Robyn E - Stillbirth and Survival, Remembering Freya

In this heart-wrenching yet deeply affirming episode, Robyn shares the story of her daughter Freya, who was born sleeping at 38 weeks. With raw honesty, Robyn recounts the shock of receiving the news, the emotional and physical experience of labor and postpartum, and how she continues to mother Freya through grief, remembrance, and advocacy. 

Robyn talks about the stigma of stillbirth, the importance of being able to share photos of her daughter without censorship, and the harsh realities of parenting after loss. Through community, creativity, and daily rituals of remembrance—from bunny symbols to roses to reading aloud—Robyn has found a way to honor Freya while helping other loss parents feel seen. 

This is a story about grief that doesn’t follow a timeline, healing that doesn’t mean forgetting, and love that continues, always. 

🔗 Follow Robyn on Instagram at @dearfreyarae
📝 Read her blog: dearfreyarae.com
🌹 Resources and support for baby loss: 

• Tommy’s UK
• Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (Sands)
• Return to Zero: HOPE

Takeaways

• Robin was a vibrant, adventurous person before becoming a parent.
• Freya was born sleeping at 38 weeks, a devastating loss for Robin and her partner.
• The conversation emphasizes the lack of discussion around stillbirth and loss.
• Robin experienced a normal pregnancy until the heartbreaking news of Freya's passing.
• The support from midwives and family was crucial during Robin's time in the hospital.
• Robin's birth experience was quick but filled with shock and disbelief.
• The funeral for Freya was attended by many, showcasing the love and support from the community.
• Robin found solace in connecting with other lost mothers through social media.
• The grieving process is unique and cannot be rushed or planned.
• Robin emphasizes that not everything happens for a reason, and it's okay to feel anger and sadness. It's better to say something than nothing at all.
• People often forget that parents are still grieving long after loss.
• Grief can manifest in various ways, including joy and sadness.
• Talking about the lost child is crucial for the parents.
• There is no timeline for grief; it is a lifelong journey.
• Postpartum bodies still exist after loss, and healing is complex.

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

Real moms. Real talk. Zero sugarcoating.
Join Odd Moms On Call as we tackle parenting in a world on fire—one hot take, eye roll, and belly laugh at a time. 

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:01)
Welcome to Quiet Connection, a podcast dedicated to ending the stigma around postpartum mental health. I'm Chelsea. Today I'm joined by Robyn who shares her journey of love and loss after the stillbirth of her daughter, Freya. Grief, especially in the postpartum period, can feel isolating. But through this conversation, we hope to offer connection, understanding, and a reminder that no one has to navigate this journey alone.

Here's Robyn.

Chelsea Myers (00:33)
Hello, today I'm here with Robyn Robyn, how are you?

Robyn (00:38)
Hi, I'm good, thank you.

Chelsea Myers (00:40)
I'm so happy to have you. If you couldn't already tell listeners, we have once again hopped the pond. are not in the States today. Robyn is someone that I met through social media, through Instagram and instantly fell in love with your mission and your message. Yes, and what you're doing. And I could just go on and on and on, but

Robyn (01:04)
Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (01:10)
Rather than doing that, I'd love it if you could sort of give us a little bit of introduction as to who you are and who you were before you became a parent.

Robyn (01:21)
yeah, so I'm Robyn obviously. I was just a normal, I won't say normal but just a 28 year old girl who had just moved in with her boyfriend and we'd been together for quite a while so it took us seven years to even do that part

Chelsea Myers (01:25)
hahaha

You

Robyn (01:44)
Just working in office, I was always the one that was up for an adventure and I would get up at 5am to go for silly walks and find silly world pools that we could swim in. And yeah, really, just a girls girl and obsessed with my friends and my family and just always that person that would be there for everyone I think.

Chelsea Myers (01:53)
You

Robyn (02:09)
Yeah, just a very family orientated person.

Chelsea Myers (02:12)
Yeah, you sound like you were living your best life. were, you sound extroverted, like very opposite of me. Like you will, yeah, I was going to say you would not see me up at 5 a.m. for any sort of adventure. But yeah, so that was Robyn. That was Robyn before. Talk to me a little bit about who you are today and what brought us.

Robyn (02:16)
Yeah.

I used to be, used to be...

Chelsea Myers (02:40)
into the same path.

Robyn (02:42)
Yeah, so we found out we were pregnant with our first baby and we got very lucky with Freya. the conversation and we'll see how it goes and we'll just try and then three weeks later I found out I was pregnant. So it was very, it was very like, oh okay. So the pregnancy was normal, we had no worries the whole time and then

Chelsea Myers (02:56)
Yeah

Robyn (03:08)
I was 38 weeks pregnant and our baby girl's heart had stopped. So Freya was born sleeping at 38 weeks and 3 and she was perfect baby. So I am Freya's mummy but unfortunately not in the way that I wanted to be.

Chelsea Myers (03:28)
so for anyone who, you don't already follow Robyn, can you remind me it's what your handle is again? At Freya Rae at Freya Rae, dear Freya Rae. Yep. Yep. And yeah, I think what drew me to you initially was just how open and vulnerable and honest you were about the whole process.

Robyn (03:36)
yeah, Dear Freya Rae. Dear Freya. Rae, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (03:52)
of becoming Freya's mom and continuing that journey. like I said, again, like I'm so excited. Like excited sounds like a weird way to say it, but I'm, you know what I mean? Like I'm, I'm, I'm thankful to be able to have this conversation with you, especially because, and I'm sure you, you can attest like this isn't something that people necessarily want to talk about.

Robyn (03:55)
Mm-hmm.

I know what you mean.

No, no, a lot of people do. And it's one of them as well where I think unless it's happened to you and someone that or someone that you're close to, you don't really, nobody talks about it, you don't really know about it. But when it happens to you, you realize how many people it does happen to. But the world is just scared to talk about it.

