we care, obviously we support working parents, but we support as well staying home parents in the sense that for your wellbeing, you need a break from caring for your children.

Chelsea (42:37)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Tessia (42:58)
whatever it is, a family member, a child care setting, whatever it is, you need breaks. And I call my mom and I there's nothing, I can't find anything. And she says, that's okay, just create one. Okay, thank you, mom. That's a very nice answer. But by the time I create one, where is my time for myself?

Chelsea (43:15)
You

Yeah!

Tessia (43:27)
I think I just, I found it too hard to not have that. And you can hire someone, you can hire a nanny, but it's not the same when the child has the opportunity to be with his peers and learn in a different context. He can obviously learn independence because he's not with his usual carers. It's a different...

dynamic and I wanted my children to experience that because I experienced that. My mom, she had to work so we went to nursery and she was able to go to work memory of anything wrong. I remember my time was nice and because I had to work

I went to the States for a year and I was an au pair and to get that place I had to work in a nursery in France. So I just went there for a two months internship. It was just observation and I was like seeing all those babies and toddlers dropping by their parents happy like non -stop all through the day and I was like, my God, they're happy without their parents.

Chelsea (44:49)
Yeah.

Tessia (44:49)
You know, they're with their parents and they're happy without them. So I knew this. I knew there was nothing wrong doing this or there's no guilt for me. It was where I was coming from and I've noticed that with my own eyes that everything is all right. So I decided to have a go and I created my little crash.

called Les Petits Belots and I thought it was very nice to introduce children to another language as well because I speak French, so why not? So it has been going well for years, but with COVID things change little, obviously, because it's not a necessity. If there is a virus out there or time are kind of uncertain, you keep your baby home.

It's not like you have to go to work and you have to give the baby to be cared for. So it has been difficult at the end. So at the moment, I'm not running anymore. Maybe it's something that we'll try again or not. But I did that for years, for at least seven years. And I

It was amazing seeing all those parents, most of the time mothers, saying how grateful they are to be able to have those couple of hours for themselves because we were taking the babies very early, so at six months. So they were just grateful. And when, you know, this guilt was sometimes there, because sometimes it's the way we've been conditioned and programmed to feel that it's not right.

to let someone else care for your baby. When they were coming in and seeing all the babies and toddlers as I saw it when I was working in that nursery happy, engaged, wanted to be there and in a safe environment, there's no guilt because the baby is literally having fun. So why would you be guilty of anything?

Chelsea (47:06)
Yeah, yeah. I love that you did that. I love that you created that. And I especially wanted to bring it up because there are definitely some cultural differences in the UK and abroad.

It is sort of not as big a deal. Like you can stay home and you can take care of your kids. Here in the States, we have a childcare crisis. It's too expensive and there's not enough. And we don't sort of have that option to just stay home. A lot of working families are giving up.

they're, they're taking unpaid time or they're losing their jobs or it's, it's crazy. So it's crazy. But what

Tessia (47:47)
Okay.

Chelsea (47:53)
you're describing on top of our need for childcare in general is just such a beautiful thing to give to any mother or parent, whether you are working, whether you're working from home, whether you are a stay at home parent, you're giving them the gift of time for themselves. And I hope that that's something, because you seem so passionate about it, I hope that it's something that can come back around. And I

I'd love to see something like that here in the States. First, we need to tackle childcare in general, getting a handle on that. And then maybe that sort of drop in.

drop in, drop out sort of program, that would be a lifesaver, especially for parents who are going through any sort of mental health challenge or physical health challenge or just challenges finding yourself again. Yeah.

Tessia (48:43)
Holy God.

Yeah.

Yes. No, was very... All parents, all through those years, were just so grateful and happy. And obviously the children as well. I'm still in touch with so many parents as well. It speaks for itself. It's something that is needed. It is.

Chelsea (49:13)
Yeah, I wanted to absolutely make sure that we touched on it, because when I read about you and I read about that, I was like, my goodness. That is just incredible. Incredible is kind of my word. I have to choose a new word.

Tessia (49:27)
I love this word. I love this one. And it's while I was obviously running Les Petits Belots that I completely felt called to share my story, my own story, my own journey, to just, you know, make sure that conversation can, you know.

be there, that mother can be at the center of the conversation. It's often the children, and I think it's important as well, obviously, because I've learned so much through those parenting books to raise my own children. But what about us? Nobody really is talking about us, even when you give birth. They're coming in and they're teaching you how to take care of the baby.

