Quiet Confessions, Episode 12: It's Okay to be Mad

Parents aren’t “supposed” to get mad—at least, that’s the unspoken rule many of us have been taught since childhood. But in this episode of Quiet Confessions, Chelsea gets real about anger: what it’s telling us, why it’s not the enemy, and how they’re learning to let it exist without shame.

From blow-drying their hair and throwing their back out to navigating chronic health struggles, Chelsea shares how the smallest tipping points often carry the weight of everything that’s been building underneath. They talk about letting their kids see them feel all the feelings, why anger is information, and how to move through it without hurting ourselves or others.

If you’ve ever swallowed your frustration because “good parents don’t get mad,” this episode is your permission slip to feel it, name it, and still know you’re doing enough.

Key Takeaways:

1. Anger isn’t bad—it’s information.
    Feeling mad doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or failing. It’s a signal that something is wrong, needs aren’t being met, or boundaries are being crossed.
   
   
2. We’ve been conditioned to hide anger. Many people are taught from childhood to “be nice” and “calm down,” creating patterns of swallowing frustration well into adulthood and parenting.
   
   
3. Small moments can be tipping points. Throwing their back out while blow-drying their hair became a breaking point because of everything already weighing on them.
   
   
4. Letting kids see emotions is healthy. Pretending to be endlessly patient isn’t realistic—and doesn’t teach kids how to handle their own big feelings.
   
   
5. Moving through anger matters. The goal isn’t to eliminate anger but to let it pass without bottling it up or hurting others—through talking, writing, moving, or simply naming it.
   
   
6. You can be mad and still be a good parent. Anger and love, frustration and gratitude—these feelings can co-exist without canceling each other out.

Soundbites:

• “Anger isn’t bad—it’s a signal. It’s telling you something’s wrong.”
• “You can be mad and still be a good parent.”
• “We don’t have to rank our anger or justify it. If you feel it, it’s real.”
• “Letting kids see us feel all the feelings teaches them how to handle their own.”

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:47)
Hey, welcome to another Thursday, which means time for another quiet confession. Just you and me sharing some space. And today I want to talk about something that we don't give enough space to in motherhood and honestly in life in general. Something that we're taught to keep quiet, push down, shove it down, cover it with a smile. Anger.

Anger, that tight feeling in your chest when something isn't fair or you've just had enough or when the smallest thing tips you over the edge just because you've been holding it all in and holding it all together. We're taught that anger is bad, especially moms. We're definitely not supposed to feel

that big feeling and feel it loudly. We're supposed to be patient. We're supposed to be understanding and calm. And if we are angry, yeah, we're definitely not supposed to let that show because our kids shouldn't see us upset because good moms are gentle and selfless and serene. Please tell me you can sense the sarcasm. That is not real life. It's just not. So

Today, I am saying this out loud to you, to me, to anyone who needs to hear it. It's okay to be mad. It's okay to be mad. From the time a lot of us were little, we were told to calm down or stop overreacting or stop being dramatic. We're told to be nice and to look on the bright side.

or be the bigger person when someone crosses our boundaries. Ugh, I can't stand any of those. And by the time we become moms, that goes so deep that we kind of don't even notice it anymore. We smile through exhaustion. We keep it together when we're falling apart.

And we take really slow, deep breaths when what we really want to do is scream. Um, and sometimes we convince ourselves that that makes us good, whatever good means. That swallowing our anger and hiding our frustration and pretending everything's fine is kind of just par for the course. It's what we signed up for when we became moms. But, but that...

What does that really do? What does it do? It bottles up feelings until they leak out. In snappy comments, in resentment, or just total emotional shutdown. Which in my case, used to look like ugly crying and hiding somewhere no one would see me. But these days, it looks a lot more like anger.

But here's the thing that I'm learning. Anger is an-

I mean, just in general, I don't like the black and white of bad or good. But anger isn't bad. It's not proof that you're failing or that you're ungrateful. It's, it's information. It's a signal. It lets us know that something is wrong. Our needs are not being met. Our boundaries are being crossed or we're just carrying too much. Sometimes.

