Lisa L - Preeclampsia, NICU, and Postpartum Truths

Motherhood is rarely what we expect—and sometimes it’s life-threatening. In this episode of Quiet Connection, Lisa, a mom of three, shares her powerful story of an unexpected pregnancy, a dangerous case of preeclampsia, and the challenges of NICU life. She opens up about navigating postpartum depression, anxiety, and rage, and how listening to her inner voice and reaching out for support became lifelines.

Lisa’s story is a reminder that maternal health matters, prenatal and postpartum visits can be life-saving, and advocating for yourself—even when it feels hard—is an act of love. Whether you’re a new parent, a seasoned one, or walking alongside someone on this journey, this conversation reminds us all: you are not alone.

 Connect with Lisa on Instagram. 

🔑 Key Takeaways

1. Trusting your instincts matters. Lisa’s story shows how listening to that inner voice during pregnancy and postpartum can be life-saving.
   
   
2. Preeclampsia is serious and often misunderstood. Routine prenatal visits caught Lisa’s life-threatening condition before it became fatal.
   
   
3. NICU life is overwhelming and emotional. Balancing fear for her baby’s health with her own recovery was a defining part of Lisa’s journey.
   
   
4. Postpartum rage is real. It’s not just “being irritable”—it’s a form of postpartum mood disorder that deserves recognition and treatment.
   
   
5. Advocacy saves lives. Speaking up, asking questions, and insisting on care are critical in both pregnancy and postpartum.
   
   
6. Support is essential. Lisa’s healing has come from community, therapy, and openly sharing her story to help others feel less alone.

🎤 Soundbites

1. “One routine appointment changed everything — preeclampsia nearly killed me.”
   
   
2. “NICU life teaches you how strong and fragile we can be all at once.”
   
   
3. “Postpartum rage isn’t just being cranky. It’s a real, serious symptom of postpartum mental health.”
   
   
4. “Advocating for yourself in pregnancy isn’t optional. It can save your life.”
   
   
5. “Moms are told to be grateful, but we also need space to be real about our trauma.”
   
   
6. “Maternal health doesn’t end when the baby arrives — that’s when so much of it begins.”
   
   
7. “Every mother deserves to know she’s not alone in this.”
   
   
8. “I thought it was just me losing it. It wasn’t — it was postpartum rage.”

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:01)
Welcome to Quiet Connection, a podcast dedicated to ending the stigma around postpartum mental health. I'm Chelsea. Today I'm joined by Lisa, a mom of three with a powerful story that touches on the beauty and unpredictability of motherhood. From an unexpected pregnancy and a life-threatening case of preeclampsia to navigating NICU life and postpartum rage, Lisa opens up about the importance of maternal advocacy

trusting your instincts and speaking your truth even when it's hard. Whether you're a new mom, a seasoned parent, or supporting someone on their journey, this conversation is a heartfelt reminder that you are not alone. Here's Lisa.

Chelsea Myers (00:47)
Hello! Today I'm here with Lisa! Hi Lisa, how are you?

LISA (00:49)
Hi!

Hi! He jumped again on that high! How are you?

Chelsea Myers (00:55)
That's okay.

I'm great. I'm so glad that we're finally connecting. Lisa is an Instagram connection. I've said it so many times, I feel like in the last couple of months, but some of some of the greatest connections that I've made through QC has been through like Instagram and threads.

LISA (01:02)
Thanks.

That's

awesome.

Chelsea Myers (01:18)
Yeah,

like, well, and you're like, you're one of those people, like, I call you guys like my pocket friends. Like, you're like real people who if I message you, you're gonna message back. Like, I just think that it's awesome. So I'm excited to have you on.

LISA (01:22)
Aww, cute.

Thank you. Thank you for

having me. This is very exciting.

Chelsea Myers (01:40)
I'll start like I start all my shows.

I would love it if you could introduce yourself to me and the listeners and tell me a little bit about who you were before you were a mom.

LISA (01:55)
Good way to start it off. So I'm Lisa. I'm a mom of three. My two youngest are girls and have our oldest who's in college, my bonus baby. Depending on who you ask, I didn't have any of them because my two youngest are C-section.

Chelsea Myers (02:14)
Jeez,

I think it's I think right now as we're recording, I think it's C-section Awareness Month too, isn't it? Yeah. Mm hmm. Yes. Mm hmm.

LISA (02:20)
Yes, yeah, so we'll just leave that in there as well.

But yeah, I like to just kind of joke about that with everybody's easy way out. Like, sure. Okay. But yeah, I've got our three that were so lucky to be raising and they're just amazing. Just yeah, fun times. Who I was before I was a mom and let's see.

Chelsea Myers (02:32)
Yeah.

LISA (02:47)
definite live music lover. Definitely miss that for sure, going to shows and stuff. Don't get to do that very often, but that was definitely a big part of my life. Working with kids was always a part of that too. I did a lot of preschool and daycare teaching, which is actually how I met my bonus.

Chelsea Myers (03:12)
Hahaha

LISA (03:14)
nice little happy family all these years later and yeah it's just great.

Chelsea Myers (03:20)
I love it. I love it. I also worked in childcare and early childhood education. So connection there. Yeah.

LISA (03:27)
Yeah, it's crazy

how like it can prepare you but doesn't really prepare you. I was like, I could handle like 18 kids in a classroom on my own, no problem. And like I'm at home with my two sometimes and I'm like, I'm sweating, when is the day gonna end? How is my time still 15 hours away? Like, this is crazy.

Chelsea Myers (03:35)
No.

Yes

Yes,

yes, I remember because it was a long time ago, I did childcare and whatnot. But before I had my first I was like, this is like, I change like, 50 diapers a day, and I feed four babies at a time. And I'm like, this is gonna be fine. And then you have your own and you're like, this is nothing like that.

LISA (04:07)
Yeah.

Nobody

talked about this.

Chelsea Myers (04:17)
Yeah, no, not at all. So I feel you 100%.

so I mean, let's get right into it, I guess. Like, let's talk about your journey into parenthood. Did you always picture yourself being a parent?

