Claude R. - Sitting in the Scary

*This episode discusses topics surrounding suicidal ideation and intrusive thoughts. Please be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

In this episode, Claude shares her journey through postpartum depression, the lack of awareness and understanding of postpartum mental health, and the importance of sharing her story. She emphasizes the help she got from her partner and family, and the actions she took to take care of her mental and physical well-being. Her journey is one that looks a little different from most of my previous guests, and I’m grateful for Claude’s ability to be transparent. 

Takeaways:

• Postpartum mental health struggles are common and should not be stigmatized or dismissed.
• Support from partners and family members is crucial in navigating postpartum mental health challenges.
• Seeking professional help and addressing physical health issues can contribute to mental well-being.
• Self-care and prioritizing one's own needs as a mother are essential for overall well-being.
• Sharing personal experiences and stories can empower and inspire others. Transparency and honesty can help reduce the stigma around mental health.
• Normalizing mental health is crucial for women to feel safe and ask for help.
• Creating safe spaces is essential for individuals to feel acknowledged and supported.
• Empowering women and birthing people through their journey is a vital mission.
• Transforming pain and struggles can lead to personal growth and evolution.
• Growth often happens in the hardest and most painful places.
• Every day, individuals have the choice to move forward and make empowering choices.

To learn more about Claude, follow these links:

• Website
• Instagram
• Facebook

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

Transcript

Chelsea (00:02)
Today I'm here with Claude. Claude, how are you?

Claude (00:06)
Good, hi everybody, hi Chelsea.

Chelsea (00:08)
Hello, I'm so glad that you could join us. This has kind of been a long time coming, but I gotcha and I'm excited. I'm excited to chat with you.

Claude (00:18)
Same, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me.

Chelsea (00:22)
we'll roll right into it and I'll start. I have a long list of notes on my end of everything about you, but rather than me just read from that list, I'd love it if you could sort of introduce yourself, tell us about who you are today, and bring us back to who you were before you became a mom.

Claude (00:42)
Okay, so my name is Claude. I'm originally from Montreal, Canada. I'm French Canadian. I'm 42. I moved to the States when I was eight years old dancing. My mom put me in dance class to learn English more quickly, which was a great idea.

you know, make more friends. And she put me in like a lot of other things before that, like gymnastics, ice skating, and I didn't like any of those things, but dance really stuck with me. So when I was 20, after two years of college in Arkansas, don't ask me how I ended up there, we ended up in Arkansas when I was in seventh grade, and my dad was like, I really want you to go to school.

And I didn't want to go, but I went to college for two years and then I had to get out of there. I moved to Los Angeles and pursued a professional dancing career and I did that for 18 then 2020 came along and I always call it like the year that almost killed me. And it's not just because of COVID, although let's be honest, that wasn't a really good time for anyone. But in January of 2020, I had my son.

Chelsea (01:45)
No.

Claude (01:49)
I was 38 when I gave birth. I had a home birth. I chose to, you know, give birth at home in the most natural way possible and make this the most calm experience for him and also And three days later, I, it was the first time I was leaving home and my mom was like, I take Nova, that's my son, go eat dinner outside of this house with Noah, my husband.

And I remember we like sit down at the restaurant and I just get this overwhelming, like, fearful feeling. Like my heart started palp - like going crazy. I started worrying and I was crying and I looked at my husband and I was like, please tell me everything's gonna be okay. And from that day forth, it was like a constant battle of

just really mourning my old life and wanting my space and freedom and time back. My time with my husband. And it got so bad that really, I was suicidal for almost a year because I just couldn't confront this new life of having this baby, these responsibilities. It was nothing like what I thought it was gonna And so then,

Chelsea (02:43)
Mm -hmm.

Claude (03:04)
COVID hits like March 13th, I think it was. So he was about nine weeks old. And at first I was happy. I was like, oh, now we're all trapped inside. Now everyone can't go anywhere like me. You know, everyone's at home. Now I'm not home alone. Like I want to be out with my friends and working and on a motorcycle ride. Like no one can go anywhere. And then that got old really fast. And so the entire entertainment industry was shut down. Like we couldn't, there was no like sets.

Chelsea (03:14)
Yeah.

