Samantha F - Advocate Like a Mother

This episode discusses postpartum psychosis, suicidal ideation, and other related challenges. It is important to create safe spaces to discuss these topics, but please be mindful of your own mental health.

Motherhood is never easy—but for neurodivergent moms, it comes with unique challenges and triumphs. In this episode of Quiet Connection, Samantha Foote shares her raw and honest experience of raising three neurodivergent children while managing her own mental health struggles. From battling postpartum depression and psychosis to becoming a fierce advocate for herself and her family, Samantha offers insight into the importance of seeking help, building support systems, and embracing the ups and downs of healing. 

To learn more about Samantha, visit her Instagram or website.

Takeaways

• Samantha is a neurodivergent mom to three neurodivergent kids.
• Motherhood catalyzed Samantha's pursuit of her own diagnosis.
• Samantha's journey includes struggles with postpartum depression and psychosis.
• Advocacy is crucial in healthcare and parenting.
• Support systems play a vital role in recovery.
• Medication can be a helpful tool for managing mental health.
• Samantha emphasizes the importance of understanding perinatal mental health disorders.
• Community support is essential for new parents.
• Samantha's experience highlights the need for self-advocacy.
• Healing is a non-linear journey with ups and downs.

Sound Bites

"Advocate for yourself, advocate for your kids."

"You are on this earth for a reason."

"Healing isn't linear; you're gonna have hard days."

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

Real Moms, Real Talk, Real Impact. 

Odd Moms On Call is a podcast for moms navigating the chaos of current events. Join our diverse panel of moms from across the U.S. and Canada, breaking down how politics, policies, and culture impact our families—and how we talk to our kids about them. Honest, unfiltered, and insightful, we're making sense of the world, one conversation at a time. 

Check it out on BuzzSprout!

Transcript

Chelsea (00:00)
Welcome to Quiet Connection, a podcast dedicated to ending the stigma around postpartum mental health. I'm Chelsea. In this week's episode, I'm connecting with Samantha as she shares her journey as a neurodivergent mother of three navigating severe postpartum mental health challenges. She stresses the importance of self-advocacy and relying on your support system to get the help you need. Here's Samantha.

Chelsea (00:26)
Hello! Today I'm here with Samantha. Samantha, how are you?

Samantha Foote (00:31)
I am good. How are you? Okay.

Chelsea (00:33)
I am good.

It's early on a Monday and so I think good is a good place to be. It's better than the alternative. Well, I'm appreciative of you joining me on a Monday and I'm super appreciative of you sharing your story with me. I think we'll just dive right in. I'd love it if you could introduce yourself.

Samantha Foote (00:37)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, for sure.

Chelsea (00:59)
and who you were before you became a mom.

Samantha Foote (01:03)
So I am a neurodivergent mom to three neurodivergent kids. And I think that's important because that's like my personality and how we run our household. Like I have ADHD, my kids have autism and ADHD. I work with kids who have autism and ADHD. And so, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and before I had kids, I wasn't diagnosed. And so I was just kind of like running around.

Chelsea (01:20)
Girl, solidarity! Same! Same!

Samantha Foote (01:33)
super happy but then I'd be super angry and you know like the the fluctuations yeah so that's kind of I was just like kind of go like not carefree because I had like crazy anxiety but like I just kind of did I wanted to be with friends all the time I wanted to be in groups I wanted like everyone was my friend you know if I saw someone if I met someone at church because church was a big is a big part of my life

Chelsea (01:55)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (02:00)
I'd just be like, we're having a party on Friday. Come to the party, you know? And so that's just how I was. I was always planning things. I was always doing things. And then after I became a mom, I'm still doing things, but it's with family and not so much friends. So that's kind of different, but it's still good.

Chelsea (02:03)
You

Yeah,

You're a music therapist. Yeah, which I think is so cool. And this is just me geeking out a little bit. Like one of the things that I was really excited about talking with you about is we are also a neurodivergent family. My husband and my oldest have ADHD and some pretty severe sensory processing issues. and music

Samantha Foote (02:20)
Yes, yeah.

Chelsea (02:40)
is

such a huge part of our family. So I was so excited to connect with you and be like, my gosh, like solidarity. I love what you're doing. also like you are a warrior for being a neurodivergent mom to a

group of neurodivergent kids. I don't know, I was gonna say gaggle for a minute and I was like, nope, that's geese. I don't know what you So yeah, can you talk to me a little bit about how you got into music therapy?

Samantha Foote (02:59)
Yeah.

Hahaha!

Yeah, I was a junior in high school and I was like, I have to know what I'm studying in college because that makes sense right now when I'm 17 years old. And so I found music therapy on a random website and looking back, it did not explain music therapy well, but it got me into the field, so that's okay. got into the field, I...

Chelsea (03:20)
Hahaha

Samantha Foote (03:35)
went to Utah State, got a bachelor's degree in music therapy. And while I was there, I started working with kids who had autism. And I worked one on one with a kid doing, it wasn't like ABA therapy, it was like a hybrid. Because the mom was like, this is what I want you to do. And so she just told me things that she wanted me to do with her kid. And that's what we did. And then I did practicums in special education classrooms for schools.

And then I did my internship at a school for kids with special needs. And now I run a private practice in Idaho for that. But yeah, but music therapy is just using music to accomplish non-musical goals. So we might work on motor skills, communication skills, cognitive, social-emotional, any of those types of things. We just use music to make new neural pathways in the brain to

Chelsea (04:13)
I love that.

