Susan P. - Postpartum Anxiety & Learning to Love Yourself Again

In this episode of Quiet Connection, I'm connecting with Susan, an intuitive personal stylist, about her journey through postpartum anxiety and the rediscovery of her identity as a mother and professional. Susan emphasizes the significance of celebrating one's body and finding joy in personal expression, ultimately encouraging listeners to give themselves permission to follow what brings them happiness.

Visit Susan's Website or Instagram to learn more!

Takeaways

• Postpartum anxiety can lead to a loss of identity.
• Finding joy in personal styling can aid self-discovery.
• Community support is crucial for new parents.
• Self-reflection helps in reconnecting with oneself.
• Unlearning societal expectations is essential for self-acceptance.
• Celebrating your body as it is now is important.
• The journey of motherhood involves constant change.
• It's okay to seek help and support during tough times.
• Personal style is an expression of one's identity.
• Giving yourself permission to pursue joy is transformative.

Sound Bites

• "This could actually work for me."
• "Who am I now?"
• "Don't should all over yourself."

Transcript

Chelsea (00:01)
Welcome to Quiet Connection, a podcast dedicated to ending the stigma around postpartum mental health. I'm Chelsea. In this episode, Susan shares her journey of self -discovery and reinvention since becoming a parent. After going through postpartum anxiety and struggling to find herself as a mother, she understood the value of reconnecting with her own identity. This realization came to her when she discovered the power of fashion and personal styling.

She now encourages her clients to celebrate their bodies and embrace the things in life that bring them joy. Let's hear from Susan.

Chelsea (00:42)
Hello, today I'm here with Susan. Susan, how are you?

Susan (00:48)
I'm doing so well, Chelsea, how are you?

Chelsea (00:51)
I'm okay! I feel like that's my go -to answer, but okay is good. Okay is good. Yeah.

Susan (00:58)
Yeah, absolutely. Nothing wrong with that.

Chelsea (01:01)
I'm really excited to have you on. I have a whole list of things about you, but rather than me read the list, because that would be boring, I'd love it if you could tell me a little bit about yourself as well as who you were before becoming a parent.

Susan (01:04)
Thank you.

Thank

Ooh, who I was before I became a parent. Yeah. So that just, I mean, it fits so perfectly with my story and how I got here. So it just going to share all of it. So I started out as a middle school music teacher. I taught middle school band.

Chelsea (01:37)
Yes!

wow.

Susan (01:48)
for seven years before I became an intuitive personal stylist, which is the amazing career path that I am on now. And my journey kind of becoming an intuitive personal stylist really coincided with around the time that I became a parent. So I had been teaching and I had always loved helping people to find clothes that really felt like themselves, really...

made them feel excited about being seen truly as who they are. There was always like a passion of mine from the time that I was old enough to go to the mall with my friends. Like that's what I loved doing. And it's so it's something that I just kind of continued casually through my life, but I never thought becoming a personal stylist was a career path that I could pursue. So I pursued my other passion, which was music instead. And I was teaching for several years and then I took a year off when my son was born.

Chelsea (02:24)
Yeah.

Susan (02:44)
And I knew that I wanted that time with him. I was lucky enough to be able to take that time. And at first I thought that I was going to kind of transition into becoming a stay at home mom because my mom was a stay at home mom. My sister was a stay at home mom. So I had these amazing influences in my life of stay at home moms. And I remember being a child of one and what that was like and how special that was. And after dealing with a lot of postpartum anxiety, having

you know, just a really difficult time being at home full time with my son. I realized that while I loved him tremendously, I loved being a mom that I needed to do something different. And I could not, I couldn't be a stay at home mom. And I also knew that I didn't want to go back to teaching. But around that time, during that year that I took off from work, my husband also was let go from his job. So.

Chelsea (03:41)
Ugh.

Susan (03:42)
which was just, you know, it was a delightful, delightful time in my life.

Chelsea (03:49)
Yeah, sarcasm, heavy sarcasm. Yeah. Yes.

Susan (03:51)
big time, heavy sarcasm, major sarcasm for sure. I like to refer to it as like my tower card moment for anyone who's familiar with the tarot. you know, tower card typically reflects a time in your life where everything is like crumbling down, you know, to then be rebuilt and rebuilt better. But you kind of have to go through these really difficult times.

Chelsea (04:02)
Mm -hmm.

Susan (04:18)
where everything is just brought down to the foundation in order to be able to rebuild. So that was definitely my tower card moment. So I went back to teaching because I had to. And I said, you know, it's like, well, why don't I just give it a shot? Why don't I just see how it goes? And maybe I'll feel differently once I'm there. And I realized that just in that time that I had taken off from teaching and becoming a mom, becoming a parent for the first time,

and all of these major transitional moments happening in my life, I felt so disconnected from myself, from my job, from just about everything. Because I knew that a lot was going to change, know, becoming a parent. And I feel that's really silly to say. I'm like, I knew that things were gonna change, but I really didn't know. Because you don't until you go through it. And in addition to just having all of these...

different thoughts about, okay, well, this doesn't feel aligned. This doesn't feel like me anymore. You know, even like the clothes that I used to wear don't feel like me anymore. Having all of these conflicting energies surrounding me really, like with my life, I felt at a loss completely. I felt like I didn't know what I wanted. I felt like I didn't know who I was. And I went back to teaching and I eventually had this major light bulb moment when I was talking to a friend of mine.

because I knew I had to get out of teaching, but I wasn't really talking about it because, you know, my husband just lost his job. And people don't really like to hear when you're like, you know what, that stable, reliable paycheck that I have, like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get on out of there. Cause for mental health reasons, you know, people look at you like you're like, there's something wrong with you. Especially when you tell them that you want to leave that stable paycheck in order to start your own business.