Sometimes the anger is at big stuff, like the way that the world is falling apart, or the healthcare system, or the way motherhood can feel isolating, or wanting to speak out about things, but also feeling afraid of what it might feel like when you do. Sometimes it's about, like on a small scale, our own personal lives, feeling mad that

things don't look the way that we wanted them to or that we thought they would. And sometimes it's just about the dishes or the laundry or the toys or leaving your dirty clothes in the middle of the floor for the hundredth time when there is a hamper right beside it. Yeah, we don't have to rank our anger or justify it at all if you feel it.

It's real. And being completely honest, I am in a very angry season right now. I'm mad at my health, at what it's taken from me, at how unpredictable it is, at how it keeps moving the goalposts for what getting better means. I don't even, I don't even know if that's a goalpost anymore.

But yeah, I don't know. I'm, I'm mad. I'm mad that every time I think I'm, I'm adjusting to one limitation, something new pops up. Like this past week, I threw out my back, drying my hair. Literally drying, blow drying my hair. Not like shaking around, not moving around, just blow drying my hair.

And as absolutely ridiculous as that sounds, and it is, it was the last thing I needed. Another layer of pain. Another limitation. Another reminder that my body isn't cooperating. I've literally been mostly immobile since, well, for three days now.

Part of me wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it was, and there were several moments that I was simultaneously laughing and crying, but a bigger part of me just wanted to scream. Yeah, sometimes it's not about the one thing, it's about everything that's been building up before it, and that little moment just becomes the thing that tips you over.

I've got this inner voice, like I think a lot of us do, telling me that I need to put on a brave face. I have to be strong, not let my kids see me struggle, although I'm not great at that. The truth is, they see me mad. They see me frustrated. They see me sad. They see me feel all the feels. And I think that that's okay. I think that's good. Because pretending I never feel those things isn't...

realistic and it's not teaching them anything useful about how to handle their own feelings. So here's the permission slip. It's a permission slip for me. It's for you, for anybody listening right now. You are allowed to be mad that your life doesn't look the way you thought it would. You are allowed to be mad at the news.

or the state of the world or your family or your to-do list, the never ending to-do list. You're allowed to be mad that your body isn't doing what you want it to do or isn't feeling the way you want it to feel. You can be mad and be a good mom. Hint, hint to me. You can be mad and still be loving and grateful and hopeful. They're not opposites.

They're hard. It's hard. It's hard to do. It's hard to find the hope and it's hard to find the joy, but they're there. It's not about living in anger forever. You can't sit in it and stay there. You kind of just have to let it exist without shame and say, yeah, I'm mad right now, but I'm not going to be mad forever. Instead of trying to shove it in a bottle.

and let it grow somewhere dark and deep inside you or me.

Yeah, the goal isn't to pretend that we're never mad. It's to let it move through us and for us to move with it without hurting ourselves or the people around us. We don't take it out on everyone else. Some days that just means saying it out loud, just being like, I am really frustrated right now.

Sometimes it means texting a friend who you know won't judge you. Just like, sometimes I'll be like, I am really not okay. I'm really annoyed. I'm really mad. I have no idea why, but I'm putting my energy into saying, hi, I love you. You're my friend. I'm glad you exist. Like transmuting that energy into something else. For some people, it's writing it down or doing a voice memo or

like literally just like shaking it out of your body. Those are not my jam, but I know that they work for a lot of other people. I don't know. doesn't, it doesn't have to be pretty or poetic or like something from a movie. It just has to be honest and real. So if no one's told you this lately, you're allowed to be mad. Not if it's justified or not.

If you're only calm about it, you're allowed. Period. End of sentence. And you're a good mom. You are worthy of grace. You're doing enough. And if you haven't figured it out by now, these are all messages for me. And if they resonate with you, then they're for you too. And if you think someone else needs to hear them, send this episode.

to them and let them know that they're not alone. But yeah, thanks for sitting with me in this, again, on another Thursday, Friday Eve, as I like to call it. I'll be back soon, but until then, feel all the feels, even the messy ones, especially the messy ones, and get yourself a treat because you deserve it.