Quiet Confessions, Episode 10: Funerals, Feelings, and Figuring It Out

Grief is hard. Parenting through grief? Even harder. In this raw Quiet Confessions episode, Chelsea opens up about navigating the loss of their grandmother while parenting two young kids in a neurodivergent household. From balancing honesty with protection, to preparing children for a Catholic funeral when you’re not religious, to simply surviving the days that feel too heavy—this episode is a reminder that there’s no “right way” to grieve as a parent.

Chelsea shares the real, unfiltered moments: zoning out with laundry and true crime podcasts, leaning on contingency plans for her kids, and learning to accept that “just surviving” can be enough. If you’re navigating grief and parenting, this one’s for you—you’re not alone.

🗝️Key Takeaways

• Parenting through grief has no “right way.”
   Grieving while raising kids is messy and unpredictable. Some days you may be calm and present, while other days, survival looks like folding laundry and tuning out with a podcast—and both are valid.
• Honesty matters, but so does protecting your kids’ emotional load.
   It’s okay to let children see your emotions and know you’re sad, but they don’t need to carry the full weight of your grief. Balance is key.
• Preparation helps kids feel safe during big emotional events.
   Explaining what to expect at a Catholic funeral, offering books like The Invisible String, and having a plan for breaks can make difficult experiences less overwhelming for children.
• Neurodivergent families may need extra flexibility.
   Sensory overload, emotional intensity, and unexpected triggers are common. Having check-ins, giving kids choices, and creating escape options can help everyone manage.
• Self-compassion is essential.
   Giving yourself permission to step back, feel numb, or not be fully present at all times is part of surviving grief. Perfection isn’t the goal—honesty and showing up as best you can are.
• Grief doesn’t follow a timeline.
   There’s no set pace for “getting through” loss. Allowing yourself and your kids to grieve in your own ways, without pressure, can ease some of the heaviness.
• Connection brings comfort.
   Even in the hardest moments, staying connected to loved ones—both living and those who’ve passed—can be a source of grounding and healing. 

🎧Sound Bites

• “Parenting through grief isn’t about getting it right. There is no ‘right.’ Survival is enough.”
• “Grief doesn’t follow a neat, manicured timeline—especially when your nervous system is wired differently.”
• “Our kids don’t need perfect parents. They need honest ones who show up however they can.”
• “Some days I’m calm and present. Other days, all I can do is fold laundry and zone out to a podcast—and that’s okay.”

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:05)
Hey, it's Thursday again, which means it is time for another quiet confession. ⁓ Just little moments between you and I where I kind of fill you in on where I'm at. This one's a little raw. If you've been following along here or on social media, you may know that I lost my grandmother recently.

I haven't really posted a lot about it because she meant a lot to a lot of people, but I want to sort of maintain her privacy. But for me, she wasn't just my grandma. She was my hero. She was the person who made me feel safe and loved no matter what. Never made me feel small. Always made me feel like I mattered. So as we head

into the new week as I'm recording this. ⁓ Her funeral is fast approaching and I've been trying to navigate things I don't think any of us ever fully prepare for. Like grieving while parenting. This isn't going to be a downer episode, I promise, but it is going to be honest. ⁓ Because

This whole thing is messy and it's weird and it's strange and if you're going through something like this too, I want you to know, just like in everything else I do, you're not alone.

grief on its own is hard enough and then grieving while adding parenting into the mix just ⁓ the layers feel heavy and endless. ⁓ On one hand I've been trying to let myself feel all the feels. I've been pretty honest with my kids when I'm sad. I'll say like if I'm crying or if I'm

a little withdrawn, I might say, like, I'm just missing grandma right now. ⁓ We don't stuff things down in this family, or at least we try not to. I don't want them to think that having big feelings is something that they need to hide. But I also remind myself that they're kids. They definitely do not need to feel the full weight of my emotions.

on their shoulders. I'm trying to balance it. ⁓ Being real without completely unloading and unleashing everything. But the truth is it's been a lot. ⁓ I've distracted myself whenever I can. I've been editing podcast episodes for Quiet Connection and Odd Moms On Call like crazy. ⁓

I have buried myself in making a slideshow for the funeral, which makes me feel very proud and honored to do for her. I have been letting the laundry pile up and I am trying to catch up, literally anything to keep my brain busy. ⁓ Doom scrolling, which is not healthy. Yeah, I can't even focus on.

a show right now. have to, I don't know, I'm just trying to be anywhere but here. And I will readily admit that I haven't been as present with my kids as I want to be. I actually actively don't want to be present. And that's hard to admit. was telling my husband last night, like, I don't want anybody to touch me. I don't want to be near anybody. I don't want.

Like, it's not that I don't want comfort. I just don't want anything. I don't want to feel anything because I feel numb. ⁓ So yeah, I'm trying to remind myself that that's okay and that grief, I mean, there are no rules. ⁓ It doesn't have to be pretty and parenting through it most definitely isn't.