Chelsea Myers (04:24)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And right around the time that it wasn't at the same time, but around the time that I found your account, we had a similar loss in our family and the things that you were posting and your vulnerability and your honesty was so helpful in helping me learn how to navigate.

that situation within my family. I know I

Robyn (05:09)
know, I'm obviously I'm

not glad that you your family have to go through that but I'm glad that you found it helpful

Chelsea Myers (05:15)
Yeah, and like, again,

it's hard for me, especially when I meet people like you that have impacted my life in such a way that I'd love, I would just sit here for the full hour and just tell you all the ways that you're amazing. But this is your time. This is your time and this is your story. So let's get into it a little bit. You said your pregnancy was normal and like, yeah, you just felt

Robyn (05:26)
⁓ stop, thank you.

Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (05:44)
Did you even, did you have morning, like morning sickness? Did you have like...

Robyn (05:47)
So

I had bit of morning sickness but nothing where it was affecting my day to day life really. Yeah, I'd just be sick once in the morning and I'd be fine and ready to go again. It was never anything that would stop me doing anything. All her appointments were fine. I don't know whether it's the same over there but we have a chart at the midwife where they measure your tummy.

So she did drop on the chart once at a midwife appointment. So we had an extra growth scan, but at that scan she was absolutely perfect as well. I'd even had a midwife appointment just over a week before and her heart rate, the way she was growing was, she was perfect. She was textbook. I had a textbook pregnancy basically. And then...

Chelsea Myers (06:32)
Yeah.

Robyn (06:34)
Even the night before she was absolutely fine, she was kicking away as normal. She was always very, very active, especially at night. So me and my partner would always just lie and watch her and laugh. And we did that as normal the night before because there was nothing different. And I'd just started my maternity leave. So I was on my own the next day and I just got up as normal and I was doing some bits in her bedroom and then I got in the bath and she was...

Chelsea Myers (06:44)
You

Robyn (07:01)
the most active in the bath so I knew away like something wasn't right. Stephen was at work, my partner, so I just told him like I'm just gonna get booked in at the triage and just get checked out and make sure she's okay but and you just expect to go in and just be like she's just being lazy and go home and you just expect.

to be home and in bed that night don't you unfortunately we got the news that no parent wants and Freya's heart stopped so yeah

Chelsea Myers (07:32)
At that point, so you went to an appointment at Triage. Were you alone when you got the news? Okay.

Robyn (07:38)
No, my partner managed to get out of work so he came with me and then

we obviously they told me and my partner and then we got my mum to come up Yeah, so wasn't on my own thankfully.

Chelsea Myers (07:47)
Yeah.

I cannot imagine what that moment must have felt like, especially like you said, having her be such an active baby and then just seemingly out of nowhere. you want to talk to us a little bit about what that process is like? I can only imagine like the world kind of closes in when you hear those words.

Robyn (08:00)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you're kind of just

in a bubble and it's not until, I think personally anyway, it's not until you leave the hospital after giving birth that that bubble kind of pops. But even then afterwards, I feel like we kind of tried to keep that bubble as much as we could. Just me, my partner and my mum. But yeah, I'll go into it. I don't mind. I'll be honest when I don't remember much about.

Chelsea Myers (08:24)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Robyn (08:40)
when they actually told us that had obviously passed away. So the midwife tried to find a heartbeat on the Doppler. Obviously she couldn't find anything and then she went to get the doctor. This felt like the longest five minutes of my life. It felt like we were there for hours, but it only took them about five, 10 minutes to get the machine up and do the ultrasound. But yeah, the...

Well they obviously said that Freya's heart had stopped and my partner still says now that he can remember the scream that I let out and think I just went numb because I don't really remember much about that time period and then I remember probably about an hour or so later my mum had come over and they moved us to a bereavement and at that moment I hadn't really thought about the fact that

Freya was still in my tummy and she had to come out. So it was, I was probably sat there for about two hours and then all of sudden this just came into my head and I asked my mum, they gonna make me give birth? Like what do I do now? So my mum was like, obviously like, I don't know, because you don't plan to be in that situation. Nobody knows what happens. So we sat down with the midwives and we went through like the pros and cons of a caesarean.

Chelsea Myers (09:33)
Yeah.

Robyn (09:58)
and natural birth. So we chose, I chose to have, I chose to get induced and try to give birth naturally before we went down that route. So they gave me, I'm not sure what the tablet's called, but it's a tablet that stops your hormones. So they gave me that that night and then we went home and then we went back the day after and I was induced at two o'clock, two p.m.

next day, yeah, and then Freya was the next morning.

Chelsea Myers (10:30)
imagine that that all feels like a complete blur. ⁓ yeah, yeah. And I'm so glad that you mentioned that, that like, that thought of like, she's still, like, I still have to, because you're absolutely right. Like you don't think about that. You don't think about that outcome.

Robyn (10:35)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

No.

Chelsea Myers (10:52)
so I know relatively what the process is like here in the States. when that, when that situation happens, ⁓ beyond 20 weeks, I'm not as familiar with what it's like over in the UK. ⁓ but I know it's not great here.

but we're making efforts. I'd love to know like, was there any support for you in the hospital while you were there having to go through labor or anything?

Robyn (11:26)
So the midwives, the bereavement midwives, I can't remember how many there was on a team but I have to say while we were in the hospital the midwives were incredible. Yeah they were amazing, I can't fault them at all. There was one midwife who was just an angel to put it, she was just amazing. Yeah while we were in the hospital they were really really good.

Chelsea Myers (11:37)
Okay.

Yeah.

I hadn't I don't and again, because I haven't experienced it personally, I had never even heard the term bereavement midwife. So I can't even tell you if that's something that we have here. Right? Like I don't, I'm not sure but but yeah, so you had to endure labor bring Freya into the world.

Robyn (11:58)
Yeah, me neither.

Chelsea Myers (12:11)
What was that moment like for you?

Robyn (12:14)
almost gets me angry because when I look back and when I used to think about giving birth to Freya obviously when I was pregnant I look back now and I probably had the most perfect birth that I could have wanted with Freya. Just the worst possible outcome. So I got, they started the induction process at two o'clock and between

Chelsea Myers (12:30)
Yeah.

