Jeaneen T: Motherhood on Trial

When Jeaneen Tang became a mother, she didn’t expect an emergency C-section, postpartum challenges, or parenting mostly solo. But nothing could have prepared her for what came next. 

At just 13 months old, her son Che suffered a traumatic brain injury after a short fall—an accident that not only changed his life but also launched Jeaneen into a devastating legal battle. 

In this emotional and deeply moving episode, Jeaneen shares her experience navigating hospital trauma, being falsely accused, and fighting to stay connected with her son while enduring a 20-month custody battle. 

Through resilience, therapy, and an unshakeable love, Jeaneen and Che are writing their own story of recovery and strength. 

Episode Takeaways 

• Birth trauma can be both physical and emotional — Jeaneen’s emergency C-section and lack of support in the hospital set the tone for a difficult postpartum experience.
• Unexpected medical events can happen in an instant — A short fall led to a life-threatening brain injury for her son, showing how quickly everything can change.
• Mothers are often judged unfairly in times of crisis — Jeaneen was labeled a "cold-hearted mother” while in shock, triggering a 20-month legal battle.
• Systemic flaws can compound trauma — Instead of receiving support, Jeaneen faced suspicion, legal separation from her child, and emotional isolation.
• Resilience is built in the darkest moments — Despite unimaginable challenges, Jeaneen remained fiercely committed to her son’s recovery and well-being.
• A strong bond can survive even forced separation — Through daily routines and consistency, Jeaneen maintained emotional closeness with her son.
• Therapy and community support matter — Jeaneen credits counseling and a few key allies with helping her survive and rebuild.
• Children with disabilities deserve full inclusion — Jeaneen fought to ensure her son received therapies, inclusive education, and social opportunities.
• Healing requires action — “When you’re in depression, action helps,” Jeaneen says—she poured her energy into advocating for her son.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help — Support from friends, professionals, and chosen family was vital to their survival.

Soundbites 

• "Not only was my child fighting for his life, but I was fighting to be his mother."
• "They called me a cold-hearted mother because I asked for a moment to breathe."
• "If I can get through that, I can get through anything."
• "Focus on your child. If they get better, you get better."
• "Our bond never broke. Even when the system tried to separate us, he still reached for my skin tag—that little piece of me he’s always known."

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:01)
Welcome to Quiet Connection, a podcast dedicated to ending the stigma around postpartum mental health. I'm Chelsea. This week, I'm making a connection with Jeaneen which impacted me deeply and left me without words on several occasions. She shares her harrowing experience as a mother navigating the trauma of her child's medical crisis and the subsequent legal challenges. She reflects on the initial days filled with accusations

the long journey through the legal system, and the importance of therapy and resilience required to adjust to life after trauma. Here's Jeaneen.

Chelsea Myers (00:43)
Hello! Today I'm here with Jeaneen. Jeaneen, how are you?

Jeaneen Tang (00:48)
doing well today. Thank you. How are you?

Chelsea Myers (00:51)
I'm doing okay. If you see my glasses start to fog up, we've got the wood stove cranking here in Vermont and it's a little toasty up here, but I'm doing okay. Jeaneen, thank you so much for being here today and for navigating all of my scheduling changes. I appreciate that. But I think I'll start how I start all my episodes.

I would love it if you could introduce yourself and let us know who you were before becoming a parent.

Jeaneen Tang (01:28)
Oh wow, so yeah, I'm Jeaneen was a speech language pathologist since 2001 and I've been an auntie since 2001 as well. And so I have these two nieces who I love, they're both in college, one's gonna graduate.

Chelsea Myers (01:40)
wow.

Jeaneen Tang (01:46)
very soon and I was very happy being an auntie. I didn't really think I needed to be a parent. I wasn't really sure. You know, I came, I grew up in a, you know, a single family home, single parent home. should say my mom and dad divorced before I was two and my, they're very grudge holding people. And for some reason he thought I chose to live with my mom. And so he never, he was never there. So I, you know, it wasn't a big thing for me to have a

Chelsea Myers (02:10)
Hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (02:15)
I thought growing up I was like, I didn't have that deep desire that I needed to have children. And then, you know, I turned 35 and then I was like, well, that time clock is ticking and right. And then you're like, should I have a kid? Should I not have a kid? You know, so I had a career before I was a mom. had a, was a speech therapist and in 2005, I decided I wanted to be an actor.

Chelsea Myers (02:25)
Mm.

⁓ I that.

Jeaneen Tang (02:41)
So I moved from Honolulu, Hawaii to Los Angeles, and I did that rat race for a little bit. I, you know, for almost a year, I tried doing just waitressing and acting, but I was working so many hours waitressing that I was like, I might as well just get my license in California and work part-time doing speech therapy and, you know, be able to survive that way rather than working 60 or 70 hours a week waitressing.

Then I was 35 in 2011. you know, at the time I was kind of casually dating, um, my son's father. We were together between 2005 and 2009. And then we broke up because I think, I think ultimately we're not really lifelong compatible partners, you know? And I think that I, I realize that now very much so.

Chelsea Myers (03:25)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (03:36)
we're great co-parents and we are great friends, but I think romantically and in a relationship, I don't think we are the best pair to live our lives together fully. And I think in 2009, I had broken up with him because part of me realized it then I was like, well, you know, he doesn't want to get married. I don't know if he has the same family values that I do. Let's break up.

But then, your heart still loves him and you still are attracted to him. And so we started dating casually after about a year or so after that. And then we were like, well, you know, he has a son who is 16 years older than our son. And so he already had a kid. So at the time I was thinking, well, does he even want kids? And he was very open to be like, well, yeah, I wouldn't mind having another kid. So I was like, well, I'm not.

Chelsea Myers (04:04)
Yeah.

Mm.

