Quiet Confessions, Episode 11: What's Not Wrong

Life can feel like it’s on fire—grief, parenting, health struggles, new routines, and the chaos of a preschooler starting school. In this episode of Quiet Confessions, Chelsea leans on a favorite DBT skill, What’s Not Wrong, to pull back from the spiral of everything going wrong and focus on small, grounding glimmers.

From celebrating their puppy’s progress to their kids finding joy at their grandmother’s funeral, to the quiet support of friends and even the comfort of a new “creamy” keyboard, Chelsea shares their five “not wrong” things as a reminder that not everything is unraveling. If you’re in a season where everything feels heavy, this episode offers permission to pause, notice, and hold onto the little things that keep us grounded.

🎧Sound Bites

• “Noticing what’s not wrong isn’t about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about finding balance when life feels like too much.”
  
  
• “Your glimmers don’t have to be big. They just have to be noticed.”
  
  
• “Even when everything feels heavy, there are tiny things keeping it all from unraveling.”
  
  
• “Sometimes the most grounding thing is a silly, rainbow-lit keyboard that makes you smile while you work.”

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:48)
Happy Thursday and welcome back to another episode of Quiet Confessions. A mini episode where you and I hang out and I just kind of update you on where I'm at in my journey. ⁓ So I'm not gonna lie, life still feels like a lot right now. ⁓ Grief, health stuff, parenting, new routines, getting ready for the new school year.

toddlers starting preschool, ⁓ all of it. ⁓ Some days it feels like everything is either on fire or about to fall apart. ⁓ And when I get into that headspace, I tend to hyper-focus on all the things that are going wrong. And I lose sight of the things that are actually okay.

And yeah, so today I thought I'd stop and I would use one of my favorite DBT skills that I learned while I was in partial hospitalization outpatient therapy after my daughter was born. It's called What's Not Wrong? And I recommend it.

A lot. You'll see me recommended on social media and in some of my blog posts, ⁓ but it's where you intentionally take time and make note of things that are not going wrong. Not things that you're grateful for or things that you're achieving or like little checks on your to-do list. Just things that aren't wrong.

which can be really powerful if you actually pay attention. yeah, ⁓ maybe if I go through some of mine right now, you can think of some of your own. And if you want to share, you should definitely reach out to me on social media or through our email, quietconnectionppmh at gmail.com. Just saying.

Okay, so here's my list. Here's my list of my five things that are not wrong right now. Number one is our new puppy, Dozer, is learning to keep himself occupied, which is huge.

Even just a month ago, it like every five minutes I was pulling something out of his mouth. We still kind of do that. Or chasing him around the house or tripping over him because he follows me everywhere or he's jumping on me. But he's kind of starting to settle.

And he's chewing on the things that we want him to chew on, like the better bones and the Kongs. And he's throwing his toys around and chasing them. So he's tiring himself out a little bit. ⁓ And he doesn't necessarily need constant supervision every single second of the day, although you do kind of have to have eyes and ears out still, but.

Yeah, it sounds small, but when everything else is chaos anyway, not having to play, ⁓ my God, what are you eating? Or did you just pee on the floor again ⁓ every minute? ⁓ It's huge. That's kind of huge. So that's number one. Number two, my girls, both my girls found

joy on one of the hardest days. So as I'm recording this, yesterday was my grandma's funeral. And like I mentioned in my previous episode, we took both kids. This was their first time in a church. It was their first time at a funeral. ⁓ There were a lot of firsts. And yeah, it was a very heavy day for all of us. But they...

They managed to stay kids. They played with their cousin and my cousin's kids. So their second cousins, I guess. I don't really know how all of that works. And nor do I really care to figure it out. We're all cousins. But yeah, I brought coloring books and stickers and snacks for any kids that were going to be there, especially mine. And honestly, they kept themselves busy. They played.

They advocated for their needs. They let us know when they needed snacks or a break. And they smiled. They smiled and they laughed and they played. And honestly watching them run around and just be themselves.

It wasn't overwhelming. really didn't bother me or stress me out like I thought it would. It kind of just reminded me that even in really, really tough moments, there's still space for joy. it was a really happy, happy little glimmer. edges of a pretty challenging day.

So that's that's number two Number three is I have friends who truly show up near and far My close-to-home friends my my friends that live in the same state or even just a town over or in one case just down the road

They always know what I need and we make a habit of always checking on each other even if we don't see each other very often, which is so strange, right? As parents, you could have a friend who lives right down the road and you're like, well, I'll see you in like six to 12 months when I have nothing going on.

