Ashlee K - Not the Plan: Birth, Trauma, and Postpartum Survival

In this deeply moving episode of Quiet Connection, I’m connecting with Ashlee King, a mother whose path into parenthood was anything but smooth. Ashlee shares her harrowing journey through hyperemesis gravidarum, preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, a traumatic emergency C-section, and multiple postpartum hemorrhages. Her daughter’s NICU stay was only the beginning of a long road of emotional and physical healing.

Ashlee’s vulnerability and strength shine as she discusses postpartum anxiety, mom rage, and the pressure to “be okay” when everything around her was falling apart. From living in a camper in the hospital parking lot to advocating fiercely for her daughter’s health and her own recovery, Ashlee’s story is a testament to maternal resilience and the power of community.

Whether you’ve faced postpartum challenges or want to better understand the realities many parents experience behind closed doors, this episode offers validation, connection, and hope.

 Key Takeaways

• Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome can escalate quickly and may be mismanaged if symptoms are dismissed.
• Postpartum hemorrhage can happen days or even months after birth—and often isn’t discussed enough.
• Living in survival mode delays emotional processing, but healing can begin once safety and support are in place.
• NICU stays—regardless of length—are traumatic and isolating experiences that deserve recognition and support.
• “Mom rage” and numbness are real postpartum symptoms, often rooted in trauma, exhaustion, and unmet needs.
• Self-advocacy is crucial in birth and postpartum care—your intuition matters.
• Online communities can be lifelines when real-world support is lacking.

Soundbites

1. “I wasn’t just bleeding—I was watching it pour down my leg while I held my baby in the NICU.”
   
   
2. “I kept thinking… I survived everything, and now I’m going to die from a hemorrhage?”
   
   
3. “Everyone kept saying, ‘Just be happy, your baby’s okay.’ But I wasn’t okay.”
   
   
4. “We put up a front. We were strong for her—but deep down, we were so broken.”
   
   
5. “I wanted the birth in my living room, the perfect moment. Instead, I almost died.”
   
   
6. “Postpartum rage? I didn’t even know that was a thing until it started happening to me.”
   
   
7. “You know your baby. You know yourself. And you have the right to say no.”

If this episode resonated with you, feel free to connect with Ashlee through her Instagram account!

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

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Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:01)
Welcome to Quiet Connection, a podcast dedicated to ending the stigma around postpartum mental health. I'm Chelsea. In this episode, I'm connecting with Ashlee as she shares her profound journey through motherhood, highlighting the challenges faced during her daughter's NICU stay, the trauma of postpartum hemorrhage, and the mental health struggles that ensued. She emphasizes the importance of self-advocacy, finding community support,

and the journey towards acceptance of her experiences. Here's Ashlee.

Chelsea Myers (00:34)
Hello, today I'm here with Ashlee. Ashlee, how are you? I'm good. We were just talking about how it's bright and early on a Saturday morning. And Ashlee's looking fabulous. And I am in my mom hair and my fogged up glasses. you know, we love it. This is how we roll here on Quiet Connection.

Ashlee King (00:39)
I'm good, how are you?

Yes.

Thank you.

We love it!

Chelsea Myers (01:03)
Ashlee, I'm so excited to connect with you and I think we'll roll right into it. I'd love it if you could sort of introduce yourself a little bit and then let us know who you were before you were a mom.

Ashlee King (01:17)
Okay, I'm Ashlee King Before I was a mom it's like hard to remember even you know it changes you so much So I married my high school sweetheart. We got married very young we started dating at 16 and We got married at 21, so we were like very young, but that's normal where I come from I come from a really small town and

Chelsea Myers (01:40)
Why?

Ashlee King (01:45)
I went to cosmetology school. I went right into that after high school. I worked in a salon for almost six years after school and I loved it. I planned on continuing doing hair and nails and all the fun stuff. But then I had a baby and everything changed and I just haven't got back into it. But I do plan on getting back into it one day. My husband worked.

long hours and so I'm just a full-time mom right now. But yeah, before I was a mom, just, we loved to travel, we loved to hang out. Our life was always kind of like preparing for a baby. We always knew we wanted to have a family. So we were like, we gotta get the house, we gotta get the jobs, we gotta get everything lined up so life is perfect, you know, as perfect as you can make it.

Chelsea Myers (02:39)
Checking all the boxes.

Yeah.

Ashlee King (02:42)
And then, you

know, you have a baby and everything goes crazy. But yeah, we were just pretty much preparing to have a family, getting our house and getting everything in order how we wanted it to be.

Chelsea Myers (02:48)
Yes.

Yeah, yeah. So that already answers my next question. You had baby on the brain and that was that was the goal. And I love I love that. We love a we love a high school sweetheart story. I mean, who doesn't? That's like the cutest. And I am I will tell I will be.

Ashlee King (03:04)
Yup.

Right. Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (03:21)
totally honest, my mom worked in cosmetology and hair and all of that for 30 years and I have inherited zero of those genes and talents. So props to you guys for making us look beautiful. Yeah, I, I don't know what happened. My sister can do all that stuff. My mom's amazing and I like, I can do a ponytail. That's about it.

Ashlee King (03:31)
Thank you. ⁓ I love it.

Hahaha

You know, my sisters

are kind of like that. They do not do hair. Like, I always did their hair. I still do their hair. And they're like, how do you do a messy bun? Like, can you teach me? I'm like, yes, I got you.

Chelsea Myers (03:53)
Yeah.

Yes! my gosh.

Okay. Well, I love it. And we love that for you. That saying, I've been saying so much lately. We love that for you. Anyway. So that's awesome. So babies and having kids and having a family and settling down, that was always the plan for you.

Ashlee King (04:13)
Right?

Yes.

Chelsea Myers (04:24)
What was that journey like? Did you wait a little bit after you got married? Like

Ashlee King (04:29)
Yeah, so

we got married at 21 and then I got pregnant at 25. So we waited. We had bought our house at 23 and we're like, we want to have a few years just us. We got a dog. We just hung out. And honestly, we were getting so comfortable, just the two of us. We were like, do we want to bring a child into this? Like, this is perfect. And

Chelsea Myers (04:35)
Okay.

Ashlee King (04:56)
We got to the point where we're like, you know, our parents are getting older. Like we need to have kids if we're going to have kids. So we decided to start trying and it took us a little bit of time. You know, all my family was like teen pregnancies. So I thought I'm going to get pregnant so quick and easy. is, know, so we kind of had planned. We're like, we'll start trying this month and we'll be pregnant by this month. We're very type A people. So we plan everything and.

Chelsea Myers (05:10)
Mmm.

Yeah, I'm getting that.