Robyn (12:38)
and midnight there wasn't really anything happening but then at midnight I went from my waters breaking to a being here 40 minutes later and it was very quick to the point where I didn't have any time for medication or anything like that so I just had gas and air the whole time and that's what I wanted like I got the birth that I wanted but I just didn't get

Chelsea Myers (12:47)
Wow.

Robyn (13:05)
the baby at the end of it. Well, I did, I still got my baby, but not in the way that I wanted. And I think as well, I think I kind of went into a shock mode when she was here. I think it just didn't sink in until I didn't hear her cry. we'd spoke about it before and I'd told the midwife that I wanted her straight away still when I'd given birth. And I wanted to do skin to skin with her, but.

Like I went into shock to the point where my mum had to grab me and said Robyn she's here do you want her? So obviously then like I just came back round and then obviously I wanted her so she gave her to me but I was really sick after birth after labour. obviously I'm being sick and trying to hold her and stuff it was it just wasn't working so we got myself all cleaned up and her daddy had a hold and

my mum and that, so. And then I don't really remember much after that until we was back into the room, because they move you into a delivery suite whilst you're in active labour. And then you get moved back into the bereavement room. I remember they weighed her and they did a measurement and a hand and footprints for us. And then we moved back into the bereavement suite afterwards.

Chelsea Myers (14:07)
Mm-hmm.

so here in the States, there isn't really necessarily a timeframe on how long, like you can kind of stay as long as, it kind of, was that sort of your experience as well? Yeah. Yeah.

Robyn (14:29)
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, they do say you

can stay as much as you want, but then they obviously do just make you aware that they might need the room for someone else, obviously. But yeah, pretty much as long as you wanted.

Chelsea Myers (14:39)
Yeah.

Yeah, so you got to spend some time with her afterwards, yeah.

Robyn (14:46)
Yeah, so Frey

was born early hours of Saturday morning. So we spent Saturday with her and then on the Sunday was Father's Day. So we spent the Sunday with her and then we went home on the Monday. I don't want to go into it too much, but obviously baby's body was deteriorating and we didn't want to remember in that way. But then we did say this and then afterwards we...

Chelsea Myers (14:56)
Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

Robyn (15:13)
We still visited her every day because she went to the funeral home on the Monday and we still, we still, we just couldn't stop ourselves and we just, we just ended up going back every day so we visited her Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and then on the Friday obviously her skin was not in the best condition and we, we kind of had to tell ourselves then that it was time.

Chelsea Myers (15:34)
And I think, again, it's important that you're highlighting these things, because these are processes that we don't think about. Especially, you don't think about them when you're getting pregnant, when you get that pregnancy test, you're not thinking about them when you're going through your pregnancy. And

Robyn (15:40)
Yeah.

No.

Chelsea Myers (15:51)
But it is important to talk about because it is a reality. It's a reality for so many people. The decisions that you make for you and your family afterwards are, there is no wrong. There is, like, there's no rules. There is no wrong way to do this.

Robyn (16:01)
Yeah.

No, you just,

we look back now and we think, I wish I did this and I wish I did that and wish I'd have done this differently. But in that moment, you're just doing what you think is right to get through. And yeah, you just, you're just not thinking, you can't plan for that situation. yeah, it is just doing what you think is right in that second.

Chelsea Myers (16:13)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Something that you have shared more recently that I've found so powerful is, like you will share pictures of Freya, and Freya is beautiful. And something that you've shared more recently is

Robyn (16:42)
Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (16:48)
this whole stigma around putting a content warning around pictures of your daughter. And I immediately got all the big feels. Like, like, when I was like, you don't like, why, why should you have to put a content warning on pictures of your child?

Robyn (16:52)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

It

was a comment that I got on one of my posts. I don't use TikTok that often, I started doing some bits on it and a lady had commented saying, you put a trigger warning on for us expecting mothers? luckily that's the only comment that I've ever had, but it did, it got a lot of people very angry. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (17:29)
Yeah. Well, and

so like, so again, like, I'm not a loss mom. So it's not something I say that over and over again, because it's not something I don't ever want to say like, yeah, I can understand that or I can't like, because I can't, I just can't. But my initial instinct was like, mama bear mode, like, no, that's her child. That's her child. And

Robyn (17:36)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (17:58)
It really goes hand in hand with so much of what is stigmatized around pregnancy in general, pregnancy, childbirth, perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, stillbirth, infertility. It's like, don't talk about it. If we don't, we don't want to scare new parents. But it's, but my initial like gut reaction was like, no, this is, this is her reality. And just because it doesn't match your reality.

Robyn (18:03)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. And I think as well, a lot of loss mums were messaging me and saying, well, we live with triggers every single day. Like our whole life is unfortunate. We live around them now and we're not asking for triggers on people walking down the street with a pram or walking through the supermarket. We're not asking for a trigger warning on the baby aisle. And we're not asking for a trigger warning for people with living children.

Chelsea Myers (18:29)
It's not shame, right?

Mm-hmm.

Robyn (18:56)
and yeah it was just I'll never trigger warning to please someone else like it's just no never

Chelsea Myers (19:05)
No.

again, like personal choices, if that's what you choose to do for your family, then that's fine. But my heart immediately went out to you. And like I said, my mama bear mode went up like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second here. But I mentioned that because it does, it goes hand in hand sort of with the whole process is like, there, there are, there's no right or wrong way to navigate this.

Robyn (19:18)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

No. No,

some people don't even want to share pictures of the babies and that's absolutely fine as well. It's all personal choice but we should be able to do it in the way that we want to.

Chelsea Myers (19:37)
Mm-hmm.

Mm Yeah, absolutely. So I want to talk a little bit about sort of where you were at during those first few days and weeks and what sort of support system you had around you to navigate. And I don't even know the answer to this question. I'm not sure how and when you did say good night and goodbye to Freya.

Robyn (20:11)
Yeah, so Freya went to the funeral home on the Monday. We visited her the Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and then on the Friday we went to see her and that was the last time that we saw her. So we did say bye to her on the Friday and then her funeral was the following Wednesday. It was the sunniest day I think we'd had all year last year. It was a beautiful sunny day.

