Lindsey B - Blue Dot Ambassador

This week, Lindsey Basler shares her journey into motherhood, discussing her experiences with pregnancy, birth trauma, and postpartum mental health. She highlights the challenges of preeclampsia, the emotional impact of a C-section, and the struggles with breastfeeding. Lindsey also chats about her role in the Blue Dot Project and how art has played a significant part in her healing process.

To learn more about Lindsey:
Instagram
Courage Maker Studio
Website

Takeaways

• Lindsey's journey to motherhood was not a lifelong dream but a natural progression.
• Preeclampsia symptoms can be subtle and often overlooked.
• Birth trauma can be exacerbated by external factors like the pandemic.
• C-sections can be a source of fear and uncertainty for new mothers.
• The NICU experience can be emotionally challenging for parents.
• Breastfeeding is not always easy and can come with its own struggles.
• Postpartum mental health issues are common and should be openly discussed.
• Art can serve as a powerful tool for healing and self-expression.
• Community support is crucial for new parents navigating challenges.
• The Blue Dot Project provides a platform for connection and support among mothers.

Transcript

Chelsea (00:01)
Hello! Today I'm here with Lindsay. Lindsay, how are you?

Lindsey Basler (00:07)
Hi, I'm doing well today, how are you?

Chelsea (00:10)
I am... I'm doing. We'll just say I'm doing. Yes, yes. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for reaching out and thank you for trusting Quiet Connection with your story.

Lindsey Basler (00:15)
Well, that's all you could ask for most days.

Yeah, I was excited to see you. think I found you commenting on another Blue Dot post. So I was excited to see you had a podcast and wanted to connect.

Chelsea (00:39)
Yeah, can you remind me, are you also a Blue Dot ambassador?

Lindsey Basler (00:43)
Yes, yes I am. think we were both just on the little graduation celebration meeting this past Friday. So we both just were the first group.

Chelsea (00:47)
yes!

Yes, we were

Yeah, we are the very first graduating class of the Blue Dot Ambassador Program. And you're right, I have complete mom brain, but I do now remember seeing them like, I think I'm talking to her on Monday. So yeah, awesome. You can learn more about the Blue Dot. I'll link the Blue Dot in your show notes.

Lindsey Basler (01:09)
Yeah, yes.

Chelsea (01:19)
I'm gonna start out and just rather than have me list all of my little things that I've learned about you, I would love it if you could introduce yourself and let us know who you were before you were a mom.

Lindsey Basler (01:33)
Yeah, so my name is Lindsay Basler and I am from Missouri and before I was a mom, I was a teacher. So I've honestly always been in some sort of a caregiver role. I have always either had students or a niece that I've taken care of very closely. I have taught everything from, gosh, kindergarten library to my main subject area was high school business and marketing. I

I really enjoyed teaching high school. I love my own little toddler tot, but I liked talking to the next generation and kind of seeing where they were thinking and what they were moving towards. So I was actually in a high school setting when the pandemic happened and it was towards the second semester that my husband and I were expecting and

then you know the whole world changed and the schools schools closed and I was I guess three months pregnant I guess when we left schools and that's when I started the descent into the role of mother.

Chelsea (02:25)
Yeah.

Yeah, I'm giving you mad props right now because you could not pay me enough to go anywhere over than fifth grade. would, or no, sorry, fourth grade. I won't even touch fifth grade. So fourth grade, beyond that, it's all you. I was a special educator and in special education for 10 years and oh, no, it takes a special kind of person to work with those older kiddos. I cannot, as they say, I have no Riz.

Lindsey Basler (02:48)
Hahaha

Hahaha

Chelsea (03:09)
So that's the, I'm trying to learn all the new slang cause my oldest is about to be nine. But yeah, so props to you. But yeah, so you started letting us know about the beginning of your pregnancy journey. Before we dive into that, is being a mom something that was always on your agenda?

Lindsey Basler (03:33)
You know, it's kind of funny and I have a hard time with this question because I hold a lot of space for others where that is their, you know, a huge dream and a huge goal for them. And for me, it wasn't necessarily a big part, I guess, of my life plan. I think for me, it was more of a, it just is a part of the life plan. So,

I have a hard time with saying, yes, like I've always wanted to be a mom. I think for me, was just more, that's kind of what you do. And I think too, I've always been in sort of a caregiver role, whether it was helping out with family or being a teacher. So I think becoming a mom was just the next, I guess, sort of step.

Chelsea (04:21)
Right.

Lindsey Basler (04:22)
It definitely wasn't something that I had always dreamed of doing, but I definitely wanted to have children of my

Chelsea (04:31)
that makes perfect sense. It resonates with me. That's totally where I was never like, kids, I want all the kids. You just kind of come to a point in life when you're like, guess that's what we're doing now. So,

Lindsey Basler (04:34)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yes, yeah. -hmm. I am really lucky also in that my husband and I, when we decided that's the route we were going to go, we had an easy time going that route. So I think that's where I hold a little bit of space for, it wasn't necessarily a dream, but I hold space for others who it is a dream and it's not coming as easily.

Chelsea (05:07)
So how about we take a walk down that path, down your journey, your pregnancy and birth journey? Tell me a little bit about that.