Chelsea (05:58)
Yeah.

Yeah!

Susan (06:08)
they really look at you sideways. Like, what is, what? But I knew after having this light bulb moment, I talked to a friend of mine. She said, you know, I like what you pick out for me more than what I get in like my monthly subscription box. And that was my moment where I was like, my gosh, like I could do this. You know, at first she suggested that I work for one of the subscription services. And I was like, absolutely not. If I'm leaving teaching, it is to...

Chelsea (06:12)
Yeah.

Susan (06:36)
do something to work for myself. Like I am not having another boss again in that way, know, in, you know, public education, corporate kind of same vibes. but that was my moment where I was like, my gosh, this could actually, this feels good. And this could actually work for me. So that's when I started pursuing, figuring out how to become, how one becomes a personal stylist, what that looks like. And really that's when I finally started to come back.

Chelsea (06:42)
Mm -hmm.

Susan (07:05)
myself because I was asking myself questions that only I could answer. Because when I was seeking other people's opinions or guidance and they were like, you're doing what? mean, you'll be great at it, but why don't you do it as a side hustle for a while? Stay with teaching where you have benefits and a pension and all of those things.

Chelsea (07:19)
Ha ha ha!

Susan (07:30)
I, know, what was funny to me, and I think what really helped me to be able to leave teaching and start my own business full time was the fact that my husband was also a teacher and when he lost his job, it was sudden. We were not expecting it. And so whenever anyone who was coming from a good place, of course, I don't mean to sound critical by the people who had my best interest at heart, you know, with their concerns, but.

Chelsea (07:49)
Yeah.

Susan (08:00)
I was coming from it, from a place of, you mean that same stability that has now left us with only one major income? That doesn't work for me. That's not true in my life, my firsthand experience. So I appreciate the concern, but I need to do what's right for me. And between having all of the postpartum anxiety, which, you my son is going to be 10 in October, and I remember...

Chelsea (08:10)
Yeah.

Susan (08:30)
when he was born, having all of those check -ins with the different doctors postpartum, there was a lot of talk around postpartum depression, but not a lot of talk about postpartum anxiety. And that has thankfully changed tremendously in the last 10 years. But I remember filling out the checklists and everything, the wellness questionnaires and all of that, and saying, well, no, none of this

Chelsea (08:46)
Yes.

Susan (08:59)
is how I'm feeling, but I know that what I'm feeling isn't right either. And I know that I'm not okay. But it took me probably a solid year for things to continue to get bad and be bad, where I was having almost daily panic attacks, that I was, again, talking to a friend, thankfully, who just gave me the permission that I think I was seeking at the time to not only...

seek out therapy, but also seek out medication, which is in my situation was really like what my body, what my brain needed to just kind of give me, get me a little bit more leveled out rather than completely constantly being in this fight or flight. And, that was incredibly life -changing. I wish that I had that sooner. and I'm grateful for, you know, parents now that that's not.

Chelsea (09:47)
Yeah.

Susan (09:54)
the situation for them that it's not as limited in terms of the information that's out there. because I think that becoming a parent, just, can lose yourself so easily. And when you don't have any kind of tools to kind of bring yourself back to you, you just are living in this state of limbo and where you don't even have yourself as an anchor and

that's so hard and sad. And, you while you're going through all of these other things that go along with being a new parent, in addition to keeping a tiny human alive, like, know, all right, like it's all about me. Again, sarcasm. You're keeping a tiny human alive and you're trying to, you know, just exist as this completely new version of you.

Chelsea (10:31)
Right? yeah, and there's that.

Susan (10:50)
while still trying to honor who you used to be. And I think that that was also part of my struggle, but thankfully that major career change was something that really helped to facilitate me in returning to myself because that's so much of the work that I do with my clients because I was able to go through it myself. And I knew that even when I was becoming a personal stylist,

initially, I knew that it was more than just about clothes. It always has been more than just about the clothes. It's about that deeper connection to who you are and using clothes as this beautiful outward expression of that. And when you go through something as major as becoming a new parent and your identity changes, your body changes, I have clear memories of

myself, like standing in my closet, getting ready to go back to work and looking at my clothes and just saying, thinking to myself, you know, like, wait, but who, how does the person that I am now work with the person that I was? And seeing my clothes as that reflection of my past and seeing so much of it, not able to support the person that I am now. And that applies for so many other stages of life, you know, not just becoming a new parent.

It can apply to so many things, know, surviving a global pandemic, you know, just going through a major medical event within your life or having a change in relationships. There are so many big transitional moments that can occur within us that can leave us in that same place of where I was standing in my closet being like, what do I do with this? This isn't me anymore. And what, who am I now?

Chelsea (12:17)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Susan (12:41)
and having to answer that question of who am I now, that is a heavy one. That is a heavy question to answer, especially if you haven't asked yourself that in a minute, you know, because it can be real easy to just jump into those roles and say, you know, like, well, I'm a mom, I'm a personal stylist, you know, and list all of the things, you know, off of your resume. But what really is the important part about it and what's the difficult part is when you go deeper,

Chelsea (12:49)
Yeah.

Susan (13:11)
Like, okay, but who is Susan without all of those roles? And that's where the discomfort comes in for a lot of people.