Chelsea Myers (20:30)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn (20:41)
The day itself, I don't really remember much of it. remember... getting into the car when it's a baby, they tend to have... Rather than the standard funeral cars where you can see the coffin, they tend to have it where the baby's in the car with the parents.

Chelsea Myers (20:55)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn (21:00)
So Freya was in front of us in the funeral car and I remember that and I remember seeing her coffin obviously. She had a beautiful pink wicker basket so it was nice. Not nice but you know what I mean. And then I remember...

Chelsea Myers (21:17)
I know what mean, yeah.

Robyn (21:21)
Somehow I was just in the service, if I'm honest. I don't remember much about who was there. I do know that there was that many people that turned up for her, that there were people standing up all the way outside of the crematorium. So that was, that's a beautiful thing that so many people turned up for her and for us. Loads of people tell me now that...

when I'd pulled up, when the car had pulled up to Freya's funeral that they can still hear the scream that I let out because I couldn't get out of the car my mum tells me now about how much it took her to get me out of that car that's, and then I remember, I don't remember much of the service. I did write some words that the, I'm not really sure what, like people that run.

funerals we had someone that did it for us. she read that out because none of us wanted to speak. I remember just writing that one night a few nights before when I couldn't sleep and I didn't even spoke my partner about us saying anything or anything like that. I just thought oh I need to write something. picked some songs we had Somewhere Over the Rainbow and we had

Chelsea Myers (22:15)
Yeah.

Robyn (22:39)
A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes from Cinderella. And then she had beautiful pink and white roses because that's her birth flower. And then, yeah, I don't... I remember walking out of the crematorium and saw all these people, but I was so overwhelmed that I just had to get back to the car. And yeah, I think...

Chelsea Myers (22:41)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn (23:05)
Up until Freya's funeral we were kind of just in auto mode and it was kind of just like, right we have to do this, we have to do that. So the grieving process I wouldn't say, it even started, we always say now when we look back that you can't count them two weeks because it was very much like this has to be done, this has to be done, this has to be done. You're just running on autopilot.

Chelsea Myers (23:23)
Mm.

Robyn (23:33)
So was only really after the funeral really that I think we started to process things and I didn't do that very well if I'm being totally honest with you.

Chelsea Myers (23:42)
I mean, I don't think there is a well way to process it. Yeah.

Robyn (23:44)
No, no, there's...

I don't think anyone could ever process this completely. It's not the way of life, you're not supposed to lose your child, it's just shit. It really is, it really is just shit. So yeah, for, I'd probably say about three months, just... It took my mum and my partner all their time to even get me of bed.

Chelsea Myers (23:52)
Yeah.

It is shit.

Robyn (24:12)
I'm being totally honest with you. I did have good support. My mum still comes here every day, bless her, she's amazing. She's most incredible person. And obviously my partner Stephen is the best partner and the best daddy that we could have ever asked for. And I was not lucky because I wish that she didn't know how this felt, but I was very lucky that my community midwife who I saw throughout my pregnancy with Freya

She came to see me the day that we got back from hospital. She won't mind me saying this, she knows that I speak about it. And I did it, obviously she doesn't tell her, her Mommies this, like when they're just going in for their appointments, but she'd loss her little boy. So he was, he died eight, I think it was eight hours after he was born. So she'd obviously heard about Freya.

Chelsea Myers (25:03)
Mm.

Robyn (25:07)
and it was quite strange because so her little boy Luca was born he died on the 13th of June and we found out that Freya's heart had stopped on the 13th of June so all the dates like kind of hit and we were just like wow and so she's been an amazing support and she still is now we're still messaging her now and we still talk all the time and

Chelsea Myers (25:21)
Mm.

Robyn (25:34)
So she was a massive help. She got me referred for my counselling and everything like that. yeah, very, very good support and my family's just incredible. yeah.

Chelsea Myers (25:48)
Yeah,

I was gonna ask about definitely like therapy or counseling or things like that. And yeah, you're right. The timing of that is so strange, but I'm not a religious person, but I definitely am like a, I believe in like energy and higher power and things like that.

Robyn (25:52)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, see, I

never used to believe in stuff like that until obviously until we lost Freya think sometimes like live events just make you think a lot differently about things, don't they? Now I believe in it all and I'm like, that's a sign. That's a sign. With everything.

Chelsea Myers (26:16)
Right? Like...

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well, yeah, like,

like, again, this is my personal opinion, and I usually don't bring those to the table. But like, again, hearing you say it, I was like, it sounds like Luca brought Luca and Freya brought you guys together. But so it sounds like you, you I mean, you did you had an amazing support system, but even with the greatest support system, this is not something that

Robyn (26:41)
Yeah, definitely.

Chelsea Myers (26:56)
you can prepare for. And I'm curious too, like through the counseling and through that midwife that you're still so close with, were you able to find a network of other moms who had experienced loss or is that not something that you find helpful?

Robyn (26:57)
No. No.

Yeah definitely so I found reading other people's stories massively helpful. So I got some books and I was reading them I read I don't know whether you'll have heard of it Elle Wright she wrote a book about her little boy who passed and then Zoe Clark Corks her stuff helped me and then I found that writing it

Chelsea Myers (27:26)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn (27:43)
down helped me as well so I started, I don't know whether you've seen the blog, so I started the blog and then I started the Instagram and then all of sudden I have this whole community of loss mums that are just incredible that I don't think I would have got through this without because I always say that sometimes you could have all these people around you but if they don't truly understand what you're going through

Chelsea Myers (27:47)
Mm-hmm. Yep.

Robyn (28:11)
then and they can't unless unless you've lost a child you there's no way you could understand you feel so alone like i could have my whole family in this room but i still felt more alone than i've ever felt because no one in that room could truly understand how i was feeling so i think as soon as when i started that instagram and all these loss mummies were following me and we got talking and

just having that community and having people that know how you're feeling every day and for me it helped people that were further on in their journey and it gives you that little bit of hope that you are going to find happiness again, you are going to be able to live again.