Lindsey Basler (05:17)
things actually started out really well even though we were entering the pandemic. So right around the spring of 2020 our schools had closed down towards the end of March and for me I was like well I was like I'm you know I was we were planning that I would at least stay home for a year after I had our daughter since I wasn't

super far into my teaching career. It wasn't gonna be a huge hit to stay home with her and take that break and then return later. I have yet to return. Things have taken a little bit of a different path for me. But feel bad saying it, but I was enjoying being home. The schools were closed and I was having a very easy pregnancy in the beginning. I was spending a lot of time with my family. We're trying to spend time outside.

And staying home was honestly really easy at that point. yeah, summer came and I was doing really well up until I would say around August when I started getting some symptoms of preeclampsia. And that's when things started to kind of take a turn towards being a little tougher. And then once it got to the birthing aspect, that's when things got really

Chelsea (06:36)
what were your sort of red flags that alerted you to preeclampsia?

Lindsey Basler (06:42)
So the biggest thing was my swelling. So I had a lot of swelling really overall. Definitely feet had been a thing for a while, but you know, that's a pretty common symptom, not necessarily a red flag of something greater. The next big sign that is more a concern towards preeclampsia is the facial swelling that I was experiencing. So looking back at pictures now, it is a lot clearer

Whoa, something was very wrong. And now if I see someone who may be going towards that route, I definitely notice it and I'm concerned for them. And if I'm close to them, you know, could have a conversation to say, hey, I think, you know, if you and your doctor haven't had this conversation, you may just ask them if this is something that could be a concern for you. But the facial swelling was the first concern and

My doctors had been checking my blood pressure pretty consistently. And that's probably the most common symptom that you hear about with others in preeclampsia is the blood pressure, but there are a lot more symptoms. I also experienced the rapid weight gain. I gained, gosh, probably close to 40 pounds within my pregnancy. And I'd say half of that was probably within the last month or so, which is kind of crazy to think

Chelsea (08:08)
wow.

Lindsey Basler (08:08)
when you really look at those numbers. other symptom that I experienced was some upper right -sided under the rib pain, which you know, you have a lot of aches and pains, but pretty consistently in that same area can be a symptom of preeclampsia as well. So outside of those, more on the medical side is checking your urine constantly for protein production. And that was finally what sealed the deal of

okay, you're definitely in the earlier stages of preeclampsia.

Chelsea (08:41)
I'm so glad that you talked about that because

Preeclampsia, I don't think, gets enough attention even though it is pretty prevalent. And some of the symptoms that you described are some that I haven't even heard of. And I've talked to a lot of moms and birthing people who have experienced preeclampsia. so I'm learning, which is great. And hopefully this will help listeners know what to look out for too.

Lindsey Basler (09:08)
Yeah, and I will say some of those at the time I didn't know were symptoms of preeclampsia and it wasn't until afterwards that I have looked more into it and just tried to understand what happened with me a little bit better that I realized, you know, connected all of those dots that and knew some of those lesser known symptoms. So I'm definitely happy to share them. And if even, you know, one person hears something small that they can look out for is is great.

Chelsea (09:38)
how did that impact your birth journey? Because I'm sure you had an idea of what you would have liked to have happened. But again, without telling your story for you, I, I don't, I assume it didn't go quite the way that you had planned.

Lindsey Basler (09:41)
you

Yeah, so I would say preeclampsia paired with the pandemic is probably what starts my birth trauma story. So I had a couple of times throughout the pregnancy where they were concerned with how high my blood pressure was before they had fully decided on a preeclampsia diagnosis, where I had had to stay for a day in the hospital and

It was a little scarier because I had to stay alone. Because of the pandemic, I couldn't bring my husband or a support person to those appointments. So those were definitely a little scary. And especially just being my first child and not knowing anything honestly about the labor delivery process or really pregnancy in general. So those were definitely a little scary. And then eventually,

Chelsea (10:25)
Mmm.

Lindsey Basler (10:51)
It led up to an appointment where I had come in after doing a 24 hour urine screen and they had found that the protein was increasing and I was staying for some fetal monitoring and my doctor had come in and he said, well, he's like, I think we're gonna schedule an induction. Let's wait and see. He's like, we did a little more lab work so maybe I'll have you come back next week. And I was like, okay, next week, cool, that's great.

I believe it was a Tuesday and then I continued the monitoring for a little bit longer and he came back in and said, well, I'm going to have you come back on Thursday. And I said, oh, okay. I am very lucky though that I was 37 weeks. So I was able to have a full term baby. So I am very thankful that I had a later term preeclampsia. So that is a positive. But we came in on a Thursday night for

Chelsea (11:32)
Mmm.

Lindsey Basler (11:50)
became a very lengthy labor induction process. So I texted my husband while I was there and I said, well, cancel your meetings for next week. You're having a baby on Thursday as I so naively thought that when I was going to come in on Thursday night that I'd probably have a baby by Friday morning. So definitely.

went home and was like, okay, like we didn't have bags packed or anything. And I was like, Googling videos, like, how do you push when you have a baby? Because we, with the pandemic, we didn't attend like any birthing classes, like they just didn't have any. And at this point, I thought I had a lot more time. So we really hadn't, hadn't looked into too much about that. So I'm like, okay.

it to the hospital and everything I started the process not being dilated at all. So it just, was a very long painstaking process as you know, most mothers know whether you're induced or not. Sometimes it's just a long process and

The worst part was probably that throughout the process, my doctor would say, well, things just really aren't progressing. We might send you home. And I'm like, come again? I like, I've been here for like 24 hours and you've been, you know, putting stuff in me and doing all kinds of stuff. Like, how could I possibly go home at this point? So it was kind of at the point between they were going to

Chelsea (13:16)
Mmm.