Claude (03:34)
There was no rehearsals, no shows, no tours, nothing. And I just remember Chelsea being like, I need something to do. Like I'm trapped. Not only am I trapped like in the house because of COVID, like I'm trapped in here and there's nowhere I can go. And then I have to take care of this baby and try to be present. I'm like, I need something to do. And eventually something fell.

Chelsea (03:37)
Yeah.

Claude (03:59)
Magically into my lap direct sales and I was like, okay I can put my makeup on every day and sell makeup and skincare and it woke me up out of this Trance that I was in and it gave me purpose to show up for like women online and I shared my postpartum story on my Instagram and So many women resonated. I was like blown away at the response

Chelsea (04:21)
Yeah.

Yeah, I was gonna ask you, you'd like so seamlessly jumped right into your birth and postpartum journey. I was gonna ask, did you know anyone at that point who had gone through any sort of postpartum mental health disorder?

Claude (04:38)
ooh, I got chills when you said that. I never experienced depression or anxiety in my whole life. I was a very happy, very joyful, positive, driven person. I enjoyed life. I had fun living life. And then nobody had ever talked to me about the possibility of postpartum depression. I didn't really know a lot about it. Most of my friends who had babies already made it look like it was a good old time.

Chelsea (04:52)
Mm -hmm.

Claude (05:06)
And my mom was like, it was easy for me raising you and your brother. You know, it was easy. And I was like, can anybody like...

Chelsea (05:12)
Ugh... Ugh...

That had to feel so isolating. Like you're already feeling so isolated, but like to hear like, that was easy. actually kind of perfect timing for you to say that. Our whole theme in the support group this week is like things that you didn't need to hear. And one of them is like,

Claude (05:23)
Yeah.

Chelsea (05:36)
Everybody does this. It's so easy. Why isn't it easy for you? And right? And how damaging is that to hear that when you're going through that?

Claude (05:47)
Yeah, because what can you really do? Like, this is my honest reality right now. Like, this is what is happening. Whether you think I should be going through it or not, it's happening. And, you know, I had another friend of mine be like, oh no, I had three kids, I felt like a queen. And I was like, oh my God, like, I just want like one ounce of that

Chelsea (06:00)
Yeah.

Oh my gosh. What what sort of prompted you to take your story online? Were you looking for others who were sort of going through the same thing? Or you just you just wanted to share or?

Claude (06:23)
Well, so when I started the direct sales company, a lot of the times they encourage you when you start your new business to go live and make this announcement, like a launch. Like, hey guys, I started my own little direct sales company, I'll be selling skincare and makeup, blah, blah, blah. And they encourage you to share your story. And I was like, the reason why I'm starting this is because I'm losing my mind.

I need something to do. I need a purpose. I want to help people somehow. And I feel like this is the way to do it. And the reason I feel this way is because I've been dealing with postpartum depression. And what's weird, I'm always that person, Chelsea, that doesn't really understand the rules of what I'm entering in. I don't understand, does that make sense? know, like, oh, postpartum know.

is like shaming, taboo, like we don't talk about that. I didn't know. I'm like, what do you mean we don't talk about that? This is what happened to I, you know, I got so many women messaging me like, I went through the same thing. I suffered in silence. I...

Chelsea (07:15)
Like, taboo. Yes. Mm -hmm.

Claude (07:32)
didn't know what to do, and this is very common with a lot of women, they don't know. Nobody can really be there for them, because nobody understands what's happening.

Chelsea (07:43)
Well, and I think it's not so much that nobody understands. It's exactly what you said. We're being told to not talk about it. We're being told, and there's this, there's this narrative being pushed.

especially through social media that that having a baby is just this beautiful, wonderful, magical experience. Yes, exactly. that was the perfect face. It was the yeah, yeah, okay face. There are so many of us that are not experiencing that beautiful, joyful, magical, just life. And

Claude (08:05)
Thanks for watching.

Chelsea (08:20)
One thing that I repeat in a lot of my episodes is the narrative that I had pushed on me is like, don't scare new moms. Don't talk about this because you don't want to scare new moms. And I'm like, but it's real and it is happening to the majority of us.

Claude (08:32)
Yeah.

Chelsea (08:40)
it's normal, and we should be able to talk about it. Yeah.

Claude (08:43)
Yeah, I mean there was a few women who were like, you know, imagine your son watching this when he gets older and it's like, oh here we go again, shutting up the woman to protect something else. Like having us just be the perfect cookie cutter wife and mom while we are literally dying inside at the expense of other people's feelings. Like I want my son to know that this is possible that his wife might go through it.