Chelsea Myers (28:54)
Yeah, it's important to know. And I want listeners to know and to understand like, this was not very long ago for you. And I, and I remember when we were chatting, I was like, Robyn, we can do this whenever. Like we, like, I, I want to honor you and I want to honor, I want to honor Freya, but like, I realized that this was not that long ago. And so this, the, the strength

Robyn (29:02)
No.

Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (29:23)
that it takes for you to show up and tell your story today is incredible. Yeah, can you remind me because I think the last time was it eight or 10 months ago now?

Robyn (29:28)
Thank you.

Thank you.

eight months ago. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (29:39)
Eight months ago. Okay.

Yeah. So yes, listeners, you are still you are you are still very fresh in this journey. And I hate to even call it a journey because like you said before, it's shit. It's shit. And there there another thing that you have posted several times that resonates with me and resonates with a lot of moms is like,

Robyn (29:55)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (30:08)
No, not everything happens for a reason. Some things are just wrong and shouldn't have happened. And I do admire that about you. I admire how honest you are every day about what you're feeling and what you're going through. Because one, it's real life. It's real life and it's authentic.

Robyn (30:11)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (30:32)
I can only imagine what kind of solidarity it's offering to other loss moms. And then to people like me who are following you who have not experienced that, it's helping me to, again, I'll never understand, but it's helping me to learn, like, okay, like this is how you step up for someone who has gone through this.

Robyn (30:54)
Yeah. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (30:57)
this is what you absolutely do not say to someone who has gone through this. is right. Maybe if you could, again, every experience is different, but, and you share about this every day on Dear Freya Rae on Instagram, but,

Robyn (31:00)
Mm hmm. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (31:13)
For listeners, if you want to talk about personally things that have been the most helpful for you and things that have been absolutely the least helpful for you.

Robyn (31:26)
Yeah, definitely. I think the main thing is just showing up. And me and my partner always say that it's better to say something than nothing at all. Like we look back and we remember the people that didn't say a thing. And don't get me wrong, we understand that it's a hard situation and it is difficult to know what to say, but we know ourselves that nothing that you can say will make this better.

Chelsea Myers (31:38)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn (31:53)
It got to the point where we were like, there's so many people just not saying anything because they don't know what to say. It's like, we got sick of people using that excuse. And you don't have to say much. Like my cousins would just send me a little heart emoji every day and they would go to my mum just to see how I was and stuff like that. Just checking in and not being afraid to talk about them because that was the main thing with me. I remember

Chelsea Myers (32:03)
Yeah.

Robyn (32:23)
someone had come round, one of our family members and we could tell that they were trying to avoid it and we were like, no you can talk about her. Because that's hard for us because we don't want her to be forgotten like she's still our child and she'll always be our first baby and she'll always be a part of us and we want other people to involve her in our family as well at the same time. So I think the main thing is genuinely just

Chelsea Myers (32:34)
Yeah.

Robyn (32:50)
being open about talking about them and letting the parents know that they're comfortable around you to talk about them and you're comfortable to let them. And I think as well is not thinking that there's a timeframe on people's grief because there isn't. And I get really frustrated, especially now being eight months in that

Chelsea Myers (33:09)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn (33:18)
It feels like a lot of people think that we should be okay. And I don't know whether you saw, but I put a post up the other day where grief can look like this, it can also look like, like grief can look like you're in the pit of it and you're doing nothing but crying, but it can also look like you're smiling and you're finding little bits of joy. Like the grief is still there. And I think it's still important, no matter how long it's been to check in on people and

see how they are and just asking if there's anything that you need and yeah because it just it's almost frustrating like people have forgotten that you're still grieving and you almost feel forgotten about while obviously everybody has to get on with their lives but you feel like you're down here and everyone's forgotten about you while they're just living their perfect little life so it's i find that really really difficult and like i'm

Chelsea Myers (33:59)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Robyn (34:15)
I don't feel like I'm asking for much personally, like just a message every now and then but then also I've always been that kind of person like I'm such like not to blow my own trumpet but I'm so caring and thoughtful that if I knew that someone was struggling and someone was going through something so heartbreaking that I would be there constantly and personally for me I don't think there's anything worse than losing a child and

Chelsea Myers (34:42)
Yeah.

Robyn (34:43)
It never goes away. Like, yeah, like it's just that grief that I think you're reminded every single day when you've lost a child of what you've lost And you don't just lose a baby when you lose a baby. You lose, you lose a toddler, you lose a teenager, you lose an adult. You lose all stages of your child's life. And I think the main thing is just not forgetting, just not forgetting about the baby and not forgetting that them parents are still grieving and they probably will be forever.

Chelsea Myers (35:12)
Yeah. Yeah. And I do remember you posting that. I also, something that I learned from you was not being afraid to say their name and not being afraid to talk about them. I don't even like saying them, but like your babies, like talking about Freya and Freya existed and Freya is your daughter. And so, and to hear you say to like, you're a caring person

Robyn (35:16)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Yep. Yep.

Chelsea Myers (35:42)
even in the midst of all of this grief and all of this just unimaginable heaviness, like you are supporting others in what you're doing, in what you're posting and like, ⁓ I, so again, I'm like referencing social media, but it's, that's the problem with having, call them pocket friends, like people, people that you know, from all over the world that you like, don't actually get to see, but like,

I absolutely love being able to see the things that you're doing. Like for Christmas, you did these like virtual ornaments and with messages and you have this lovely, I don't even know, is that your garden? Is that your garden that you, no, okay, cause I'm like.

Robyn (36:24)
Yeah.

No, no, so it's,

it's called, it's a rose and sensory garden. It's in a park, it's literally around the corner from our house, so, so obviously Freya's birth flower was a rose. So we, we put a bench and a bunny sculpture in the rose garden for her.

Chelsea Myers (36:39)
Okay.

Yeah.

And it's beautiful. you guys, well, and I was like, my gosh, is that her back garden? Like that's beautiful. But like, it's not what you're doing is not only for Freya, like you're always asking other moms, like send us your baby's names, send us these things and we will include them and what we're doing.