Lindsey Basler (13:35)
continuing the induction process with Pitocin and once they started that I, you know, couldn't go home but they were trying to decide if I would be sent home or not and I was like, I don't want to go home. I like, I just, I feel like I couldn't possibly go home. So they went ahead and we started the Pitocin process on later that Friday finally around Saturday afternoon,

Chelsea (13:48)
Yeah.

Lindsey Basler (14:00)
I felt like, okay, like I, I feel like I kind of feel that pushing sensation. Like, okay, like I'm ready. Like, let's do this. so I ended up pushing for about two and a half hours. and it just wasn't working. it just was not happening. I still don't really know why. Like they were saying things like, maybe she's just a really big baby. Turns out she was not.

little girl. So after about two and a half hours my doctor kind of called it and he was like I we're gonna have to go the c -section route like there like there's nothing else you can do right now. So we just stopped right there and they started prepping to go back to the OR and I was very terrified. didn't I mean I don't think I knew at least close to me anyone who had had a c -section.

And after this is when I really realized why, why have I not had any personal conversations with, you know, the women I know or people in my life that have had children about what their pregnancy or birth was like outside of, yeah, it's hard or, you know, it sucks. Like, it's just, you know, what you have to go through. But, you know, everything's fine. Like outside of those

pleasantries, like why have I never had a more extensive conversation with anyone I felt like? And if I had, it was probably just more in passing or maybe I was really just too young to really grasp or understand the gravity of the things that they were saying. So we ended up doing a C -section and my husband was there with me and

For the most part of it, I remember most of it. I did have a hard time during it. I was about to pass out during a lot of it. And I just really wanna praise my anesthesiologist. She was just incredible. She was right there. If I needed anything, she was there giving it to me. I was about to pass out. I was about to throw up. Like she was right there. And then the second that my husband stepped away,

With the baby, she was right there doing anything she could for me, putting a washcloth on my head. She was really incredible. So I was terrified of getting an epidural and having a C -section and I did both and she was just wonderful. So I really, really appreciate her. we made it through that and my little girl Piper, she

great, know, she was fine, everything wonderful. So then Andrew had the option to either stay with me or go down to the nursery with the baby. And of course, you know, I was like, no, go, go, like go with the baby. Like, you know, I don't want her to be by herself. then it's just kind of strange. You're just, you know, laying there like, okay, like, I guess I'm just like hanging out here now.

Chelsea (16:54)
Yeah.

Hahaha!

Lindsey Basler (17:06)
And it's just such like a, I don't know, outside of your self experience, not really knowing how much time has passed. So finally was able to get back to my room and they brought the baby in and what I remember and it helps remember, cause this is one thing I do have a video of is the first time I was holding her like.

just hardly being able to hold my eyes open, just cause like my face was still so swollen, my eyes were just so puffy. I hate to say this, but I really feel like I was either on too many medications or they had me try to feed her. And I do, it's hard because at the same time I have listened to other people's stories

it has really impacted their experience and trauma not being able to hold them immediately or vice versa. Whereas in my experience, I was able to hold her immediately and I remember it, but at the same time I was really out of it and I was trying to feed her and she stopped breathing and she turned like blue. So I

guilt and feeling like it was something that I did, even though many people have, you know, assured me, you know, I, you know, didn't do anything to cause that to happen. They think that maybe even though she was 37 weeks, maybe she was just still early enough that she just wasn't quite sure how to feed yet. So sort of what happened was

Andrew was sitting beside me and a nurse carried her in from the nursery and just kind of handed her to me. And then she's like, you can try and feed her. And of course I'm like, okay, so do what? Do I just, what do I do? So she kind of like helps position her a little bit and helps me my breasts a little bit

Chelsea (19:01)
Yeah!

Lindsey Basler (19:09)
fit it towards her mouth and then the nurse left. So then it's just me and my husband sitting there and I'm like, okay, so I'm just sort of holding her sort of out of it, like, okay. And then it wasn't even a couple of seconds later, I'm like, do you think she looks blue? I'm like, something's wrong. And my husband is like, what? And he's like looking at her and I was like, I think she's blue. I was like,

turning blue and my husband immediately like starts smacking the call button and goes to like open the door and the nurse was already coming back in and I had like the baby to my husband and then I remember the nurse grabbing her and I could hear her go like the, daughter suck in a breath of air. So then I, they took her immediately back to the nursery.

then I didn't hold her again for two days, I guess. So yeah, that was really

Chelsea (20:10)
my gosh.

Yeah.

Lindsey Basler (20:14)
So she was sent to the nursery there and in my sort of medicated post -op stupor, I was like, okay, well, I need to go to the nursery now. And they were like, can you climb into a wheelchair? And I was like, I guess, I don't know. So my husband's nurses helped me get into a wheelchair and we...

Chelsea (20:31)
Yeah.