Chelsea (13:19)
Yeah. Yeah. my gosh. Wow. You just, you just condensed like 10 years into 10 minutes. Holy mackerel.

so some things that, that stuck out to me, well, one, our kids are very similar in age. My, my daughter's going to be nine in October. so yeah, so I mean, I'm just, I'm commiserating with you that this is a, very tricky life stage to be in as a parent. I'm learning that.

Susan (13:47)
my gosh, amazing.

Yeah.

Chelsea (13:59)
I thought the teens were going to be hard, apparently nine and 10 is difficult.

Susan (14:01)
No.

Oof.

Chelsea (14:07)
But aside from that, some things that stuck out to me were, especially you talking about postpartum anxiety and how it even just 10 years ago, that's not a long time ago, it's really not. that I didn't know about postpartum anxiety either. I knew about postpartum depression and I think I only knew about it because my doctor had told me to look out for it because I

Susan (14:20)
Really not.

Chelsea (14:37)
I was predispositioned.

So when I was diagnosed with my first, I don't know if it was the same for you, but I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. and that's absolutely not what it was. that definitely resonated with me and you're right. It is being talked about more now, which is, which is so nice. but the biggest thread throughout that whole thing is that loss of identity. and that's.

Susan (14:47)
Right.

Chelsea (15:06)
That's a phrase and a feeling that I hear from so many people that I talk to. Because as you said, you're a completely different person. You didn't just birth a human. You birthed a new version of yourself. Yeah. So I'm curious, I guess,

Susan (15:16)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Chelsea (15:26)
When that sort of sunk in for you, like what in the, it's all a blur, I'm sure, as those first postpartum, those first few postpartum days are, but when did it kind of sink in for you? Like, I'm kind of on an island here. Like I don't know who I am or where I am.

Susan (15:33)
Yeah.

Yeah, I'm trying to think back and remember that specifically. mean, I definitely remember it coming back again when I was going back to work, but I know it happened way before then, you know, where I think the first several months of being a new parent are just a big old blur, you know, big old sleep deprived blur. But I think once you start to kind of come out of that,

Chelsea (15:50)
Right?

Mm

Yeah.

Susan (16:15)
a little bit, you know, in like that four to six months stage. I think that that's really like when, for me at least, like when I had those moments where I could just sit and exist and I was at home with my son and just thinking like, okay, like this is my life now and that's beautiful, but also what is happening? Like what?

Chelsea (16:42)
Yeah.

Susan (16:44)
How did I get here? I feel so ridiculous even saying that. But I think that that's something that is really often a thought that a lot of us have after becoming new parents. We go from pregnancy to then delivery, and then it's a big old blur for a few months, and then you wake up.

and you have this baby that you created and this new version of yourself and you're like how how did all of these pieces come together to be able to get me here and what do I do from here you know as this tiny human becomes you know eventually like less and less reliant on me then what do I do with myself

Chelsea (17:08)
Yeah.

Susan (17:33)
You because that's usually when a lot of my new clients come to me who are new parents. It's not really in that first year because you're just constantly like, there's just so much that is in demand of you. It's when the dust kind of settles that and you catch your breath and you know, maybe your kiddo starts going to daycare or you have more childcare or you go back to work or whatever it is, or even they're just able to walk around and you don't need to be, you know, holding.

Chelsea (17:50)
Yeah.

Susan (18:03)
their hands and holding your breath the entire time. It's that sense of, you know, what does my life look like now? And what do I do with my life now? Because I don't just go back to how things were when, you know, before I became a parent, I have to completely shift the way that I live my life. And so much of the way that I have with my life has shifted anyway. And you're just looking at yourself in the mirror almost like,

Chelsea (18:28)
Right.

Susan (18:32)
unable to recognize yourself and it's when you do take the time to come back to yourself and make time for yourself, which I know is a very privileged statement to make, but even if it's just a moment to look at yourself and say, okay, like I'm here for you. What do you need from me? And where do we go from here?

Chelsea (18:57)
Yeah.

Susan (18:58)
It's just this incredible sense of like, have to have that sense of support for yourself in order to be able to just move forward.

Chelsea (19:09)
It's so, I want to highlight what you just said because that is so, so, so deeply impactful. And it's something that...

Susan (19:18)
Thank you.

Chelsea (19:21)
I'm learning now, and I've got two kids and I'm whatever, I'm in my journey, but to look at yourself in the mirror and speak to yourself and ask of yourself, what do you need? That is so impactful and it's something we don't do.

We were sort of trained as a society and especially people who identify as female to just pick up and carry on. And it really is important to stop and take that even like you said, even if it's five minutes. Okay. I'm here. I'm listening. What do you need from me? That's huge.

Susan (19:57)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

It really is because I think often, especially as parents and or caretakers in general, we're so used to putting the emphasis on other people, making the priority other people. And it can be easier. Like I'm not saying that the job itself is easy by any means. I'm saying it can be easier to put the focus on someone else.

rather than looking at yourself, especially when you're in this state of unknown. And I see this a lot with my clients and with, you know, just a lot of people in general where they don't even take the time to really look at themselves in the mirror unless it's, know, okay, well, I'm looking at myself in the mirror when I'm doing my makeup, but you're not really looking at yourself. You're completing a task.

Chelsea (21:02)
Mm -hmm.

Susan (21:03)
Or I check out, make sure that my outfit looks okay before I leave the house. Okay, again, that's a task. You're not looking at yourself. And to take just a couple minutes where you make eye contact with yourself, with your reflection, and you try not to pick yourself apart because that can be an easy default for a lot of us. You just look at yourself with this, just no judgment. And instead just try to...