Samantha Foote (04:32)
accomplish those different goals. And if people really want to see like a really dramatic example of music therapy, this happened a while ago, but Gabby Gifford was a congresswoman in Arizona and she had a traumatic brain injury. Look up her story on YouTube and that will show you exactly how music therapy works, how she...

she was able to work with music therapists in conjunction with speech therapists and occupational and physical therapists. And she was able to sing before she could speak and then she could speak and now she's a great speaker again. So that's just like a really dramatic example of how music therapy works.

Chelsea (05:08)
Yeah.

I am familiar with that whole development and that was incredible, but music therapy and music in general play a huge part of my life. So while this is your time and your story, I just wanted you to know that I've been geeking out secretly before we recorded. I'm like, my gosh, somebody who just kind of gets it. So yeah, that's exciting.

Samantha Foote (05:16)
Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Chelsea (05:39)
And this is hard because I could take it a couple of different places. I think I'm going to take it this way first. You had said that you were later diagnosed. And do you think that your work sort of was a catalyst for that? Or do you think, did it happen after motherhood? When did that sort of come to light?

Samantha Foote (05:44)
Okay.

I think it was motherhood because I, well, I worked with kids who had this. I didn't go through the diagnostic process with them. So I didn't know what questions they were asking. I knew what like traits they had, but I didn't know what questions they were asking in the diagnostic process. And then honestly, it was TikTok that made me like pursue a diagnosis. Yeah. So.

Chelsea (06:10)
Okay.

Yeah, like so many of us.

Samantha Foote (06:24)
I was just watching all the videos and for like, I thought I had ADHD, but I'm like, whatever. No one would listen to me. No one would do the assessment with me. Nothing. And so they actually diagnosed me with OCD and bipolar disorder. And bipolar disorder is often diagnosed when you actually have ADHD. And so I was watching TikTok videos and it took 10 years for me to get diagnosed. I just got diagnosed last year.

Chelsea (06:38)
Mmm.

Wow.

Samantha Foote (06:53)
and I finally got some medication that completely changed my life. so going through the diagnostic process with my kids, I was like, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that. So I told my psychiatrist, I was like, I really think I need to be assessed for ADHD. And she's like, no, the only reason why you need to be diagnosed with ADHD is if you need a medication and you don't need medication. And so then I found it was actually after a miscarriage that I

Chelsea (06:58)
Yeah.

Ugh.

Samantha Foote (07:22)
went to this doctor because all everything was off, like I was not okay. And she was like, well, this medication should be working for you. was like for thyroid. And she said, this medication should be working for you unless you have ADHD. And I said,

Chelsea (07:27)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (07:40)
that, like I really think I have ADHD." And so she was like, well let's get you tested. And she called me and she was like, you definitely have ADHD, like there is no question. And so she got me on the medication and I did not know that ADHD, like stimulants could do this, but my anxiety went way down, my intrusive thoughts went way down, and I also could focus and it was

It was amazing. So that's my, that's my tale. Yeah.

Chelsea (08:11)
Yeah.

That's your day. That's your journey. Well, and first,

well, that part of the journey for so many people. I've talked to a lot of parents now who are late diagnosed either ADHD or autism spectrum disorder or anything. And I feel like it's a lot of us. I'm assuming here. It's a lot of us millennials and elder millennials. And we were labeled as the either the hyper kids or like the high achieving kids or like the and now an adulthood adulthood.

Samantha Foote (08:18)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Chelsea (08:42)
like, those were coping skills and we were masking and we don't have to live like that anymore. But that is that's such an important distinction to make to that it took you so long and it took motherhood and watching your kids go through it to sort of bring it to light. So going backwards a little bit now. Did you always envision yourself having kids?

Samantha Foote (08:49)
Yeah.

Absolutely. I always thought I would be a mom to four kids, be a stay-at-home mom. That was until I started working before I had kids. I was like, really like my job. And then I stayed home for three months after I had my baby, the first one. And I was like, I really want to go back to my job. And so I always plan to have kids.

Chelsea (09:26)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (09:32)
I always thought it would be difficult to have them and I prepared myself for that because my mom had a really hard time. Like, I was an accident child and then she couldn't have kids for like 13 years. So I was like, okay, I'm going to prepare myself, like this might be difficult, you know, because you never know with genetics or whatever. And so that was not how it started though. Like I got pregnant like right away.

Chelsea (09:45)
Wow.

Hahaha

Samantha Foote (09:58)
I remember

I called my doctor and I was like, I tested positive for pregnancy and I think I need to make an appointment and I was sobbing and she was like, was this a good thing? Were you planning on this? And I said, yep, I'm just really scared. I'm just really nervous. She said, it's gonna be okay. You'll be okay.

Chelsea (10:19)
Yeah!

Samantha Foote (10:24)
Like, get you through it. So, it was just really funny though. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I was not planning on getting pregnant the first month I tried.

Chelsea (10:26)
Yeah! You're like, thought I had more time to prepare for this. Yeah.

my gosh. Yeah, that is a lot. That's a lot. And it sounds like you had a previous history of mental health, just like challenges. It sounds like you went misdiagnosed for a long time. So that makes things even more complicated.

Samantha Foote (10:36)
So, yeah.

Yeah.

Chelsea (10:54)
before planning to have kids and starting that process, had you been aware of perinatal mental health disorders at all?

Samantha Foote (11:03)
I

knew about postpartum depression. I did not know about like postpartum psychosis or anxiety or anything like that, but I knew about postpartum depression. I did not know that men could get it also. So that was interesting with my husband because we both had it. And I remember we were watching the Harry Potter series.