Robyn (36:51)
Thank you.

No, I wish. I wish it was.

Chelsea Myers (37:15)
That's remarkable because even in the midst of your own grief, you're still looking to serve others.

Robyn (37:17)
Thank you.

I

for me I just love seeing her name. I just love seeing it in different places so I just know how much that means. We're actually fitting something new in the garden this weekend. So we've got more animal sculptures made and we're putting a plaque up and they're going to be dedicated to all the babies that have been lost

Chelsea Myers (37:25)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I know I've been seeing little sneak peeks of the the sculptures. Yes. This is gonna be the hard part about podcast is like this is gonna be aired like weeks and months from now. So you're gonna have to like listeners dig back. First of all, follow Robyn. Second of all, go back and dig through because these sculptures are beautiful. They're beautiful.

Robyn (37:48)
Did you see that?

Don't be mad.

Chelsea Myers (38:14)
so one thing, when we're talking about, again, the grief never goes away and that everybody is going to process this differently, I think another thing that a lot of people don't realize is that you're still post-

postpartum. Your body is still postpartum. You're still healing postpartum, but you don't get to hold Freya.

Robyn (38:33)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (38:42)
Can you talk at all about what that is like?

Robyn (38:47)
Yeah, so I do feel like a lot of people do forget that. Like, people do forget that we're still postpartum, we still gave birth, we still go through the postpartum stage. I think for me the hardest part is having a postpartum body and having no baby to show for it.

Chelsea Myers (38:51)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Robyn (39:10)
I very much struggled coming to terms with that. For months I couldn't shower on my own. My partner would be in the room with me the whole time because I would just get too engrossed in my body and just get so worked up that I couldn't function. I'm still very much on the journey of coming to terms with it.

Yeah, it's a tough one for me personally. I do really struggle with it because when I was pregnant I was... I embraced it and I loved that my body had done this and that my body could grow a baby and I always thought that, yeah, maybe I wouldn't have liked my body that much but I would have been proud of it afterwards. But it's hard to be proud of it now when...

Chelsea Myers (39:59)
Yeah.

Robyn (40:04)
I know everyone will say to me it's not your fault and it wasn't my fault, I know it wasn't but you still think I'm angry at it because it didn't do what it was supposed to do.

So

yeah, it is a very difficult one for me that.

Chelsea Myers (40:18)
I'm trying, I'm not, I'm definitely not trying to like dance around questions, but I also want to be super sensitive about the way that I ask questions. Because, again, like you don't owe any part of your story to anyone. So I through this whole process, I'm just thankful that you

Robyn (40:26)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (40:41)
want to share and want to share about these things. Because, again, I'm saying it over and over again, for people who haven't experienced it, and may experience something like this in the future, it's important to know. And for those who have experienced it, it's important for them to know that they're not alone. So yeah, just reiterating again, because I, because you're amazing, just want you to know how amazing you are. Well, no, yeah.

Robyn (40:52)
Yeah.

Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (41:11)
don't know, I...

I don't even know how to word this. And this is so like, I'm like not on my host game right now, but like, I think there are certain people that kind of crossed my path through this journey with Quiet Connection that I feel called to connect with. And

I never really know exactly what the reason is or what it is, but from the moment I stumbled on one of your posts, I instantly was like, this person is doing incredible things amidst one of the most horrible things that could ever happen to a person. yeah, so I did, I, like I said in the beginning, I could spend the whole hour telling you all the things that I love about what you're doing.

Robyn (41:58)
Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (42:08)
but you're still, you're Robyn, you're Robyn, you're Freya's mom, you're a partner, you're a daughter, you're a friend, and you still find a space in your heart for others. And that, I think, is incredible. So, yeah, I don't know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Robyn (42:31)
Thank you. No, it's fine. It's nice. I think for

me, I think that's just my way of parenting her, if that makes sense. I think it's just my way of being her mummy because it's the only way that I can.

Chelsea Myers (42:40)
Yeah, that was-

Yeah, you know that that I love that I that's a perspective that I that I wouldn't have. But I love that that's how you are being Freya's mom. That's how you're honoring Freya.

Robyn (42:50)
Yeah.

Yes.

Chelsea Myers (42:59)
So

Something that has brought me joy is when you share the things that are sort of like your symbols for Freya.

Robyn (43:07)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (43:09)
⁓ so like the bunny and the book, Guess How Much I Love You. and, ⁓ I think it's cherries, right? Like, yep, and cherries. And so I love you anytime you get like a new sweater, or like a new little doodad and you share. And then again, like Cinderella. I loved it. I loved your Cinderella nails. I thought those were beautiful. Yeah.

Robyn (43:14)
Yeah.

Yeah.

They're all my favourite ones. I have cherry

ones at the moment.

Chelsea Myers (43:38)
Yeah,

but so what can you talk a little bit about some of the like symbols and ways that you keep Freya a part of your family's daily life?

Robyn (43:50)
Yeah, bunnies. A lot of people think it's because of the book and it does play a part, but on Freya's first scan she looked like a little bunny. And then her first baby girl had a little bunny on and without us even thinking that was the one that her daddy picked out. And then we have, guess how much I love you was the book that we read to her and then without even thinking. So we sent.

quite a few things with her and everything was bunny themed and we didn't even realise until afterwards. So that's where the bunnies came from. Roses is obviously Freya's birth flower so that's a big part and obviously her bench is at the Rose Garden and me and my partner go pretty much every day and so does my And then we have the cherries. Freya's last babygro was cherries and it was my favourite one the whole time that I was pregnant.

I just had to have this Cherry babygro don't know what it was, I just loved it. And then we have Winnie the Pooh because when Freya was in my belly, her daddy used to read. I have this very old Winnie the Pooh collector's book from when I was a baby. So my partner used to read to her every night. It's got little poems at the back so we would choose a poem and read that to her.

And then obviously Cinderella, because a dream is a wish your heart makes is her song. Yeah, so that's the story behind all them. And we try to, I mean, there's a little piece of Freya in every room of the house and she started off with one shelf and now she's got so many. It's just, but I always say, and then obviously my whole wardrobe is like Freya now, but we always say that if she was here, we would have spoiled her rotten and.