Ashlee King (05:26)
That's not how it went. So we were like kind of disappointed. Man, you know, when is this going to happen? And it finally happened right before Christmas. I found out I was pregnant and I I'm shocked I didn't know because I was already so sick, even like four weeks pregnant. I was so sick at Thanksgiving. I was so tired and I think I had just got so sick of seeing the negative tests. I was like, I'm not even going to test, you know.

Chelsea Myers (05:42)
Hmm.

Yeah.

Ashlee King (05:55)
And so my period didn't come and I'm like, okay, I'll test. I took the test, flipped it over, left it on the counter and I'm like, I'm not even gonna look at it because I'm so sick of the disappointment. And I was about to leave for work and I flipped it over and I'm like, my gosh, this is positive. So I went and grabbed my husband and he's like, no way, this can't be. I'm like, when I get home from work, I'll take another one, you know? And it ended up.

being our little baby.

Chelsea Myers (06:26)
Yeah, my gosh, that's so exciting. It reminds me of all of those social media videos. Flipping it and flipping it, yeah. But what an emotional toll that takes on you to like, especially when it's on your plan and you get negative after negative after negative. Yeah.

Ashlee King (06:33)
Right?

It does.

Right.

Right, and you're such,

we are such type A people. Like we wanna have a plan, we wanna do it this way, and so it was the beginning of teaching us like, okay, this baby's in charge now. This is not our plan. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (07:00)
Yeah.

Yeah, we're gonna get into it for sure because you definitely did not have control over this whole experience. Yeah, no. So, so walk us through walk us through those early days of pregnancy. You said you were really sick. But were you able to enjoy the feeling at all?

Ashlee King (07:08)
Anything. Right.

Yeah.

I really, my pregnancy is one of the worst times of my life I would say. I was so sick. It started out as just food aversions and the second I would see food or hear food or think about food I would get sick but I wasn't throwing up or anything. And then around eight weeks it got so bad. The second my eyes opened I was puking until the second I went to sleep.

Chelsea Myers (07:36)
Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Ashlee King (07:53)
Even if I woke up in the night I was puking, I couldn't keep liquids, couldn't keep anything down. I was diagnosed with HG not until around like 18 weeks pregnant. And so I just didn't know what was going on. I had never heard of hypermysis gravadara. And so I was like, I guess I'm just unlucky. I'm just really sick. I don't know. This is crazy. And then I found out, okay, that's what it is. That makes sense. Okay.

Chelsea Myers (08:06)
my gosh.

Ashlee King (08:23)
and it lasted my whole entire pregnancy. I was sick literally until the day I gave birth and it lasted about a month postpartum which I didn't know was possible.

Chelsea Myers (08:26)
⁓ no.

I actually didn't know that was possible either.

Ashlee King (08:38)
Yeah,

so I still had it about a month postpartum. I had retained placenta, so my body kind of just thought I was still pregnant and it was still so sick. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (08:46)
Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Were

you able to get any treatment during that time or did nothing help?

Ashlee King (08:56)
⁓ nothing helped. They gave me everything. I mean, they started out with, you know, the B12 and all the small things and then they, they don't like to prescribe, like, all the nausea medication until you're about 12 weeks. But since I was so sick, they started giving it to me at eight weeks and it just, didn't, it would help with kind of like the spinning because I was always kind of spinning too. But it did not help with being able to keep food down or anything like that.

Chelsea Myers (09:10)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

my gosh. Yeah, that's it's so hard. And it's something I think we're starting to get a little bit more awareness around it since I think like Amy Schumer talked about it a little bit like she had it. But it's right like we hear about morning sickness, but we don't we don't hear about this like absolutely debilitating condition that can last through your entire pregnancy. So

Ashlee King (09:28)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yes, yeah. huh, yeah.

Right.

Right.

Chelsea Myers (09:55)
you're suffering, but I'm sure there's also a piece of you that is like, okay, well, at least like, this is part of the plan, like, the baby's okay, like, this is part of my plan, right?

Ashlee King (10:05)
Yeah. Yes. That was my concern

the whole time and I was so like strict about what I put in my body and to get pregnant I had to change my whole diet and go on a really clean diet and eliminate processed foods and I had to get rid of perfumes and fragrance and I went so clean to get my body prepared that when I got pregnant I'm like okay what I put in my body is so important.

And then they're like, you gotta take these medications. And I'm like, I don't wanna put that in my body. I don't want the baby exposed to those things. After a while, you're kinda like, either the baby's getting food or she's starving. I need the medication, you know? So you have to kinda weigh the benefits and see that, you know, sometimes it's necessary. But that was another hard thing because I had planned a home birth. I wanted to do it all at home.

Chelsea Myers (10:49)
Yeah.

Mmm.

Ashlee King (11:02)
I wanted to do it all natural. It was always my dream to have this beautiful birth in my living room. And then I was so sick, the doctors are like, you're already high risk, we can't allow this, you know? And so of course I'm like, okay, I'll follow the doctors. I'll do what I gotta do. So yeah, right away my dreams were crushed and then they continued to be crushed along the way. But yeah.

Chelsea Myers (11:27)
Yeah, and it's,

it's, it's hard. talk about this a lot on the podcast about the narrative that we're sold, like, exactly what you're describing is what every, every mom and every birthing person deserves to have that birth that they dream of. But it's not always the reality. ⁓ let's talk, let's, let's talk about

Ashlee King (11:38)
Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

Chelsea Myers (11:52)
moving a little closer to baby time. mean, you're sick.

Ashlee King (11:55)
Yeah, I'm sick.

I did get a little relief around like 23 to 26 weeks. I started to get a little more energy and I was puking maybe like two to three times a day. throughout the day I was fine until night, but at least I got a little glimmer of light in the middle of the day.

Chelsea Myers (12:19)
Yeah.

Ashlee King (12:21)
And so we did get to do a few things and I started to be able to eat food again a little bit and that started to get really good and then at 25 weeks I started to get preeclampsia and that's when I had to start going to the doctor twice a week. We had to do ultrasounds once a week and stress tests once a week and they were just monitoring me really closely because my blood pressure was already, it was

Chelsea Myers (12:34)
Ugh.

Ashlee King (12:49)
It was dangerously high already. I was so in denial and so scared of having a baby so early that I would kind of hide it from the doctors. You know, I would go in and it would be sky high. And I'm like, well, at home, it's not this high. Even though I knew it was, I didn't know how dangerous preeclampsia was. I had never heard of it. I didn't know how dangerous it truly was until it got to the point it got.

Chelsea Myers (13:07)
Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (13:19)
to.