Jeaneen Tang (04:31)
trying to date anybody else. with you right now and let's see how this goes. So we weren't not trying to have a kid. We weren't trying too hard, but you know, when you're not trying, then it happens, you know, it happens. And so, ⁓ we had my son, our son when I was 36 and, you know, then I became like a mom and it was a whole different, different world, obviously. And

Chelsea Myers (04:43)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (04:58)
You know, I had to have an emergency C-section at the time. And so it was a little traumatic and my son's father works in the movie industry as a camera assistant. So he actually wasn't even in town when I gave birth, but he flew in the next day. So it was a lot going on. was a long labor, long labor that had, I guess they said failure to progress. So I got to literally eight centimeters and then I got a fever.

Chelsea Myers (05:12)
⁓

Yeah.

Mm.

Jeaneen Tang (05:26)
And they're like, we need to do a C-section. And I was like, ⁓ so sad. was devastating. And, ⁓ yeah, that C-section is like, not so much fun. Yeah. No, it's yeah. Yeah. Too many people I think have had C-sections and it's crazy, but that was me before being a mom. ⁓ you know, after being a mom, it's, you know, he was a wonderful child. feel like the hospital I was at was not

Chelsea Myers (05:31)
Yeah.

No, I've had a c-section. Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Jeaneen Tang (05:55)
baby friendly, like it took over 24 hours to get a lactation consultant there. And, you know, and they were like, he's losing weight. He needs to be, you know, supplemented with formula. And he was a little jaundice and there was a lot of stuff going on. So, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (05:57)
Mm.

Mm.

Yeah, you had a lot thrown at you straight out the gate.

Jeaneen Tang (06:16)
Absolutely.

Chelsea Myers (06:17)
Yeah, I have to ask, are you still in LA? Are you okay? So obviously this will be released later, but like, are you okay? The fires that are going on there right now.

Jeaneen Tang (06:21)
I am still in Los Angeles, yeah.

Yeah, we

are okay where we are. were, you know, we were ready to evacuate a couple nights ago because there was a fire that was literally a few miles away, but they were able to contain it, the Sunset Fire. And so that was in Hollywood at the famous Runyon Canyon. And it was like, I have friends that had to evacuate and I have friends who, you know, have lost their homes in other areas of greater Los Angeles. And it's

Chelsea Myers (06:43)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (07:00)
The fires are still going on. It's, it's a bit crazy. I just had another set of friends who had to evacuate their home last night because the Palisade fire was going into Encino and they were just, you they had to get out. So it's, it's still going on. It's a little bit chaotic this week and it's, ⁓ know, schools, schools are out that were out this week and hopefully they're going to be back in because I had to take off of work and it was just a lot.

Chelsea Myers (07:12)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (07:28)
lot for parents, lot for people.

Chelsea Myers (07:29)
Yeah.

Well, like I know they always, one of the rules of podcasting is like, don't date your podcast. Like don't talk about things that are happening. But I'm like, no, that's important. And I also want to acknowledge like, holy crap. Like, thank you for meeting with me today, despite all of the craziness that's going on there. My heart is with you guys. Like I cannot, I cannot imagine. Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (07:54)
it's crazy. It's absolutely crazy. When you see

the footage, it's like there's drone footage over the palisades and it's just flattened, just burnt to the ground.

Chelsea Myers (08:03)
Yeah, it's crazy and it's happening so fast and yeah, so I worried. Obviously, I can't keep track of everywhere that my guests are from, but as soon as you said LA, I was like, ⁓ my gosh, I hope she's okay and I hope she's not stressing about doing this while stressing about that. So I'm glad that you're safe. I hope you continue to remain safe. But my gosh, okay, well.

that aside, let's get back to your parenting journey. yeah, a lot was thrown at you right out the gate. So you and your co-parent weren't necessarily like, I don't even know how to describe it. Well, you self-described as like, you didn't necessarily picture yourself being a mom. It wasn't like,

one of the dreams that you had. So when you made that decision, you obviously made it very intentionally. And then to hear that you had such a complicated birth story, did you have anyone there supporting you through your labor and delivery?

Jeaneen Tang (09:17)
Yeah.

had, so one of my friends, her mom was, her mother-in-law was a postnatal doula and she wanted to be a prenatal doula. So I was like, well, okay, I'll be your first, you know, your first pregnancy. ⁓ but I think she, she was going through a lot and I don't think she really mentally prepared herself fully for, you know, the baby was born like a week early. It was just, you know, so like things were not really set in place. So, but she was there.

Chelsea Myers (09:25)
Okay.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (09:45)
She was there and I had a couple other friends, very close friends that were, you know, were there. They would come in and hang out with us for a while. And then, you they would go home and then they would come back. So I did have a few friends in town, but you know, my mom's in Hawaii. My sister-in-law's in Hawaii. All my like immediate female family, they were all in Hawaii. And so it was, it was a lot. And I was like one of my, one of the first people in my friends group to have a child.

Chelsea Myers (09:46)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (10:15)
I'm, you know, and now, now they all have kids, so they all have their own birth stories and everything. But it was interesting to, you know, be in a group of actors and like, you know, everybody's kind of trying to do their acting thing and to be like, well, I'm having a baby. They're like, ⁓ okay. So it was, you know, in hindsight, I probably should have maybe tried to have, you know, somebody from my family up here.

Chelsea Myers (10:15)
Mm-hmm.

Ha

Jeaneen Tang (10:44)
would have been nice to ask, but you know don't want to be a burden on people I guess in a way. But I think you know in hindsight I would have been I would have taken that road a little bit differently.

Chelsea Myers (10:56)
Yeah, yeah. And that is a very common thing that I hear. The being the burden and the asking for help or asking for someone to just be there with you is you don't want to feel like a burden. And so many new parents say that. And we're trying to end that. We're trying to end that stigma. So like talking about it and talking about it now and hindsight's 2020, like

Yeah, you need those people around you, especially when, when things don't go according to plan. What was that moment like for you when obviously you'd been laboring and you'd been going through it, you got to eight centimeters, which so close to the finish line. What was the moment like for you when you were told like, Hey, we're going in for a C-section.