Chelsea (21:24)
Yes.

Susan (21:30)
show that support for yourself, like showing that support for you and holding space for you. Even if you start with just like a few seconds and then the next day it's like a little bit more and a little bit more. It doesn't have to be this, know, epically long connection, but it makes a difference and you start to see yourself differently. You start to show up for yourself differently and that translates into so many other aspects of your life.

And I think that one way that it can be little bit easier to do that, especially as a parent, is when we think about our kids and we think about how we want our kids to view themselves and what kind of relationship we want them to have with their own identity. Because, you know, we're constantly trying to foster that and nurture that, you know, it's like, be you, be you without any kind of shame or judgment, like, please. And imagine just saying that to yourself.

Chelsea (22:20)
Yeah.

Right?

Susan (22:29)
Like, you imagine how healing and probably a little sad it would feel the first time you say that? Because you probably haven't thought that way since you were a kid, because people stop telling you that. Instead, you're inundated with all of the shoulds, what you should do, how you should look, how you should show up, what's expected from you. And we just kind of

get into this default where we're like nodding along. like, yes, that's what I should do. This is how a mom should look. This is how a mom should sound like, you know, all of these things. But then when we take that time to just be there for ourselves, we start to take that step back and be like, okay, but who's telling me this? Because I'm not telling me this. And what would it feel like if I asked myself what I really wanted and how I felt like I wanted to show up as a mom?

Chelsea (23:14)
Yeah.

Susan (23:26)
or just as Susan, as myself. And when we start taking that time too, it just allows us to make choices, even with our clothing, coming back to personal style, with our clothing, with our hair, with our makeup, with even our nails, things that might light us up in ways that we kind of put on the back burner or put away for a long time because it's something that

Chelsea (23:29)
Yeah.

Yep.

Susan (23:55)
We liked when we were younger and now it's no longer appropriate. Well, fuck that. Like, who says? Appropriate is such bullshit anyway, when it comes to how people should show up, how adults should show up. But I think that taking the time to just connect with yourself and unlearn a lot of those shoulds, it's transformational, truly.

Chelsea (24:00)
Yes.

Yes!

yes, yes, I've, I can't remember the last time I said this, but one of my favorite sayings or phrases that I learned in DBT is don't should all over yourself. Yeah, and I had another mom explain it as the should storm.

Susan (24:31)
Yes. I love it.

Mm -hmm.

Chelsea (24:41)
And I was like, I just love up. Well, I love a good euphemism anyway. But like, but but in reality, yes, we're we're constantly bombarded with shoulds as parents and how we should be showing up and how we should be doing this and how we should be doing that. And you're right, it is it is bullshit. And well, it is. And

Susan (24:46)
me too.

my gosh.

Chelsea (25:04)
another thing that I hear a lot is like, I don't have time for self care or I don't have time for, well, self care can look like a lot of different things. And exactly like what you just said, self care can mean literally 30 seconds of looking in the mirror and just looking, just, Hey, I'm here. Hey.

Susan (25:11)
Absolutely.

Yeah.

Chelsea (25:23)
What's up? What's up, me? Like, replacing the voice in your head with your own voice.

Susan (25:24)
Exactly.

Yes, yes. There's a book that I read a couple of years ago by Mel Robbins called The High Five Habit. And I remember first hearing about it, I was like, hmm, this sounds kind of silly. Like, I love Mel Robbins. I was like, OK, I'm going to give it a shot. I'm going to give it a listen. And one of the ideas behind it is just literally like high fiving your own reflection, which again, sounds silly, but it's...

Chelsea (25:43)
You

It does.

Susan (25:59)
And it doesn't have to be aggressive. said, you know, she describes the whole like technique behind it. But it's all really like the main idea behind it is exactly what we're talking about, where it's that having that connection with yourself and showing up for yourself. So I'm not this is not like an a difficult thing that to do. It can be something as simple as like literally just making eye contact, being like, you know, touching the mirror with your hand and

That can be maybe like how you start if looking at your own reflection and saying, you know, I'm here for you feels like it's too much because for some people it is, especially if you've been unable to have that kind of connection for a long time. You know, maybe something as simple as just looking at yourself, giving yourself a high five feels a little bit better. You know, even if it's silly, like laugh at yourself. Okay. Like who else is going to be there? Like do it, you know, wherever it doesn't have to be.

anywhere special. It's not like, you know, you have to go to a public place and do it. It can be in your bathroom, you know.

Chelsea (27:01)
You

Why but that just gave me the did you watch the office? Did were you an office man? Okay, that just gave me the image of Michael Scott like standing in the middle of the office going I declare bankruptcy. Like you don't have to go into the middle of the of where the mall and be like I love myself.

Susan (27:08)
a little bit.

you

Right. Exactly.

Chelsea (27:28)
my gosh. So for you, that journey was an interesting one because you were at a crossroads in a lot of areas. In a lot of areas. You were in a crossroads in your career. You were in a crossroads in rediscovering yourself. Your partner had lost his job. so yeah, there was a lot of self discovery going on there.

Susan (27:39)
yes.

much.

Chelsea (27:54)
I'm going to go ahead and assume that it wasn't like a light switch overnight like going from I have I'm anxious, I'm depressed, I'm having a hard time figuring out who I am as a mom to I'm gonna start a business of my own.