Chelsea Myers (13:20)
Yeah, yeah, you're highlighting things that are so important. Like one, we don't talk about and again, I'm gonna completely hyper emesis gravitarum. We don't talk about that. always, I always have a hard time with that one. And then it is and then preeclampsia, which is really way more common than we're led to believe and it is so serious, but young moms don't know.

Ashlee King (13:31)
Right, yep.

It's such a weird.

Yes.

Chelsea Myers (13:50)
about it. No.

Ashlee King (13:50)
Yeah, yeah, I have

no idea and the doctors, they briefly like glazed over it. When I was 20 weeks, I had a blood pressure that was high one day and he's like, you know, we got to watch out for preeclampsia. And I was like, what even is that? I don't know. And then around 25 weeks when it started getting high, my high risk doctor was like, okay, this is dangerous. But I said, so high blood pressure is dangerous for me.

Chelsea Myers (14:09)
Yeah.

Ashlee King (14:20)
and he said, but it's not dangerous for the baby. And I thought, okay, then I will keep lying to the doctor because if I'm at risk, I don't care. If my baby's at risk, I care. So that's why I kept hiding it. And then when it turned bad, he's like, no, you could die from this. And I'm like, ⁓ well, I didn't know that. I didn't realize that, you know.

Chelsea Myers (14:31)
Yeah.

Yeah,

there was a complete lack of information there. Did you know anyone who had ever experienced... I mean, obviously you said you didn't know about preeclampsia, but any sort of pregnancy complications or birth complications?

Ashlee King (14:46)
Completely. Yeah.

No, my

family has had the best pregnancies, the best, you know, they have a little bit of postpartum depression. My sister struggled and so she had warned me about that and she's like postpartum can be really hard and really rough. So I was prepared for that, but she had the easiest pregnancy, the best birth and all my family had really good births. And so I had never even thought of it being a possibility.

for it to go the way that it went. didn't even, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (15:28)
Yeah.

Yeah, that so. So that is so complicated because you go from wanting something so bad and then you get it and it's made incredibly difficult to bear. Talk to me about when things changed and when it became OK, like we're really concerned about you and baby.

Ashlee King (15:43)
Yes, right.

Yes.

So I had been going in twice a week. My doctor had left out of town for two weeks and I loved my doctor. He was so on top of things and he was so good at, you know, keeping things in order. So I had to see just whoever was available. So I had went in on a Thursday and they did a stress test and they did an ultrasound and my blood pressure was really high.

Chelsea Myers (15:59)
Ugh.

Ashlee King (16:18)
And the nurse came in and she's like, this cannot be right. You're small, you're healthy, this can't be right. And I said, no, this is right. Like I've been taking it at home and it is this high. And she's like, no, let me take it manually. So she did it manually and she's like, ⁓ it's perfect. It's literally perfect. And I'm like, are you sure that can't be right? My doctor came in and he's like,

you know this happens sometimes it goes up and down and you're good so I'll see you on Monday and I thought this can't be right so and I was at this point I was so sick I mean I was seeing spots all the time I was so nauseous because I was so sick from preeclampsia at this point but I didn't even know that was a side effect I didn't know anything

Chelsea Myers (16:59)
Mmm.

Ashlee King (17:10)
And so over the weekend I kept checking my blood pressure. It was sky high. I mean, my family was like, you need to get to the ER now. And I'm like, no, I have an appointment on Monday. It'll be okay. So I go in on Monday with my sister. She comes with me and we sit down and they instantly take my blood pressure. It's 195 over 135. And the nurse is faced. She's like, uh, you need to lay down.

Chelsea Myers (17:34)
my gosh.

Ashlee King (17:39)
She goes and gets the doctor and they're like, we're taking you right now to labor and delivery. And at that point they had me pee in a cup. They hadn't been doing that. So I often wonder how long did I have preeclampsia this bad, but they didn't catch it because they weren't having me pee in a cup. So they had me do that and they tested it and the doctor's like, I have never seen levels this high. We might be having a baby today. And I'm like,

Chelsea Myers (17:55)
Yeah.

my god.

Ashlee King (18:06)
What is going on? Like I just came in for an appointment. I don't have anything ready. I'm such a type A person. This is like throwing my whole life for, you know. So I call my husband and I'm like, you've got to get here. He's at work and he's like, okay, we're having a baby. I'm like, we might be, I don't know. The doctor said you've got to get here. So he gets there and the doctor comes in and they start me on magnesium. I don't know if you've heard. I didn't know.

Chelsea Myers (18:16)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. The horror stories?

Yeah.

Ashlee King (18:35)
Yeah, I

had no idea. My doctor sat on my bed and he told me in medical school they make us do magnesium because it is so barbaric. He's like, they make us do this so we understand the pain you're in. And I was like, I have a high pain tolerance, I'll be fine. That stuff, it's evil. So they got me on magnesium and a lot of medication and they got my blood pressure

Chelsea Myers (18:58)
Yeah.

Ashlee King (19:04)
It wasn't good, but it wasn't as high as it was. And so I stayed on the magnesium for three days in the hospital. And they watched me and they had to take me off of it because my levels got so high, my body just couldn't process it anymore. And they said my liver and kidneys were just shutting down. They were done. So at that point, they were starting to worry about help syndrome. And I had...

Chelsea Myers (19:22)
Mm.

Yep. Can you describe

help syndrome for those who don't know?

Ashlee King (19:36)
Yeah, so I wrote it down because the help syndrome is something I still like it's such a crazy thing and I had no idea about it. It is such a rare thing. It is your liver kind of just stops working and your blood pressure is out of control and your blood platelets drop really low. So that was their main concern. My blood platelets had dropped.

Chelsea Myers (19:47)
Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (20:05)
dramatically and they're like, we gotta watch this. Cause they had planned an emergency C-section where I was only 32 weeks. They said, I don't know if your baby will make it through a delivery. She was measuring so small that they were like, we're going to have to do a C-section. You have no choice, but a C-section. So they're like, but in a C-section, need your platelets to be high so you don't bleed to death.

Chelsea Myers (20:21)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (20:35)
So they were watching my platelets and they're like, you know, everything's looking stable. It's not dropping any lower. They wanted to push me as far as they could to let my baby develop. And they had given me steroid shots. So they're like, the longer she's in there, the better. We want to keep her in as long as possible. So they had scheduled my C-section for Monday and this was Thursday. And they're like, you know, we'll just keep watching you, keep medication and.

We'll plan for Monday. so Friday, the next day comes and I'm feeling really, really sick. They had stopped. They were drawing my blood every four hours, but they had stopped doing that since I wasn't on the magnesium anymore. And all day I'm just like, I do not feel right. Something's not right. And it came to be nighttime Friday night. And I'm like, please, will you draw my blood before I go to sleep tonight?