Chelsea (09:06)
Mm -hmm.

Claude (09:11)
And here's how you support her because my husband was amazing. I mean, he single handedly kept me alive. Like if it wasn't for him and if there are men listening, is important that they know that men know how to be there for their wives or partners or whatever. if you know, if they're going through that.

Chelsea (09:19)
Mmm.

That was going to be one of my next questions actually was, and I'm going to go backwards again in a little bit too, but when you were going through that, you had your partner's support. What did that look like? What did that support look like?

Claude (09:47)
That support looked like letting me be dark, letting me feel the feelings I was feeling, not trying to make like...

Chelsea (09:58)
Mm -hmm.

Claude (10:00)
Oh, it's gonna be okay. Oh, you're gonna be alright, you know, oh it can't be that bad or like, you know, it's probably just your hormones. Like you don't want to hear any of that when you are literally thinking about killing yourself. You just want somebody to just acknowledge your pain and he, it took a minute for me to actually like voice the depth of what I was feeling to him. But once I did, he was like, oh, okay,

He put his feelings aside. He put, however, I made him feel aside, which is huge. He took nothing I said or did personal because he understood that mentally I wasn't okay. So how can can I manage his feelings when I can't even manage my own? And when he understood just let me be.

Chelsea (10:36)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Claude (10:52)
he acknowledged, he took me out on walks. He didn't get upset with me when I was raging. There are moments where you just

Chelsea (11:01)
Yeah, well, and postpartum rage is its own thing. That's now becoming part of the conversation too, and that can go hand in hand with depression. Did you have anybody, like, did you have a bigger support network? Or was it mostly just you and your partner?

Claude (11:08)
Yeah.

It was mostly my partner and me and my husband and I. My mom was there for two weeks after Nova was then when COVID hit, we did go stay with my mom and dad in Arkansas. That's where they lived. for the most part, and my mom would say like, just know that it won't be like this forever. And my dad was like, take it moment by moment.

was hard to be how I was around them. I didn't want to make people around me feel the heaviness I was they were there for sure during that time for me. And my sister -in too, I want to give her a shout out. Like she helped immensely with watching Nova being there for us.

Chelsea (11:53)
you had the support of your parents.

I'm really glad one of our themes, again, is community and a village. They always say it takes a village to raise a baby. It takes a village to support a mom. So I'm really glad that you had that. curious what types of things, once you really realized that this was an issue, it was really impacting you and you were having those suicidal thoughts,

Claude (12:11)
Yes.

Thank you.

Chelsea (12:26)
What steps did you take or did you even know what resources there were available to you?

Claude (12:32)
So I'm going to be really candid here. I normally don't talk about this because there is such rap around it. But when I met my husband, he made it clear that he was he's been a Scientologist his whole life. And so when I met him, he introduced me. I went on my own volition. I liked what I read. I liked what it was doing for me. And so I continued to stay active in the church. So.

Chelsea (12:47)
Mm -hmm.

Claude (13:00)
of the things that I did was go to the church. Now COVID happened and we weren't allowed to go to the church anymore. But something really cool is a field auditor is what they're called. They're like part of the church. They don't work here though. They're like out in the field. I got on the phone with her and she goes, you know, you may want to take a look at what's happening with your body. And it, Chelsea, this might sound crazy.

It was never something that dawned on me that there could be something wrong with my body. I thought it was all mind stuff, like mental health. And that's when I was like, oh, maybe I should go get my blood work done to see if something is going on in my body. And that's what began, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's. Everything started to kind of make more sense where I had like.

Chelsea (13:35)
Mm -hmm.

Mmm.

Claude (13:52)
leaky gut, I had hormone imbalances and everything was connected. So once I started addressing like my body, my nutrition and like working out properly things started to help a lot, like a lot. if only I had known know a year and a half ago I had to go through all that suffering to get to this answer.

Chelsea (13:58)
Yeah.

Ha ha ha ha!

I know, I know. Well, and the flip side of it too is that even if you may have looked into it in the beginning, and like birthing people and just in general, like our symptoms are so often dismissed. So for you to get those diagnoses is huge.

Claude (14:37)
Nudge.