Susan (28:03)
you

Chelsea (28:13)
So where did that, we've been talking a lot about supporting yourself and showing up for yourself, where did that transition take place for you and how did it take place? Was it you pulling yourself up or did you have a support system that sort of helped you be like, all right, this is how we're gonna navigate this.

Susan (28:35)
Yeah, so it's interesting because what was difficult for me is the people who I was closest to were the people that were expressing the most concern for me, which I think is, you know, looking back on it, talking to a lot of entrepreneurs, that is very, very common. But when you're in it, it feels hard. It feels like almost like you're being let down.

Chelsea (28:56)
Yeah.

Susan (28:59)
because you expect, you're like, my gosh, I have this great idea, this is what I'm gonna do, I feel so aligned, like all the excitement that's just bursting from you. And then you share it with the people closest to you and their love can show up as fear. And I completely understand that now, but.

Chelsea (29:15)
Mm

Susan (29:21)
I think whenever we're sharing really positive experiences or something we're excited about, it always feels so much better when the person you're talking to matches that energy, right? Where you're like, I'm gonna start a business. like, my gosh, that's so cool. Feels way better than I'm gonna start a business. Are you sure about that? Because here are all the things that could go wrong. There's a difference, clearly.

Chelsea (29:29)
Yes.

Yeah.

Susan (29:45)
Thankfully, I was able to connect with other people. I started doing online courses, and I sought out mentors who were personal stylists who were already established. And I did that very, very early on in the process of starting my business because I knew I needed support, support from the right people, support from people who had already done this rather than people who had no experience.

Chelsea (30:09)
Mm

Susan (30:13)
in the journey that I was about to begin, you know? And that can be really challenging to navigate because, you know, obviously not every mentor is going to be the right one, but thankfully I had amazing experiences, you know, for the most part. And they were able to really give me the tools that I was seeking and the resources that I needed to just, you know, put my head down and...

put all of my energy into growing my business. Like every time I had some kind of frustrating moment that happened when I was teaching or I had a bad day, I like to say that I was transmuting that energy into growing my business. So if I had a frustrating interaction with my principal, which happened a lot because, you know, because principles, I, instead of just sitting with that and being unhappy with the fact that I was still teaching and I wasn't

Chelsea (30:56)
Mm.

I know that story. Yes. Yes.

Susan (31:10)
a stylist just yet, I would immediately do something to help grow my business. Whether it was writing down some ideas for content creation because I was establishing a website and a blog presence at the time, or doing something to expand on my marketing, or all of those things that you need to do constantly as a business owner, but especially early on. I just took that energy and I was like, you know what? I'm not sitting in this. I'm gonna use this as momentum.

to keep me going in the direction that I want to end up in. So that was tremendously helpful. And I made some connections with other people in my area too, who were either entrepreneurs of different avenues and different stages so we could all kind of bounce ideas off of each other, attending different events for networking purposes and all of that too. So I really made an effort early on to seek out community.

because I knew that it was such an important element of support that I needed. And in order to help me through those really tough days or those tough moments or the frustrations that while my partner is an incredible person and is able to listen and hold space for me, he at the time couldn't fully understand.

Chelsea (32:09)
Mm.

Susan (32:34)
And same with some of my closest friends. know, some of my closest friends at the time were also teachers and they're still teachers. Some of them. So, you know, now I'm eight years into being a personal stylist and who looking back, looking back at the person I was, you know, I know obviously we all change over the course of eight to 10 years, right? Like that's normal part of just being a human.

Chelsea (32:58)
Mm

Susan (33:00)
But looking back at the person I was and how I made choices in my life and how I navigated what I wanted out of life then versus now, the person that I was then is almost unrecognizable to me in the best way. And so much of that comes from just showing up for myself and having the right kind of support around me to...

be able to do that. So when I do have those moments where I feel like I can't show up for myself because we're having a low day, mental health is real. I know that I can reach out to some of my closest friends who are also business owners and be like, hey, I'm in a funk. And some of it is for legitimate reasons, some of it's not. Can you just hear me? I appreciate that. I appreciate that.

Chelsea (33:35)
Yeah.

It's all legitimate. It's all valid. It's all valid.

Susan (33:57)
so it's a long way of saying I found my community.

Chelsea (34:00)
Well, no, but that's, that's beautiful. And you built, you built that community and what that illustrates too is that

We talk a lot on this podcast about how much community is needed in the motherhood realm, but community is just needed in life. We're not meant to do life alone. So you really did. You built up a community around yourself. How did that sort of translate as you're going through this like personal growth and personal development? How did that translate into how you viewed yourself in this role of mom?

Susan (34:37)
So that was probably one of the tougher areas because a lot of the community that I sought out at the time, while they were business owners, they were able to kind of hold space for me there. Most of them were not parents. So then I had to be even more aware of the kind of community and support that I needed in other parents and other moms and other moms who were business owners, you know, because that's like another facet of things because, and that's something that I...

Chelsea (35:04)
Yeah.

Susan (35:06)
I haven't been frustrated about this in a minute because I've sought out different community now that I know that I need. But I remember early on getting a little frustrated with some of the typical coaching tips on, you know, how to grow your business and what your average day should look like and all of that nonsense. Well, not nonsense. Sorry. Take that back. It felt like nonsense to me because I was bitter because I couldn't do it at the time. So that's, that's a me thing. That's not a them thing.

Chelsea (35:29)
I feel that. I feel that.

Susan (35:35)
being a little cranky because I'm like, well, but how does all of that look when you also have a tiny human that you're caring for? Like what, what do you do with that? So then it became, okay, well, I found my community of business owners. Now I need to find my community of moms or parents who are also business owners because that is that other level. And

Chelsea (35:46)
Yeah.