Chelsea (11:20)
Yes.

you

Yeah.

Samantha Foote (11:32)
And

it gets really dark at the last few movies. And we just looked at each other and we were so, like we were in the thick of it, in the thick of postpartum depression. And we just looked at each other and we're like, we have to shut this off. Like it was just so dark and overwhelming and we couldn't watch it. And so I did not know that men could experience that.

Chelsea (11:52)
my gosh.

Yeah.

Samantha Foote (12:00)
And that's my

husband's story. I won't share more about that, but just know that men can get it. it's just unexpected. Yeah, was very unexpected.

Chelsea (12:03)
Okay.

Your husband is one in ten. Yep. Yeah.

So yeah, that's, mean, so many things that you just talked about are important to know. Like even with a mental health history, I mean, more and more people today have heard of postpartum depression, but these other like PMADS as a whole, perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, like you said, postpartum psychosis, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, postpartum PT, like these are all things that we're not prepared for. And then yeah, partners can get it as well. And holy, I can't imagine.

being in the thick of it with your partner at the same

Samantha Foote (12:47)
went to my doctor at my six week appointment and I was sobbing and I said, I am not okay. Something is wrong with me. I am not okay. And he was like, he just totally dismissed me. And so I will say if someone dismisses you like that.

go to somebody else because you're not okay and that's okay to not be okay. And he was like, well, you'll get through it. It's a baby blues, whatever. Even if it is just a baby blues, you still need resources. You still need resources to get through that because I was not okay. And it wasn't just, I don't wanna say just, but it wasn't baby blues. It was full on.

the longer it went on. I ended up getting diagnosed with OCD that time because I found my own resources. I'm like, well I need to go to counseling or something. Someone needs to help me. So I'm just gonna say that. If your doctor doesn't believe you, go to a different doctor. Go to a counselor. Find someone who specializes in it. I ended up

do not go to counselors like this. I went to a counselor and I had severe intrusive thoughts and they revolved around sharp objects. And so this counselor told my husband to just do basically exposure therapy with me and just wave a knife in front of my face or put it down and leave it there and all this stuff. And I was like, if you do that.

divorce. Like I will not tolerate that. Which there is exposure therapy and I did exposure therapy like 10, not 10 years later, but a few years later. And when you're working with a trained professional, definitely like it was, it was awesome. Like it was, it wasn't awesome to go through it, but the effects of it were fantastic. And, but if your spouse is just going to do that willy-nilly, don't do that. Don't do that.

Chelsea (14:25)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Right? Like, no! My first

thought is like, because I had similar thoughts and my therapist was immediately like, lock up the sharps. Like when you're in the thick of it, when you're in it, your partner waving a knife in your face. don't, it seems silly and I'm laughing about it, but it's not, that's not funny. Like, it is. my.

Samantha Foote (14:59)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it's so absurd, like, to think about doing that. Who does that?

Chelsea (15:16)
Gosh, yeah, no, I'm glad that

Samantha Foote (15:18)
Yeah.

Chelsea (15:18)
you found somebody different. And exposure therapy, yes, is a big thing, especially with OCD. But you have to be in the right place to be able to get any benefit from that. And with a trained professional. So you have two kids or you have three kids? You have three kids, okay.

Samantha Foote (15:21)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes. Yeah.

I have three kids.

Chelsea (15:40)
Did you experience the postpartum depression and anxiety with your first, with your second, with like, how did that manifest?

Samantha Foote (15:49)
postpartum depression with my first one and then postpartum psychosis with my second one and then with my third one we were very prepared for it and I did not experience any of it. So we like I had the medication because right after my second one I I had like postpartum psychosis where I actually like blacked out and

Chelsea (16:01)
Okay.

Samantha Foote (16:12)
I was having postpartum depression and then one day it just became all too overwhelming. The intrusive thoughts were just very overwhelming. I called everyone I knew, I think, but no one would answer the phone. And so I called my mom and she was in the middle of nowhere, Oregon, barely had service. And, I am screaming at her. I am not okay. I am not okay. I need help.

and she couldn't do anything. She was eight hours away, you know? And so, I did not know this, because luckily, while this was happening, my son, my older son was watching a movie, and my younger son, who was just like four months old at the time, was asleep. And so, I should have called 911, but I didn't, because I thought they would take my kids away. Turns out they won't.

Chelsea (16:46)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

No.

Samantha Foote (17:08)
They

will not take your kids away if you're having that level of issue or whatever you think. If you can't handle it, you know, call 911. And they, I ended up blacking out and when I woke up, my mother-in-law was here and she just like took me to bed basically and I slept for a while. And then the next, that was on a Friday. So then on Monday I called my doctor and I was like, I need help.

Chelsea (17:18)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (17:36)
You know? And so he's like, why didn't you go to the emergency room? Why didn't you call 911? And I'm like, I thought they would take my kids away. And so like some, like I don't want to say crazy person, but that's what I felt like, you know? And so that was the worst. And then after that, that's when I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. And I went on my journey of getting medication, which took forever to get it figured out.

Chelsea (17:37)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Samantha Foote (18:04)
Like it was at least a year or two before I had like stable medication that was working for me. But I will say once I found something that worked for me, life changing. Like I didn't have the intrusive, I still have intrusive thoughts, but it's not to the level.

Chelsea (18:14)
Mm-hmm.