LISA (04:32)
I did, I feel like that has always just been something I've always wanted to do since I was little. I would have my younger brother and cousins, like, okay, I'm gonna be the teacher and teaching them stuff, kind of probably annoyingly making them sit down and be my class kind of thing. So I feel like I have always been that kind of nurturing, like maternal.

kind of person. And so just, you know, was like, we'll see how bad it is with one. But definitely was like, yeah, I always, always wanted to be able to have kids. And I'm so thankful now that I can say that I had three, that I have three after, know, especially birth trauma and postpartum and everything that comes with it. Just the desire really isn't, you know,

Chelsea Myers (05:09)
Hahaha

LISA (05:31)
enough where all of it encompasses anymore like I thought when I was playing house when I was a little one.

Chelsea Myers (05:38)
Yeah, nobody tells

us when we're five years old about postpartum depression and postpartum and any of that stuff and birth trauma. We're not playing with our dolls like mommy's really sad today.

LISA (05:43)
Yeah. I know. Just so you know,

she just needs me and still loves you.

Chelsea Myers (05:57)
Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

So yeah, so how did you meet your partner? How did, like, talk to me about that whole experience?

LISA (06:09)
So with our oldest, that was actually his son from a previous relationship, he was about four or so when one of the co-teacher kind of, you know, how they bring them into the class at the end of the day for, you know, the final like little classroom when everybody's numbers are kind of down. So he would come in with another, a little boy and just, you know, started.

chatting with dad at drop off and yeah, was a bit of a history kind of thing. So yeah, it's it's a really, I like that little connection that we have, like I didn't birth him, but he's intertwined in part of our story as to why we met and now have our two girls in addition. So it's pretty sweet.

Chelsea Myers (07:03)
Yeah, that's awesome. That is very, very sweet. It's like a, I don't know if this is actually the term because I'm an elder millennial and so I mess these up all the time. But is it, does that qualify as a meet cute? Is that what that is? Like a...

LISA (07:17)
you

know i don't even know i'm like i feel like i got lucky looking younger in the face but like up here i'm like i don't know especially after having to like mom brain took over like i am not cool or young anymore my six-year-old comes home saying things that i'm like is that still english like what is happening about now

Chelsea Myers (07:38)
Yeah, my my nine year

olds doing the same thing. I'm like, do you like what what are you actually saying? But if that's what a meet cute is listeners, I don't know. It's a cute way to meet it. So I don't know. yes, please. In the comments. Let me know if I got that right. ⁓ so yeah, so you meet your partner, you have this awesome bonus

LISA (07:45)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You all want to know. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (08:06)
bonus child that has already been a part of your life. And then you guys, I'm assuming, make the decision to start trying to have a family of your own.

LISA (08:17)
Yeah, I don't know how much of like a decision it was to because she was kind of a surprise for the time that we had her we had no idea we you know we were open to he was open to you know if I was wanting to have any other children he's like you know I'm not saying no to that you know I'm fine with mine and didn't think I'd have any other kids but

you know, he was always open to it. So we were, you know, just kind of going along with life and then ends up realizing I was pregnant when I went to the ER thinking she was severe dehydration. And then we've been out in like, you know, Texas heat for like the entire weekend doing hikes, being in the water.

Chelsea Myers (08:52)
Yeah.

my gosh!

LISA (09:12)
And so I was thinking, I was like, just didn't drink enough and it was too much sun and just crazy Texas summer heat, if you know, you So I'm in the ER and the doctor comes back in and she's like, yeah, so you're, you're pregnant. Just like, no, I'm sorry. You have the wrong room. I'm here for dehydration. You can just go ahead and.

She's like, no, I'm in the right place. And we just kind of looked at each other. We're like, whoa, okay. So where are we on the dehydration? Like, I know you're dropping a bomb on me, but I gotta let that process. So that was pretty incredible, like leaving the hospital after thinking, you know, this is a minor thing and leave the hospital with like life-changing news, which was just...

Chelsea Myers (09:47)
Yeah!

LISA (10:05)
surprising, but also like really incredible. We were so, so lucky. I felt incredibly lucky to be able to say like, I'm pregnant and I hope you can make it to being able to hold this baby and everything. just excited, my family, our families are just amazing and were super thrilled. And she was actually the first girl

on his side of the family in like 60 years. So everyone was like, holy moly, I can't believe it. Like I myself thought I was going to raid the house of dirty stinky boys. And so now having two girls, I'm like, who's playing the jokes? Like, what is this? But it's been crazy and awesome and such an adventure to, you know, tie.

Chelsea Myers (10:46)
You

Yeah.

LISA (11:02)
All of our families together and stuff in that way. So it's been really, it's been really awesome.

Chelsea Myers (11:07)
Yeah,

I mean, and I'm usually so intentional to with how I asked that question. I don't usually like and so you decided to have kids because everybody starts this journey differently. But like, yeah, what a what a what a shock. ⁓ to say the least. how did that sort of impact your pregnancy experience or did it at all? Like, were you able to lean into it?

LISA (11:13)
No.

Riot.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, definitely. mean, especially with, you know, everyone's blessings and support, like in our families, it was just amazing. We actually spent a weekend going from like different cities that our families lived in to let them know in person. And my one of my cousins was that weekend. And so I pulled him aside and I was like, hey,

I know this is your thing. I'm not trying to steal your light or anything, but we have some news and we'd love to like let everybody hear it because they're all here with your blessing if you're okay with that. So I let him know that I was pregnant and he was just so excited. I still remember his face. It was the sweetest thing. And now thinking like, ⁓ he was the first one on like my family. Like we told, that's really sweet. It was just.

It was so nice and he was like, no, no, like you can't come back. gotta tell everybody right now. He's like, come on, let's go. And so we're, yeah, we were just so lucky to get to tell everybody and we were in a restaurant and my mom screamed so loud. She was so excited. She said, finally, be a grandma and hugged me so incredibly tight and just all the hugs kept coming and it was really sweet.