Chelsea Myers (21:20)
Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (21:34)
And they're like, yeah. So they came in and drew my blood and everything just got insane. Doctors came rushing in. They're like, your platelets are so low. If we don't deliver right now, you are not going to make it. And the baby's not going to make it. So they rushed me. I mean, it happened so fast into C-section and everything. And I had my baby that day.

Chelsea Myers (21:49)
my gosh.

Yeah. Yeah, complete whirlwind, complete opposite of what you had envisioned. Yeah. I'm assuming, I don't know if it's universal, but like, in situations like that, a lot of the time, your partner can't be in the OR with you. Was your husband allowed to be with you or no?

Ashlee King (22:01)
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah.

He was allowed,

they prepped me and then he came in. He was allowed to be in there and he did stay with me for the whole surgery. The C-section was really scary because I started hemorrhaging right after I had given birth. And so he stayed with me while they took the baby straight to the NICU. They had a team of doctors in the C-section room.

Chelsea Myers (22:36)
Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (22:48)
ready and they just took her straight away. We didn't even get to see her. didn't anything. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (22:52)
Mm hmm. So

yeah, yeah, complete opposite of what you had envisioned. What's going through your mind? Are they explaining to you what's going on? Like when you're hemorrhaging, they or are they just working?

Ashlee King (23:00)
Yes.

So, so what

happened is I get back there and we deliver the baby pretty smoothly and they took her right away and my blood pressure was spiking throughout the whole time so the doctor kept yelling at the anesthesiologist like get her blood pressure down, get it down and I remember at one time it had peaked at like 220 over 150 and

Chelsea Myers (23:35)
my gosh.

Ashlee King (23:37)
They panicked and they're like, we got, she's going to have a stroke. We got to get this down. And they dropped it so fast that I just kind of fell backwards. I remember just almost passing out. And when I came back to my husband goes, how big was the baby? And they said two pounds and we 32 weeks. So they had told us four and a half, maybe five pounds, you know, because of the steroid shot.

Chelsea Myers (23:55)
And you were how many weeks? ⁓ my gosh.

Yeah.

Ashlee King (24:06)
So the second they said two pounds, I think my body went into shock. And that's when I started hemorrhaging and the doctor was like, you need to calm down. everything. And I'm like, I just had a two pound baby. Like what? And so that is when it all just kind of went, I like blacked out, honestly. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (24:21)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can't, I cannot imagine. And you didn't get to see her and yeah.

Ashlee King (24:34)
No. We

did hear her cry. So the second they pulled her out, she did let out a really loud cry, which I was like, ⁓ good, you know, she's breathing, she's alive. And then to hear two pounds, I was like, my gosh, how is she gonna make it? I've never heard of a two pound baby making it, you know? I've never heard of that before. So I was just like, what is going on?

Chelsea Myers (25:01)
Yeah, yeah. In terms of your hemorrhage, obviously they were able to get it under control. And hopefully this isn't too personal a question, but like, were you able, were they able to save your uterus? Were they able to? Yeah.

Ashlee King (25:10)
Yep.

Yes, so

they had saved my uterus. I did have retained placenta, which we didn't know about. So I did go on to have two more hemorrhages postpartum, like months later. And at that point, yeah, at that point I had to have an emergency surgery and they said, we might have to take your uterus. We don't know what we're getting into. But I was able to keep it.

Chelsea Myers (25:32)
Mm-hmm. Months later. Ugh.

Ashlee King (25:49)
They did have to do quite a lot on my final surgery to the point where they said I probably will never be able to carry another pregnancy.

Chelsea Myers (25:59)
Hmm. Yeah, we will get into that because the toll that that takes on your psyche is a whole different ball game. But let's focus on...

Ashlee King (26:06)
Yeah. Yes.

Chelsea Myers (26:11)
on baby and you. so C-sections are traumatic no matter if they are planned or if they are unplanned. I will give that caveat straight away. I've given birth vaginally and through C-section and it was a scheduled C-section. C-section is a big deal. And so

Ashlee King (26:21)
Yes.

Yes.

Chelsea Myers (26:36)
You're in recovery after the surgery. You've just had this hemorrhage. How long was it before you were able to see your baby?

Ashlee King (26:45)
Yeah, so they actually put me in recovery. I don't remember any of this, but my husband took pictures. So I have those pictures at least. They wheeled me into the NICU on my bed, my whole bed. And I got to hold her hand and meet her, but I don't remember any of that. The first time I remember meeting her, I was three days postpartum. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (26:54)
good.

Wow.

Okay. And at

that point, at that point, were you able, like, you able to be in a wheelchair? Were you able to, yeah.

Ashlee King (27:20)
Yeah, I was in a wheelchair

at that point. The reason I don't remember any of that is they put me right back on the magnesium and I started hallucinating and things and so yeah, three days I gotta go in there. We weren't allowed to hold her or anything yet, she was still too fragile. But we could at least touch her. So that was good, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (27:28)
Yep. Yep.

Mm-hmm.

what was your support system like during that time? Did you have family around that was able to kind of hold you guys?

Ashlee King (27:50)
Yeah, I had, yeah,

it was a lot. Me and my husband were very much people that we just don't want to show vulnerability kind of. So we just kind of like leaned on each other. And we did have like his sister came a lot and my mom and my dad, they came every day. And so that was nice. But I mean, nobody truly understood what we were going through except us.

Chelsea Myers (28:02)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, a lot of families that have experienced birth trauma and especially families that have experienced a NICU stay will say that nobody understands it like your partner understands it. yeah, so that makes perfect sense. How were you guys coping? I don't even want to say how were you holding up because I can't imagine but what was getting you through?

Ashlee King (28:21)
Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

right yeah you know it's kind of

it's kind of weird because I we both kind of went into like survival mode and I remember the first time I met her I just cried and cried and held her hand and then we went back to the room and I was like we can never do that again I don't want her to feel the stress and the sadness so whenever we go

Chelsea Myers (29:13)
Okay.

Ashlee King (29:17)
I remember.

Just saying like whenever we go to her room, we have to be strong. cannot let her feel any of our worry or stress. So we just put up a front.

Chelsea Myers (29:35)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ashlee King (29:36)
Yeah, and we

just, we were strong for her, but deep down we were so broken.

Chelsea Myers (29:45)
Yeah, yeah, and I... The strength that you sort of... I don't want to say that it comes to you because it doesn't come to everyone, but like, the strength in your ability to say, okay, like, I am going to be my daughter's strength.

Ashlee King (29:57)
Right, yeah.

Right, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (30:07)
is is amazing like what it's also heartbreaking because because ⁓ did you allow yourself to feel any of those feelings when you were like back in your room or you just kind of were like no i'm i'm this is survival mode

Ashlee King (30:12)
Right.