Susan (36:02)
What also became really important to me too, and what's still very important, is sharing so much of the work that I do with my son so that he can see what it's like to have a mom who is a business owner, know, what the work is that I do and why it's important so he can just, you know, and he's so sweet and how proud he is of me. Like, it just lights me up.

I mean, there's nothing better than when your kid is genuinely, like, not bragging about you, but speaking highly of you. Like, it makes my heart burst in, you know, in the best, best ways.

Chelsea (36:36)
Yeah.

Yeah, well it means that it means that you guys are are connecting like you said you're sharing something that is deeply important to you and and I don't want to say defines you but but is a huge piece of you you're sharing that openly with him and yeah that's beautiful he's proud of you you're his mom and he's proud of you I love that I love that

Susan (37:03)
Thank Thank you.

Chelsea (37:06)
I say that's like one of my I think it's like a catchphrase now. I love that. I need to come up with something better because every episode I'm like, I love that. my gosh. Well, but I genuinely mean it is the thing. But, so I guess I'd love to know a little bit about like

Susan (37:11)
Hahaha

I'm the same way if it makes you feel any better.

yeah.

Chelsea (37:30)
the clients that you see, because you've hinted a lot towards, you do see like parents who are coming out of the, I mean, once you're postpartum, you're always postpartum, but who are sort of coming out of the baby bubble.

Susan (37:43)
Yeah.

Mm

Chelsea (37:46)
What are some commonalities you're seeing in the clients that you work with and how do you use your skills to help them really hone in on finding themselves again?

Susan (37:59)
Yeah. So a lot of my clients, said the majority of my clients, they are all at this point in their lives where they've been through a big life transition, you know, and like we were talking earlier, that can look like a lot of things. sometimes it's a change in jobs or change in relationship or coming out of the post, well, the post baby fog And then they are taking that time to kind of re -examine who they are.

Chelsea (38:20)
Yeah.

Susan (38:29)
Like they're ready for that. You know, they're not in this, they're not in the phase where they're just, don't want to look at themselves in the mirror. They're like ignoring themselves. They're like, okay, I see myself, but I don't really know who she is or I'm starting to figure out who she is, but I don't know what this body is. Like, because you know, there's a lot of changes that have happened there. So what do we do with all of that? And so they have some kind of just disconnect.

Chelsea (38:48)
Yeah.

Susan (38:57)
from themselves, but they're ready to reconnect. And they're ready to say, all right, you know, like, I want to show up differently than I have before. Sometimes I hear, you know, that like, well, I used to love shopping because I was a smaller size when I was younger and all of those things. And now I just don't know how to dress my body. And so a lot of the work that I do, in addition to helping people find

clothes that make them feel like their most excited version of themselves is I help people to be able to celebrate their bodies and how they are right now. Because that's something else that I think we all hear a lot, know, or sometimes we might say it to ourselves where it's like, well, when I lose five more pounds, when I lose 10 more pounds, I'm going to celebrate by going shopping, which is, like I.

breaks my heart to hear that. And I hear it so often. I've had to kind of like protect my poor little stylist heart so that it doesn't get broken all the time. But really, it's so sad because we constantly feel like we have to make ourselves smaller in order to be worthy. And obviously that comes from the patriarchy. You know, like done and done. But it's not so easy to just

Chelsea (40:17)
yeah.

Susan (40:22)
say that, accept it, and then change, right? So what I like to do when I'm working with my clients is helping them to find clothes that feel like a reflection of themselves, but also help them to celebrate their bodies for how they are right now, you know? And try to unlearn that idea of, you know, smaller is better, or they have to lose weight in order to be worthy, you know, all of those things.

or that they have to bounce back, right? I mean, how often do we hear that kind of terminology when it comes to being a new parent? Right. Like, I got it. I'm back to my pre -baby weight or my pre -baby size because I bounced back so fast. It's like, OK, but like, sure, that happens for people.

Chelsea (40:55)
bounce back culture.

Mmm.

for some people and that's cool if that's your journey. that's something, if that's something that is important to you, okay, but it doesn't have to be.

Susan (41:12)
Exactly.

Right. Yeah. Exactly. And I think that that's where it gets lost, right? Because I think we hear those stories, we hear all about bouncing back, you know, it's thankfully less so all over the magazines, like just like a smidge less, a tiny bit, not like a substantial amount. Don't get me wrong. But we miss the part that it's like, okay, but it's also totally fine if you don't.

Chelsea (41:33)
Just a tiny bit.

Susan (41:45)
And if your body changed from having a baby, like you birthed a human, like why should your body go back to what it was? Like it's completely just, it's an unrealistic idea. Again, it happens, if that's your journey, amazing, but we shouldn't expect it to be the norm. And so many...

Chelsea (41:53)
You grew an entire human. Yes.

Susan (42:13)
people that I work with, that I speak to, carry that with them as like this goal that they should achieve. And if they don't, they feel like they failed and they carry that failure. And that is so heartbreaking because your body is expected to change. Like you as a human, as you know, with your own personality, like we were talking about before.

You are going to change, why not give your body that same permission and then just honor it as it changes rather than holding onto these, you know, ridiculous goals or expectations of yourself. You know, if you want to make changes in your lifestyle, fine, but don't use it as a punishment for yourself. You know, don't hold on. Exactly.