Lindsey Basler (20:43)
went down there and just kind of sat there. And I just held her tiny little hand while she just laid there. And I mean, she seemed okay once she had got that breath of air again and things seemed fine. And she was a healthy birth weight everything. So the only thing is we were at a more rural hospital. So I grew up about an hour south of St. Louis and

We had just moved, gosh, probably

three or four weeks before we had her. We had just moved closer. Yeah, that's our thing. We moved the week that we got married and we moved a few weeks right before we had her. So our favorite thing to do is move right before big life events. So, you know, just to make it more stressful. We had moved closer to St. Louis for my husband's job around about a month before I had her. And we were still, we were continuing to go to the hospital in the more rural area.

Chelsea (21:14)
my gosh.

Lindsey Basler (21:39)
and they are a great hospital, they just don't have all the resources to like, there's not a NICU there or anything like that. So they had to call in a pediatrician to come in and take a look at her and then she went by ambulance for about an hour ride north to the biggest city close to us, which is St. Louis to the Children's Hospital NICU there.

So she was checked out and then they wheeled her to my room in her tiny little box. It was like, it's like a little box that the baby rides in in the ambulance. Looking back now, I'm like, okay, like it's not cute, but it's like, she was in like a little pizza box, like a little pizza warmer. And I'm like, she was safe and warm and you know, everything was fine and she made it there. So my first thought is immediately, okay, well how,

Chelsea (22:19)
No!

Lindsey Basler (22:33)
When do we go? Like, can I leave? And they're like, no, like you can't leave the hospital. Like you just had surgery like an hour ago. And I'm like, what? So I just couldn't like in all of the stress, like I couldn't comprehend why I was not allowed to leave the hospital. And my husband was

Chelsea (22:37)
Yeah

Lindsey Basler (22:58)
Do you want me to go? Do you want me to stay with you? I will do whatever you want me to do." And he was like, she is being taken care of. It's the best hospital around our state. She will be fine. I should stay with you. And of course I was like, no, don't stay with me. You have to go. You have to go. And our nurses there at the hospital were

well, you know, she's not going to be there for over an hour. They're like, it's going to take a little while for her to be out and even put in a room with the NICU. They're like, it's probably best now. You know, it's probably I don't know, only probably nine p at this point. They're like, why don't you get some sleep here and then maybe go in the morning? We're like, OK, like that makes sense. Like, let's do that. So my husband stayed there with me on Saturday night and then the next.

day on Sunday, he went up and to be with her there. And I will say he does not wish that that happened by any means, but he really praises the NICU nurses for, he says, teaching him all of his dad skills and being able to care for. He was like, I got a tiny leg up on you and getting to know all the things. He was like, obviously, as soon as you came home, you were like, well, yeah, I already know how to change a diaper.

He was like, it didn't take you long to catch up and surpass me, but he's like, I got a little lesson from some And I didn't know until later on how much that really impacted me that she was gone for those two days. And I was really trying to leave the hospital. I was trying very hard. They were going to let me leave on

the day after, about 24 hours after I had had the C -section, which in retrospect, I think was sort of negligent on their part in possibly letting me I mean, they were really recommending that I stay at least one more day. And I did end up doing that. I will say when I was able to call and check in with the NICU nurses, they were really recommending, they're like, you really need to stay. Like

Chelsea (24:59)
Yeah!

Lindsey Basler (25:18)
should stay so that you can come here and feel better and be able to, you make it here and feel good about coming in and, you know, not being so much pain yourself. And I was like, okay. So I did end up staying. And I will say after you've had a baby staying the night in the hospital by yourself is very bizarre. I just kind of remember, I know that I called my best friend, but honestly, I have no clue.

what we talked about, just thinking about that and remembering it just being so much, then being like, well, here's a breast pump, you need to be pumping so you can send some milk up there. And I like, I didn't even know how to use it. Like they just said, just put it on your boob and start pumping. So I had to like get it by myself, like beside me. So I'm

Chelsea (25:56)
Yeah.

Lindsey Basler (26:05)
I like to move, like, and I'm in so much pain and I'm like trying to pump and at certain points, like when I would fall asleep and then try to wake up a couple of hours later to do it, I was like, I'm not doing it, like, I'll do it when I wake up, like, I don't know. then it was also just very strange, like, calling my mom and being like, can you pick me up from the hospital? Like, I'm, you know, a kid, like, okay, please come pick me up now.

Chelsea (26:26)
Yeah, my gosh.

Lindsey Basler (26:32)
So yeah, and at the time it definitely was just all, you know, more adrenaline and just stress. So I didn't really think about it a lot, but then leaving the hospital without your baby was like, thinking back to it is really emotional. And then I think too about the people that have to leave to never, you know, reunite with their baby is such a harder thing to think about and I hold space for them also.

If that's you and you're listening to this, sending lots of love, lots of love to you, because you know how hard that is. So we, my mom picked me up and we drove about an hour north to get to the NICU. And I was so adamant about getting up there. There were probably three or four people at the hospital that could tell that I was in pain trying to walk through the hospital. And they were like, do you want a wheelchair? Do you want a wheelchair? And I was like, no.

I don't want a wheelchair. Like I walked out of the hospital with no wheelchair. Like I'm going like I'm just going and then getting up there. And I will say the NICU there was great. They took such great care of her. I am so proud. I have a cousin that's about to graduate nursing school and she's going to work there in that same NICU. So that's special and sweet. But she was

Chelsea (27:29)
Mmm.

That's really cool.

