Quiet Confessions, Episode 23: Finding Connection in the Chaos

In this week’s Quiet Confessions, Chelsea gets real about marriage in survival mode. With sick kids, nonstop appointments, and the relentless weight of the world, they share how love can sometimes look less like date nights and more like passing the baton at bedtime.

From the honesty of being “sleep divorced” with twin Tempur-Pedics and CPAP machines, to the reminder that relationships ebb and flow, Chelsea offers reassurance that quiet love is still love. This episode is for every parent who’s ever felt too tired for romance but certain in their commitment.

🔑 Key Takeaways

1. Relationships ebb and flow. Love doesn’t need to look fiery and passionate all the time to be strong.
   
   
2. Quiet love matters. Acts of teamwork and small gestures — like switching off kid duty or making tea — still count.
   
   
3. Survival mode is not failure. Sometimes marriage looks like keeping kids alive and collapsing into bed, and that’s okay.
   
   
4. Naming the season helps. Calling it what it is makes it feel less like failure and more like reality.
   
   
5. This season isn’t permanent. With time and intention, couples can return to rituals of closeness, laughter, and connection. 

🎧 Soundbites

• “It’s like having a full bank account but the ATM is closed — the love is there, the access just isn’t.”
  
  
• “Sometimes love looks like switching off kid duty and making sure there’s a clean cup for evening tea.”
  
  
• “Right now we’re best friends who live together and share a bedroom — and that’s still love.”
  
  
• “Nothing’s wrong. We’re just really freaking tired.”
  
  
• “Naming it feels less like failure and more like reality.”

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:38)
Hey, welcome back to another quiet confession. If you're new here, I'm Chelsea, and this is where I get to just be me, hanging out with you, catching you up on my life. And this week, I want to talk about relationships, specifically mine and my husband's, and how it's been impacted by everything going on right now.

both in our country and the world and here in our home. Because the truth is, things have been chaotic. I bet a lot of you can say the same. The kids have been sick. Ben's been sick. I've been sick. We've been thrown into back to school mayhem that has not settled down despite being in October.

There are endless doctor's appointments, meetings, trainings, Zoom calls, and a never-ending list of things that need our attention. Add to that the heaviness of the world. And I'm not even gonna get into it because you know what I mean. It just feels like every ounce of energy we have gets used up before the day is even over. And what's left is

pretty much nothing. So here's where we're at. We are not unhappy. We are not fighting. There is no big marital crisis. So maybe that's a spoiler alert, but there is no drama in this episode. We are good. We are strong. are good. But at the end of the day, we're just tapped out.

there's no space left for the little gestures or the big ones. There's no little conversations or deep conversations, no holding hands on the couch or those tiny moments of connection. We're in what I like to call the best friends who live together and share a bedroom phase and to take it even a step further.

We're what people are apparently calling sleep divorced. We both have our own adjustable twin Tempur-Pedic beds because apparently we're 90, both with our CPAP machines. But our beds are right next to each other. They're so close we could hold hands. But we rarely do. We don't even go to bed at the same time most nights. It's not bad.

It's not that we don't love each other, but it's not exactly the version of our relationship that we'd like to stay in forever, that's for sure. I think this phase happens when life just demands everything from you. The sick kids who just need constant attention and care, the appointments that eat up your time.

the meetings that completely drain your brain, the news cycle that feels relentless and the effort it takes to maintain your mental health. Despite that, every one of those things takes a tiny little piece of your energy, but it adds up. And by the time you've given it all away, there's nothing left for the person lying next to you at night. Look up spoon theory.

It's one of my absolute favorite ways to explain this, especially in relation to chronic illness, mental health challenges, or disability. That's really what it was designed for, but it really does sum this up very, well. Honestly, though, this just all feels like a big giant bummer. Not because our feelings for each other have changed, because they haven't.

but because we can't show each other those feelings in the way that we want to. It's kind of like having a full bank account, which wouldn't that be nice? But the ATM is closed. So the resources are there, but the access is blocked.

The good news is we've been here before. We've been here before many times. We've been together for 18 years. This isn't the first time life has taken all of our energy and left us in pure survival mode. But every time we come through it, we've always found our way back to our small little rituals, the stupid jokes, which are mostly from my husband.

the physical closeness and the intentional time spent together. So I know, I know this isn't permanent. I know this is just a season and that perspective helps. Nothing's wrong. We're just really freaking tired. And sometimes being tired is the most honest place to be.

So here's what I'm taking away from this season. I don't like to give advice, but this is kind of for me. And if it resonates with you, cool. So number one, it's okay for relationships to ebb and flow. They do not have to be shiny and new and fiery passion all the time to be strong. Number two,

It's okay for love to be quiet. It's okay for it to be about teamwork and switching off kid duty and making sure there's a clean cup ready to go for your partner's evening tea. Maybe that's just us. And number three, it's okay to call it like it is. It's okay that sometimes you are not in a date night and long talks phase.

you're in a keep the kids alive and collapse into bed phase. Naming it feels much less like a failure and much more like just reality right now. So yeah, right now we're best friends who live together and share a bedroom. And while that's not glamorous, it's still love.

It's still commitment and it is very much us. We have never doubted our relationship. And I understand that that is a privilege and something I'll never take for granted. I also know we're going to come out the other side of this. We always do. But for today, I'm giving myself permission to, like I said, call it what it is.

and know that even in the chaos, there's still love. If you're in a similar season, you are not alone. It does not mean that your relationship is broken. It just means you're human. You're a parent and you're navigating a lot. We all are and we're all just doing the best we can. Okay, you know what time it is.

Go fill up your water bottle. I'll fill up mine and let's both do something nice for ourselves. I'll see you next week.