Chelsea (43:06)
Mm -hmm. That's the distinction right there. It should not be a punishment. Yeah.

Susan (43:16)
No, we shouldn't be punishing ourselves in how we exercise, how we eat to achieve some arbitrary nonsense of a goal. you can, course, again, you can change your lifestyle, you can change those things, and then just continue to embrace how your body evolves along with it. And if there's still softness in there, that's beautiful.

and you can find clothes that feel good on you and that just honor your body's journey, your personality's journey, you know, your life's journey and show up with that authenticity in a way that feels really good.

Chelsea (43:56)
Yeah.

Yeah, I... So, again, I said this is absolutely not about me. This is your story and your time, but... Well, but what I... What ends up happening with 99 .9 % of these sessions when I'm meeting with my guests is that... the universe seems to send me...

Susan (44:09)
That's okay.

Chelsea (44:24)
people when I need them.

It's very interesting to me. So again, reiterating, this is not my story. This is your story and this is your time. But what you are talking about resonates with me so deeply, so deeply. And I think a lot of people, postpartum or not, can relate to this. so for me, it wasn't necessarily bounce back after baby with everything that I went through and I'm going

Susan (44:31)
Okay.

Chelsea (44:55)
through with my mental health and medications and my pituitary tumor, my whole body inflated. Like I gained over 100 pounds in less than a year, unexplained, unexplained. And I, just like we were talking about, punished myself for it.

and did not feel worthy and did not feel, I felt like I needed to make myself small to be taken seriously. And I couldn't find clothes. And that made me feel like me. And I looked in the mirror and I didn't see me. And hearing you talk about all of these things not only validates those thoughts, but it gives me sort of permission to be like,

that person was going through something and it wasn't my body's fault

and I didn't need to punish it and I didn't need to punish myself. it's crazy because I think this wasn't even our first recording date. I think we had to reschedule this. Yes. And so speaking with you now and hearing you what you went through in your journey and what you're going through with your clients is resonating with me in a way that I didn't expect at all. it's

Susan (46:01)
Right, we did, yeah.

Chelsea (46:17)
I'm thank you. Like, I don't know. I don't I mean, I don't know. I think this is the deepest I've gone off the tracks in a very long time. but it's it's because yeah, I think hearing you speak has sort of given given me

Susan (46:20)
Cool.

Chelsea (46:39)
I'm replacing that voice in my head. In this moment, at least. In this moment! I hope I can hold onto it! But like...

The voice in my head that said like, yeah, I can't find clothes that fit me and I don't feel like me and I don't know how to dress myself and whatever. Like you can say everything that you want about clothes and style and fashion and beauty and all of the standards. There's a difference between, and I'd love to get your opinion on this. I feel like there's a difference between fashion for fashion's sake.

Susan (47:07)
Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Chelsea (47:12)
and seeing yourself, just simply seeing yourself in the mirror. And I think that's what you give your clients.

Susan (47:19)
Yeah.

Absolutely. I mean, you completely nailed it. And I love that.

Chelsea (47:28)
I mean, I mean, I'm sorry that I took up so much time like rambling, like, but

Susan (47:33)
No, please don't. No, that was beautiful. I loved everything that you shared. Thank you for that.

Chelsea (47:40)
Yeah, it, I, so again, just meeting you today and from just the limited amount of, of back and forth chat that we've had just through social media and email and whatnot. Like I, I, I feel that that's what you give your clients. You let them see themselves and that's something that you did for yourself as well.

Susan (47:49)
No.

Yeah, absolutely. And it's something that I find that I continue to challenge myself with this task regularly. And it's because it's something that I'm constantly doing with my clients. And there were times where my relationship with my body fluctuated and changed. I'm just going off on a quick little side tangent about myself.

Chelsea (48:29)
Go for it.

Susan (48:30)
my relationship with my body. When my son was like two and a half or three years old, I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis. I had a cyst that had ruptured on my ovary and sent me to the emergency room. And thankfully, because the cyst was still there, they were able to identify it as a complex cyst. I was able to get that diagnosis immediately.

Chelsea (48:40)
Mm -hmm.

Susan (48:59)
But you know, I am certain that I have had endometriosis my entire reproductive life, but undiagnosed, gaslit for years. That's a conversation for another time, exactly. However, when I finally had my diagnosis and was dealing with the increased level of pain from the cysts and dealing with different medications and everything, I, and really the increase in

Chelsea (49:08)
Yeah.

yep. That's yeah, that's another podcast. Yeah.

Susan (49:30)
symptoms that I was struggling with too. I was in chronic pain for years and being on different medications as forms of like temporary treatments and that really changed my body tremendously. Also dealing with multiple surgeries that then made me completely unable to just move in ways that I had enjoyed previously too. And then ultimately

Chelsea (49:45)
Mm

Susan (49:59)
from me, the way that my endometriosis journey subsided or ended, however you want to look at it, is just this last year. So November of 2023, I received a hysterectomy because my symptoms came back and that was always part of my long -term medical plan. And for the first time in, I don't even know how long.

when I finally recovered from the surgery, I was living my life without pain.

And that was incredibly transformative. But those years of being in pain, still having to show up for my clients, still having to show up for my son, you know, with how my symptoms would fluctuate and everything, I had to have a completely different relationship with myself and my body than I had ever had previously.

because not only was I dealing with, you know, all of the bloating and the pain and the fluctuations in weight and all of that, but my energy levels, like everything, all just coming at me and still having to show up and hold space for clients. And there is no way that I would have been able to hold space for my clients and do the work that I do if I wasn't doing that same work for myself. And that's why it's something I...