Lindsey Basler (27:54)
there for about five days. So, I mean, they say one day, you know, in the NICU is too many, but I am thankful that we were only there for a few days and they just sort of think it was some sort of a there is a special medical term for it. I don't know. I don't remember what that is, but just kind of an anomaly of not being able to breathe and feed at the same time. So.

Chelsea (28:19)
Mm.

Lindsey Basler (28:20)
We were able to come home. We could either stay at the NICU and fully establish breastfeeding. We're kind of having a hard time or we could agree to supplement with formula and breastfeed and go home. And we just wanted to go home as soon as we possibly could. we were like, we're more than happy to give some formula and continue working on breastfeeding. Like we just want to go home. So we went home and

tried to heal and come back together. And I will say breastfeeding for some reason, wasn't ever something that I thought about like, yes, like I just want to do this so badly. But I don't know if it was just another one of those things that we hear is supposed to come, you know, so naturally like, you know, it's just feeding your baby. It's no big deal. And then it was just, it was very hard. And we only did it for 18 days, although

When I counted the days, would go, feels like I've been doing it for 18 years. Like, it feels far longer than that. I was like, 18 days? That's all we did? But we tried and tried and tried. And that was a really hard thing for me to let go of. And I guess just because it was supposed to be something easy, even though it's not. And everyone who does it knows that it's

That was another kind of a hard thing. And I was going back and I did get many more appointments rather than just the six week I was going back and checking in with my doctor quite often actually just because of the preeclampsia and making sure I didn't get postpartum preeclampsia. That is possible. It's also possible if you don't have preeclampsia during

pregnancy to still get postpartum preeclampsia. So you may, you know, just check your blood pressure every once in a while, even after you have your baby, even if it wasn't something that affected you during pregnancy, it's still possible, just something to think about. But I was going back in and checking in with him quite a bit just to make sure my blood pressure was staying down and check my C -section scar. And when I was there,

they would ask about feeding and stuff. And I ended up seeing one of their counselors and was able to let go and decide that just formula feeding would be better for everyone. So letting go of that was another hard step after we had come home. But I thought that after I let go of that, things were just gonna be so great and so easy. And now we're home, we have our baby, and everything is wonderful.

And lots and lots of things were wonderful, but there were still many many struggles ahead of us.

Chelsea (31:11)
That is so much to absorb.

Especially, so yes, you went in and you found out like, okay, my birth plan's gonna be a little altered. It's not gonna be exactly what I thought it was gonna be. But then to like have it be even further and even further and even further from what you thought it was going to be, that's so much to absorb.

And I'm assuming since you said she pretty much went to the NICU and the other hospital pretty soon afterward when you say you held her again two days later, that was at the children's hospital? Yeah. What was that like for you? What was that moment like?

Lindsey Basler (31:47)
Mm -hmm.

Yes, -huh, yes,

it was definitely at the time, I feel like it was more just adrenaline based and like, okay, like I'm finally here, like I'm here. and was also extremely uncomfortable. So it was those things also being like, finally, like you know, everything's fine now.

everything's gonna be great. So it was a big mixture of adrenaline and being uncomfortable, but also reunited, special. I see it as more special, more of a precious moment now in retrospect, being able to look back at it and not having as much of that adrenaline and physical pain kind of clouding some of that moment. So it's a lot more special

retrospect.

Chelsea (32:50)
So yeah, and that's something that's really important for parents, new parents, birthing people, moms, to keep in mind is like, it's okay if like in those moments you are being fueled by adrenaline, and it's okay if you get caught off guard down the road.

and you realize, wow, that moment actually hits me really differently. That's super common and it doesn't take away from the moment that you had. It just means you have to feel those feelings. You have to feel those feelings and you have to process that. And you're not alone.

Lindsey Basler (33:14)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah, I will say I had a really hard time, especially early on, looking back at like the pictures that I had and thinking like, I don't have any of those golden hour pictures. I don't have any of those like skin to skin like hour after birth photos. And then seeing photos on social media of even strangers or people I know.

and seeing these beautiful photos of them and their new babies like I'm so happy for them, but then it's okay to grieve the fact that you didn't have that those exact little moments. Because then you know in reality things weren't like that, but you have other little moments later on even if it takes you a little while. Because I guess Piper will be four in September so we're coming up on four years later

I, you know, might feel a little sad, you know, here and there, especially around, around September, but I I have other photos, we have other memories, and feeling as sad about that, that I did back then, it won't last forever. we'll make it past those.

Chelsea (34:39)
You will make it. You will make it through. You mentioned before we were doing this recording that you are a PMAD survivor. and I kind of. I want to talk about that a little bit. we are just coming off of birth trauma awareness week.

And just because you've gone through birth trauma doesn't necessarily mean that you will have mood and anxiety disorder, but you are definitely more susceptible if you've gone through a traumatic birth So can you sort of walk us through like when you finally got home and you're finally trying to develop a routine.

Lindsey Basler (35:07)
Yes.

Eh.

Chelsea (35:18)
how did PMADS sort of creep into your life?

Lindsey Basler (35:22)
Yeah, so it was definitely something that I was, I guess, vaguely aware of, but it was definitely a, I heard she had, you know, really bad, like, postpartum depression, like, you know, that's not gonna happen, like, and you just, until you experience it or even have someone close to you experience it, it was just so, like, it definitely has, you know, that huge shame, stigmatism attached to it, and it just seemed

It just seemed like there was a reason, you know, that someone experienced those things and there is like, they, you know, must not be a very strong person or something like that. And that's, that is literally not the case. There is nothing you do as a person that will force you to have a maternal mental health disorder. And I really didn't realize it until so,

Chelsea (36:07)
Mm -hmm.