And then we were just on to the next city to tell his parents and the rest of his family and it was just, it was really awesome. Now thinking back, I'm like, that's such a nice memory to have. 12 weeks pregnant in a car for the weekend. It isn't ideal, but that was that.

Chelsea Myers (13:03)
Yeah!

LISA (13:08)
definitely trumped by all the amazing hugs and love that we were able to receive that weekend. was so, so special and I'm so glad we were able to have that experience.

Chelsea Myers (13:20)
Yeah, it sounds like even though your families aren't necessarily super close in proximity, it sounds like you guys have a really good network like support network.

LISA (13:33)
We absolutely do. are so, so lucky. And it really was something that was kind of shoved in our faces how supported we are by like, you know, our village of family and friends. Because I always say that like my pregnancy, the first pregnancy was like, pretty much perfect and great until it wasn't. And that's when the

Chelsea Myers (13:58)
Mm-hmm.

LISA (14:02)
severe preeclampsia came in to play and I ended up thinking I was going to be going to Thanksgiving dinner the next day and instead was admitted into the hospital. My blood pressure readings were just too high and had to end up having my daughter early, so she was four weeks early, which was...

like what I call it, snowball of events that happen. Like I just went into a routine prenatal exam and then 10 days later after hospitalization and some NICU time, came home with a baby. I was like, okay, this is how we're rolling in the motherhood. All right.

Chelsea Myers (14:43)
Yeah. Yeah.

It's kind of it kind of echoes how how you started the journey to like, with unexpected like it was like, I guess she was just doing things on her own terms. But ⁓ so how you were, were you asymptomatic up to that point?

LISA (14:53)
Yeah.

Yeah.

I definitely was, which for me and sharing my story, I feel very strongly needing to do that because of the fact that I felt absolutely fine. And thinking about it now, after the fact, knowing how bad I was and my body was and how badly my baby started doing.

It's just so shocking that I remember, you know, the assistants taking my blood pressure like repeatedly and it just being way too high and like cracking jokes like at the time, like I didn't feel anything, but my insides and like my body and like my organs and stuff like things were just not doing well. And it's, I just think like it's, so important because

Chelsea Myers (15:48)
Yeah

LISA (16:03)
had I not made it to that appointment, which I did think for a tiny bit because I was very tired that morning and I was a little late to the appointment. I thought about rescheduling it and I, it kind of stopped me on my track every time I think about that because we could very well not be here today had I done that. I could have had a seizure driving the short distance to Thanksgiving dinner or, you know,

had a stroke while I was having Turkey with my family and I was like, can't imagine how badly things could have turned out had I not gone to, you know, required appointments and was sure to get the proper prenatal care that, you know, my baby and I deserve because that could have ended so tragically. And I, from the six years now that, you know, I've

been learning more about preeclampsia and just what happened to us. Every day I feel like I'm reminded of how easily we could have lost everything because I hear of other women or babies who have lost their lives and it's it's shocking and so incredibly sad every single time. so I'm just like, if saying my little...

peace and cracking little jokes to spread awareness can help someone not have any of those things happen, I'm happy to do so. I feel like I'm a fairly private person, but with this, I will spill my guts if it will save our whole body because I can't imagine, especially knowing my daughters are now predisposed to having this condition so they decide to have babies.

Chelsea Myers (17:42)
Hahaha

LISA (17:54)
I would never want them going into that environment not knowing what's going on with their body, their life, their baby's life, because it's just maybe in a way that kind of saved me from not having so much fear in that moment because I really didn't know. But it's also a different kind of fear because you're just like, I'm hearing all these words. I have no idea what they are. And doctors coming in and saying, OK, well,

We're probably going to have to do bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy, which was four weeks. And then it was, well, maybe we can try to make it to term. And then it was, it's either going to be that we try to make it to term or we do this today. And it was just minute after minute. was like increasingly, no, we got to do this now. And then all of a sudden it was my lame little turkey sandwich from the hospital. He's taken out of my hands and they're like, we're going to get you all.

Chelsea Myers (18:29)
Yeah.

LISA (18:53)
soaked up right now so we can get this baby out. like, but I just, I didn't get turkey. Can I just have a sandwich? So I'm gonna be doing the most in a minute. Give me, yeah, give me my sandwich. But yeah, just an incredible snowball of events. So yeah, man, she did keep tone with the whole like, hey, surprise, I'm in your belly now. Everything's sense.

Chelsea Myers (19:01)
It's Thanksgiving!

Yes.

Hey, surprise,

now I'm coming out. You talked about some really important things too, which I love your advocacy for preeclampsia awareness. But prior to this, you known anything about preeclampsia?

LISA (19:22)
Yeah.

Not much at all. I distinctly remember my partner asking or, you know, them coming in to say something to us about my blood pressure readings and having the what to expect when you're expecting book in my bag. And I said, I think they might tell me, I think they're

they might end up telling me something about having preeclampsia. And he was like, well, what's that? I was like, really get to that chapter. Yeah, but I was like, it deals with the high blood pressure and it being like, you know, little too elevated and remember referencing, like having him like reference the book that was in my bag. And that's pretty much all I remember from that experience of

Chelsea Myers (20:16)
Yeah.

LISA (20:33)
relating it to preeclampsia because it was always just, okay, well, we're going to check this. And then it was that, that didn't work. We got, we got to roll with it and do this thing. And it was just kind of, we have some time. We might not have much time. We definitely don't have any time. We got to go now kind of thing. And so, yeah, I just, I know sometimes having information can be scary for people because then they just assume,

those bad things are gonna happen to me. But for me, it's like, it's hard to tell the story without, you know, instilling fear. Like, I'm not trying to do that. I just want you to be aware of other things because just saying that one little sentence like, well, I think they're gonna probably tell me this and it has to do with this. And then that being the whole issue of ours and what, you know,

snowballed everything is kind of crazy. And I just, would never want anyone else to go through that mother, baby. Like I can't imagine how he felt like watching us go through that, not knowing anything, not, you know, and I mean, he was, he was there enough. Like I was on all kinds of medications. So I'm just, you know, a little bit loopy trying to get a baby out. He's like, you know, aware of everything and not.