Samantha Foote (18:20)
that I had them before, like they're manageable. I still have anxiety, but it's manageable. It's not like I'm going to have a panic attack because I leave my house and I can't remember if I lock the door or I can't remember if I unplugged, you know, like I would unplug the toaster, you know, of course, like my flat iron, I would unplug any electronic device in my house was unplugged when I left because I was thought for sure.

it would burn everything down while I was gone. Especially after I had kids, like, and going to that postpartum phase, like, I, my husband was like, why do we have to unplug everything? But he just let me do it because he knew it, like, helped me manage my anxiety. But then after I got on medication, he was like, do you realize that we didn't unplug anything before we left? Like, obviously, you know, like, my flat iron was unplugged because that's just, you just unplug that. But, but all the things that are off,

but still plugged in, like they were just still plugged in and I felt fine about it. And that was when I knew that my life had changed, you know? So it was just such a good feeling to know that I was in control and something else wasn't controlling me. Yeah.

Chelsea (19:24)
Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

I'm thinking too, like,

What that drives home to is like something you were saying before, like even with seeking another doctor's opinion, like keep pushing. Medication journeys are often complicated and long and it's unfortunate, but like once you do find that medication and the medication, like what was what was explained to me is like it's a tool. It's not a magic potion. It's not going to make everything go away, but it's a tool so that you can use your other tools.

Samantha Foote (19:59)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea (20:07)
it helps

you. So right, like you you probably can still hear those thoughts, but they're a lot quieter than they were before. Yeah.

Samantha Foote (20:14)
Yes. Yeah. So

I went to counseling. I had the medication. I changed my lifestyle. Like, I did all those things. And all those in conjunction were what helped me get through it. So you definitely don't just take medication. You're like, I'm cured. You know, you have to do the other things too.

Chelsea (20:37)
Exactly. Yeah. I'm curious too, what were some of the similarities and differences between your experience as a first time mom and then going into your second? And then we can even explore having your third. So like, when did you know with your first that things...

that it was like you said your doctor was telling you it was baby blues what tipped you off that like this is not baby blues

Samantha Foote (21:06)
level.

suicidal thoughts. I was just like, I don't want to deal with this. It wasn't that I don't want to be here. It's I don't want to deal with these intrusive thoughts. I'm tired of my brain telling me to do these things to myself and it just like...

Chelsea (21:10)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (21:26)
exponentially got worse after I had my son. And then I was just like hopeless. I felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, know, just completely hopeless and just so overwhelmed that I couldn't do anything. And so that's what, you know, kind of

Chelsea (21:43)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (21:46)
made me think like, this isn't getting better, it's getting worse. And like, I seriously would not really do anything. I wouldn't clean my house, I wouldn't do laundry, I took care of my son, and I went to work. And that's what I did. But other than that, like, I didn't have like the joy in life.

Chelsea (22:09)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (22:09)
So that's what kind of let me know. It was mostly the intrusive thoughts and how frequent they were and how I was like if I don't get help for this I'm not going to be here anymore because I can't handle it.

Chelsea (22:24)
Yeah, yeah, and I think too, like you having a history of just mental health challenges, you were fortunately able to sort of know what routes to take, I guess. Do you feel like it affected your,

Samantha Foote (22:40)
Yeah.

Chelsea (22:43)
your relationship with yourself and your relationship with like with your with your first like your idea of what motherhood should be

Samantha Foote (22:54)
Yeah, so honestly, I kind of expected to have issues because of I didn't know that I had OCD, but I was always taught like if you're feeling some way, you just shove it down deep and move on with life, you know? And so kind of like the stereotypical boomer mentality. And so I...

Chelsea (23:13)
Yeah, yeah.

Yes

Samantha Foote (23:22)
And I never, never told anyone I was having intrusive thoughts because I thought they would lock me up in a psych ward. Or I thought that they would throw me in prison just because you're having these thoughts so obviously you're a terrible person. Because I started having intrusive thoughts when I was like 13 years old. so, yeah, and I did not tell a soul. I was just like...

Chelsea (23:35)
really?

Yeah, that's so much. That's so much for a 13 year old.

Samantha Foote (23:49)
I just like, the devil got me. The devil has me, you know? He's putting these thoughts in my head. Obviously, I'm doing something bad. So I went and tried to be the perfect person, which obviously you can't. No one's perfect. And then I kind of went out of that as I got out of high school and into college. And I had my first son when I was 28. So by then, I was like,

Chelsea (23:51)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Samantha Foote (24:17)
better at managing everything, but the postpartum, like it just brought everything back like a hundred times worse. And so it definitely did affect, like I felt like it affected the bonding with my son because I was so preoccupied with what was going on in my brain and trying to get those thoughts out of my brain that I couldn't enjoy motherhood.

Chelsea (24:40)
Yeah, yeah, that makes so much sense. And I'm so sorry that you had to keep that all in you for so long. What I'm amazed at is that even despite that, like when...

when you had your son and when you were going through that, still advocated for yourself and you still, which you shouldn't have had to. You shouldn't have had to push so hard. You shouldn't have had to fight so hard for someone to believe you and not gaslight you. But.

Samantha Foote (25:04)
Yeah.

Yes, yes.

Chelsea (25:11)
you are a rock star, that's a superpower. Do you feel like you ever really recovered from that before having your next child?

Samantha Foote (25:23)
So I did go on medication after my son. And I had issues just with birth control in general. It made me just not myself and have horrible anxiety. And so that's why I wasn't on it, because

Chelsea (25:37)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (25:42)
It just was an awful experience. I had a panic attack. I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to the ER. It was a whole thing.