Chelsea (14:38)
you're not my first guest who has gone through a very, very similar situation. Like she looked into, she got her blood work done finally, and she was also diagnosed with but it took years for her to get a diagnosis like that. And it is, it's crazy. Number one, what having a baby will do to your body just in general and your hormones. for you, it was kind of twofold. You kind of like,

Claude (15:00)
Mm -hmm.

Chelsea (15:04)
You decided you took a step outside of yourself and were like, I need to do something for me. And you got into the sales and that was really good for you. And then also looking into your body and how that was being connected to, to what was going on in your mind. And that started that shift for you. Yeah.

Claude (15:22)
Yeah, yeah, and I think what really helped me was starting my direct sales company. And then as I started to feel better, I need answers all the time. If there's a problem, I know I can fix it. It's just finding the right person to help me fix it in the right way. And I was just on a continuous to find something that's gonna help this

Chelsea (15:30)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Claude (15:50)
What? I did want to say, because I'm a functional nutritionist now, because of my an autoimmune disease, there's like three things that need to happen in the body for it to erupt. And this is why a lot of new moms are diagnosed with Hashimoto's because A, the gene has to be in your body, but it's only 1 % responsible. So the disease can live in your body for a very long time and it's never like woken up.

Chelsea (16:08)
Mm -hmm.

Claude (16:16)
because you also need to have something wrong with your gut, gut dysbiosis, leaky gut, some kind of gut imbalance. And then the third thing is a traumatic experience. And here's where the birth comes in at the age of 38. I was probably already dealing with gut issues, right? I already had the gene, but the birth is up the demon.

Chelsea (16:16)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, open the box. Yeah. to sort of tie it back to your, your initial birth experience, hate this question and I hate how I word it, but how was...

Claude (16:41)
Yeah.

Chelsea (16:54)
How was your experience in bonding with your son? Did you struggle with that at

Claude (16:59)
I didn't, you guys, this is gonna sound awful, but I always keep it raw and real. I didn't really see he was about a year, a year and a few months old. I look at pictures now, it's almost like I'm seeing a different human in him because I couldn't see him. I was so gone. I was so wrapped up in my

Chelsea (17:06)
Mm -hmm.

Claude (17:24)
trauma my own pain and sadness that like No, I how am I gonna bond from that place with him? Like

Chelsea (17:25)
Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah, which is why I hate that question. But I ask it anyway because I ask it anyway because there is so much shame that comes from that. And and you are not alone in that. I experienced that with my first daughter. It took.

Claude (17:37)
It's good! Yeah.

Chelsea (17:50)
hard, hard, hard work to bond with her because of my own suffering. But I ask the question so that listeners who are going through it understand it does not negate your love for your child and it is normal. It's normal.

Claude (18:05)
normal. Well, here's what I will say. It is common. It is common. I don't know if it's normal because...

Chelsea (18:12)
Yeah.

I know, the word normal sucks too.

Claude (18:18)
Well, and it's not, you never wanna make somebody feel like what they're going through is abnormal, but it's just like the thing of people now accepting, feeling bloated is normal. It's not normal, there's something is off. It's common, right? So like, I think I've come to the realization that it is very common, but that's because of everything else that like,

Chelsea (18:32)
Right, right.

Claude (18:47)
sparks that off that we actually do have control of, but we're not educated on, right? Such thing as like eating an anti -inflammatory diet while you're pregnant and after is going to save you from experiencing these depression and anxiety feelings. knowing that your body's hormones go up to 300 % more when you're pregnant.

Chelsea (18:51)
Mm -hmm.

Claude (19:11)
A lot of women don't know that. And then when you give birth, they come crashing down. And we're expected to just be like, look at me, I'm a mom and I love life and my baby and look, feet, now let me breastfeed you, which I've never done before.

Chelsea (19:11)
Yeah.

Claude (19:27)
It is, listen, maybe like back in the olden times all we had to do as women was maybe like bear children. Like that was our job back then, but life is different.

Chelsea (19:39)
Yeah, yeah. really glad I'm glad that you you made that distinction because I do use that word normal, even though I don't love it. But I think common is the word is what I mean when I say it. So I'm it's taken. It's taken like.

over 100 podcast interviews now, but like for someone to say common rather than normal. And so yeah, so if you're listening to this and you feel it and you're having trouble bonding with your baby, that's common. That's common. There's nothing. Yeah, it does not mean you are a bad mom. And it doesn't mean that you don't love your child. I think I compared it to when I had my first it was like,

Claude (20:13)
It is common. No.