No.

Yeah, we both kinda just were like, if we feel it, we're going to fall apart. And we can't. We have to be strong. So we were like, nope, can't. We really didn't even talk about it. We would just get back and be like, okay, let's watch a funny movie here. Let's, you know, anything to distract. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (30:31)
Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, and that's

a coping skill. Those are coping tools. Yeah. As you're as you're kind of recovering, how long how long did you end up having to stay at the hospital?

Ashlee King (30:55)
Right, yeah.

So

I gave birth on Friday and I was released by Tuesday Yeah, I was going insane and I was like I Need to get out of here. I remember I told my husband that morning I was like, I don't care what papers I have to sign. I am leaving today I just felt so trapped and I was like I felt so out of control

Chelsea Myers (31:13)
Wow.

Ha!

Yeah.

Ashlee King (31:34)
And you know, I'm such a controlling person that I was like, I need to control something. I'm leaving today. I'm moving on. I'm, you know, we got to get our life back together. So I was released and we moved. the hospital I delivered in is an hour from my house. So I knew that was not a possibility. I wanted to be with her all the time.

Chelsea Myers (31:45)
Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Ashlee King (32:00)
So I moved into my camp trailer actually in the hospital parking lot and I lived in my camper for her full NICU stay. She was only in there 32 days. It was lit. They've like never seen a two pound baby only a month. It was truly a miracle. Right.

Chelsea Myers (32:05)
Wow.

my gosh. How long was she in the NICU?

my goodness!

Yeah, well, and we say we say only a month there's there's this

there's this term that I'm learning with NICU families. It's like there is no only if your NICU if your baby was in the NICU. It is an experience and it is no matter if it's a day, a 30 days, 365 days. Yes. Yeah.

Ashlee King (32:34)
No, yeah. It's so true.

Yes.

So true. So true. But

I do feel so grateful since having her in part of so many groups, NICU support groups, and I see other moms and I just instantly feel back to how that feels to be in the NICU and so alone and so isolating. And I think the hardest part is my husband only had so much time off. And he had already used a lot of it because I was in the hospital for so long before.

Chelsea Myers (33:05)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (33:16)
So he had to go right back to work and I was all alone. mean, we didn't even see each other because he was an hour away and he worked such long schedules that he couldn't drive after work and then still make it to work. So I was all alone in the camp trailer and in the NICU and I was really protective of her. So I didn't want to allow a lot of people in to see her because I was so worried about germs and illnesses. So

Chelsea Myers (33:19)
Mm.

Ashlee King (33:46)
It was really just me and her. Like we were just... Yeah. yeah. I was not okay. I don't remember a lot of it because I was so sick. 18 days postpartum I hemorrhaged and ended up... Yeah, it was a bad hemorrhage. The doctor said if he did surgery that day though, it was too risky.

Chelsea Myers (33:49)
Yeah, and you were sick! You weren't- you were sick!

Ashlee King (34:14)
because my uterus was still so soft. So they ended up giving me Pitocin. I had to take Pitocin almost every day just to, yeah, control the bleeding. I kept it in my backpack and anytime I would start bleeding really bad, I would take it. So yeah, that happened. And then exactly a week from that first hemorrhage, I hemorrhaged again while I was holding her in the NICU. And I remember just...

Chelsea Myers (34:17)
Wow.

my gosh.

Mmm.

Ashlee King (34:43)
holding her and feeling it and Just looking down I could see it all running down and I was like, ⁓ my gosh No, I the first time it happened I remember thinking I just went through all of this and I'm gonna die from a hemorrhage like I just survived every all of this and now this is gonna take me out and I remember just watching the blood run down my leg just sitting there pretty much

Chelsea Myers (35:01)
Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (35:12)
At this point I was so numb I was like I don't even care to like tell a doc like I was just holding her like what even is the point anymore you know and so I slowly got up I tucked her in and I walked out and the nurses saw me and they instantly like rushed me ⁓ I had a surgery that day they took me straight back into surgery and the doctor couldn't get all of it

Chelsea Myers (35:24)
Yeah.

Ashlee King (35:42)
He said there was some that he just couldn't get and I was in surgery for almost four hours. So he's like, we had reached the max. I couldn't keep you any longer. So we're going to have to do another surgery. But he said until then you could hemorrhage at any point. So I was just in a constant state of fear, you know? Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (35:47)
my gosh.

Mmm.

Yes, yeah.

This, always tell my guests this, this is not about me, but when something resonates so deeply, like I have to, so I'm also a postpartum hemorrhage survivor and that fear.

Ashlee King (36:17)
Okay.

Chelsea Myers (36:21)
I don't know if you did this, but every doctor, every nurse that came in, I was like, is this going to happen again? Is this going to happen again? Yeah. And they're like, well, we can't tell you that it won't. this is where, I mean, we can get into it, but we won't. There shouldn't be risk of postpartum hemorrhage from retained placenta after a C-section.

Ashlee King (36:29)
Me too. Yup. Yup.

Yep.

Yeah.

Right.

Chelsea Myers (36:50)
Because

after a C-section, they are there, they are in your uterus, everything should be cleared out. So I also had retained placenta that made me very, very sick and made me hemorrhage. So I completely empathize with you and that fear and that almost, and that same thought in my mind of I went through everything that I went through and now I'm gonna bleed out.

Ashlee King (36:54)
Yep.

Yep. Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And everything I went through still, the hemorrhage is the scariest thing to ever happen to me. To feel your body and to see that amount of blood just gushing out of you at that rapid amount, it is the scariest thing. And you can, you literally can feel the blood, yeah, from your fingertips to just draining out of you.

Chelsea Myers (37:21)
Like...

Yeah.

It's painful. Yeah.

Ashlee King (37:46)
It is so scary. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (37:46)
Mm-hmm. It's

so scary. Was your husband able to come support you?

Ashlee King (37:53)
⁓ so the first time I hemorrhaged, was, I had actually come home to pack my bag and I walked through the door and I felt something. So I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding pretty bad. I passed a huge clot and I was like, okay, I don't know. I stood back up and went out and that's when it hit and he was home actually. And so he rushed me to the hospital and he couldn't stay because he had to go to work that night.

Chelsea Myers (38:21)
Mm.

Ashlee King (38:23)
And I remember he said that's one of the hardest things he ever did was leaving me after that. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (38:29)
Yeah. Yeah,

I can imagine for sure. So not only did you experience preeclampsia, not only did you experience help syndrome and birth trauma and postpartum hemorrhage, you, you girl, you hit all those. I always say like I'm Murphy's law. Like you hit all the Murphy's law thing. Like if it's gonna happen, it's yeah. So

Ashlee King (38:33)
Yeah.