Jeaneen Tang (11:50)
it was, it was heartbreaking. like called my son's father and was breaking down. was like, you know, I really wanted to, I wanted to do as much of a natural birth as possible, you know? So I waited, ⁓ you know, I think one of the things I should have waited on is that I let them break my water because I was having contractions and then they broke my water and then they were giving me the pitocin and I didn't realize it was like they were increasing the dose.

Chelsea Myers (12:11)
Mmm.

Jeaneen Tang (12:19)
So the contractions were getting stronger and then I needed an epidural and all this stuff. and I felt like I wasn't in control of where the birth was going anymore. And then I got a fever, you know, and they were said, you know, when you have a fever, it's a high risk for the baby.

Chelsea Myers (12:33)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (12:41)
So as soon as I got the fever, they're like, we're going to do the C-section because you're no longer, his head was kind of facing a little bit turns. It wasn't progressing any further. ⁓ so I understand why we had to do it, but it was just, it was very heartbreaking because you

Chelsea Myers (12:51)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (12:57)
get so far. It's almost like finishing that marathon, almost finishing the marathon. They're like, you've got to stop now. It's like, ⁓ but I was almost there. So it was, broke down, I cried obviously. And I think the adrenaline going into the C-section.

Chelsea Myers (13:05)
Yeah. Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (13:16)
was just so high. was like, I felt like the room was either really cold. was like shivering. And then they put you on the table and one arm is strapped down for IVs. One arm is strapped down for vitals. And I was like, I felt like I was like on the cross or something on this very skinny table. And I felt like it was just, you know, a little bit traumatic that way. And after he was, my son Che was born, they're like, we don't have a crib for him to.

Chelsea Myers (13:31)
Yeah!

Jeaneen Tang (13:45)
go to the recovery, so you need to hold him. And I just felt like I was shaking and I was like, well, I don't think I can hold him. I think I'm going to drop him. And they're like, no, no, it's okay. You'll be fine. And the whole time we're going to recovery, I'm just trying to think about squeezing my arms together and thinking, don't, don't, don't drop him. Don't drop him. Which is added to the trauma of the whole event sequence, but it's, it's behind me.

Chelsea Myers (13:51)
Yeah.

Yeah.

It

is, it is, but I mean, validating a yes, those operating rooms are freezing. They're cold for a reason, but not a very pleasant And then to hear that they didn't have like a cot or a bassinet or something to receive him in, like that rings so many alarm bells for me. Like what the heck were they planning to do?

Jeaneen Tang (14:13)
you

Chelsea Myers (14:38)
But yeah, that's a lot of trauma. And the shakes are a common thing that can happen after you give birth vaginally or through C-section because your hormones are dropping really fast. And it's scary if you don't know what to expect. So there's that. then they're telling you like, hold on tight. Yeah, that's like I giggle and I laugh because I feel like if we don't laugh about these things, we'll go a little crazy. But like, I just don't know what those doctors were expecting of you.

That's so much. terms of those early, early days, like in going home, did you, I don't really know if you answered this, but were you and your co-parent living together at the time or you were living independently?

Jeaneen Tang (15:25)
At the time I was living in his house, but then he had to go back to work. know, so he was in town for just a day and a half or so, and then he flew back out and.

Chelsea Myers (15:29)
Okay.

my gosh.

Jeaneen Tang (15:38)
⁓ his older son and, ⁓ his father, so my son's grandfather, they lived on the property, which was great because they were there, you know? ⁓ but also they're, they're males and they don't exactly know what to do. You know, they don't really anticipate what I might need. And I also didn't want to be a burden, you know, again, I didn't want to be a burden. So I'm not asking for, Hey, can you get me some food or.

Chelsea Myers (16:00)
Yep.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (16:06)
I

can, I need to get some groceries or, you know, like you guys are eating dinner. Can I have some too? You know, it's like little, little simple things that I'm just like, not, I was in hindsight, I should have been more vocal about what I needed at the time, because it would have been a lot more helpful. And, know, he was born, was born in October of 2012. So it was getting cold and, um, you know, we, instead of, uh,

Chelsea Myers (16:14)
Yeah!

Jeaneen Tang (16:34)
there was no heating on the second floor. So we lived on the first floor for a while. Um, and it was just like, you know, you're just displaced from a bedroom in a sense, and just sleeping. was sleeping on the couch and he had his whole bassinet and then it was, um, a pack and play or little crib. So it was, it was a little bit different. And then we've, finally, I think, um, I think it was like six months after that, I moved into.

Chelsea Myers (16:41)
Yeah.

Ugh.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (17:04)
where I live now. It's a condo about a mile away from the dad's house and you know, the father had purchased the condo so we could live there. So, which is nice, you know. So, it was a little bit more normalcy and kind of, you know, a regular routine after that.

Chelsea Myers (17:12)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

yeah, I'm just imagining. mean, recovery from childbirth in general is a huge shock to the system. Recovering from a C-section is its own beast that is I'm not sure what your recovery was like, but it adds another layer of complication. You're not supposed to lift a certain amount. And it's like, how do I do that while also caring for my baby?

Again, I heard you mention like not wanting to be a burden. When in those early days when it sounds like it was just you and your little guy, like what were those feelings going through your head? did you, were you feeling okay or were you feeling that isolation?

Jeaneen Tang (18:11)
Yeah, I think there was a little bit of a mixture of everything, right? I don't think I went through any postpartum depression per se, but you do have like moments where you're like, I'm doing this by myself.

Chelsea Myers (18:18)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (18:23)
And then, then you have friends that come over. had a lot of friends in Los Angeles. So they did, we had a lot of people coming to visit, which was nice. But then at the end of the, at the end of the day, it's just me and my son. ⁓ but you know, my love for my son was so great. We did so much like skin to skin time. did a lot of breastfeeding on command. was just whenever, you know, whenever we were just hanging out, it was just, you know, me with him on my chest a lot of times or.