Chelsea Myers (21:54)
You

LISA (21:59)
aware of everything at the same time and I can't imagine like what that would be like, you know, just like somebody give me information in words that I can understand, you know, because what I'm seeing just looks so bad. So yeah, it's just something that I feel like even if you just hear the word so that you Google it on your own or something just to have that knowledge, I feel like it is really important.

Chelsea Myers (22:13)
Yeah.

LISA (22:29)
because it just, you know, I feel like it made so much of a difference in my first and second pregnancies because of having, you know, that extra bit of knowledge, which was, could have been a lot more helpful with the first one, just because a lot of those symptoms do mimic regular pregnancy symptoms, headaches, swelling, fatigue, you know, like who's not fatigue when they're pregnant?

Chelsea Myers (22:50)
Yeah.

You

LISA (22:56)
swelling when they're pregnant, you know, like, and especially for myself, like, that was my first pregnancy, I, as much as I weighed and gained during that pregnancy was the most I'd ever, like, in my life up until that point, weighed. So I was like, obviously, I'm gonna be, you know, my legs are gonna be a little swollen sometimes, like towards the end and because I

really weighed this much and I'm like carrying a baby and it's just like it's it's different you know it's a different physical of different physical thing but I also remember once looking back at pictures I took a photo I was sitting in Target and I took a photo of my legs because I was like yeah they are again a little swollen and I thought back to it when I when I looked at the picture again once and I was like it's incredible

crazy to me that I took that picture sitting in like the pharmacy section in the blood pressure like cuff, feet thing. Didn't check my blood pressure then. I wasn't, you know, aware of, maybe I should just flip around and like take a peek at what the numbers are. And yeah, it's just, and I know now little by little it was, you know, creeping up on me.

Chelsea Myers (24:05)
⁓

Yeah.

LISA (24:24)
but just wasn't aware. And the fact that, like, you know, with it slowly doing that and me being asymptomatic and then having still four more weeks to go, I'm just like, so incredibly, feel so incredibly lucky and thankful that we were both able to eventually walk out of the hospital together because I, my heart just breaks every single time I hear about another mom or a baby or, you know, partner losing their partner when having

You know, one of the greatest moments of their lives. just, I can't imagine not having left the hospital with either of them. It's so tragic that it happens way too, way too often.

Chelsea Myers (25:05)
Well, and you bring you bring up so many good points to like, it's preeclampsia is pretty common. Like I'm not we won't say like, it's not like, well, if you get pregnant, you should expect to get preeclampsia. Right. But it is it is not uncommon. So it's something that I feel like should be in our vocabulary when we're talking about pregnancy and postpartum.

LISA (25:20)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

We back to you.

Chelsea Myers (25:33)
And of course, I just had mom brain and what I was gonna say I just lost it. It's gonna come back. and there is this mentality around like, well, we don't want to scare new moms and dads, we don't want to scare new parents. And I, I am of the mindset that it's much better to be prepared so that you don't have to feel scared.

LISA (25:41)
She's not all that fun.

you

Right.

100 % yeah, I think that's me too. Just give me all the information so that I can I guess trickle down on what I need to freak out about kind of thing like I don't want to freak out about everything just let me know the little things that I need to be aware of and you know then be like oh okay yeah that's why pressure reading is kind of high. Let's think about that and talk about that one for a little bit maybe give you know the OB a call or

Chelsea Myers (26:02)
So, yeah.

Yeah!

LISA (26:32)
something like that, just check in. mean, that's what they're there for. So just say hi to any of the mommas who are like, ⁓ I don't want to be a pain. Be a pain. That's what they're there for.

Chelsea Myers (26:37)
Yes, yes.

Be a pain. Yes.

And I know just from following you on social media and just from the little bit that we've chatted, like advocating for regular prenatal visits and also postpartum visits are things that are really important to you. And it's even more important.

our country right now has what we call maternal healthcare deserts. We have huge, huge, like hundreds of miles of areas that don't have OBGYNs or midwives or so perinatal and postpartum services. So it's even harder for families to get care, which means it's even more important that you

do the work if you have to travel you have to travel that sucks it's awful but going to those appointments can be life-saving.

LISA (27:47)
Yeah, it's absolutely worth it.

Chelsea Myers (27:50)
yes, even though it's inconvenient, make sure you're going to your prenatal visits. And this is a whole other podcast, but there should be more.

LISA (27:53)
Mm.

⁓

Chelsea Myers (28:03)
postpartum visits as well because and I'm sure you know about this there is postpartum preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. But again, another podcast another another day sticking with your story. So let's yeah, yeah, let's let's sort of go through the process because like you said, like this was completely unexpected. You went in for a routine appointment and ended up

LISA (28:10)
Yeah. I'll be back for that one too, don't worry.

Chelsea Myers (28:33)
in the hospital and then baby, can you sort of, so like you said, things kept changing rapidly. It was okay, you're gonna be on bed rest. Okay, we're gonna try to make it to term. Okay, we might make it to term. Okay, no, we're going right now. When that decision was made, like we're going right now, what was going through your mind?

LISA (28:36)
Good.

and

Yeah.

So...

a lot and then like nothing at the same time too which it seems it seems crazy but i say this just because like prior to deliveries and know my c-sections and all of that you know with it being major abdominal surgery you're gonna be put through some medication and things like that i would you know try my hardest not even to take like Tylenol or

Edville or anything like that until it was absolutely necessary. So being pretty doped up during that experience and especially with the mag drip, which is another thing if you know, you know, very unfortunately, that experience just made so much of it so cloudy for me. So I feel like I was almost just kind of sitting there just a little like floaty, like not

Chelsea Myers (29:38)
Yes.

LISA (29:56)
maybe really grasping everything that was happening, which is why it wasn't until like, you know, six months, a year later, reading medical records, I'm like, whoa, like, we went through some stuff like that is, that's crazy. And not, you know, being able to really tie it to those memories that I have from being in the hospital, because it was just like a lot of laying around and stuff like that. But it was, you know, survival actually, which is,

Chelsea Myers (30:23)
Yeah.