I never... Exactly. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (38:59)
and you alluded to it, like, what kind of a toll was this taking on your mental health at the time?

Ashlee King (39:06)
At this time I still was in such a phase of where I was like, cannot even acknowledge what's going on because I gotta stay strong. I have a baby. And you know, you see all these moms and they're like so happy and so I was like trying to act like I was connected to my baby when I didn't even feel like she was my baby. I had no, I wasn't feeling at all. had...

Chelsea Myers (39:31)
Yeah.

Ashlee King (39:35)
went so numb to protect myself I wasn't feeling anything. There was no... I was just completely shut down. Completely.

Chelsea Myers (39:41)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Did you ever have any other moments in your life that compared to that? Like had you had any sort of experience with depression or anything? No.

Ashlee King (39:55)
No, I was such a

happy person. I didn't understand depression. My husband struggles with it and I would always be like, why don't you just happy? Like life is so good. I don't get it and I felt bad for him because I'm like, I can't understand how you can feel like this. I've always been such a happy, positive outlook on everything, you know, never experienced any kind of depression at all.

Chelsea Myers (40:05)
Right?

Ashlee King (40:24)
So this, think, was just such a shock to my whole system.

Chelsea Myers (40:24)
Yeah.

Yeah. And you mentioned too, not only because depression, again, depression can manifest in so many different ways. People think postpartum depression and they think like, I'm crying all the time or ⁓ I'm sad all the time. But that numbness is also very much depression and it's self preservation and you have no control over it. And then you mentioned too.

Ashlee King (40:37)
Yes.

⁓ huh. Yup.

that yep

Yep.

Right. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (40:54)
postpartum anxiety, which how could you not after experiencing everything that you experienced? Did that start to manifest while baby was still in the NICU or after you brought her home or?

Ashlee King (40:58)
Right.

Yes.

When she was in the NICU, was starting, when I brought her home, it reached a whole new level and everything reached a whole new level because I finally started addressing everything and that's when everything really fell apart as far as mentally. But when she was in the NICU, I felt a constant anxiety that I had to be with her at all times because if not, something bad will happen.

Chelsea Myers (41:20)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (41:36)
So I

would literally wake up straight to the NICU. I stayed there till midnight and I would oftentimes go there in the night when I would wake up and be like, I gotta go check on her right now. So I would head there and then I just, never slept. I was always there. They wouldn't allow me to sleep in the NICU though. They were like, you gotta leave. And the nurses would come in and be like, you need to go eat. You haven't left today. Go eat. And I'm like,

Chelsea Myers (41:45)
wow.

Ashlee King (42:05)
Yeah, I was breastfeeding while pumping. She couldn't breastfeed, but I was pumping. they're like, you have to eat or you're going to lose your milk supply. So that was the only thing keeping me alive was I was like, I got to make milk for her. So I have to eat because at that point I didn't care like what happened to me, but I still cared about her. So I was like, okay, I got to take care of myself so that she has milk. And that was all, you know.

Chelsea Myers (42:07)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that that kind of leads perfectly into I'm focusing a lot on the NICU but like, what did you find most helpful to you in the NICU and what was not helpful at all?

Ashlee King (42:47)
⁓ you know, the NICU was seriously such a hard place to be. ⁓ there was one nurse that she had had twins and she had a NICU stay. And I was constantly fighting with the doctors in the NICU. ⁓ because he wanted to give her formula and I had enough milk. So I'm like, no, this is the one thing I can do. And the one thing I can control, I'm giving my daughter milk. And I was

Chelsea Myers (43:12)
Yeah.

Ashlee King (43:17)
so like persistent about it so we had gotten to quite a few arguments me and this doctor and the one time I stood up for myself and told him no she's my kid we're feeding her and he was just so disrespectful and he basically said I was crazy he wants to speak with my husband about this because I'm not in the right mind space

Chelsea Myers (43:35)
Mmm.

my gosh.

Ashlee King (43:43)
Like I say, do not talk to a postpartum mom like that. We're already losing it. So yeah, that did not end well, but when he walked out, I was so strong. The second he walked out, I just started crying and the nurse came over and she was like, I've never seen a doctor disrespect someone as much as he just disrespected you. And I want you to know that you are right and you are the mom and you do have and

Chelsea Myers (43:46)
No

Ashlee King (44:13)
Just having that validation seriously meant more to me than anything. know, nurses are amazing. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (44:19)
Yeah, nurses are nurses are superheroes. Yes.

my god, I'm glad that you were able to have a connection with that with someone directly like involved in your child's care who had also experienced something similar.

Ashlee King (44:39)
Yeah, because I just felt like she did understand me and she did believe me and know that I was right because I felt so crazy. I mean, even my family, I would text them and they would be like, just listen to the doctor. Just listen. And I'm like, no, like, I know this is right. Why doesn't anyone believe me or listen to me? So having that validation was the best thing for me at that time.

Chelsea Myers (44:53)
Mm.

Yeah.

So I also want to acknowledge your power and strength because you're advocating for yourself and you're advocating for your doctor or for your doctor. You're advocating for yourself and you're advocating for your daughter all while being really sick, processing in your own way the trauma that you have been through. But you kept showing up and

Ashlee King (45:30)
Right.

Chelsea Myers (45:33)
What's so hard about that is I'm not necessarily praising the like shoving down of everything. But I want to like acknowledge the power that you stepped into to be able to navigate that situation. Like, that's badass.

Ashlee King (45:39)
Right?

Right.

Right. Yeah. Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (45:58)
Once you started getting home with her, again, type A, I'm sure you like immediately wanted to develop a routine. What did that look like while also dealing with all of these really, really big feelings?

Ashlee King (46:04)
Yes.

Right, yeah, so we got sent home. She was on oxygen full time. So that did not help my anxiety at any time because she had to be connected to a machine at all points of the day, at all points of the night. The problem with the machine is anytime they move it disconnects and then you have to reconnect it and everything. So I was quite literally never sleeping and I was so

Chelsea Myers (46:28)
Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (46:43)
Anxious at all times like I'm the only one that can keep her alive like this is all on me Like I have to watch the machine at all times. I can't do anything for myself I can't like I have to keep her alive. So that was really hard She was on oxygen for three months, and I just I literally never left her I was by her side at all times. I never left the house for those whole three months

Chelsea Myers (47:07)
Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Ashlee King (47:13)
except for the doctor, that was it. I was still in such a shock and a survival mode at that point that all I cared about was pumping, feeding, and keeping her alive. When I started to wake up out of that fog was when she came off of the oxygen and around four or five months, I started to kind of realize like, holy crap, I just went through so much.