Chelsea Myers (18:36)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (18:52)
you know, him in my arms. And so I feel like even though it was lonely at times, I don't think I was, you know, ever in tears. Like I'm completely by myself or anything like that. I always felt like there was enough visitors that were keeping our spirits up and feeling like we were being, you know, visited and, and loved that it wasn't, ⁓ it wasn't depressing per se.

Chelsea Myers (19:16)
Yeah.

That's good. That's really good to hear. It sounds like, we talk a lot about a village and it sounds like even though your family was not nearby, you had a village that was sort of keeping an eye on you and keeping you guys wrapped and in some, in some comfort. your birth story was unexpected. The journey into parenting was

not necessarily the route that you had anticipated taking, but here you were and you're having this opportunity to connect and bond.

Take me a little bit further down the road. Once you get settled into your routine and where you are now, What was what was that like like coming to coming into your identity as Che's mom?

Jeaneen Tang (20:06)
Yeah, I was able to stay out of work for seven months, which was nice. You know, I didn't have to go back to work right away. So I was just with him all the time. And that was great. And I, know, in hindsight, I should have taken him to the park more, you know, like just let him play in the grass and the sand, just kind of get dirty and kind of figure things out.

Chelsea Myers (20:11)
Wow.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (20:30)
Uh, but we, you know, after I went back to work, it was like, you know, we went, he went to a daycare and I would pick them up and everything. And I would still, I was, he brought, I breastfed him until he was just after four. So he would get a little bit of breast milk, like before he went to bed or during a nap. Um, so I would pump and everything to have all that ready for him. And, know, we did baby led weaning, which was great. So I didn't have to like buy.

Chelsea Myers (20:43)
Mm-hmm.

Yep.

Jeaneen Tang (20:59)
baby food or blend anything. So I felt like he really got to explore, you know, the foods that we were eating basically, and just in a softer, you know, way that he could actually gnaw on and eat himself. So he was a really amazing baby and just really happy all the time. And, you know, he just really has a really big heart.

Chelsea Myers (21:11)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (21:24)
but at 13 months, he did have a fall from our bed. And even though it was a very short falls, only 18 inches, it caused a traumatic brain injury, which was a large brain bleed. And, you he cried for a minute or so, and then he passed out. And then we got very worried. We took him to the hospital. Even though there was no cut or abrasion, you know, he wasn't waking up.

Chelsea Myers (21:38)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (21:50)
And so the nurse at the emergency room was like, he's not waking up, let's get him in right now. And she was, she was very instrumental in getting him into that ER. Cause that, you know, the emergency rooms, you can wait for hours, know, hours, but if he had waited, he probably would have died because they needed to do an emergency craniotomy, which is they open up the brain, right? They take off the skull, they stop the bleeding. They were able to put his skull on, back on still.

Chelsea Myers (21:50)
Yeah.

and hours, yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (22:19)
to heal rather than keeping it outside of the, you know, sometimes they keep it outside of the skull, the head and put it, you in the stomach until it is able to heal. But his skull was able to go back on. But unfortunately, a few days after the craniotomy, the swelling in the brain caused a stroke on the same side of the brain. So it was the left side that he had the brain bleed and the craniotomy.

And then the left side of the stroke on the brain, which caused the right side of the body to, you know, become paralyzed, right? So he wasn't able to utilize his right arm or hand, his left leg or foot. And then he has, because of the fall, they call it hemianopia. He only sees midline to left in both eyes. So he lost peripheral vision in both eyes. And the doctors said he might never walk or talk, you know, so that's, that was a whole

other thing, you know, you have this baby you love so much and he's developing, which seems normal, right? Normal developing up to that point. And then he has this accident and then it changes your world completely. And, you know, I was going through shock because it seemed like it was a very short fall. how could this happen? ⁓ dad was breaking down in the emergency room, you know, a social worker asked me if

Chelsea Myers (23:21)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (23:48)
You know, do you want to sit down and talk? And I'm watching my son literally getting intubated in the emergency room and being rushed off to have his craniotomy. And I asked her if we could have some time. You know, can we just have some time? Like, I don't want to talk right now. And in her report, she wrote down that I was a cold hearted mother. And, you know, I think she was, she was instrumental in

Chelsea Myers (24:00)
Yeah.

Yeah.

my gosh.

Jeaneen Tang (24:18)
calling like Child and Family Services saying that I think, you know, this family tried to hurt this child. And then there was like a whole, you know, 20 months of trying to get custody back because they literally didn't, you know, they were doing investigations. They couldn't prove anything per se, but they felt that child was endangered. And so they took custody away from us and I wasn't allowed to be alone with him for 10 months.

Chelsea Myers (24:25)
Ugh.

Mm-hmm.

my

gosh.

Jeaneen Tang (24:48)
You know, to, we lived in the hospital for three months after his injuries. And, you know, I stayed at the hospital every night for three months, except for one night where, you know, his father's mother, so his paternal grandmother said, you know, why don't you go home? And I did, I slept at home for one night, but other than that, I slept in the hospital and, it was, you know, it was a whole other trajectory that we went on.

Chelsea Myers (25:11)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (25:17)
And, know, now Che is 12th and he still has a lot of physical and intellectual disabilities that he needs to overcome. He doesn't use his right arm or hand functionally. He can run, he can do, he can climb stairs, but he still kind of doesn't know where that right foot is in space. You know, so he still might fall every so often or, you know, he can't keep his foot on the bike pedal without being strapped in, but he can.