I got diagnosed with OCD and so just having that validation helped so much. And then I started listening to podcasts. This podcast is no longer active. I can't even remember what the name of it was. It was like Living with OCD or something like that. And I was like, these people get me, you know, like they understand me. So I started counseling, I started a medication and that helped me get through that time. And I think...

Chelsea (26:07)
Yeah!

Samantha Foote (26:17)
It was, I did get back to like my baseline after that. Maybe slightly better than my baseline because before I was having like all those intrusive thoughts and they were a little bit better with the medication I was on. And then after my second one, I think your coping skills just change and your brain doesn't know how to cope.

after you have such a big change. And so that's why so many women get diagnosed with ADHD and different things after they have kids because their coping skills are gone. And so then after I had my second one, I think my coping skills just weren't there. And so that's why I went back so far as I did because it was just a completely different situation. So then I had to get different help.

Chelsea (27:07)
Yeah, well, and I'm curious too, like, what was different the second time around? Like, I know you talked about, like, blacking out and having, like, just not being okay. What was different about postpartum psychosis as opposed to postpartum depression?

Samantha Foote (27:26)
So I had my normal baseline before I had my first son and it was like a hundred times worse after with postpartum.

depression. And then the psychosis was like a thousand times worse. Like the thoughts were never ending. It was just like wave, you know like when you're in the ocean and you just have the waves come and like crashes over you and then if you get pulled down you can't get back up. That's kind of how it was. Like I just felt like the waves were just like overwhelming me and I couldn't get back up. And then my second son did have some health issues when he was born and so just worrying about that, worrying about like my first son

Chelsea (27:50)
Mm-hmm.

Samantha Foote (28:05)
was like, I don't think he was diagnosed with autism yet, but he was like having those, you know, characteristics of autism, so we were like worrying about that, and just all of that combined, I think, just kind of pushed me closer to over the edge. So I think that's what was different, was just, first of all, I think going from one to two kids was a bigger...

Chelsea (28:22)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (28:31)
change for me than going from zero to one kid. Because the first time I was pregnant, I had all the support in the world. Everyone was like, what can I do for you? What can I do for you? After I had my first kid, my mother-in-law came over every day, did my laundry, cleaned, all that stuff. And then after, I don't know what it is, but people are like, you have kids now. You're fine. You don't need the help. know? So like.

Chelsea (28:53)
No.

my god, yes. Yeah.

Samantha Foote (28:59)
And my second pregnancy was so hard. Like I was on bed rest and I had an undiagnosed hernia from my first... I got a hernia from my first kid's delivery. that was the first delivery was horrific. The doctor ended up getting fired. Two nurses got fired after my delivery because it was so bad. So I had an undiagnosed hernia.

Chelsea (29:08)
my gosh.

my gosh.

Samantha Foote (29:27)
that was causing me to go into labor, it was really weird. Because there wasn't support down there, you know? And so I just say, I am not blaming my family at all, because they did support me. And my ward family, my church family, they brought me meals three times a week, because I couldn't get up and cook. And so whenever my husband worked,

Chelsea (29:33)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (29:55)
because he's a nurse and so he'd work until like seven, eight o'clock at night, they would bring me food, they would dish it up for me, they would, you know, do all the things. And so, but after I had him, the support was not there because people are like, you've already done this, you know, you've had a kid, you know what to do. And I still like, I would go to my parents' house when my husband worked.

Chelsea (30:12)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (30:19)
because he'd work like three days in a row, so I just go to my parents' house during that time. But it's just, it was just different. Like people just expect more out of you, I guess, and I just, I couldn't rise to the occasion, I guess. So I went the other way. So, yeah. Yeah.

Chelsea (30:36)
Well, I mean, you had a lot stacked against you and none of it,

none of it was your fault. None of it was, we talk a lot on Quiet Connection about Village, the village that we all think comes with

Samantha Foote (30:41)
Yeah.

Chelsea (30:49)
with having kids and you're right. Like when you have your first kid, everybody's very invested or for a lot of people, that's the experience. And then once you have your second kid, you're like, you're a seasoned vet now. Like you, know how to do this. You still need that village. We all, we need a village all the time. Like not just in raising kids, but just, we need to be more supportive of each other.

Samantha Foote (30:56)
Yeah.

you

Yeah, yeah.

Chelsea (31:15)
I'm curious

So when did you get the psychosis diagnosis? Obviously it was after your second child. But like, did you see your primary care? Did you end up going to the ED? Like, how did that come about?

Samantha Foote (31:23)
Yeah.

I

called my gynecologist, like OBGYN. I called him and I said, and he made a referral to a psychiatrist and that's I worked with was the psychiatrist.

Chelsea (31:44)
Okay. Because most often and like your doctor had said, like postpartum psychosis is a medical emergency. And for anyone listening, like even if you suspect like, please, please, please go to the emergency room or dial 9-8-8 or dial 9-1-1. But when you received that diagnosis, what did that sort of feel like? How did that hit?

Samantha Foote (32:08)
It was very validating, like, just to know that I wasn't, it wasn't all in my head. Because I actually called the hotline, I called the suicide hotline and I called the crisis hotline, yeah. And I, the crisis hotline, I don't know why this man did this, but he said, well, this is your fault.

Chelsea (32:15)
Yeah.