No.

Chelsea (20:25)
I gained a roommate that I didn't sign up for. Like, I mean, I obviously signed up for it, but like, you get no info about this person, right? And they just start living in your house and you're cool, what do I do with you?

Claude (20:40)
It is jarring, jarring, like.

it's not that I want to scare moms because here's the beauty in all of that that I want to make sure I say today is my son turned me into the most epic version of myself that I have ever been without that growth and that discomfort and that suffering and struggling I went through I would never be here having had helped now over 700 women get healthy lose weight balance their hormones.

I wouldn't be here. I had to go through that to be the example, to be able to stand here and actually be of service to this planet. And like, it was just a major, like, I was so selfish before my son. My life was like, me, I'm a dancer. Like, I can travel wherever I want and it's all about me, me, me, hire me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

taught me how to be selfless, but shedding that, like letting go of that, was f**king painful.

Chelsea (21:44)
Yeah, it's a complete identity shift.

Claude (21:48)
Oh, and that's an understatement. That is yes, 100%.

Chelsea (21:51)
Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever, do you find that as he's gotten older, you've been able to sort of reclaim a little bit of that? Or do you even feel the need to?

Claude (22:05)
like my old self.

Chelsea (22:06)
Like focusing on you a little bit.

Claude (22:09)
Oh, yes, like this is one of the things that, you know, my brand, me as a coach, like I tell my clients, you have to put yourself first as a mom. You have to take care of yourself. I know what that shit looks like when you don't, and it is not good, and it will catch up to you, and you really can't be what your kids need you to be, what your partner needs you to be, if you're not.

Chelsea (22:23)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Claude (22:39)
filling your cup and doing things you enjoy and you're taking care of your body and nourishing it and working out like one of my biggest core values is take care of you first.

Chelsea (22:52)
know I love it. I ask all of my guests, for anyone listening, it's like, describe yourself and what your core values are. And I feel like that's such a huge question. But you were so clear in your response. And it was, it was, it was like, I am fearless, and I am a warrior, and I know that I need to put myself first. And I'm like,

girl, yes, like, I'm so glad that you're at a point in your life where you can recognize that you can be a good mom and a good spouse and a good person and still prioritize yourself. I'm still learning that.

Claude (23:28)
Absolutely, there's time for everything. I mean, it's like in our, I think it really is like in our makeup as women to like serve everybody else. Somehow I didn't get too much of that DNA. Like I said, I was really selfish, but now I see that like that selfless because.

Chelsea (23:41)
Yeah.

Claude (23:52)
When I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't there with Nova. I was there. But I was too busy thinking about how I was so uncomfortable in my body. How I felt sick, my joints hurt. I had gained 40 pounds and for me as a professional I...

Chelsea (23:55)
Yeah.

Claude (24:09)
I hated the body I was in. So like, here I am trying to like, have fun, play with Nova, but I'm like, I hate the way I look, I hate the way that I feel like crap, and oh my God, I have this disease, and like, I'm eating crap and I'm swollen and inflamed. Like, you cannot be present with your children if you don't feel good about you.

Chelsea (24:31)
And it's, I'm nodding and I'm saying yeah, and it's still a journey for me. So it's okay if it's still a journey for anyone listening, but it's...

Claude (24:38)
It's, yeah, everyone is at their own, they're at their own point in that journey, you know, it's, we're all, we all evolve at different times.

Chelsea (24:44)
Mm -hmm.

Well, and I think what was cool about when I was...

So we met through Podmatch, which I talk about Podmatch sometimes, but Podmatch has been really, really cool in getting me to meet other parents and caregivers. But when I was reading your profile, what really stuck out about you is that just where you are in your journey is so empowering. It made me feel empowered to see you, to see that you had gone through what you went through and you're at a point in your life now where you really are this badass and you've

and you know it, you know what I I think that's really important for a lot of our listeners to hear because you said it earlier, this isn't permanent. Like your mom was telling you, you're not gonna feel like this forever. And you can get to a point where you're the most confident you've ever been and you're the most like...

Claude (25:38)
Mm -hmm.