LISA (30:25)
crazy to think about. But yeah, trying to survive that whole experience, which is a hard thing to grasp and think about, but also very necessary.

Chelsea Myers (30:36)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's obviously like, like you said, like you're, you're on a whole bunch of medications, Magdrips. I have not been through that, but I've talked to so many families and one of my best friends went through like what you're describing is so crazy. Like you're really exactly what she went through. yeah. So I

I do not personally know the horrors, but I have heard the horrors and I know that it can really sort of take you out of the experience of bringing your child into the world. Yeah, makes it all really, you're just not, you're not you, you're not able to be fully present. And you had said to, that your daughter,

went to the NICU, did you have any time with her or was she just whisked

right away?

LISA (31:36)
No, I thankfully did. She didn't go to the NICU until four and a half hours after she was born. So I did have some moments with her. I there was, you family coming to visit her and everything too. But feel like I really got to meet her and just like spend that real like

first moments with her. Like I have a photo of her from the hospital room before she was taken to the NICU. And it's one of like my most favorite pictures, but like sometimes I, it's hard to look at because I'm like, that's not like the moment for me. Like the moment for me is us with wires that I was worried about getting intertwined, you know, sitting in a very uncomfortable chair in the NICU.

you know, with her just being so tiny and having all kinds of advantages and things around her, like that was more of that moment because the times that I did try to hold her when she was, you know, still in the room with us, I had the shakes so bad that I was scared to keep holding her. Like I probably looked crazy to everybody. I wish I could like see how that played out because I felt like it was like,

Chelsea Myers (32:52)
Mmm.

LISA (33:02)
this like an uncontrollable thing like I was like I'm gonna flop this baby out of my arm somebody get her like what are y'all sitting there enjoying this moment for but it was like crazy how how those shakes like really get you and I was just like too nervous to hold her um even after you know trying to to nurse for a little bit like I asked my mom and I my partner to take her um so it wasn't until I finally in like

the middle of the night. I think it was like three in the morning. I finally got off the mag drip and was able to get down to the NICU It was just down the hall, but I might as well have been running a marathon to try to get her so far away. But yeah, so then finally getting to be with her there was really great, but those first

Chelsea Myers (33:49)
Yeah.

LISA (34:00)
few nights that we were separated was really hard because you're in mother-baby wing and I'm just sitting laying there like hearing all these babies cry like who's helping her and kind of thing and that's another thing that's like really hard about the NICU is that that stays with you for so long for forever I mean my daughter's six

Chelsea Myers (34:12)
Yeah.

LISA (34:27)
now and in kindergarten and it's just like

I still think about those things. Like I still think about all those nights, like I cried myself to sleep with those other babies and I didn't know when she was crying or what she needed. And like, you know, even just having like her wanting to start riding the bus or, know, the fact that she's going to school and like, I've been trusting these people to like take care of her because I'm not going to be doing it in that moment. And it's like, it's crazy to think the first people that ever did that, like.

Chelsea Myers (34:39)
Yeah.

LISA (35:00)
weren't our families like you would imagine. They were complete strangers that I had no choice in deciding on things like that. So it kind of does like stay with you for a while. And I can completely understand those like separation anxieties that, you know, parents can have because of that. It's especially with a NICU like you don't know it's just an undetermined amount of time. And I being on all that medication and everything.

I don't even think I really processed until like maybe an hour later. Okay, so they're not just doing like tests and stuff. They're like taking her and I don't know when she's coming back. So it was like the next few days that the door opened. I'm just like, is it her little little baby? Is it my baby? And yeah, it's hard. It's like, oh no, another blood pressure reading or oh, some medication. Like, great, can you just...

Chelsea Myers (35:36)
Yeah.

Right, is it my baby?

Yeah.

Ugh.

LISA (35:58)
You can give me all of these things, but my baby too, please. That would be... I'll take whatever you give me as long as you give me my baby too. But yeah, just... next time.

Chelsea Myers (36:06)
Yeah. No, that's, I'm,

I'm really glad that you named that because that is something that again, a lot of families that have experienced a NICU stay, talk about the lasting effects about how, right, like sending your kid off to school for the first time or that first daycare drop off or, or maybe the first like sleepover at a grandparents house like

that sticks with you that you're like, well, my first, the moments that I was supposed to have my baby with me and I didn't, and I didn't know what was going on. And so that's triggering. That can be really triggering. It's important to talk about and it's important to name it. So yeah, that's, again, it's one of those things. We like to use the word common rather than normal.

LISA (36:44)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (37:00)
lot of people it's normal to feel that way well no because you experience trauma

LISA (37:04)
Yeah. Right. Yeah,

which is not normal at all. It's just not for you.

Chelsea Myers (37:09)
which is not normal. ⁓

but that is a common feeling shared by a lot of NICU families that that difficulty in letting go of control and of and of separating from your kiddos. taking us sort of further into your journey. When So were you able to go home before your daughter was?

LISA (37:20)
and

Yeah.

So I actually would have. I got incredibly lucky. This was all prior to 2020 and COVID. So this was 2018, late 2018 when she was born. So I was actually discharged and they let me room in still. So I just didn't have any care, but.

Chelsea Myers (37:59)
wow.

LISA (38:02)
once she was gonna be brought out from the NICU, I would be able to still be in a room and be with her until she was released. So I can't even imagine. I had my partner ask me about, well, you know they're taking great care of her there. Maybe just get you out of the hospital for a little bit, some fresh air, just so.

a little bit better just you know sunshine like I've been in hospital walls for like a week at that point and ⁓ and you could probably tell like this is this is getting really hard for you like we should probably do something else right now and just having to force myself to like kind of accept his offer of doing that even though in my head I was like

Chelsea Myers (38:38)
Yeah.

LISA (38:50)
No, I have no reason to these walls. Like I don't even think I can make it out that door without automatically going to the NICU, let alone like literally leave. Like I thought to myself, like if they tell me I have to go, like I am camping out in the car in the parking lot once they finally get me out of the hospital. How moms, parents, anybody does it?

Chelsea Myers (38:51)
Ha!

Yeah.