Chelsea Myers (25:37)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (25:46)
You know, his dad is great working with him physically. And so he has like a stationary bike and, you know, Che and hold on to the stationary bike. But if we were just doing a regular bike, his hand might just come off of the handle. So there's a lot of things that he needs to work on, but, you know, the doctor said that he might never walk or talk. And thankfully, you know, he got speech therapy every day, whether he knew it or not. And, you know, dad, that's great. Yeah. And then having, you know, his dad there to.

Chelsea Myers (25:58)
Mm-hmm.

Having a mom as a speech therapist.

Jeaneen Tang (26:14)
you know, be able to physically get him to work on different things. And, you know, we got him early intervention therapies as soon as we left the hospital. You know, we had speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, infant stimulation, all set up. So when we got home, those were continued from the hospital to home. And then once he went, once he reached three years old, then he went to the school system, right? So

Chelsea Myers (26:24)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (26:40)
Even to this day, he still gets adaptive PE, physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, counseling, because there's a lot of emotions that he needs to figure out how to navigate. And it's a lot for him, but he is such a resilient person. the most like, you know, he's my hero because he's, you I don't think he realizes how much of a warrior he is.

Chelsea Myers (27:06)
Yeah, yeah. So I, and I always say this to families who have kiddos who are either medically complex or experience some form of physical or intellectual disability. Like I worked in intensive special needs, special education for 10 years and my heart like...

As soon as I hear that, my heart just like opens wide open and I want to like wrap you guys all in and be like, I don't understand it from a parent perspective, but I understand it from this perspective. And I know how hard you guys work and how hard your kids work. So for to hear you say that he's your hero, like I genuinely feel that I feel that from you. But I also want to acknowledge their

How do I even word this?

It's such a dramatic shift from hearing you talk about those early days of motherhood where he's on your chest all the time and he's with you and you guys are bonded and you might not be in exactly the situation that you pictured, but you guys have a really good bond and you have, I'm sure, this sort of plan for the future for him. As he's developing and hitting milestones, you're seeing

a future for him. And then in an instant that changes. And then added to that, you're met with social services and people questioning your intentions and your parenting abilities. And it, and it, on it, really does happen in an instant.

what did that do to your psyche? Like I heard you say like, I can we just have a minute? And my heart immediately goes like, yeah, that's a lot to I can't believe this nurse said you're a cold hearted mother.

What was going through your head in the first couple of days after this happened?

Jeaneen Tang (29:02)
absolutely. It was a social worker that said I was a cold hearted mother, which is just traumatizing, right? Cause you're like, you don't know what people are thinking or how they're processing. Everybody processes things differently. ⁓ but you know, within the first 24 hours of being in the hospital, we were talked to by the social worker, by doctors, by police, by detectives.

Chelsea Myers (29:07)
Ugh.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (29:30)
And, you know, I'm used to people pretty much liking me. Does that make sense? It's like, I think I grew up as a people pleaser, so I'm, I'm likable most of the time, you know, like it's, I'm not used to people accusing me of things such as, you know, trying to harm or kill my child. And it was,

Chelsea Myers (29:38)
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (29:53)
that period, the first few days was very, very traumatic because not only was my child fighting for his life, it was like we were fighting to be his parents. And, you know, there was an issue with, I was acting at the time, right? So I was doing speech therapy, I was acting, I was doing a stage.

play that was touring. We were touring nationally and I was literally supposed to be on a plane to go to Wyoming or someplace like that and just for one performance and then we're going to come back and logically in my mind you know my brother flew up from Hawaii to be with us and

Chelsea Myers (30:18)
Mmm.

Jeaneen Tang (30:34)
In my logical mind, I was thinking, okay, well, you know, we didn't have understudies. And I was like, well, I can leave for 36 hours. I'll be back. And my, my son's father will be here. My brother will be here. People will be here with our son. And of course, you know, in hindsight, I should not have left. ⁓ but I left for 36 hours. And during that time, you know, the.

Chelsea Myers (30:57)
Mm.

Jeaneen Tang (31:02)
the Department of Child and Family Services and police, whatever they said, well, this is evidence or indication that she is guilty. right before I had to go on stage, I got the call saying, you guys are removed from the hospital. And even my brother was removed from the hospital, even though he wasn't even in the state when my son got injured.

Chelsea Myers (31:13)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (31:28)
They just removed everybody and they took him out of the PICU, the pediatric ICU, and they put him in his own room. And, you know, I had brought books and stuffed animals and I said, please, can somebody be in the room with him because he needs to feel that someone is there. And they said, we don't have like the staff or we don't have the, you know, the funding for someone to be here.

Chelsea Myers (31:49)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (31:55)
I'm like, I don't care if it's a volunteer or a security guard or anybody. And he just needs to be with someone. And, you know, we came back the next day and they were rushing him back to the PICU because he had stroked. So overnight he had stroked and...

Chelsea Myers (32:12)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (32:15)
Um, he also got a bed sore on his head, which he still has a scar. So I'm like, you guys weren't turning him. You guys weren't watching him. Um, and then he had to get re-intubated, you know? So it was just like, and in hindsight, obviously I should not have left. but I think a lot of it had to do a lot of his, I think, I feel like his stroke.

Chelsea Myers (32:22)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (32:36)
could have been prevented if someone was there, whether it was myself or somebody from the hospital. I feel like he had a lot of anxiety about being alone growing up. And he's, you know, he's 12 now, so it's kind of dissipated now, but I feel like as he was growing up, he had a lot of like anxiety about being alone or left alone, stemming from this point, that point in his life.

Chelsea Myers (32:39)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And I want to acknowledge too that like there's obviously these feelings of like, we keep saying hindsight and we keep saying like, I wish I hadn't or I wish I hadn't done this or I wish I had done I hope that you know, I don't know you, I'm meeting you for the first time today.

But I hold no judgment. when you're telling your story and when you're talking about it the way that you're talking about it, like, yeah, my logical brain, like, you're not, when you're in that situation, there is no logic. And so for you to think like, well, I have to do this performance. Like, this is an obligation that I have and he's safe. Like his father is here and my brother is here. Like, I don't, I...