Chelsea (25:46)
productive you've ever been and feel the most fulfilled that you've ever been. And I think I was drawn to you because it seems like that's where you're at right now. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Claude (25:57)
I mean, I'm definitely, know, my journey is, I'm still growing, I'm still learning and, you know, I want to speak on that in the sense of like, that's something that is definitely earned, you know, that confidence, that true confidence and like, when you survive something like postpartum and you make something beautiful out of it and you decide to like, hey, I'm okay, enough of the victim mentality, I'm taking my life back.

Chelsea (26:11)
Mm.

Claude (26:25)
and you apply the discipline necessary to get there every day. Like you guys, I'm telling you, I cut out gluten, sugar, dairy, alcohol all in one fail swoop when I was told I couldn't eat those anymore. I didn't say like baby steps, I'm gonna gradually do it. I was like, if this is gonna heal me, I'm doing it right now 100%. I wake up every day at 5 .30 a .m. I've worked out every day for the last two plus years.

That's me putting myself first and that's me creating the woman that I admire, the woman that I am proud of every day. And that has landed me to a position where I can lead other women, where I was now able to create a seven figure business in a year and a half. And that's just because

devotion to me and creating the best version of me that God wants me to be so that I can like get out there and inspire other women to also do the same.

I've definitely come in the last three years. I've lost over 30 pounds. I reversed my Hashimoto's. I got rid of my implants that I had for 18 Built three different businesses. This one now, my online coaching business is like...

my passion. I love it, I'm obsessed with it. So anything is possible and I've been doing it three years. I've had my coaching business for a year and a half. But when you really just go all in, no excuses, honor you, it's you know.

Chelsea (27:51)
Yeah.

Amazing things can happen.

Claude (28:00)
Amazing and you know right now it's I'm still learning. I'm still growing. You know, I'm not done. I I just like really kind of Accepted God into my life in January like like last month at the beginning of last month I was like, oh, you know, like I really want to know more about God and I want to read the Bible and now it's opening this whole new level me which comes with growing pains, you know, so I

Chelsea (28:23)
Yeah.

Claude (28:26)
Those never stop. You don't get to a place and you're like, here I am, I've reached the top, I'm Buddha. you know what? If you can turn your struggles into, not actual gold, but turn your pain and your struggles into something positive, you've won, and I've been able to do that.

Chelsea (28:43)
Which is amazing. It's inspiring. something that I strive for, for sure. I'm still in the part of my journey where I can't quite accept the whole silver lining thing, but the more that I talk to other women and other parents that are at that point and have gotten to that point, it gives me hope. So I'm hoping that it's also giving my listeners some hope as

Claude (28:47)
Thank you.

Chelsea (29:09)
you had mentioned early on in our conversation how like you didn't really have a background in with mental health disorders. It wasn't on your radar or anything like Did you ever look into therapy of any kind or like, did you talk to your doctors about what was going on or did you kind of just push through this on your own path?

Claude (29:32)
I definitely push the riddle on my own path and I have no trust in our doctors. This is, again, my humble opinion. I don't push my agenda on anyone. This is just my beliefs. My doctors told me there was nothing I could do about my Hashimoto's. Nobody really, they don't know what the fuck to do with you when you have postpartum. They're like, is your baby doing okay? And you're like, my baby is thriving. That's what they're doing. They're surviving.

Chelsea (29:40)
Yup.

Yeah.

Claude (30:00)
The mom, you know, I even told my midwives, they were asking me like, how are you doing? I was like, I am not not enjoying this. I am sad. I'm anxious. I'm worried all the Not even about my baby. I'm worried about I'm worried I made a big mistake. I'm worried about what my future looks like. Like I'm just like, Claude, you need to grow up. You're not a dancer anymore. You're a mom.

Chelsea (30:14)
Yeah.

Oh my god, your midwife said that to you?

Claude (30:26)
My fucking midwives said that to me and I thought, okay, like nobody is really hearing me here. Like I'm gonna have to like tell them what I'm really imagining like 24 seven.

Chelsea (30:41)
Oh my god.

Claude (30:42)
So I knew I'd never wanted to like go to, I had a home birth, like I'm not a go to the doctor type of person. I'm not a medication type of person. Like if you know anything about Scientology, it's like we don't do medication for like mental stuff. So that's why I told you like I went that route and then they shut down. So really I was just pushing through. My husband would see me like having, he would see me like spacing out.