⁓ my husband and I made the decision to bring both kids to the funeral. My oldest is nine and my youngest is three. ⁓ we know it's a big emotional event, but we also know our kids and we know that they deserve to be there. They loved grandma just as much as I did and she loved them. But knowing them means we came up with.

contingency plan. So if anything gets overwhelming, my husband has decided to be the one to take them either outside or to one of our favorite local restaurants that's right across the street from the church that the service will be at. ⁓ we're not trying to hide the reality.

of it from them either. ⁓ With my nine-year-old, I mean, she has questions and we're answering them. We've read the invisible string together as a family. We had already read the invisible leash when our cat of 18 years passed away just a few months ago. And that has kind of helped. It's kind of helped her understand that

connection doesn't die, doesn't end when someone dies. My three-year-old understands the concept of the rainbow bridge and it feels kind of silly trying to explain my grandma's death in that context ⁓ because we typically use the rainbow bridge as a as an analogy for pets but that's just kind of how she understands death right now. You cross the rainbow bridge and you don't come back.

⁓ so yeah, it's, I don't know, it's uncharted territory. We, we also had to talk about what a Catholic funeral is like because we're not religious. we don't go to church. We're, you could say I'm spiritual, but I'm absolutely not religious. but I wanted them to know what to expect. I grew up,

in a very Catholic household. went to Sunday school. I did First Communion. I did everything all the way up to confirmation, which is when I decided, yeah, I can't do this in good conscience because I don't necessarily believe what I'm supposed to say that I believe right now in this ceremony. So anyway, that was a rabbit hole, but we're not religious.

But I know what a Catholic funeral entails. I know what a Catholic, just service entails. And I wanted them to know what to expect so that it felt, it didn't feel scary or confusing. ⁓ and if they saw people doing certain things like standing or kneeling or all singing together, saying the same things, like they knew that that, that wasn't, ⁓ unexpected. So.

We let them know that it's okay to cry and that they'll probably see other people cry. And if they feel overwhelmed or bored or fidgety or need a break, any of those things are okay. Anything's okay because grief doesn't look the same for everyone. And our kids shouldn't feel like they have to perform or act a certain way to be respectful.

I am a firm believer in feeling all your feels. ⁓ Yeah, being a neurodivergent household or as I like to call us, neuro sparkly, that adds a whole other layer. It's another heavy layer on top of all of this. Big events like, like funerals can be sensory and emotional overload.

The sounds, the rituals, the smells, the emotions, the everything, none of it's easy. So we're gonna be flexible and we're gonna communicate. We've already talked about ways we can check in. Like mom and dad might ask, how are you feeling? Do you need a break? Do you wanna sit somewhere quiet? They can also let us know. My three year old, think.

is a little less apt to let us know how she's doing, but my nine-year-old's getting better at communicating her needs. Letting them know ahead of time that they have choices is really important to me. Yeah, because feeling trapped in that situation can just make things feel worse. And honestly, I'm trying.

offer that same grace to myself because again grief does not follow a neat manicured timeline or path especially when your nervous system is already wired differently

I don't know. What I keep coming back to is parenting through grief isn't about getting it right. There is no right. I don't like that. It's just like the word normal. There is no normal. ⁓ We just have to kind of show up as best we can. Even when your best looks different every day. Right now, my best is survival.

Some days I'm relatively calm and open and I can answer any of the questions that either of my kiddos have. Some days I'm folding laundry and zoning out to a true crime podcast because that's all my brain can handle. ⁓ I'll admit I don't often feel proud of how I'm balancing everything because

It doesn't feel like I'm balancing everything. ⁓ But I think that's just what this chapter is. It's imperfection. And that's okay. That's okay. I say this all to as my therapist likes to say, and that's okay.

Yeah, so if you're listening and you're parenting through grief or something similar, I see you. It's messy. It's yucky. It's imperfect. It just doesn't feel nice, but it doesn't have to. Our kids don't need us to be perfect. They just need us to be present in whatever ways we can manage. They need us to be honest and tell the truth.

They need us to listen, to let them cry or play or ask questions or completely do their own thing and be in their own world. And you know, maybe we need that too. Maybe I need that. I do need that too. I do need that too. I keep getting down on myself for just tuning out the world, but

sometimes having a little space to fold laundry in the quiet. I just need it. I need it. So hopefully I kept my promise and that this wasn't a downer. Hopefully this sort of gives you a peek into how we're navigating grief and maybe you have something similar that you're going through.

but thanks for sitting with me. I'll be back next Thursday, hopefully, hopefully with something a little lighter maybe next time. But until then, take care of your kids, take care of you. Call your grandma or your grandpa or your aunt or your uncle or your mom or your dad, whoever, call them right now and tell them exactly what they mean to you.

I was very lucky to have that opportunity before my grandma passed and it is something that I will forever be grateful for. So, yeah. Go get yourself a treat. Take a nap. You deserve it. I'll see you next week.