Don't look at you and I'm not speaking to you and I'm not hearing cold hearted mother and I'm not hearing mother who abandoned her child. I cannot possibly imagine what that experience was like or could be like and but then I also hear you speak about who he is today and I'm sure we'll get into it but like that speaks to your power and your resiliency as

as yourself and as his mother. So yeah, just, I don't know. I'm giving you, I'm like sending you a mental hug right now. Well, really, because I understand, this is so intricate and you will know this more than I will, but like, I understand that there are policies and procedures that children and family services have to like go through and

Jeaneen Tang (34:38)
Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (34:55)
We obviously want to protect our children and whatnot, but I feel like there are situations in which people are so quick to judge. And it sounds like this is what happened and it's so unfortunate because not only does it affect your child, it affects you, it affects your family, it affects everyone.

So when you asked me earlier if I read your book or if I looked things up, specifically do not do, I do as little back research as I can because I want to get to know my guests in the moment. And I want to get to know you authentically. And so, yes, I did know that your son had a fall because you let me know ahead of time, but I wanted to hear your story and have no preconceived notions.

Yeah, I just, this is only like the second or third time that I've ever said this, that I'm like at a loss for words.

It's not pity, it's pure empathy to hear you talk so beautifully about even though you went through birth trauma, even though you went through a situation that you couldn't foresee, that you had such a strong connection with your child, and then to have it all change in an instant and have everyone be looking at you and pointing fingers at you. I have no words. I have no words.

so you're going through an impossible situation.

And again, said you had friends in the area and your brother was there for a little while, but this was a long process, right? In terms of, like, he was in the hospital for quite a long time.

Jeaneen Tang (36:35)
Yeah, he was in the hospital for three months. My brother could stay for a week or so. My mom, think my mom came up about six months after, was a handful of months afterwards, because we were able to be, he was back home by then, I believe. was able to be with us for a little bit. So my mom was up there for, up here helping me for a little bit.

Chelsea Myers (36:40)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (36:58)
And, I think it was, was, you know, the process, I had a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel because I had some great people that were within the whole process. The judge, I felt like he always knew that I would never have hurt my child.

Like, but it was like the process of going through the court system. It's like, come back every three months or six months or whatever. It's arbitrary time. It's nothing like you're doing the work. We're going to meet sooner. It's like, you you can't, you cannot speed up the process. felt like you could not speed up the process. And

Chelsea Myers (37:19)
Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (37:40)
You know, they, my lawyer, felt like was so a little jaded in a sense where she didn't really care if I, you know, did it or not in a sense, you know, she didn't, I felt like she was judging me as if I had done it or just to get through it, you know? So I felt like there was really no, ⁓ empathy or, or above and beyond trust from her in a sense. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (37:51)
Ugh.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (38:08)
You know, they, they said, the process will go faster if you, if you claim no contest, right? Cause if you say like, so I was like, well, if it's going to go faster, then let me just say no contest. that's, you know, saying like you're, you're basically saying you're guilty, but not guilty in a sense. But, but I just wanted to go faster because I wanted to be reunited with my son and.

Chelsea Myers (38:17)
⁓ yes.

Right. Right.

Jeaneen Tang (38:35)
So I don't know if that was the right way, the right thing to do or right thing to counsel me to do or not. But, you know, one of things I had to do was go through

go through counseling or therapy and parent training. you know, one of the social workers, was so, he already knew seeing me and talking to me, what kind of person I was and seeing our family dynamic and seeing our son. And he was great. So he was very instrumental in keeping me sane because, you know, for part of it, you know, my son's dad was very angry and

Chelsea Myers (39:11)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (39:17)
I'm up here with his family. His mother was living in France for a bit and she was able to be between Los Angeles and France. so she actually stayed and was our son's guardian. So she was here helping us take care of our son. So he never had to go to foster care, thankfully. But she also was difficult during that time as well.

Chelsea Myers (39:38)
Yeah.

Mm.

Jeaneen Tang (39:44)
⁓ to have, to go through it and not have my immediate family here was very hard. but I had friends that were very helpful and I had, like I said, the social worker that was also helping me with the parent training and the counseling that was very instrumental in helping me talk through some of the dark parts of my life at the time.

And I always say that that was like the darkest part of my life ever, having to get through that. And coming out the other, the other end, it's like, if I can get through that, I can get through anything. And so what I think about, you know, challenges in life, I always have to think about what we were able to get through and, and that nothing will knock us down as hard as that.

Chelsea Myers (40:08)
Yeah.

Yeah.

You sort of mentioned it a little bit, but did you find therapy helpful? Was that something that, like in processing everything that was going on?

Jeaneen Tang (40:49)
I, it was very helpful because, ⁓ you know, when you talk to your friends, they're always going to be on your side, you know, for the most part, they're always going to empathize with you and being able to talk to somebody who was more objective rather than.

giving, you know, siding with you or whatever. It's like, was, it was nice to have this soundboard to bounce words off of whether they made sense or not. Right. Cause sometimes you're just saying things because that's what's coming out of you. And they're helping to make sense of what you're saying in a sense, you know, and, kind of guide you to look at the positive and how to move forward from.

that point to the next point and forward.

Chelsea Myers (41:37)
Yeah. I'm so glad that that was beneficial for you. Is that something that you continued or did you sort of feel like, for a lot of people, so we talk a lot about seeking a therapist or seeking therapy and mental health and all of that. For some people, it's totally cool. Like you go for a little while and then you're good. For other people, it's an ongoing thing. Is it something that you continued or are you at a point?

in your life where you feel like you can process on your own.

Jeaneen Tang (42:11)
I didn't continue it after that. And I feel like I am fairly good now processing things I'm going through. think I've done so much personal development from that and since that. I have friends that see therapists on a regular basis. And sometimes I think, well, maybe it'd be great to touch base with somebody, but...