What about you? I would have loved to have this question. you just had a baby. So how do you want this motherhood journey to be for you?

Chelsea (50:30)
Ugh...

Tessia (50:31)
Really? Like, what do you mean? Like, I don't know. Do you want to take care of the baby Monday to Sunday nonstop? Do you want to go back to your activities? Do you want to do something? What does matter for you? I never had those kind of thoughts at all until the little voice came in and said, yeah, do something.

Chelsea (50:57)
You

Tessia (50:58)
Those thoughts never came. It's very strange because going to the gym or to classes, it's something that is part of me. I'm a dancer since I'm six years old. So why on earth I never thought about that? Because you're supposed to be there for the baby.

Chelsea (51:19)
It's a societal expectation. It's not, it is a societal, and again, something you said earlier, do like, like put it, well, I don't want to put my baby with like other people and yadda, yadda, like.

We weren't meant to do this alone. We were never meant to do this alone. Raising children and raising little humans was meant to be done as a community. And what a gift it is to be able to do that with other families. So yeah, like everything you're saying.

Tessia (51:46)
Thanks.

Chelsea (51:56)
is hitting me. It's resonating with me. And I love, I love your mission and I love your message. And I want to be mindful of your time. And I feel like this is a great opportunity to sort of lead into, I have like two wrap up questions that I usually don't decide on until I've finished a session. And I think I've decided on yours. I

Tessia (52:04)
Thank you.

Chelsea (52:22)
And it's actually a hybrid. You get a hybrid question.

You've, and you've sort of answered this, so I just kind of see, I just kind of want to see how it'll come out. What do you think is the number one thing that needs to change about how we

motherhood and the journey into motherhood as an entire world culture because everybody does it a little different. But what do you think is the most important thing that we need to focus on in the birth of a mother?

Tessia (52:59)
Children, they're learning through observation and repetition. That's the process. Even us, if we want to learn a language today, it's going through repetition. We have to repeat and repeat. Whatever we are learning, it's part of the process. If a mother...

Chelsea (53:01)
I know it. Big question.

Tessia (53:26)
is caring for herself and you know taking time for herself she's happy she's you know her best self they will learn from that so what needs to be changed it's the narrative around mothers motherhood it has to be centered on the mother

Parents, can obviously include the father, but in my case, I'm a single mother. So that's why it's always, you know, around mothers and it was my experience. But it's the narrative has to change. know, consciousness has to shift and these can happen only through what we are doing.

Chelsea (53:55)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Tessia (54:12)
It's that will make the change happen. And mothers will understand that they are the main key for their children happiness. And it's not the books, it's not the learning, it's you, it's your state of beingness. That is the key.

Chelsea (54:33)
Mm -hmm. And it's not a, and I don't get this impression from you at all, it's not a fake it till you make it. Don't force the smile. Don't force the joy. True joy, true peace, true self -care, modeling that for your kids. And then we're gonna raise a generation of kids who are gonna take care of their own mental health and make sure that they're doing okay. Yeah.

Tessia (54:57)
Completely. That's their learning process. It's through observation. They see you happy, doing things that you like doing, taking time for yourself, seeing your friends if that's something that you want. They will do the same.

Chelsea (55:01)
Yeah.

Yeah, that's beautiful. I love it. I love that so much. Well, I am going to bring us full circle and I am going to direct listeners to check out the show notes so that you can find Tessia's book, Rejuvenated Mums Make Happy Kids.

And if you want to learn a little bit more of Le Petit Pelo and what Tessia had created and maybe US moms, somebody take this up. And if I had the time and the energy, but somebody please look into this. Please do. And Tessia, I just want to thank you so, so much for sharing your story and sharing some of your joy. I felt your joy through this. So I really appreciate that.

Tessia (56:04)
Amazing. Thank you so much, Chelsea. I really appreciate the space. It's something important and what you do, it's amazing because we need people like you to spread messages and it's just a tough journey and if we're all in supporting each other, it's going to be a better journey for all. So thank you.

Chelsea (56:29)
Yeah,