Chelsea (30:49)
Yeah, yeah.

Claude (31:11)
He'd be like, Claude, let's go, we're going on a walk. He would take my son for hours sometimes so that I could sleep. I wouldn't sleep because I was so anxious, but I made sure I was really honest with my husband about how I felt, and me through a lot of that, but that was how I pushed through.

Chelsea (31:12)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah. And that's important. It's important to say, to tell your truth. Like this is your platform to tell your story. and that's one of the reasons I asked the question. So for you, that journey was, it was you and your husband, you and your husband powered through. Yeah.

Claude (31:47)
That's it. We powered through. We powered through together. And you know, it took like, it took me having, and for any woman that is having these thoughts, like please don't feel bad about them, like don't make yourself wrong, and say it as quickly as possible. Like I waited six months to look at my husband and be like, because we were having an argument. And I literally looked at him and I was like, I don't feel sorry for you.

and how hard this is for you. Because at least you don't want to blow your brains out every day. Like, I don't want to be here. And he was like, oh, okay. And like, he felt the severity of where I was at.

and that from that day on he just spent his time taking care of me really selflessly and not really knowing when this was going to be over.

Chelsea (32:38)
Yeah. Yeah, because you don't know. You don't know. thankfully for you that support was, was helpful and beneficial because in a lot of cases,

It's not and it and that's why we're talking about it. Like and the fact that it took you six months to say those words to say those words to him. Like we want we want you to be able to tell someone the minute that those thoughts enter your head. We don't want you to live with those thoughts. No, nobody wants to live with those thoughts and you don't want them in there.

Claude (33:11)
No.

Chelsea (33:17)
And you don't know why they're in there and you don't understand why they're in there. And like you said, you like to understand everything. You need to find a reason for everything. Connection. I feel... Yes.

Claude (33:26)
Yeah, I want answers. Give me an answer. Anybody, can anybody? And nobody could, so it was really just left up to me. When I got the Hashimoto's Diagnosis, when somebody told me to take a look at my body, my hormones, my blood, go have somebody look. And when I saw that there was something wrong, it made me feel better, because I was like, okay, there's legit something in my

Chelsea (33:41)
Mm -hmm.

Claude (33:54)
some chaos. And now I just have to find the answers to help that.

Chelsea (34:00)
yeah, and then the rest fell into place, thankfully for you, and is still and is continuing to fall into place.

Claude (34:09)
Yeah, never like allow, never accept a diagnosis for a diagnosis. Like ask questions, you know? I had two doctors tell me that there's nothing I can do about Hashimoto's. It is genetic, it'll be there forever, there's nothing we can really do. And I was subclinical so they didn't want to put me on meds, thank God, because I wouldn't have taken meds. the very don't eat gluten.

Chelsea (34:16)
Mm.

right? Like, and they, I was just gonna say they didn't say that, they couldn't have still do that, right. I definitely, well, I can understand your mistrust of doctors. That's also common and it becomes more common

Claude (34:35)
that they couldn't just said that.

No.

Chelsea (34:53)
birth experiences and postpartum experiences like yours and like mine and like so many of my guests and listeners because we're dismissed. We're dismissed and we're not given the consideration that we deserve and we're not heard. So we're trying to be heard.

Claude (35:07)
Yeah, because it's like it's what you're supposed to do. You're a mom. Like you're supposed to the baby and feel a certain way. It's like, unfortunately, in our world and the things that are going on in society and the you know, our makeup nowadays, like it's just it's not like that. Like, no, it is. It is.

Chelsea (35:13)
Right.

Deal with it.

No, it's a different world. It's a completely different world. It is. And people like you and talking about it and being so frank about it and like no bullshit and just saying this is what we need. This is because it's common.

I keep saying it over and over again. But I feel like the more that the more transparent we can be and the more honest we can be, the less scary this is going to be. It's just going to become something that you're like, oh shit, I something's up. I got to say something. Yeah.

Claude (36:05)
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like, let's normalize it in a way to where women don't feel so ashamed, to where women know that they can ask for help, you know? Like, think about...

Chelsea (36:18)
in whatever way that looks like for you, your journey is going to look different than my journey. It's going to look different from Claude's journey. It's going to, but to take that step and say, I'm not okay. And now what am I going to do to be okay?

Claude (36:21)
right.