I still had retained placenta at five months postpartum. They had scheduled the surgery for November and I gave birth in June. So this whole time I was bleeding, passing clots, I had hemorrhaged at one point again and had to be rushed to the ER. I mean, it was just, it was insane. And I feel like I didn't fully wake up out of that fog until the final surgery for my hemorrhage.

Chelsea Myers (47:43)
my gosh.

Ashlee King (48:09)
When I got home from that, I felt like a new person. I like woke up out of this. It literally felt like I woke up out of a dream and I'm like, okay, what is my life? You know, I need to find myself again. I need to it's been five months and I'm still just stuck in this little bubble. I wasn't leaving the house. I wasn't letting family help me because I was so like protective. I was like

Chelsea Myers (48:23)
Yeah.

Mm.

Ashlee King (48:38)
No, I can do it, I can do it. And so it was like all on me. And at five months is when the postpartum and everything just like hit me at once. And I was like, I started getting mom rage really bad and I didn't know that was a thing. So I remember, yeah, yeah. So I remember telling my husband.

Chelsea Myers (48:43)
Yeah.

Uh-huh.

That's another thing that a lot of people don't talk about.

Ashlee King (49:04)
This is not me, but I am so angry all the time and I can't control it and I get these bursts of just like I could literally bust down the wall, you know, I'm so angry. I don't know what's going on. And so I started to kind of research it and try to figure out like, okay, this is not normal, but this is common and it's something that happens, you know.

Chelsea Myers (49:28)
Yes.

Ashlee King (49:30)
And so I started to deal with that. Well, at the same time, my daughter started having allergies really bad. So she started getting colic to the point of she would cry all day and all night. And that was definitely contributing to the mom rage and to all the things. And so I was like, what is going on?

Chelsea Myers (49:38)
Mm.

Yeah.

Ashlee King (49:55)
Well it turns out she was allergic to all these things so I had to completely change my diet because I was still breastfeeding. So I had to do an elimination diet, cut out dairy, corn, wheat, mean everything, chicken, beef, all the things. So I instantly did that, I cut everything out of my diet and kept breastfeeding and she started to get better and she stopped the colic but the colic lasted for...

Chelsea Myers (50:11)
all the things that are yummy.

Ashlee King (50:24)
months and it was so hard because it's I felt so guilty that I couldn't comfort my own child when she cried you know like every other mom their baby cries and they pick him up and the baby stops and I'm like I pick up my baby and nothing happens she just keeps screaming and crying and so I didn't want anyone around I didn't want because I was like everyone's gonna think I'm the worst mom ever I can't come from my own baby

Chelsea Myers (50:28)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Ashlee King (50:54)
so I isolated so badly. And you know, the whole first year of her life is such a blur because I was dealing with so much that, you know, it really took until she was about 10 months for me to finally be like, okay, I gotta take care of myself now. I gotta get healthy again. I gotta deal with all of this trauma because she needs me, you know?

Chelsea Myers (51:17)
Yeah.

How did you go about doing that? Did you know about resources that were available to you?

Ashlee King (51:26)
I really didn't. I started searching and joining all these like mom groups and all of this stuff and I found this doctor. She's more of like a naturopathic doctor. I knew I didn't want to get onto any like prescription drugs. I wanted to do it all natural and I wanted to heal my body. So I went to this doctor and she was just like, girl, you have been through it. Do you not realize? And I was like, not really. I guess I've just...

Chelsea Myers (51:38)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah!

Ashlee King (51:55)
pressed it all down so much I didn't even realize everything that had happened. So she started helping me work through all the trauma and dealing with it all. You know it took a while because it would all, it took stages to work through it all because I felt so much anger towards other moms at one point where I was like, why is this me? And they get this. And I have to deal with

Chelsea Myers (52:18)
Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (52:24)
this and they're happy and you know you see their posts on Facebook and everyone's like being a mom is the best thing to ever happen and I would tell my husband being a mom is the worst thing to ever happen to me and I don't mean that in a way that I hate my baby because I love her but I this sucks like there's nothing good about this why you know why is nobody talking about the real

Chelsea Myers (52:38)
Yeah.

Yes!

Yeah.

Ashlee King (52:52)
And then I thought, maybe this isn't how other people feel. This is just me, you know? So it was very like isolating and lonely. And I started posting on TikTok about it. And that's when other moms would be like, no, you're not alone. Like, I feel this. And so then I started to be like, OK, other moms are either just hiding it or, you know, but.

Chelsea Myers (52:57)
Mm, mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, I think a lot

of a lot of people like you still feel or like you did still feel that stigma and still feel that shame like that worry that like people are going to see this and think I'm a bad mom. When in fact, you care probably I'm not gonna say you care more but like the level of devotion and want

Ashlee King (53:28)
Right.

Right.

Chelsea Myers (53:42)
and need to feel better for yourself and your and your child go so deep. Yeah. ⁓ and that the description that you gave was perfect. Like you love your child. But right, I used to tell my husband all the time, like, I would not trade my youngest daughter for anything, but I would never do that again.

Ashlee King (53:44)
Right?

Right, yeah.

Pray.

Right.

Exactly. Yes. Exactly. And I think that's so hard to where now I have come to accept everything I went through. When I tell people, say, you know, I accept what I went through, but it does not change that it sucked. And I don't know why I had to go through that. And, you know, I had a few people tell me like, your baby is healthy and happy. You need to just move on and get over the. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (54:10)
I would never do that again.

⁓

Ashlee King (54:37)
And I'm like, ⁓ yeah.

Chelsea Myers (54:38)
the rage. ⁓ that is the worst thing to tell a parent that's going through literally anything. my gosh. my gosh. I am validating your feelings. I am telling you, you are not alone in feeling those things. Yeah, that is...

Ashlee King (54:46)
Yes! Literally, yes!

Chelsea Myers (55:02)
I heard that a lot too, like, you've got a beautiful baby, why aren't you happy? And like, you know.

Ashlee King (55:07)
Yeah, you know it just

it fully explains that they truly have no idea at all What you went through or I went through like they truly have no grasp of that and they're lucky for that And I did tell the one person I said, you know, you're lucky that you truly cannot Comprehend or understand what I went through because if you did you would not feel that way You know

Chelsea Myers (55:23)
Yes!

Yeah, yeah. And it's not

it's not that we wish it on anybody. We absolutely do not. But I understand that anger and jealousy of like, ⁓ why? Yes. I'm curious. How old is your little one now?

Ashlee King (55:37)
No! No!

Yes.

Yo.

19 months.

Chelsea Myers (55:51)
She's 19 months. Okay, so you, I'm giving you more props because you have come to acceptance way faster in your journey that like I'm still working on acceptance. But you said it so beautifully. Like, okay, I accept that this happened to me, but it was still crap. Like I didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve that. Right. And I'm just coming to that now and my my youngest is two and a half.