But yeah, they always have the right words at the right time. We always check in on each other and we make habits of dropping things off when we know that one of us is struggling. So yesterday I had a lovely card and arrangement of flowers left and a cute little video on my... ⁓

video doorbell and it was exactly what I needed. It reminded me that I'm not alone. ⁓

and the understanding of like, nope, you don't have to get up. You don't have to come outside. We don't have to hang out. I'm just going to drop this stuff off and be on my way and you do you. And, ugh, that is literally, that is the best. ⁓ And then I have my pocket friends who are the people that I've met through this community all over the world. And we're friends online, ⁓ but they're just as real and they're just as important. And

They celebrate wins with me and I celebrate wins with them and we're all rooting for each other and we can vent to each other and we remind each other that, that yeah, there are people in your corner all over the world. I don't know. It's crazy. It's crazy to know that even on my worst days, I'm really not alone, whether it's...

friends close by or friends online. don't know. ⁓ Number four is a little silly but ⁓ I love it. I got a new keyboard and I guess they're called creamy keyboards for my ASMR.

friends ⁓ and it's the glimmer that I did not know I needed. ⁓ It's rainbow lit like the... I mean you can do any color but right now I have it kind of like slowly waving through the rainbow ⁓ and it makes the most satisfying sounds when I type. It's really silly but ⁓ when I sit down to get any work done it... I don't know it's...

It's like a spark of fun. ⁓ And yeah, when everything else feels like really mundane and really heavy and bleh, like finding something that makes those mundane things feel good, I think that's worth holding onto and celebrating. So yeah, that's a not wrong thing. I have a cool, creamy keyboard. I don't know if that makes me cool, but it feels cool.

And then I think my most important what's not wrong right now is my relationship with my partner and how it feels steady and safe even when neither of us have any space for intimacy right now. ⁓ For both of us, life is packed.

⁓ for me, there's grief and health issues and the kids and for him there's work and house projects and his own, limited capacity, I guess, ⁓ from his motorcycle accident. But yeah, there's just, we don't have any time or.

or bandwidth for physical connection and that feels weird sometimes. I think more for him than for me. I'm not a super physical person, but I know that this is just a chapter and it's not the whole story. Both of us know that. Our commitment isn't based on how much energy we have to pour into each other. Sometimes we kind of just need space to exist as our own people.

and we both know that the other person is there and ready to step in whenever we need them or we're down for a cuddle or whatever. that's not the season right now. We're not in the cuddling season right now, but the stability and the safety and the, and the just knowing that we have each other's backs feels

so good and that's not wrong that's right that's good yeah there's i don't know it's not right or wrong but i'm rambling now yeah none of none of these things erase the hard stuff ⁓ they don't bring my grandma back

They don't make my health stuff easier or magically turn my life into this like calm, zen, manageable Pinterest mom ⁓ facade. ⁓ But that's not the point. That's not the point of this exercise, which is kind what I love about it. It's just noticing them kind of feels like an act of balance, I guess.

It's a reminder that not everything is unraveling. Even when things are really hard, there are glimmers. I love glimmers. I talk about glimmers all the time. You just have to look for them. And maybe today your list looks completely different than mine. Maybe it's something as simple as coffee being strong enough to get you through the morning. I don't know. I'm allergic to caffeine, so I don't know what that's like.

⁓ Maybe your kid took a nap. Maybe the light in your kitchen hit the table just right and made that really cool like, I don't know, light beam effect. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? It's really cool. It's really pretty. I don't know.

And yeah, maybe it feels a little silly to say those things out loud, but you don't have to. You don't have to say them out loud. Just notice them. I help keep you grounded when things feel very much out of control. So those are my five things that are not wrong. It's my favorite DBT skill, dialectical behavioral therapy. Look into it. and yeah, thanks for sitting with me today. Just like last week.

And next week, I love hanging out with you guys. if you're in a season where life feels overwhelming or you're maybe trying to figure things out, stop and notice five things that aren't going wrong. They don't have to be big. I mean, everything's a win, right? So yeah, I'll be back next Thursday. But until then...

Look for your glimmers. Find some things to hold onto. And I don't know, do something nice for yourself. I think I always say get yourself a treat. Get a snack. Drink your water. Take a nap. I'll try to do those things too. See you next week.