LISA (39:18)
leaving and then having to come back and especially like, you know, we're talking about some, you know, parents don't even have that access. Like I thankfully was, it was like 12 minutes from my place, my doctor and my hospital. Like I could have literally walked from my prenatal appointment to the hospital. Um, cause it was just right across the street. So like I was lucky that that was all.

incredibly close. can't imagine leaving the hospital, driving an hour away and then having to drive, you know, an hour back to see them just for what feels like it is an incredibly unfair tiny amount of time and the way other people are like telling you to do it's just it's a total mind bog. You have a baby in the NICU because you're just like this is my baby like I literally

Chelsea Myers (40:05)
Yeah.

LISA (40:12)
survived having this child and now I have to like be mindful of like how I I touch them or when I can hold them. I remember laying in my bed so many times looking at my whiteboard and seeing touch times on it and just wanting to like throw a rock at that part of it because it was just like

Chelsea Myers (40:29)
Mmm.

LISA (40:36)
I just want to the most, like how dare anybody tell me like what point of time I can go see and touch and be with my child. But it is, it's just, it's an entirely different thing. know, they're just, they're there for their emergency situations too. And you know, we can't be there every minute and it's just, it's incredibly hard and definitely gets triggering down the line. You know, as you have your babies grow or.

I have other babies, which I ended up doing and having that anxiety kind of, well, I was asymptomatic before, so when's the ball gonna drop this time kind of thing. I remember my 36 week appointment with my second going to the hospital and, or going to my appointment, I had extra

Chelsea Myers (41:08)
Yeah.

Yup.

LISA (41:33)
appointments with a maternal fetal medicine doctor. And so that one on my 36, 36 week appointment with my second, like the exact same thing ended up having to go to labor and delivery. After a couple of readings. Luckily, I was just there for a few hours for observation, didn't need to get admitted. But then made it an extra week with her. So I actually had her at term.

Chelsea Myers (41:48)
No.

LISA (42:02)
So that was like a very different experience. No mag drip. I walked into the operating room, which was weird. I was like, when they were like handing me my like IV drip bag and stuff, I was like, are we doing this right? That's a long time. Like I cruised while I was, you know, all loopy. Like this is crazy. So yeah, just completely different.

Chelsea Myers (42:10)
Yeah.

LISA (42:31)
experience second time around, but then also I think that's when to everything just kind of came to a head with my postpartum issues. I don't know, I may have had delayed ones from my first pregnancy, but I never really felt anything like I did after my second. And my

My father-in-law actually, after my first daughter was born, to this day is the only person that's ever specifically like looks at me and asks flat out about postpartum depression or anything like that. We were all eating and she was like, I don't know, to like three months by that point. We were finally feeling okay to like get out and.

Chelsea Myers (43:17)
Yeah.

LISA (43:28)
everything and so we just had dinner with some close family and yeah, asked me, know, like, how are you feeling? And then specifically said the words, you know, postpartum depression. I like, I still, I think about that so often because was okay, felt okay then, but I cannot imagine how life changing that could have been had I been just, you know,

miserable inside and just suffering in silence and you know having someone ask that direct question like are you okay like are you are you really okay like i just want to know like do you know about postpartum depression you know how that can manifest and how that can make you feel and you know kind of asking those like really uncomfortable direct questions is you know i i didn't need it at that point but i can't imagine how

incredibly life-saving that could have been had I needed it, you know, then. So don't be afraid to ask the hard questions or the uncomfortable questions because it could truly mean a lot and I still like, you know, I get teary eyed like thinking about it because, you postpartum talked about enough like how it can...

Chelsea Myers (44:34)
Yeah!

No.

LISA (44:50)
make you feel or how things can manifest. People just think like, oh, look at these beautiful hospital matching hospital gowns and cute pictures and that sweet baby and things like that. Never really got those moments, would have loved them, but sometimes they're real, like raw, honest, brutal ways that those things happen. And sometimes some unfortunate ugliness like.

Chelsea Myers (45:06)
Yeah!

LISA (45:18)
postpartum depression, anxiety, and unfortunately postpartum rage as well was a part of my situation. And that was definitely difficult to navigate through for sure.

Chelsea Myers (45:35)
Yeah, I definitely So I want to give you said it was your father in law who said this to you. Yeah, that is so mad props to your father in law. Like, my gosh. Every parent, friend, caregiver, whoever like take notes because yeah, it is it is so okay to ask those hard questions because exactly like you said, like it could save

LISA (45:46)
Yeah. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (46:03)
a life. That's incredible. But I also, I hate it when I say it this way. Like when I tell people I'm so excited to talk about and it's like depression or whatever. like,

LISA (46:15)
Yeah!

Chelsea Myers (46:16)
I'm, I'm excited. I'm not, let me try to pick a different word. I'm so glad that you brought up postpartum rage because it's while it's not technically

LISA (46:21)
Hahaha

Yeah

Chelsea Myers (46:31)
And when I say technically, mean, like, doctor clinical, whatever, like, it's not listed as one of the PMADS, but it is considered it's considered. I think it falls under postpartum depression. But postpartum rage is something that is only just now starting to barely be talked about. And it's so common. It's so common. How did that manifest for you?

LISA (46:36)
Mm hmm.

So for me it was just it was it's really hard to explain because it just feels almost like an out-of-body experience like I'm I I know that's me that I'm talking about I know I lived through those experience I know I did those things but I just like I just can't believe it because it's

It was something that I guess I did try for a while, just like, I'm okay. I just, I need just more of a breather or I'll be a better mom tomorrow. And yes, I always was a better mom tomorrow, but that still stuck with me. And some of those things still happen. And it was really, really difficult. And for someone who I feel like I'm generally always happy making jokes, like, you know, I just do some dark humor. I'm very sarcastic.

to being that person, you know, that everybody's supposed to be like, she's just always like smiling and, you know, just so nice to this like new darkness was really, really hard. And I just, I just remember just feeling so, so down and just so dark because if I wasn't just wanting to just

be in a dark room and be just done with the day and resting and not having to deal with anything, I felt like I was just raging and just mad about everything. It was small things that would just end up imploding or exploding into, you know, something else that it shouldn't have been. It was just like, I shouldn't have gotten so mad about that. Or I shouldn't have just like snapped so easily, but it is just all these things. you know, and I was

Staying home with a newborn and a toddler and, you know, just kind of going through those everyday things, which are exhausting that people go through, but also I guess, a lot of postpartum depression and anxiety that I was having. Like I would have, you know, like intrusive thoughts here and there too, like nothing where I was going to harm myself or

Chelsea Myers (49:01)
Mmm.