Right.

right, you know, and I think a lot of the times just being allowed to communicate like think about the whole movement now of accepting, you know, normalizing like people who want to change their genders and so and how important it is to not make them feel ashamed and not make them feel wrong for what they're doing and really just acknowledging that that is their truth.

Chelsea (36:59)
Mm -hmm. You don't know this about me. I'm non -binary. Like, thank you for bringing that up and for acknowledging that because, yes, it's... Again, it's just...

Claude (37:01)
Same thing with voice.

There you go.

It's a real thing that is really happening to you. So it needs to just be acknowledged. Doesn't mean you have to agree with it. Like it doesn't mean that I have to...

Chelsea (37:16)
Mm -hmm.

No!

Claude (37:24)
that I'm gonna go do the same thing or that I even agree with it, that doesn't fucking matter. What matters is that's what's happening in your world and it just needs to be acknowledged, it's nobody else's fucking business. But my point was like, there is a really big movement in making sure that people like you feel safe in this world. And for me, it's like, let's make it the same for women who are going through postpartum to fucking feel safe in this world to go through that mental health problem.

Chelsea (37:33)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Yes. Yes. Yes. That's our whole mission. Our whole mission is to make us make women and birthing people feel safe, even through the scary stuff. Even through the scary stuff.

Claude (37:55)
That's it.

That's right.

Exactly.

Chelsea (38:09)
First of all, this conversation has got me super jazzed. I love this. I say that every time I meet a new guest, a tiny little piece of me is healed in a different way. And well, for real, and in talking with you, like I'm feeling super empowered, which I haven't felt in a long time. So like, I wanna thank you for that, for imparting a little bit of that onto

And I usually wrap up with one of two questions. And I think the question I'm going to go with for you is if there were one thing that you wanted my listeners to take away from your story and your journey, and you've probably said it a million times throughout this episode, but just so that the point is driven home, what would you want them to take away from your story?

Claude (38:54)
Oh my goodness.

I think allow your pain and your struggles to make you into a wiser, stronger, more capable human being, not a less capable, more victimized, less powerful version of you. Really allow it to push you forward and like look at it as a gift. Like I look at my postpartum experience now as the biggest gift I could have received

and to transform your pain and your struggles and instead of feeling sorry for yourself that that happened to you, be like, I'm so grateful it happened for me. And then see how your life can transform from

Chelsea (39:33)
Mm.

I love that. And, and well, and that has been your journey and it's true. It's true to you. And so I love that. I love the authenticity and I love the, again, you're like serving others. You're, you're telling them you can do this. There are brighter days ahead. There are brighter days ahead.

Claude (39:38)
Thank you.

Yeah, and I think

Growth doesn't happen when you're happy and like chilling at the top of the mountain like look at me I'm I'm fucking good like you're not growing in that place.

Chelsea (40:04)
Yeah, that's true. It's absolutely true. And it sucks. It sucks. It sucks that we have to do that, that it happens. Not that we have to do that, but it fucking sucks that growth happens in the hardest and most painful places. But you're right. That is where it happens. You're not growing if you've got it all and you're on top of the world. So.

Claude (40:07)
Ah!

Thanks.

Yeah, you're... And there's always a next level. There's always you know, people who stay stagnant, well, they stay stagnant. And you really can't on this planet, like you can't stay stagnant for too long. You'll start to either decline or you'll go up. And you get to choose every day. Which direction am I going with your choices?

Chelsea (40:42)
Mm -hmm.

Well, it's a very empowering message. I really appreciate you taking the time to chat with me and sharing your story and sharing your energy. You've got me all jazzed up now to go make dinner.

I also want to make sure and I will tag everything in the show notes, but if my listeners want to find you and connect with you, where's the best place that they can find you?

Claude (41:15)
Best place is on Instagram, at glowupwithclaude, and I will be doing a 12 week hormone reset course very soon for any ladies who are experiencing any kind of irregular cycles, mood swings.

you know, can't sleep, weight loss resistance, any of those fun female symptoms. This is the perfect course for you where you'll learn about why that's happening and how to fix it and how to lose weight.

Chelsea (41:36)
Hahahaha

So find Claude on Instagram. I will tag all of her information in the show notes so that you can find her if you'd like to and yeah, just again, thank you so much. Thank you so much for joining me.

Claude (41:59)
Thank you, Chelsea, this was awesome.