We can't do that, so now we just buy things that make us smile and help us remember her by So that's just our little way of keeping her in every day and yeah.

Chelsea Myers (45:59)
Yeah, I love it. And I love that there are so many things to choose from that make you think of her, right? Like, because you can find a little bit of Freya anywhere.

Robyn (46:06)
Yeah.

yeah and i've loved like all the valentine's day stuff at the moment because it's all been cherries there's been so many cherries everywhere and i've loved it i'm gonna be so sad when they all go

Chelsea Myers (46:15)
Yeah.

my gosh. Yeah, so that's another thing that I think, again, is like personal to every family, but I've found more often than not is keeping baby a part of every day because they are they're your family. They're your family.

Robyn (46:32)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (46:41)
so with all of those things like you have like you're pouring yourself into the garden and sprucing it up with new critters and all of your projects and everything. I know that a lot of days are really hard.

and nights seem to be really hard for you. Yeah. How are you coping, especially like you've just started going back to work a little bit. How do you cope with those nights where you're just not finding sleep and then you have to carry on with your day?

Robyn (47:00)
Yeah.

Yeah,

I don't know how I'll cope if I'm being totally honest. think I struggle the most at nights because Stephen's way, my partner Stephen, his way of grieving has always been sleeping. So his body is always healed from rest. So he doesn't really struggle with the night time. So I think

Chelsea Myers (47:33)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn (47:38)
I find it hard because I'm laid there awake on my own and I shouldn't be on my own. My baby should be there with me and I should be up in the night for her. So I think that's why I struggle a lot at night and obviously the rest of the world's asleep and everywhere's silent apart from your own head basically.

Chelsea Myers (47:53)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Robyn (48:00)
I don't, I have got a Kindle now and that does help, I just kind of like read myself to sleep. I have had that and that does seem to help a little bit but there are still some nights where it's just, it's just so hard to switch off and I think a lot of, I speak to a lot of mums and a lot of them struggle at night time, I think that's the hardest part of the day, especially for me.

Chelsea Myers (48:05)
Yeah.

Yeah, I catch you most of the time because of the time difference when you're up in the middle of the night. And I know when you're posting, I know what time it is over there. And I'm like, like I wish I could just like reach through and give you a hug. You know what I mean? So you've got your Kindle now. I saw you've got your Kindle and you're starting some new books.

Robyn (48:30)
Yeah, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (48:48)
It's really weird. don't know if it's like a lot of us moms who have experienced trauma, all different kinds of trauma. This seems to be the year of the Kindle. Like everyone is getting back, everyone's getting back into reading. Because I did the same thing.

Robyn (48:58)
Yeah, yeah. It is a... Yeah,

massively. I've noticed that too. I was always that person... I'm going off here, but I was always that... Me and my friend were the same. We always said no, I like the physical book. I'm never going to get a Kindle because I like the physical book. And now I don't think I could go back to the physical book.

Chelsea Myers (49:13)
No, it's okay.

Me too!

No. No!

Well, because you can read it in the middle of the night and nobody knows and like... Yes!

Robyn (49:29)
And it's so much more comfortable lying in bed with your Kindle

than a book like this! Yeah!

Chelsea Myers (49:36)
Yes, and you can hold it with one hand. I need to get I want

to I want to get a pop socket for mine so that I can really do it one handed.

Robyn (49:44)
Yeah, I

actually bought as well a little page turner where you clip it on and you have a little remote. So I can literally just pop it up on a pillow in my bed and I just lie there and I use this little remote to turn the pages.

Chelsea Myers (49:50)
my god.

I love it. my gosh. No, I think you're a smart reader. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. But the stock buy stock in Kindle, I guess, because like, we're all we're all going Kindle crazy. So that that kind of leads into one of my questions I was going to say like, nights are hard and, and that but like, what are some things that are bringing you joy? What are your

Robyn (49:59)
So I'm such a lazy reader now.

Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (50:27)
limbers.

Robyn (50:28)
So I paint a lot. I enjoy painting and I paint candles mainly for the last month. I think a lot for me is helping others and spending time at Freya's bench. Our dog helps me very much so he's the best.

Chelsea Myers (50:43)
Mm-hmm.

Your dog is so freaking cute.

Robyn (50:54)
He is so cute, I must admit

Everyone says that, like, oh he's so handsome. And he is, he's the cutest dog, but he's a little monkey at the same time though. But he's funny, like he's funny with it, he's got such an attitude and it's strange that you see that from a dog, yeah, he helps a lot. We got him after we lost Freya to try and help with our grief and...

Chelsea Myers (51:00)
I

You

Yeah.

Robyn (51:20)
I think he has helped massively and he just keeps you busy as well and it's for me he's he's my reason to get up in the morning because I know that he needs a walk and he needs his breakfast and yeah he's he gave me something to live for if I'm honest know a lot of people think that they're just pets but no definitely not definitely not for me

Chelsea Myers (51:41)
No. No. No. Those are

the people who don't have pets. Yeah, they don't get it.

Robyn (51:48)
Yeah, yeah,

no. And yeah, I think just helping others and just trying to find ways to keep Freya's memory alive is just my main thing at the moment and knowing that I'm doing that is what keeps me going.

Chelsea Myers (52:10)
yeah, and you are, you're fighting an impossible battle, but you do it every day. You do it every day. You get up and you do it every day. again, just the authenticity and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and honest is not something you see on social media. Social media is very much a painted picture.

Robyn (52:36)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (52:37)
of

a certain side of life. And you are so unapologetic about like, this is exactly what I'm feeling right now. And that's what we need more of.

Robyn (52:49)
think for me I find it so important because in them early days I thought that I was almost going insane and I shouldn't be having these thoughts and this isn't how I should be feeling so I think for me it's kind of like no other people need to know that these thoughts are normal and feeling that way is normal after you've loss a child and I needed someone to tell me that and I was lucky enough to have my midwife that

that was telling me that and I know that so many people aren't lucky enough to have someone so close to them to tell them that what they're feeling is normal. Because I think that was the hardest part for me is am I having normal thoughts right now?