LISA (49:15)
my baby or anything, but just those things where they're gonna get hurt. And I could not just get it out of my mind. I couldn't just be like, that's not gonna happen. They're not just gonna all of a sudden climb out the crib, unlock, pop lock, and run down the hall, fall down the stairs. None of that's gonna happen. But sometimes in those moments, I just, I can't, I gotta get up and I gotta go check.

Chelsea Myers (49:20)
Yeah.

Right?

LISA (49:41)
Or it was just like, we were making dinner and the kids are playing now. Is the knife too close to the counter? Was that left too close to the counter? Because sometimes he does that or sometimes I do that because it's a hustle and kids and everything. And then just 10 minutes later, just in bed, I got to get up and try. I can't. can't do it. I have to make sure that it's not on the edge and they're just going to pull something off the counter and slice an arm off or something.

Chelsea Myers (49:41)
Yeah.

Yup.

Yeah.

LISA (50:09)
I

remember being like, yeah, just going to an appointment with, you know, little one in a car seat, know, me fresh off of having a C-section and thinking, ⁓ well, what if he trips going down the stairs, you know, and then he's just gonna like, I could probably just walk in front of that.

Chelsea Myers (50:30)
Mmm.

LISA (50:35)
so that I can stop it if they do fall kind of things. Like, what? Like, I, with these things that you're just like, I don't normally think this way, but now I am. And I'm just like worried about all these things. And then it's just like the constant worry is just exhausting. And then it's just like, ⁓ a little thing. Like, you're not going to sleep fast enough or seriously this.

Chelsea Myers (50:41)
Yeah.

LISA (51:01)
dish is on the floor or this dish is like dirty in the sink or there's which is the worst like it's not even just a pressure and rage thing but like when you step on the a melted ice cube in the kitchen and like just a piece of box on it's like i'm gonna burn this house down like why why can't they just find this piece of ice kind of thing it sounds so funny but it

Chelsea Myers (51:16)
Ugh, that's the worst!

LISA (51:31)
could easily have been part of a conversation that ended up just turning into this whole rage-y thing. All of sudden in your head, it's just like, well, you don't care. Because you didn't try to pick up the ice, and you just let me do all these things, let me go ahead and clean up that ice too kind of thing. It's just like, We definitely need an incredibly

Chelsea Myers (51:52)
Yeah.

LISA (51:58)
bigger amount of help, postpartum for sure. You know, like you were saying, the appointments were like crazy different both times around. So I was pregnant in 2018. And then again, in 2022, was by pregnancy Medicaid for them, thankfully, which was incredibly helpful. Like, which is another thing. It's just like,

Chelsea Myers (52:08)
Yeah.

LISA (52:26)
having that care and then actually going to receive that care is just crucial.

Chelsea Myers (52:28)
Yes.

LISA (52:33)
once the baby was out, it felt like it was like pretty much just like, all right, have fun. We'll see how you get cared now. In 2022, I feel like I did have coverage for a little bit longer, which was really great, but I really ended up

Chelsea Myers (52:38)
Yeah.

LISA (52:51)
needing the help and finally reaching out for it after that coverage ended. So that was also that's also a hard thing too. It's like, I don't want to tell people that I'm super ragey and mad and just anxious and having these like thoughts all the time on top you know, just being worried about what people are going to think or, you know, also

I'm not necessarily worried about what people are going to think, but like, how am I going to get help for this too if I don't have the insurance to cover this? And then feeling like, well, almost like, that's a burden to put on my family to just do these extra expenses or anything like that. And not a great way to think, but as moms, a lot of times we talk ourselves out of things, especially that are important for us. And I did do that.

Chelsea Myers (53:22)
Yes.

LISA (53:43)
for far too long after my second pregnancy, but thankfully finally reached out to postpartum support international and was able to get some therapy services covered through them, which was life changing and so helpful. Got onto anti depressants and just started feeling more like

Chelsea Myers (54:04)
That's amazing.

LISA (54:12)
myself again that you know music loving life music loving you know going out enjoying life free mom but also intertwined with the mom that you know I was missing that I was before all the you know depression anxiety and rage I remember after I finally got settled with taking my antidepressants and you know

Chelsea Myers (54:16)
Yeah.

LISA (54:40)
letting that be okay with my body. Like I have a hard time with like medication. So it took me about like two and a half weeks of struggle of going through like, okay, you to take these like, you know, the best time for you. So doesn't make you feel all froggy or sick or anything like that. And then I finally had a moment where I was sitting with my girls on the floor and just truly enjoying.

Chelsea Myers (54:55)
Yeah.

LISA (55:06)
watching them play and playing a little with them because like let's be honest that's like it's old kind of stuff especially when they're always yelling at you that you're not doing it wrong that you're not doing it right like how am i playing your fake game wrong okay like just say that to me but aside from that it was it was really nice and i just felt a sense of

Chelsea Myers (55:11)
Yes!

you are speaking my language right now. Yes. Yes

LISA (55:35)
calm and enjoyment like sitting there with them. I wasn't constantly like, there's so many dishes in the sink, I really gotta do that or the dog needs to be washed or oh I should probably get some laundry done like you know and there's always gonna be stuff to do but these are parts of those things that you know need to get done too. We need to enjoy that time with our kids and they need to enjoy that time with us undivided attention you know.

kind of thing and I was so incredibly happy to experience that and that was the moment where I was like, okay, this is working and this is good. All the tough that I didn't want to go through or didn't want to, you know, deal with, it eventually worked out. you do the tough stuff and it like works. Like ask the hard questions, do the hard things and it really does.

benefit you and in a good way and for me in the best way I feel like I still have to work at it, know every day wanting to restart therapy again and definitely still taking antidepressants like I for someone who doesn't really care to take medication, so nothing was absolutely necessary. It was a little bit of a struggle, especially with how it made me feel in the beginning, but I just

Chelsea Myers (56:50)
Yeah.