Lindsey Basler (36:23)
I had the baby blues and was just crying a ton. And at first it seemed pretty normal, what most new mothers experience, because I wasn't always sad, just happy little things. You know, we had a really great day today, or you know, she's a week old and I'm just bawling my eyes out for, you know, because I'm just, can't believe how much time has passed, you know, little stuff like that, that's, you know, fairly normal. But then it was when

really couldn't stop it and I just felt like small things not going right, something small like not being able to figure out what to have for dinner or feeling bad because we got takeout and I didn't cook anything. Feeling a little too sad about that and like being brought to tears by those little things and I was kind of like, okay, like.

you know, like there's still like a huge hormonal shift, like maybe maybe it's normal, like I don't know, I'm tired and but then it was when I realized that I was probably gosh crying like at least once an hour, like so many times a day and that was really my first clue and when I had had a doctor's appointment and I was filling out the

Survey, I can't remember exactly what it's called, like the Postpartum Depression Scale Survey. Yes, yes. And I, well, I didn't necessarily feel too far on the depression side, which is more what I had heard about. I did write on the bottom of the paper, because I didn't know what else to do. I wrote, can't stop crying. And

Chelsea (37:52)
it's the Edinburgh scale. Yes, I hate it.

Lindsey Basler (38:16)
I gave it to the receptionist and just burst into tears at her. So that's what I tell people. was like, if you can't do anything else, just burst into tears at the receptionist and she will know something is wrong and she will definitely mention it to your doctor. And she will say, this woman may need some help. So after that, I was able to talk to my nurse there and she was super great.

Chelsea (38:21)
Mm.

Lindsey Basler (38:43)
and definitely made me feel... sorry.

Chelsea (38:47)
It's okay. It's okay.

Lindsey Basler (38:49)
She definitely made me feel like it was normal and that, you know, she had experienced the same thing. And she had suggested maybe trying some medication. And I did go that route and it did make me feel a lot better. But it was probably a couple of weeks after that when I really realized that more of what I was experiencing was closer to...

postpartum anxiety and even OCD because what I was doing a lot was even if Piper was sleeping and sleeping like nice long stretches, I was staying awake and Googling things like SIDS and just, you know, is my baby gonna stop breathing and, but not just doing that, you know, a couple of times, like every single day. So.

Having a big obsession with always searching those things was a big part of it. And then my husband asking me when we were like using an app to track her feeds instead of just saying that she had three ounces or three and a half ounces, I have to put in 3 .125 and just trying to put in the most ridiculous

exact number of what I thought she had drank in formula, which is ridiculous to think about now. now I'm like, why? Why would that even matter? So just being really obsessed with things like that and a schedule and always like calculating our time and then definitely having a lot of intrusive thoughts.

about either.

thinking like if we're driving in the car, like thinking things like, what if I just swerve over to the other side? And then some other things worse than that. But I think a lot of people don't, definitely don't talk about those as much because it's awful to say.

Chelsea (41:08)
Yeah, well, it's awful to say and it's awful to feel. It's awful to feel. And I'm wanting, this happens to me so often, but I'm wanting to like reach through my screen and like hug you so bad. Because like you said, like you don't hear people talking about them because you don't want to talk about them because of the stigma and the shame. But my God, is it so common.

It is so common.

Lindsey Basler (41:37)
Yes, and I had a really great experience just a couple of months ago where I was at. So I have not gone back to teaching yet. I'm still staying home with my daughter right now. And I also work as a part -time artist. Before I started teaching and finished my teaching degree, I started...

going to college for fine art and then kind of stopped that. it was right after I had my daughter that I realized I really needed to get back into some sort of a creative outlet, do something. But I started painting again probably about a year after I had her. I'm gonna have really been pushing towards that creative side and painting a lot more.

But I started going to art shows and art fairs about a year and a half ago. And then since becoming a Blue Dot ambassador, I have created a print that I have been selling to raise money for Postpartum Support International. And I have a little flyer in my tent and some little handouts and things like that. But I had someone come over and she was reading about

And she's like, can you tell me more like what this is? And I was just explaining it to her. And she goes, so I don't know if you experienced this. She goes, I just always had all these awful intrusive thoughts like when I right after I had my kids. She's like, it is just so terrible. She's like, I just didn't tell anybody about it. And then I was like, yes, yes. I was like, yes. I like, I experienced that also and was able to connect with her, you know, and give her a hug

Chelsea (43:23)
Ugh.

Lindsey Basler (43:23)
It was really special to just have some, you know, that's what the blue dot is about. Have someone else see that and then be able to stop and connect with you. And even though her children are a little bit older, be able to look back and say, okay, I wasn't, you know, a terrible mother. I wasn't crazy. I was just a normal mom who was unfortunately experiencing, you know, a symptom of a maternal mental health disorder

Chelsea (43:30)
Yes.

Lindsey Basler (43:51)
one was talking about it and I, you know, didn't really get any help for it. But now I know and, you know, if I, you know, am talking with a new mom or, you know, feel so called to also, you know, be a Blue Dot ambassador, I can help spread the word about all of the things that I've experienced and make it not so shameful and hush hush.