988. Yup.

Samantha Foote (32:34)
because

you took medication. Because my doctor said, if you're experiencing issues, like he gave me Zoloft, you know. And he said, if you're experiencing issues and you need a higher dose, just take another higher dose. You don't have to call me. Like just double up the pills and then call me after, you know. So I took, and he's like, well, this is your fault because you took more medication before talking to your doctor. And I said, I was like, what? Like.

Chelsea (32:40)
Yeah.

Yeah.

my gosh.

Samantha Foote (33:00)
No, and so I hung up on him. And then I would, I called the hotline, called 988, and I was like, I'm not okay, I'm not okay, I'm not okay. And they were like, they're, honestly trying to help. I do not blame them, but it wasn't the help that I needed in that moment. And so I just hung up on them. And they're supposed to call you back and suppose.

Chelsea (33:07)
Yep.

Yeah.

They are.

Samantha Foote (33:26)
And they're supposed to call 911. I did not know this, but they're supposed to call 911 if like you don't answer or whatever, you know? They did none of that. So I don't know what was going on with the hotlines that day, but definitely call them because the way it's supposed to go was not my experience. And I actually like have, you can text them. So that was really helpful. Like I did that once after because I needed some support.

Chelsea (33:33)
Yeah. my gosh.

Yes.

Yes.

Samantha Foote (33:56)
like when I was pregnant with my third child. So definitely like the texting was amazing. They helped me through it. They're like, these are the suggestions, all of that. But I don't know what was going on that day. And maybe it was just my state of mind that I heard things differently. I don't know. I don't know what happened. But I do know I hung up on both of them because I was like, you're not being helpful. I don't need this.

Chelsea (33:59)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah!

Yeah.

I don't blame you.

Samantha Foote (34:25)
And I told her, was like, are not being helpful right now, I need help. And she was just like, well, you know, let's calm down a little bit. Let's talk about this. And I was like, and I'm like screaming at her like, I need help. And then finally I said, you are not being helpful. And I just hung up the phone. So yeah, but also I think what contributes to like the psychosis and depression is you don't sleep after you have a baby.

Chelsea (34:29)
Yeah.

Ugh.

Yeah!

Samantha Foote (34:54)
And that, like, after I slept, I slept for a long...

And I felt a lot better when I got up. And that's definitely like won't, it's not the cause of it, but it contributes to it. And so I think I just had so much lack of sleep that that's what contributed to it. So I just think when you're.

Chelsea (35:05)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (35:21)
trying to do all the different things to help yourself as well as getting the, you know, the psychiatrist help, the counselors help, like all of that. Like make sure you have some help just to let you sleep. Cause that is so important. So anyway, that's my, I keep going off on tangents. Yeah. Nice.

Chelsea (35:40)
Yeah.

No, that's perfect. That's what I do. I love the tangents. That's why I always say

like, we'll just see where this takes us. It's interesting that you note that, I mean, again, I don't know who was on call those days, but like that is horrible. And I would have hung up too. And

Samantha Foote (35:56)
Yeah.

Chelsea (36:00)
In a previous season, in season two, I spoke with a suicide loss survivor who works with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline and the Trevor Project and the National Alliance for Mental Health. And we talked about how like 9-8-8 is a resource, but they're not trained to deal with perinatal mood and perinatal crises. Because I did the same thing.

Samantha Foote (36:24)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Chelsea (36:28)
thing

and I and whatever like props to the person who tried to deal with me, but like they're not equipped for that. So, but to be told A to be told it's your fault. No B to be told to calm down that it makes my blood boil. but

Samantha Foote (36:37)
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Chelsea (36:51)
Just like Samantha said, please, please, please, please utilize 988 and 911, especially, especially if you postpartum psychosis, that is a medical emergency.

Samantha Foote (37:04)
Yeah.

Chelsea (37:05)
was there any sort of stigma or perceived shame in your circle, like your support system when you were going through this? Or did you feel very supported?

Samantha Foote (37:19)
felt supported but I also felt really judged and I think the judgment might have been in my own brain because I know like my some people in my close family went through some really traumatic things and they never got help for it they just like shoved it down deep and moved on with life you know and so that's kind of

Chelsea (37:27)
Okay.

Yeah. Yeah.

Samantha Foote (37:45)
what I felt like I was raised to be very independent. Everyone in my family is super independent, so I should be able to handle this. But I couldn't, and so they were all supportive of me getting help, but I just felt like they were supportive of it, but it's not what they would have done. And that, they never said that to me.

Chelsea (38:07)
Mm. Yeah.

Samantha Foote (38:12)
but I think that judgment might have been in my own brain. It's interesting what your brain will do to you. Someone will say something to you and you'll be like, but that's not what you really think. And so I was like, well, they say they're supportive of me doing this, but they're not really, because they didn't do that when they needed help. But then I was talking to someone and she was like, no, I should have gotten help. It's good that you're, she,

Chelsea (38:20)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Samantha Foote (38:42)
doesn't agree, she doesn't understand why I go on shows like this podcast to share my story. And I'm like, because that's what helped me. hearing other, like listening to podcasts helped me so much. And so I just want to share that with other people, you know? So I just, I felt judged, but no one ever like said anything judgmental to me.

Chelsea (38:49)
Yeah. Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah,

it could have been it could have been some like self perceived. But it also sounds like it was a result of just like learned behavior from others like this is just where you where you were at. how did you guys prepare for baby number three, which you said was a much different experience?

Samantha Foote (39:26)
Yeah, so baby number three, her pregnancy was awful. I was on like legit bed rest, like the doctor said. He was like, if you go back to work, I will put you in the hospital. And I said, okay, I will not go back to work then and I will just stay at home. But it was interesting again, like people are like, you're at home, you don't need a babysitter. And I'm like, taking care of a child,

Chelsea (39:41)
my gosh.