Chelsea Myers (42:33)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (42:39)
⁓ at this point, I, I feel like I'm okay.

Chelsea Myers (42:44)
Yeah, and that's good to hear. And it's good to hear you saying too, with everything that you and your son and your family have been through, it's one of those things where you're like, if we can get through that, we can get through anything. So guess I kind of want to talk about the journey.

beyond the journey past that when you were finally able to get him back home and things like get back on Did your visions of his future change or did you just adjust?

Jeaneen Tang (43:24)
Oh, I think it's always changing, you know, as far as like, know, when he was still little, he needed so much therapy and we didn't know what the cognitive implications were. Right. He is able to, and he was in a special day class for special education. Right. So he was with other special needs children. And, um, then he was.

Chelsea Myers (43:35)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (43:52)
be able to socially interact. He's a very loving child. He loves to interact with other children. you know, then COVID hit in 2020, right? And then we went to Zoom school. And right before Zoom school, we had actually gotten into a charter school. But we're like, we're not going to we're not going to put him into a charter school if it's just going to be Zoom school. So we kept him in the Los Angeles Unified School District School.

Chelsea Myers (44:04)
Ugh, yes.

Jeaneen Tang (44:22)
And then when we went back to campus in third grade, the teacher didn't show up. And so the teacher did not show up. So for the first two weeks, had seven different subs, substitute teachers, and they finally found somebody to stay long term. But it was like, by that time, it was like October, November.

Chelsea Myers (44:29)
What?

my gosh.

Jeaneen Tang (44:43)
And, you know, so they were having these short-term subs and it was like, there was no communication from the school. He was in the special day class that I felt like they never sent home homework. They never sent home communication. It felt like they were just babysitting him. And so the charter school that we had gotten into reached out in the middle of third grade and said, you know, we do have openings for third grade if you would like to attend. And.

Chelsea Myers (44:45)
my gosh.

Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (45:11)
you know, academically, I that he would still need a lot of help, but socially, I wanted him to be able to be with normal developing peers.

So in third grade, we switched over to Citizens of the World in Hollywood, and they're a great charter school. And now he's in Citizens of the World's middle school, Silver Lake. And so he's in a regular ed school with Special Ed Resource Services. Unfortunately, about three and a half years ago, he developed seizures. And so he has a one-on-one adult support person for safety because

Chelsea Myers (45:21)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (45:48)
not only for the seizures, because of his peripheral vision loss. You know, when he was little, we had a one-on-one because he would run into things or he might fall. And then as he got older, he needed a one-on-one because, you know, he might have a seizure and hurt himself. So he does have a one-on-one adult support person there and he continues to get all of his services that he needs. But, you know, he's...

Chelsea Myers (45:58)
Right.

Jeaneen Tang (46:14)
been able to thrive, I feel, socially. It's hard to make friends, especially in middle school, and to keep friends. And so there's the counseling part. Like I said, he gets counseling. I think the counseling definitely helps.

Chelsea Myers (46:19)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (46:32)
You know, he thinks of the adult support people as his best friends at school, which is kind of cool, kind of like, sad. ⁓ but they love him. You know, they're very supportive and they always, I feel like they're always protective of him. You know, they're always going to protect him if someone.

Chelsea Myers (46:37)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (46:50)
is going to maybe tease him or bully him, they're always going to be there to be that moral compass of other students to be empathetic and be a friend to Che.

Chelsea Myers (47:04)
I love that. My background is in inclusion and so having our high needs kids in the classrooms and not just in a special ed classroom all day. So I know what that's like. I've been that buddy. I've been that teacher. I've been that. So it makes...

makes my heart happy to hear that he's having a positive experience, even though middle school is hard. Middle school is hard for any yeah. Do you think your relationship changed with him at all as a result of the circumstances and the inconsistency with which

like you were with him all the time and then you weren't able to and then now you are again. Did you see any sort of impact on that in your relationship with him or his relationship with you?

Jeaneen Tang (48:04)
Honestly, I would say no, because, you know, he's to this day, he's such a mama's boy. Like he loves giving kisses and cuddles and hugs. um, you know, I think, feel like he did go through a little bit of separation anxiety, you know, like if I have to be away or like, when are you going to be back? But his love for me and my love for him is just as strong as ever. And, you know, when he was in the hospital, I have a little skin tag on my chest. And when he was a baby.

Chelsea Myers (48:10)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (48:34)
he would kind of play with that skin tag between his fingers and kind of twist it. And so when he was in the hospital, you know, I started to breastfeed him again. And I knew that he was going to be okay when he started playing with my skin tag, if that makes sense. You know, that kind of normalcy, like, this is something he used to do and he's still doing it. And you know, when I slept,

Chelsea Myers (48:37)
play with it.

Mmm. Yeah!

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (49:04)
I know you've ever seen the cribs that they have at hospitals. They're pretty much like metal, metal cribs, like little jails. It is a cage and I was still, you know, breastfeeding at the time and they're not a, they're little, they're little cages, they're little cribs, but I would literally.

Chelsea Myers (49:08)
yeah.

It's like a cage. Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (49:24)
climb into his crib kind of in the early morning hours because I knew that he wanted to breastfeed or something and the nurses would come and they would see me like in the crib with him and they, you know, the nurses were great. When we lived in the rehab department, the nurses were great, all the staff there were great. None of them were very, none of them were judgmental at all towards me. And so, you know, I was able to continue that connection. And when we went home, when Che was able to

Chelsea Myers (49:38)
Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (49:54)
leave the hospital. You know, I couldn't be alone or live with him for a while. But thankfully, you because we had the two different homes that were just about a mile apart, I would wake up before he would wake up and I would go to the house. I would be there to feed him and everything. I would go to work and I would come back home from work and I would feed him. I would put him to bed and then I would go home.