Chelsea (44:14)
Yeah, that's that is the mission of the blue dot. That is the mission of us at Quiet Connection. Postpartum Support International, which the blue dot is now affiliated with. Yeah, I think no matter how many times I do this and obviously I experienced these things as well. I had postpartum OCD and PTSD and on and on and on, but

The shame that we all say that we felt. The shame There's something wrong with me because I feel this way. There's something wrong with me and I don't want to say like, you're right. There is something wrong with you. There's something wrong, but it's not you. It's not you.

Lindsey Basler (45:03)
Right.

Chelsea (45:05)
and you can get help and it gets better. So that moment you had with that woman, what a beautiful, beautiful moment. You had mentioned art as being an important part of your life. Did that sort of play a role in your healing journey?

Lindsey Basler (45:09)
Mm -hmm.

Yes, it definitely did. really just, I didn't know what it was, but I was like wanting to just create or make something and literally anything. And one day when we had got groceries, I had just grabbed like a little locket necklace that you could like fill with little things. I put like a little picture of Piper's,

printed feet in there and her little birthstone and I was like, oh, that was really fun. I haven't been doing anything other than taking care of her. I have literally been doing nothing. And I am usually doing 500 other things at one time. And I was like, I really need to take a step back and do something that just I enjoy. And I was like,

Chelsea (46:01)
Hahahaha

Lindsey Basler (46:19)
I'm gonna paint something. I was like, I'm gonna put all my stuff and I'm gonna paint something and doesn't have to be good. It doesn't matter. And I sat down and did it for the next week when she was sleeping or, you know, when she was just kind of chilling would do a little bit and just doing that one little thing that I enjoyed even just, you know, for

10 minutes a day was such a relief to feel like yourself before. So I think that's something else that we don't necessarily talk about is how much you don't feel like your previous self and how much you change. And yes, you change and you're taking care of another person and your situation or family dynamics change, but you're also still allowed to enjoy all the things that you enjoyed before.

that I tell friends. I was the first one of my close friends to have a baby and then this year one of them just had a baby on Friday. So that's very exciting. three of my friends had babies this year in March, April and then now July and I have been able to connect with them so much and

Chelsea (47:28)
Yay!

Lindsey Basler (47:40)
Just share so much with them. If we weren't already close, know, we're even closer now. But something I told them, I was like, it seems so small. And when you think about it now, four years later, it honestly sounds kind of stupid that you wouldn't think about it. But I'm like, play some music that you like. Like when your baby is, you know, a couple of weeks old. You don't have to always listen to.

Chelsea (48:01)
Mmm.

Lindsey Basler (48:07)
kids music or put a headphone in, you know, when you guys are just hanging out or, you know, riding in the car. Don't be afraid to listen to the things that you to help yourself connect with, you know, your old self and feel, you know, just a little bit, a little bit peppier. Just little tiny things like that, you know, it doesn't have to be something huge. It could be something as small as, you know, listening to music or, you know, a

for you outside of taking care of your little one. But yeah, I did not think that me painting would necessarily me into making art more of a forefront of ideally making art my full -time career. I say part -time now because I don't really make a lot of money with it. It's very fun, but...

Chelsea (48:57)
Ha ha ha ha!

Lindsey Basler (48:59)
I would love to make that the case for it to be my full -time career, but I really enjoy it and all of my art for the most part, 90 % of it surrounds motherhood and I just was in my first show at a small art gallery in St. Louis. I just picked my piece up from it because it just ended, but it was a piece surrounding the idea of intrusive thoughts and the fact that you are not those thoughts.

you can be outside of them. So it has really been a great way to heal and then also be just myself outside of being a mom.

Chelsea (49:44)
Yeah, yeah, it's so, it's so interesting. The last call that I just got off of with another mom, that was the center and the focus of what we were talking about is that you're not just mom, you're you too. And

No, you're not exactly the same person that you were in the moments before you gave birth. That's something I'm still dealing with. I don't know if that resonates with you at all, but I'm still like, who the heck am I now? I'm so glad that you have art, and I'm so glad that art is taking you on that healing journey. I'm still trying to figure out what it is for me.

for listeners knowing that you, this is a new version of you, but that's okay. It's still you. You are not just someone's mom. You're not just someone's mom. You're you.

Lindsey Basler (50:37)
Yes. Mm -hmm. Yes.

Chelsea (50:41)
So.

Where did the blue dot come in to all of this for you? How did you learn about the blue dot?

Lindsey Basler (50:49)
Yeah, so once I had Piper, so it was definitely good that I found it, but something negative that I was definitely doing to myself was consuming way too much social media right after I had Piper. So definitely, yeah, yes. Definitely looking at, and also, know, none of my close friends had little babies.

Chelsea (51:05)
Connection!

Lindsey Basler (51:18)
you know, didn't have a lot of people with young children in my life. So even, looking at way too many influencers having children or honestly even didn't even have to be, you know, an influencer, just, you know, other people, you know, you know, posting their highlight reel of, you know, having their kids. And then I was just way too deep in comparison and, you know, thinking, wow,

You know, they're killing it over there, which we know is not the case. Like a single picture of something is no comparison to what things are in real life. And I personally really try to pride myself on posting very real things when I do of kind of going down that down that path. But I first found the birth trauma mama, I think, is her full handle. I think I would say, yeah, probably know who I mean.