Ugh.

Samantha Foote (39:55)
to like toddlers is way more hard than working at a desk, you know? So that was interesting. But we, I didn't have a medication while I was pregnant. And so as soon as I had my daughter, I went back on medication and we had the counseling in place and just everything was in place so that I could have that support going into it. And

Chelsea (40:01)
Yeah!

Samantha Foote (40:25)
And her, it wasn't a traumatic birth. Like my boys, they were some traumatic births. And with my daughter, I had like an induction, which was really interesting. Like I kept going into labor until after it was safe to have her and then nothing. So it was so ridiculous. But I had an induction and she came out like super quick. Everything was great, you know.

Chelsea (40:33)
Yeah.

Of course.

Samantha Foote (40:53)
In fact, the doctor didn't even deliver her because he was so usually when you get induced it takes like a long time, you know for labor to start and all that and I was sitting there and my doctor was like well, I'm gonna go do a surgery I'll be back don't have the baby before I come back and I was like Okay, and then he was joking about like he had plans that night So I had to hurry up and deliver and I was like well

Chelsea (41:12)
my god.

Samantha Foote (41:20)
duh, like of course I'll have her before then, you know? And I was sitting there with my mother-in-law and my mom and my husband and just talking and all of a sudden I was like, I feel like I have to push. But I had an epidural, like I got an epidural the second I felt any pain. And they're like, are you sure you want this? Like you're gonna have the epidural, like you're gonna have a long wait, you know? And I'm like, I want it right now. And so I was like, I...

Chelsea (41:40)
Yeah, yeah.

Samantha Foote (41:49)
Like I don't even feel like I'm having contractions. Like do I really have to push, you know? And the, you know, the scanner or whatever was like going off the charts. And so I called the nurse in and the nurse is like, whatever. Like it's fine. And then I was like, will you please just check me? Just check to see. And she was like, don't move. Cross your legs. Don't push. Because my nurses were on their lunch break. My doctor was in the middle of a surgery.

Chelsea (42:08)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (42:19)
And so this other doctor comes in and she's like, so we're having a baby. And like my daughter came out in like two pushes and hello world. So it was so like just chill and just that's how everything was with her was just chill. and because I had so many issues after my second son was born, everyone like the support was there. You know, everyone was really like looking out for me because of

Chelsea (42:27)
my god.

Yeah.

Samantha Foote (42:48)
all the issues with my son. And so we had the medication ready to go, we had the counseling ready to go, like people were coming over to help me, like, so it was just, I had more support, I would say, for the third one. And because I got on medication, like immediately, I didn't have like the fluctuation in my hormones, and yeah, it was so much better.

Chelsea (43:03)
Yeah.

Yeah. And it sounds, it sounds like I don't want to say like, I don't want to say you needed that because that's a big assumption to make. like, I'm, I'm grateful that you were able to have an experience that was so polar opposite in, in the best ways so that you could experience bringing life into the world in a positive light.

Samantha Foote (43:30)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like with my first son, I didn't know any different. And so I'm like, well, this is just how birth is. I didn't know that the doctor was like the worst doctor ever. And so I'm like, well, this is just how birth is. Like this is just what you do. But no, that's not like it doesn't have to be like that. So I did yell with my two boys, I know my rights.

Chelsea (43:38)
if that makes sense. Yeah.

Yeah.

my god.

No.

Samantha Foote (44:06)
So I apparently like to advocate for myself, so do that. Because they're telling me I can't do something. I'm like, I know my rights. I can do this. So you can push back, and it's OK. I think they were saying that I couldn't eat anything. But I asked my doctor specifically if I could eat something as long as I didn't have an epidural. And he's like, yeah, for sure. It's totally fine.

Chelsea (44:10)
Yeah, yeah.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah.

Samantha Foote (44:33)
and they were telling me that I couldn't eat anything and I was starving and I was like, no, no, I know my rights. And then like on my second, with my second son, they were telling me I had to lay in bed and I was like, I don't have an epidural right now. I knew with an epidural, like you can't eat, you have to lay in bed, whatever. I was like, I don't have one. was like, I am going to sit right here and it was the poor nurses like first day on the job. I was her first patient. And so she's like, just trying to do all the things and I'm like, don't touch me.

Chelsea (44:43)
yeah no.

Samantha Foote (45:02)
leave me alone and then she's like I really need you to get in the bed. was like I know my rights. Yeah, so just if things are not going your way, like not your way, but like don't be afraid to advocate for yourself. That's all I'm saying, you know. So yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chelsea (45:18)
mean, yeah, that's kind of the theme of this episode is advocate for yourself.

And you have done such an incredible job doing that through two very traumatic births, through very challenging postpartum experiences.

And I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you're still doing it for yourself and your kids In terms of getting your needs met as a neurodivergent family. And

Samantha Foote (45:52)
Yeah, yeah.

Chelsea (45:54)
I really do feel like families with neurodivergent parents who have neurodivergent kids, and maybe I'm biased because this is my family situation too, but we have learned that we have to be badass advocates because no one's advocating for us. And I think

I think like you said earlier on when we first started talking, it comes from having to advocate for your kids. And then you sort of get that light bulb moment and you're like, actually, I need that too. So whether I keep that in the episode or not, like, I feel like that's like a, I feel like that's like an unpopular opinion thing. Cause I feel like every parent wants the best for their kids, obviously. But like, when you, when you

Samantha Foote (46:26)
Yeah.