Chelsea Myers (53:25)
Yeah.

Well, yeah, because it's like wrapping it all the way around is like, you don't prepare for this. So you can't prepare and you can't know what you're going to feel. I think because I had, and again, completely different situation, but like even like I still struggle with

Robyn (53:33)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (53:54)
anger, you know, when they talk to you about the stages of grief. And and I don't know if anybody's talked to you about like radical acceptance. I can't get there. anger, anger is, is a really, really difficult space to be in when you're in the grief process. But I feel like so many people, like shy away from it or like

Robyn (54:13)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (54:21)
you need to get past this. You need to get past this. Like no, I'm not. I'm not past it yet. And it's okay that I'm not past that yet. So I appreciate that about what you share because it's okay to be pissed off.

Robyn (54:29)
Mm-hmm.

yeah yeah

and it's okay to be pissed off for as long as you want to be as well and as long as you need to be

Chelsea Myers (54:44)
Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. That brings me that brings me to, I think how, how we'll kind of wrap up. Well, I have two questions, actually. I'll ask this one first, and then I'll ask the other one. ⁓ so yeah, like in terms of

Robyn (54:47)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (55:03)
grieving and being pissed off as long as you need to be or feeling what you need to feel as long as you need to feel. you needed to hear those words. And so you want to make sure that other people have that. For anyone listening to your story, what what do you hope they take away from your experience?

Robyn (55:25)
Just that you're not on your own. I remember feeling like I was the only person in the world that this had happened to and that I was the unlucky one. And yeah, we are unlucky, but you're not on your own. And unfortunately, there's so many people out there that have either experienced the loss of a child or know someone close to them that has. If you look at the statistics and...

it's very possible that you do know someone that has gone through baby loss and it's okay to talk about it and it's okay to feel the way that you're feeling and you need to feel that way at the same time and I can guarantee that most loss mums and loss parents have felt the way that you're feeling right now and there is unfortunately a lot of us out there that are willing to help other people.

I'm saying unfortunately, I mean, unfortunately there's a lot of us but, I always say that it's a community that I don't want to be in but at the same time it's a beautiful one. It's one where we all want to be there for each other and we all want to help lift each other up and we all want to remember each other's babies and it really is such a beautiful community that

Chelsea Myers (56:30)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn (56:42)
Nobody wants to be in but unfortunately we are and...

The shittest thing is nothing's gonna change that and we're in it forever now but but yeah it's it's a good one it's I really wish one but it's a good one

Chelsea Myers (56:52)
Yeah.

that I can say I can understand. I can understand that like it's a club you never wanna join, but it's probably some of the most remarkable people you'll ever meet in your life and supportive people. I wanna ask you before we wrap up because I feel like this is important and I wanna know, what do you love about being Freya's mom?

Robyn (56:57)
Yeah.

Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

Thank

everything. I obviously hate that she's not here and I would give anything to to change that and to have her here and not be doing things like this. Like I would give anything to for things to have been different but she wasn't here for a long time but she did so much. She showed us all so much and she showed me how to be strong and she gave me that strength to keep going and

Chelsea Myers (57:23)
Yeah.

Robyn (57:49)
I'll always be grateful for her for making me a mummy. She'll always be the girl that made me a mum. And yeah, I just love everything about being her mum. And she'll always be my favourite person to talk about, my favourite person to tell her story about. yeah, I'll always be grateful that she chose me to be her mummy.

Chelsea Myers (57:56)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I am so thankful for you and I'm so thankful for Freya and again, like nothing I could ever say like you said would change the circumstance and of course, I just appreciate you so much and admire your strength and yeah, so if people want

Robyn (58:31)
Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (58:38)
to find you and learn more about what you're doing. have a blog and you're on Instagram. is it both Dear Freya Rae? Yeah. Okay. And I love it because it's like letters to Freya and.

Robyn (58:46)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah so that so that's where it

came from so my auntie bought me a book can't remember what it was actually called, Dear Freya Rae It said on the book and that's where it came from so I started writing to her using that.

Chelsea Myers (59:02)
Yeah, yep.

Yeah. I appreciate you taking the time even though you don't feel well, even though it's even though it's suppertime and I just I'm I'm thankful every day that I get to I get to witness your journey and and learn more about this. Yeah, and I I will always.

Robyn (59:10)
No.

Thank you. Thank you for being there to see it.

Chelsea Myers (59:30)
always, always remember Freya and help to spread Freya's name. I'm very excited. My kids don't even know this and they're not home. So they won't know. But I'm very excited in October to, I'm gonna bring a stone to Disney for Freya. Freya has stones that you do and you link. And so I'm gonna bring a Freya stone to Disney with me.

Robyn (59:35)
Thank you.

Yes, yes, yes.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:00)
so that she can have some Disney magic and you can have some Disney magic. Yeah. So yeah, if you want to learn more about Robyn, dear Freya Rae, it'll all be linked in the show notes. And yeah, thank you for everything that you're doing and for choosing every day to keep going.

Robyn (1:00:03)
Yeah, that'd be amazing.

Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:19)
Thank you so much, Robyn, for reminding us that grief doesn't follow a timeline and healing doesn't mean forgetting. And thank you for all that you do to support other moms who have experienced loss, as well as those of us who want to learn more about the best ways we can show up for our loved ones. As Robyn so beautifully shared, remembering Freya is an ongoing part of her motherhood and she will never be forgotten.

You can keep up with us on Quiet Connection by following us on Facebook, Instagram, Note, and Threads at Quiet Connection Podcast. You can also find us on Blue Sky at Quiet Connection Pod. You can help our community grow by leaving us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

and consider sharing our episodes on social media. Be sure to check out our Patreon or Buy Me a Coffee accounts to support our mission and get exclusive access to bonus episodes and more. To share your personal journey, you can contact us through our website at quietconnectionpodcast.com or by email at quietconnectionppmh at gmail.com. Join us next time when another story is told and you realize you are not alone.

I see you.