And so for however long until I was able to be, you know, living in the house with him, that was my routine. So besides not co-sleeping with him, ⁓ the, the rest of it was as if I was there. You know, cause I was, there was that routine of mom is there when I wake up and then mom is there when I go to bed. And so we tried to keep it as normal as possible.

Chelsea Myers (50:17)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Jeaneen Tang (50:44)
And, know, to this day, even though he's 12, he's still, you know, because of the seizures as well, I don't mind him co-sleeping with me, although he hogs the bed. um, People, people say that he should sleep in his own bed. And I say, well, he sleeps better. He sleeps through the night when he sleeps with me. And me, that's the most important that his brain gets to rest and grow.

Chelsea Myers (51:05)
Yeah.

I also, I just, want to take a moment and pause and just like, I hear you talking about the strength and resiliency in your son and seeing all of the growth and realizing that he was still there. But everything that you did for him that had to have taken an incredible toll, you had to have been exhausted.

You are so powerful. I want to acknowledge that and I want you to hear that from me, and not in a condescending way. You are so powerful. created a normalcy for him while you were grieving a circumstance that was beyond your control.

And you were dealing with the legal system, which is never an easy thing. And you're watching your son go through something that no parent should have to experience their child going through. And you still managed to be there when he went to sleep and be there when he woke up and breastfeed him when he wanted to breastfeed. And I cannot even begin to imagine the toll that that took on you. But I'm sitting here with you today and

You're not a broken person. You're talking about your life and you're talking about your son with joy and with, with...

I don't know if hope is the right word, like your version of normal, you guys are a family and you're doing the thing. You know what I mean? So yeah, I hope that that is received okay. I am in awe. I'm in awe of your resiliency.

I think, this is a tougher one than I thought it was gonna be. I'm emotionally, I know I've said it a million times, but I really do. I just wanna wrap you in a big hug and be like, you're doing the, excuse my language, but you're doing the damn thing, mom. You're doing it. I guess where I'll bring it,

While this situation was unique and not one that is going to be like a super common thing that most families find themselves in, accidents happen or medical complications happen and there are lots of families that are experiencing watching their child go through something difficult while also trying to navigate that themselves.

What message would you have for those families who are navigating something similar to what you guys went through?

Jeaneen Tang (53:52)
I would have to say.

You know, when you are going through something deep and dark and, and terrible to think about your child and really make them the focus of, you know, your action and your love, because in the, at the end of the day, it's all about the child, because if the child gets better, you get better, you know, ⁓

Chelsea Myers (54:21)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (54:23)
and put action into your, you know, they say that if you are going through a depression, the best way to fight depression is through action and to find out, know, find out what you can do for your child and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Chelsea Myers (54:34)
Mm-hmm.

Jeaneen Tang (54:41)
from your friends, from your tribe, because I couldn't have done it without other people around me supporting me, whether it was actually physically supporting me, like helping me out and do things, or just from a distance mentally, I could feel their support and love and them knowing that what kind of person I was really just dissipated the feelings that...

Chelsea Myers (54:42)
Mm.

Jeaneen Tang (55:08)
I was unworthy from other people that were going, whether it was the court system or the whatever, Department of Family and Children's Services people, all that. Yeah, so focus on your child and don't be afraid to ask for help from your tribe.

Chelsea Myers (55:22)
Yeah.

Both incredibly powerful things and things that will make a world of difference. If you've listened to any of my podcast episodes, you'll know that I always end on one of two questions. Both of these questions feel so small, but I think I've figured out the one I'm going to ask you.

Ugh, yeah, I think I figured it out.

If you could go back in time, all the way back, maybe even before you met your co-parent and before deciding to have kids,

And you can't tell yourself what you're gonna experience and my goodness, what an experience it is, but you can't tell yourself anything about it. But you can instill something within yourself that will help you navigate it. It can, for some of my guests, it's been a word or a phrase or a mantra or a prayer or an attribute, just something. What would you instill within yourself?

Jeaneen Tang (56:29)
I would say slow down. Slow down. Because I feel like,

Chelsea Myers (56:33)
Mmm.

Jeaneen Tang (56:37)
I think I try to do too much sometimes, you know, multitask too much. And my son's father has commented many times that you're a really busy person. And I'm like, well, I like doing a lot of different things. But, um, if I had to give one piece of advice is to slow down and, and not, um, not rush through things, not feel like you needed to do so much.

⁓ because it's not, ⁓ you know, if I had slowed down, maybe I would have, you know, done something differently or who knows, but yeah, I would say slow down. Don't be so busy.

Chelsea Myers (57:21)
Yeah. I really do like that question because I've never gotten the same answer twice. yeah, and I've done this over a hundred times now, and I've never gotten the same answer twice. So I think that is beautiful. I want to thank you so much for sharing your story with me.

also want to apologize because I didn't anticipate being as emotional as I am. Not that I'm not emotional, I'm usually emotional, but I don't usually have as hard a time finding the words as I did. yeah, thank you for sharing so openly, so honestly. And thank you for being an incredible parent to your son.

Jeaneen Tang (58:13)
Thank you very much. It was great to have this conversation with you and be able to share with your audience.

Chelsea Myers (58:23)
Jeaneen thank you so much for sharing your journey with me authentically and with such strength and vulnerability. I walked away from our conversation with an overwhelming understanding of the love and dedication you have to your son. I feel so deeply for you and other families who have navigated similar situations. You are powerful and I hope you take a moment to acknowledge that from time to time.

Listeners, be sure to check the show notes to learn more about Jeaneen's book and social media accounts. You can keep up with us on Quiet Connection by following us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and threads at Quiet Connection podcast. You can help our community grow by leaving us a rating and review Podcasts or Spotify and continue sharing our episodes on social media.

To share your personal journey, can contact us through our website at quietconnectionpodcast.com or by email at quietconnectionppmh.gmail.com. Join us next time when another story is told and you realize you are not alone. I see you.