LISA (56:59)
I can't imagine where or how bad I would be right now had I not thankfully had Postpartum Support International there to help me get through that and you know my amazing therapist that I had and of course our whole families have you know been so supportive and just really like helpful of us you know from for all of our kids so we're

Chelsea Myers (57:27)
Yeah!

LISA (57:28)
incredibly, incredibly lucky. And every day I feel so lucky to be able to say any little bit about my story or, you know, like my kid's Just, just to know because like we made it and not, not everyone gets to and that's that's really, it's really hard. But we did it. I did. I did the hard things and I'm still here and I'm so, so thankful to be

Chelsea Myers (57:44)
Yes!

You did. You did.

LISA (57:57)
⁓ and be here to like share all that with you and all of you guys. Like it's, it's just do the hard things. That's the hard questions, all that stuff. It's, it'll all turn out and it will be good.

Chelsea Myers (58:10)
Yeah, I think, I think what you did so beautifully through telling your story, like, first of all, you, you either have told this story a lot, or you should just be a public speaker because my goodness, you wove, you wove us through your experience so beautifully. And the things, the things that I definitely want to highlight and re highlight are that

LISA (58:23)
⁓ Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (58:39)
the things that you're advocating for seem so simple, and yet they're not happening and they need to happen. like better education about pregnancy and postpartum complications like preeclampsia or PMADS. so like helping parents understand that that can be a reality. It doesn't have to be a reality, but it can be. Thinking about how

LISA (58:53)
Mm.

Right.

Chelsea Myers (59:06)
you went through birth trauma and you went through a NICU stay and you but you had that support system around you and how important that is to be able to lean on those people. And I'm, I don't know how you knew about PSI. But because not a lot of people do and we're trying really, really hard

to change that but

The fact that you did realize something was wrong, you didn't like how you were feeling, but you empowered yourself and you advocated for yourself and you took steps. And for you to be able to say like, I'm so proud that I did that because he like, we're here today, we're here and I'm doing the thing. And no, I don't want to play Barbies with you and say what you want me to say, but I'm glad that I'm able to do it.

LISA (59:52)
Yeah.

Bye.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:02)
⁓ right, like that

resonates very deeply with me. ⁓ so I guess, because you did such an amazing job of bringing us full circle.

LISA (1:00:07)
So.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:15)
feel so thankful to be able to amplify your voice and your story and your mission. So if you listen to the podcast, you will know that I always end on one of two questions and I wait until the end to decide which one.

LISA (1:00:28)
Thanks.

Thank

Chelsea Myers (1:00:32)
And I think this time I am going to ask if you could go back in time, maybe even before you met your partner and all of that, and you could sort of instill something within yourself to carry you through all of these crazy snowballs effects that ended up happening.

What

LISA (1:01:02)
yeah.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:03)
would you instill within yourself?

LISA (1:01:07)
I think just.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:11)
You

LISA (1:01:15)
Just listening to myself, really hearing myself and that little inner thought that was just like, this isn't how you want this to go. This isn't what, you know, how we want it to be. This isn't how it has to be. And for not only your family, but for yourself, just do it. Just, just do it. It's, you know.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:27)
Yeah.

LISA (1:01:43)
If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but at least you'll know. And odds are it's going to work out and it's going to be some kind of an amazing help. And it truly was for me. So I'm, I'm very thankful that I can say that. ⁓ but yeah, just, just listening to myself, just listening to that, that voice, like, you know, we always, whatever, even if it's like us before having kids, like that just womenly intuition, I guess we just.

Chelsea Myers (1:02:07)
Yeah.

LISA (1:02:11)
listening to it and I'm gonna try to keep doing that because it has steered me in good directions I think so hopefully it will continue to. Maybe I won't get yelled at playing toys with my kids so much.

Chelsea Myers (1:02:23)
my God, I don't know if that's ever gonna happen. That still happens to me.

No, think that's an amazing thing. think trusting your intuition and learning to listen to yourself and trust your instincts is, hey, I'm still learning how to do that too. So I wanna thank you so, so much for spending time with me and for sharing your story.

LISA (1:02:41)
We have.

Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (1:02:51)
This will all be linked in your show notes,

but if my listeners would like to follow along your journey, where is the best place for them to find you?

LISA (1:03:02)
So that would definitely be Instagram. I am at thisislifew, Lisa, on Instagram. And yeah, I would love a follow, love to connect with any other moms. It's such a weird community thing to be in sometimes, because it's just so great the amount of people that I have connected with.

Chelsea Myers (1:03:11)
Ha ha ha!

LISA (1:03:28)
But it's also, it's really hard because it's so unfortunate that we can all bond over, you know, these hard things, but we're also bonding over getting better too. So that's, that's all I'm And bringing the awareness is, is really great. So this is awesome. Thank you so much. I'm so excited.

Chelsea Myers (1:03:36)
Yeah.

Yes!

Yeah. So find... you are so welcome.

So find Lisa on Instagram. And yes, it's a club that none of us wanted to join. But we're thankful for the connections. So thank you again.

LISA (1:03:59)
Thank

you. Thanks, Chelsea.

Chelsea Myers (1:04:06)
Thank you so much Lisa for your honesty and resilience.

They are a reminder of the strength it takes to advocate for yourself and your mental health, especially in the chaos of new motherhood. If Lisa's story resonated with you, we'd love for you to share this episode with someone who might need it. You can keep up with us on Quiet Connection by following us on Facebook, Instagram, Red Note, YouTube, and threads at Quiet Connection Podcast. You can also find us on Blue Sky at Quiet Connection Pod.

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or by email at quietconnectionppmh at gmail.com. Join us next time when another story is told and you realize you are not alone. I see you.