Ashlee King (55:56)
you

you

Chelsea Myers (56:20)
So props to you!

Ashlee King (56:21)
Right.

Chelsea Myers (56:24)
So again, there are so many complexities to your story.

There are so many layers and there are so many things to work through and you're still working through a lot of that. And that's, that's also normal and okay. And, I love earlier what you said and it's a, it's something that I have adopted over the last four seasons of this podcast is it's not normal, but it is common. Yes. And knowing the difference. ⁓

Ashlee King (56:28)
Yes.

Yes. Yeah.

Right. Yeah.

Yes. Yes. Yup.

Chelsea Myers (56:56)
And you're at a place now, which I think is so beautiful that even though like you are type A, which is great, I wish I were type A, I would get a lot more done. And you're very self sufficient and you're very independent, but you're at a place now where you're like, no, I can talk about this and I can connect with other people about this and it's okay to seek support. Yeah. So

Ashlee King (57:02)
Right?

Right. Yes. Yes. It's such

a hard thing.

Chelsea Myers (57:23)
It is such a hard thing and it's a really hard thing to find your community that's going to support you and not feed into your fears and your anger and because that's really easy to. But like bringing us home, like you said, your little one is she'll be too soon, which is crazy. Crazy. You guys have been through so much.

Ashlee King (57:33)
Yes. Right. Yes.

Yes, it is.

Chelsea Myers (57:50)
but you are drawing power and you are drawing strength in your vulnerability. And like, I really applaud that. And I'm so thankful that you chose to share your story here with me and with my listeners, because there's so much power in vulnerability and connecting.

Ashlee King (58:09)
yet.

Chelsea Myers (58:10)
So if you've listened to any of my episodes or if you haven't, I always choose one of two questions and I wait until the end of a session to choose it so that I really get to know you and I get to get a good feeling of what would best fit the situation. And I think I have the perfect one for you. What do you hope my listeners...

Ashlee King (58:18)
Okay.

you

Chelsea Myers (58:37)
take away from your story.

Ashlee King (58:40)
I think the biggest thing is to know that you're not alone in any part of motherhood. Like, no matter what it is, even if it's like your little one isn't crawling yet or isn't talking yet, you're not alone. Another mom has been through that. And you need to find support and you need to, you know, find your group of people and don't feel guilty like it's your fault.

Like I did something wrong and now my kid's not doing this or my kid's struggling with this. That's not your fault. That's just who your kid is and just accept him. And we don't need to try to make our kids grow up so fast too or try to make them fit into a certain mold that you know every other kid is doing this and mine isn't or every other birth went like this and mine didn't. Like nothing is a one size fits all.

Chelsea Myers (59:20)
Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (59:35)
And there's never just one person that went through this. Like, there is someone out there you can find, and it's so good to find someone because then you can both be like, hey, this happened to this happened to me too, and I felt this way, and I did this to help that, and I did this, and it's just so good to find even just one mom friend that you can vent to because some days you just need that too.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:04)
Yeah.

Ashlee King (1:00:04)
And it's just

so important to find a community. And I would also say advocate for yourself in everything. In pregnancy, in birth, advocate for your kid because you're the only one that truly knows your kid. The doctor sees your kid, you know, every once in a while, but you know them and you know if something's not normal. So that's a big thing. I'm like, advocate for yourself.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:12)
Mm-hmm.

Ashlee King (1:00:31)
If the doctors say, we're gonna try this, we're gonna do this, and you feel like, no, tell them. Be like, no, we're not gonna try that. We're gonna try something else. Because, you know, most doctors too, I've done that a lot with doctors. I just tell them straight up, no, I'm not doing that, or no, I don't feel. And they're like, okay, and, you know, they usually are pretty understanding and pretty like, okay, yeah, you know your body better than me, so what do you feel like? You know, and...

Chelsea Myers (1:00:39)
Yeah

Hahaha

Ashlee King (1:01:00)
So I just, that's a big thing I like to tell moms too is advocate for yourself and for your child.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:07)
Yeah, and you did a beautiful job of that and are doing a beautiful job of that. I feel like there are so many avenues that we didn't get to explore in our time together. So this is an open invitation. Anytime you would like to come back, if you feel like coming back, you are more than welcome, as all my guests are. But it is early on a Saturday morning and I don't want to take up any more of your time.

Ashlee King (1:01:18)
Okay.

Yes.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:35)
Just thank you so much. Thank you so much for your vulnerability. Thank you for sharing your story in such an authentic way. yeah, and thank you for everything that you're doing to connect with other moms. Where can my listeners find you if they want to learn more about you or if they resonated with your story and want to chat with you?

Ashlee King (1:01:42)
Thank you.

Yeah,

anytime anyone wants to reach out to me if it's, you know, about preeclampsia, help syndrome, food allergies with breastfeeding, that's one thing I learned a lot about and I love to help moms with that because it is such a hard thing to figure out what your kid is allergic to and you do feel so alone in that. So anything like that, mean, postpartum hemorrhage, anything that you feel like

Wait, I want somebody to ask, you know, about that or I need somebody to talk to about that. Anytime you can reach out because I love to talk to other women about it. My TikTok is at Ashlee W. King and Ashlee with two E's, A-S-H-L-E-E-W King. And my Instagram is the same. So feel free to reach out.

Chelsea Myers (1:02:44)
Mm-hmm.

And those will,

yeah, those will be linked in your show notes so that listeners can really easily find you. And thank you for sharing that with us. And yeah, I hope that you have a relaxing rest of your weekend. And just thank you for being such a strong mama.

Ashlee King (1:03:04)
Thank you.

Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (1:03:13)
Ashlee, thank you so much for sharing your story with me and my listeners with such strength, vulnerability, and authenticity. I especially connected with you when you explained your acceptance of all that you'd been through and acknowledgement that you in no way deserved any of it. I'm honored that you chose Quiet Connection as your first podcast experience, and I know my listeners will resonate with so much of what we discussed.

Listeners, please be sure to check the show notes if you'd like to connect with Ashlee. You can keep up with us on Quiet Connection by following us on Facebook, Instagram, Red Note, and Threads at Quiet Connection Podcast. You can also find us on Blue Sky at Quiet Connection Pod. You can help our community grow by leaving us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and consider sharing our episodes on social media.

Be sure to check out our Patreon or Buy Me a Coffee accounts to support our mission and get exclusive access to bonus episodes and other goodies. To share your personal journey, can contact us through our website at quietconnectionpodcast.com or by email at quietconnectionppmh at gmail.com. Join us next time when another story is told and you realize you are not alone.

I see you.