Chelsea (51:11)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Susan (51:30)
constantly come back to and I'm always checking in with myself and you know what I really want what I really like what still feels good for me in terms of how I'm showing up and the work that I do and everything and It's not an easy thing to do, you know, some days it's easier than others. Sometimes it's like, you know what? I want to wear that dress today done, you know, like it's that simple and other times it's really not

Chelsea (51:53)
Yeah.

Susan (51:57)
And that gives me also a deeper understanding and think ability to connect with my clients in a way that's not just about fashion. It's not just about, okay, we're gonna get you a new wardrobe and ta -da, here's your makeover. Like, no, no. It's so not just that. Like the work that I do is so much more than just clothes. And...

Chelsea (52:11)
Right.

Susan (52:21)
It's deeper, you we're able to connect on an intuitive level, on an energetic level, on an emotional level, where it becomes this incredible inner journey that my clients experience that has a transformational element that then radiates outwardly, where they become able to give themselves permission to just have their own opinions about what they love, which sounds so...

Silly, sounds so small, I think, you know, for a lot of us, but when you think about it, especially from the headspace of being a parent, sitting with your own opinions and being comfortable with it can be a little tough sometimes, you know? We're constantly second -guessing ourselves, whether it's like sleep training, what foods they should be eating, what sports they should be involved in, like all of those things, you know, just coming at you at once. And when you can just say,

You know what? Today I'm gonna wear the blue dress today because I love that dress and that's exactly what I wanna wear today. And just having that be a complete thought, that's so powerful. It really is.

Chelsea (53:27)
Yeah. Yeah. It is. is. Wow. So these are my favorite types of episodes because like my well, no, but like my my little list of like talking points, I didn't even I didn't touch on any of them. And I and I love that, though. I said it again. I love that.

Susan (53:35)
Yay!

That's okay. I love that for us.

Chelsea (53:50)
I love that for us. Because this is a perspective that I didn't necessarily go into this thinking, yeah, this is what this is going to feel like. Which is why I don't do a lot of digging on my guests beforehand. Because I want to meet you and understand you in the moment.

I've, I've so much of what you said has resonated with me. know it's going to resonate with other people. And because this feels like a full circle moment, this is probably oversimplifying, but I think so. I always wait till the end to pick my, my wrap up question. And I know the one I'm going to ask you, but it just feels so simple. But I'm.

Susan (54:33)
Mm.

Okay.

Chelsea (54:39)
Okay, I think I think you're probably just gonna say something beautiful again, like you are like you have the whole time. But Your message has been super clear throughout this. What has been healing for you?

Susan (54:45)
Aww, you're so sweet.

Chelsea (54:53)
has translated into how you are helping others heal. And I kind of want you to think about your entire journey from pre -mom to mom to business owner to all of the above. Wrapping that whole experience up, what is the one thing you hope people take away from your journey?

Susan (55:21)
The one thing that I really want to be the biggest takeaway from my own journey is for people to not be afraid to give themselves permission to follow what brings them joy. And that can be something like completely changing your career. It can be something as simple as just, you you see something on a clothing rack that you get excited about and you buy it.

Chelsea (55:39)
Hahahaha

Susan (55:50)
Like, and it can be anything in between, allowing yourself to just give that permission. I think that that's really, that's been my biggest lesson and trusting that voice, you know?

Chelsea (55:53)
Yeah.

Yeah, that's beautiful. And that's absolutely what I've gotten out of hearing you share your journey is hear your voice and trust your voice. Replace that voice in your head. It's not easy. Listen to me saying, just replace that voice in your head. Take that bullshit out and put something new. No, it's not that easy. But yeah, give yourself that permission to follow your joy. I love it.

Susan (56:18)
No.

Exactly. Because when we do like a little bit at a time, you know, like you said, changing that voice does not happen overnight, but making the choice to start changing, that's when like the big change happens. You know, you have to start somewhere.

Chelsea (56:46)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Susan, where can my listeners find you and the incredible work that you're doing?

Susan (56:51)
thank you. So my website has an incredible amount of like free resources as well as, the different ways that you can work with me. I have a very active blog on there. And then Instagram is my social media platform of choice. It is me that controls it completely. So I always love, love, love hearing from listeners, you know, if

Chelsea (57:12)
Yes.

Susan (57:21)
You found me through this podcast, just like sending me a message. It will be me responding. You will talk to me and I'm happy to either answer any questions that came up for you during this time or just say thank you for reaching out and for whatever the big takeaway was for you while you're listening.

Chelsea (57:26)
Yes!

All of those links will be in the show notes so that they can find you. I just want to thank you for coming on, for being patient with me with all the rescheduling. And thank you for sharing your story.

Susan (57:43)
Amazing. Thank you.

It's okay.

Thank you, Chelsea, it's such a pleasure, truly.

Chelsea (58:03)
Susan, thank you again for sharing your journey with me and for the work you do to help others rediscover their true selves. Sometimes these conversations come into my life exactly when they need to and you absolutely sparked something in me. I hope my listeners are able to feel a little bit of that spark as well. You can keep up with us on Quiet Connection by following us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and threads at Quiet Connection Podcast.

You can help our community grow by leaving us a rating and review on Apple podcasts or Spotify and consider sharing our episodes on social media. To share your personal journey, you can contact us through our website at quietconnectionpodcast .com or by email at quietconnectionppmh at gmail .com. Join us next time when another story is told and you realize you are not alone. I see you.