Chelsea (51:49)
Yeah.

Yes, yes, she's the OG, she's the OG birth trauma podcaster.

Lindsey Basler (52:17)
Yes, so I originally just honestly by chance found her and that was really when I first saw the term birth trauma and it was probably Gosh, maybe even a year later when I really came to terms with the fact of that is what I experienced and then I started realizing at that point too that I was just following way too many unrealistic people on social

your feed is what you want it to be. If you want to see real things, you need to follow, you know, real people. So I really stopped following a lot of influencers unless I just really felt like a personal connection to them and really more switched to following people who are posting real things and found more people through her account that were maybe even

commenting or sharing things and then I eventually think I probably got to postpartum international and then maybe saw something they shared. And then I found you in a comment of the Blue Dot, one of their posts and I don't know why I clicked on you, I just saw you and clicked on you and then I found you. So just honestly by chance. But I started following along with some of the stuff they were doing and then

when they had posted about the idea of having the Blue Dot ambassadors, I had not really been doing a lot on my own, just some with my art and I have some stickers and stuff that say, you know, let's talk about postpartum depression or postpartum mental health. And I was like, okay, I was like, this is definitely something I want to do. And I had already been really

myself on saying, you know, when someone asks me about my experience in having a baby, you know, I will not continue the tradition of saying, you know, pushing out a baby sucks, but you know, you get a happy little baby and you know, it's great. I was like, you know, I'm not going to continue that. And to always be, you know, as honest as the situation calls for about what I experienced.

And I felt like, you know, this is what the blue dot is all about, is that honesty and providing comfort and connection to others. So that seemed like the right thing for me to join.

Chelsea (54:49)
I'm super proud to be a fellow ambassador with you. I think what's really cool about this graduating group, this first round, is hopefully it will spread and we'll see our numbers increase every year, but we sort of all organically stumbled on this, just because it was there when we needed it.

Lindsey Basler (54:54)
Yeah!

Mm -hmm.

Right. Mm -hmm.

Chelsea (55:13)
So, right, like I feel this, even though, even though I'm like, I am notoriously not at every single zoom, I may do like one out of every three of our zooms, because I'm trying to put my kids down for a nap at that time. I feel a real connection to the other ambassadors and I'm, and when you said, when you said that,

Lindsey Basler (55:36)
Mm -hmm.

Chelsea (55:41)
you found me through a comment. I am not a religious person, but I am a spiritual person and I really truly believe that the people that have been brought into my life and the connections that I've made through Quiet Connection happen for a reason.

And I can tell you, I can tell you right now that so much of what you have shared, number one, I just want to, I want to thank you again for sharing it and for being vulnerable because that is.

Lindsey Basler (55:59)
Mm -hmm.

Chelsea (56:15)
that is an incredible strength, but so much of it resonated with me and so much of it like I often have to stop myself and be like this up this is not my episode. This is Lindsay's episode or this is whoever's episode, but I want to be like, my gosh. Yes. Or like, I had that same thought. I feel like I truly feel like we were meant to connect and

Lindsey Basler (56:35)
Mm -hmm.

Yes.

Chelsea (56:41)
I'm just, I'm glad that we connected in the way that we did. I always get to a point in an episode where I feel like the sigh, like, and I sort of feel that. I don't know if you feel that, but yeah.

Lindsey Basler (56:52)
Mm -hmm.

Yes. Yes, I do. I do. Yes.

Chelsea (56:58)
So I'm not sure if you've listened to any episodes. If you have, this may sound familiar. But I like to end on one of two questions. And I think I've chosen my question for you. And it will be this. If you could go back in time.

all the way back, way before, maybe even before you were pregnant. You can't tell yourself anything that's gonna happen or what you're gonna experience, but you can instill something within yourself. For some people, that's a word. For some people, it's a feeling. For other people, it's like a prayer, just something you can instill within yourself to get you through. What would that be?

Lindsey Basler (57:46)
For me, it would be to ask other people for help. I am definitely someone, no matter what, I will do it by myself. I don't need anyone's help. So for me, I think if I would have earlier on been more willing to talk to someone or ask for help

literally anything, not even just surrounding the hard parts, even just in asking for help taking care of my daughter, seeing I needed a break or something, just reminding myself that other people helping you is community and you know that village and it's not a poor reflection on myself. So if I could probably go back to the when I was born, I would instill that in myself.

Chelsea (58:30)
Yeah.

Lindsey Basler (58:39)
Because even outside of motherhood that is something that I struggle with but I think that would have helped me a lot in every area of my situation.

Chelsea (58:51)
your whole journey.

I again, I want to thank you. I want to thank you so much. I want to reiterate listeners, please check out the Blue Dot project and any of the ambassadors that you see listed on the site, you can reach out to any of us. That's what we're here for. We're here for that community. Where can my listeners find you and your fabulous artwork so that we can support you?

Lindsey Basler (59:19)
Yeah, so you can find me on Instagram, TikTok or Facebook at Courage Maker Studio. I went with Courage Maker Studio because it takes a lot of courage to be creative, but it also takes a lot of courage to share little pieces of yourself. So Courage Maker Studio is where you can find me.

Chelsea (59:39)
And that will absolutely be listed in the show notes. So you can very easily just click a link and find her. And Lindsay, thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.

Lindsey Basler (59:50)
Thank you. Yes.