Chelsea (46:38)
See your kids struggling. And you yourself are struggling. When you see them struggling with the things that you struggle with, you're like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not going to let you go through what I went through. We're going to get you the help that you need. And then you're like, I should probably do that for myself too. Yeah.

Samantha Foote (46:47)
Yeah.

Yep, yep, exactly. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Chelsea (47:01)
So yeah, so the theme of this episode is advocacy. Advocate for yourself. If you can't advocate for yourself, you need to find someone, whether it be a friend, a family member, a social worker, somebody who can advocate for you because you deserve to be heard, you deserve to be taken seriously, and you deserve help. Yeah, yeah.

Samantha Foote (47:04)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yes.

Chelsea (47:24)
Your experience has kind of been a whirlwind and a roller coaster and all of those analogies that we could use. I could look them all up, but, but here you are today. You are killing it. You are doing the damn thing. You have your own private practice. What do you hope my listeners take away from your story?

Samantha Foote (47:49)
like we talked about before, just advocate. Advocate for yourself, advocate for your kids. If someone's not listening to you and you know, even, you know what, even if I didn't have postpartum depression, even if I didn't have postpartum psychosis and I was just having issues, advocate for yourself, get the help you need. You know, if something's not working for you, just say, this isn't working for me, I need help. Whether that's advocating for yourself to your partner, like I need you to do more things.

That is not what I had to say to my partner because my husband, he was amazing. Not trying to throw him under the bus, but I know people that their partner is not doing what they need them to do to be supportive. Whether that's finding a new doctor, like finding a new doctor can be scary. And I have been gaslit a lot in my experience where they're just like, you're fine, you're fine. If you're not feeling fine, it doesn't matter if technically you are fine.

Chelsea (48:42)
Yeah.

Samantha Foote (48:48)
medically you are fine, you're not feeling fine. And so just advocate for yourself. Whether that's like, you know, like with your partner, with a doctor, when you're in the delivery room, you know, like find out, go over your birth plan with your doctor and say, this is what I would like to have. Are there any things in here that are not going to be okay? Are there any things that would harm me, harm my baby? You know, like what's gonna happen if this happens?

Because they'll tell you, that's OK, that's OK, that's OK. Maybe this isn't the best plan. Here's why. And ask for an explanation. So then when you are in the delivery room, you can advocate for yourself. And then postpartum, even if you have the baby blues and you need help, you still need help.

Chelsea (49:26)
Mm-hmm.

Samantha Foote (49:40)
if they're overwhelming. People always say like, you have the baby blues, like you're gonna be depressed for two weeks and they act like it's nothing. Like it's something. If you need counseling, if you need medication, if you just need to sleep, like just advocate for yourself and that's all I can say is just advocate for yourself.

Chelsea (49:47)
Yeah.

Yes.

Yes. That is a clear message. That is a very clear message. So I typically end on one of two questions, but I save it and I decide at the end. And this is me stalling trying to decide which one I'm going to ask. think I'll ask. I haven't done this one in a little while.

Samantha Foote (50:12)
Hahaha!

Chelsea (50:16)
If you, you're a rock star advocate. So we're taking that one off the table for a minute. But if you could go back in time prior to having kids and prior to being diagnosed and all of this, and you could instill something within yourself that would sort of carry you through your journey. It obviously isn't going to make it perfect. It's not a magic wand, not that kind of thing.

but just something that would live inside you that would carry you through this. What do you think you would instill within yourself?

Samantha Foote (50:49)
This is very religious. I would say you're on this earth for a reason. You're on this earth to learn and to grow. God loves you. He's in your corner. He's there for you. He's going to help you. Because I did feel distant from God during that time. Like, why are you doing this to me? Why is this happening to me? And

Chelsea (50:51)
That's totally fine.

Yeah.

Samantha Foote (51:15)
If I could just understand that there's a reason like you're learning, you're growing, there's a reason this is happening, but he loves you and he wants to do all things for you. That's what I would hold on to, you know.

Chelsea (51:32)
Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful. And don't ever feel like you have to justify things like that. Really, I mean, that's not me lecturing you either. I'm sorry if that felt, if that felt lecture-y but.

Samantha Foote (51:37)
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, that's fine. Yeah.

Chelsea (51:45)
So glad that we got to connect. I'm so glad that that you shared your story with me and with my listeners because yeah, like you've you've handled a lot and you've been through a lot and You are you are here. Like I said before you're killing it. You're like you're doing the thing You are proof You are living breathing proof that this is not forever

Healing isn't linear. You're gonna have hard days, but you're gonna have a lot of good days. So I just, thank you for sharing that message and sharing your story. So yeah.

Samantha Foote (52:22)
Yeah, thank you for letting me.

Chelsea (52:24)
Samantha, thank you for sharing your story with me. You are a warrior when it comes to self-advocacy. Hearing your story and seeing where you are now instilled some hope in me for my own journey, and I hope listeners are able to take some of that with them as well. Make sure to check the show notes to find out how to follow Samantha's journey. You can keep up with us on Quiet Connection by following us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and threads at Quiet Connection podcast.

You can help our community grow by leaving us a rating and review on Apple podcasts or Spotify and consider sharing our episodes on social media. To share your personal journey, you can contact us through our website, quietconnectionpodcast.com or by email at quietconnectionppmh at gmail.com. Join us next time when another story is told and you realize you are not alone. I see you.