Quiet Confessions, Episode 24: Saying No and Choosing Myself

In this Quiet Confession, Chelsea opens up about the lifelong belief that saying “no” equals failure, and how motherhood has challenged that mindset. Between constant illness in their household, navigating hormone replacement therapy, and juggling an endless list of commitments, they're learning that saying “no” isn’t selfish. It’s survival.

This episode dives into the messy, emotional practice of setting boundaries, rejecting burnout, and redefining love as something that includes yourself, too.

✨ Key Takeaways

• Saying “no” isn’t failure—it’s a form of self-preservation.
  
  
• Boundaries teach our children that love includes self-respect.
  
  
• You don’t have to do it all to be enough.
  
  
• Rest and recovery are acts of resistance against burnout culture.
  
  
• Protecting your energy allows you to show up as your best self.

💬 Soundbites

1. “If I say yes to one more thing, then I’m saying no to myself.”
   
   
2. “Maybe saying no is an act of love.”
   
   
3. “My limits are not weakness. They’re survival.”
   
   
4. “If our kids see us running ourselves into the ground, what are we teaching them?”
   
   
5. “Saying no doesn’t make me a bad mom. It means I’m protecting the version of me my kids need.”

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:51)
Hey, welcome back to another Quiet Confession. If this is your first time tuning in, this is time for just you and me to hang out and I can catch you up on where I'm at. So today I wanted to talk about something that I think a lot of us can relate to. And I guess I'll just roll right into I have always had...

this idea that saying no was a failure. That if I didn't show up for everyone and everything, and if I didn't say yes to every need or request or expectation, whether it was real or imagined, somehow that meant I was failing and I was not enough and I

was not worthy. Worthy of what? I don't know. I can't tell you. I'm not sure. But here's the confession. Lately, I'm realizing that saying no might be the only way I survive motherhood. And more than that,

Maybe it's the only way I can give my family the best version of myself. So today I want to talk about the yucky and messy and uncomfortable practice, because it is a practice, of choosing me without the guilt.

That's the part I'm still learning. That's why it's called practice. This transition into fall, most of the summer, things have been brutal. My kids have been sick practically nonstop.

the kind of sick that like every time one child recovers, the other one starts coughing and then my husband starts coughing and then I am praying the whole time to whatever entities exist that I avoid it and ⁓ my gosh, it's just a constant cycle and it's draining everyone in this house. And in the middle of all of that chaos, I'm also still navigating my own health.

That's nothing new. You guys have heard me talk about that, but I did recently start HRT, hormone replacement therapy. You know, living in a body that doesn't feel like the one that I've always known after losing function of my pituitary gland. It's been an adjustment. It's been exhausting. It's been overwhelming and

Nine times out of 10, it's too much. I leave doctor's appointments disappointed, but starting HRT has not been negative. It's only been a little bit. So I'll keep you posted on that. But here's the picture. Okay.

I was looking at my calendar, knowing that I had all of these commitments that I had said yes to weeks or months prior, whether it was podcast recordings or doctor's appointments or even just like appointments to go pick something up or get, renew my Costco membership. I just, the things that I would normally push through

and show up and pretend I was fine, but I'd always pay for it later. But something inside me just split wide open. I just sat there and thought, if I say yes to one more thing, then I'm saying no to myself. I'm saying no to rest, no to recovery.

No to being present with my kids with the little energy that I do have. ⁓ boy, did I feel that guilt because that's what happens, right? We're conditioned as parents to think if we're not doing it all, we're not doing enough.

But for the first time in a long time, I said no. I mean, I'm not going to get into what I said no to, but there were things, there were things and I just said no. And it was messy and it felt uncomfortable, but it was necessary. I think so many of us live

in that tension, Parents and caregivers especially were told that love looks like self-sacrifice. Maybe we're not told that explicitly, but it's definitely demonstrated for us. And that saying yes to every single thing, I'm not saying saying yes to everything your kids ask you. We're not gonna play that game, but...

showing up and saying yes and doing all the things and packing the lunches that are artfully crafted and the highlight reel. You know, that's what determines our worth. But then what happens when you can't do that? What happens when your body or your mind sets its own limits

that we don't want to recognize.

Well, I'll tell you what happens to me. I burn out. I shut down. I snap at the people that I love the most.

And then deep down, I wonder what is wrong with me? What is wrong with me?

The truth that I'm trying to and starting to learn is that there isn't anything wrong with me. My limits are not weakness. They're survival. It's a reminder that I'm human.

And you know what, maybe, maybe this is a stretch, but maybe saying no is an act of love.

Because if our kids see us constantly running ourselves into the ground, what is that teaching them? What is that showing them? That love means disappearing and making yourself small, making yourself exhausted, putting your needs on the very bottom of the list. That's what love means. No, we don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want to set that example for my kids.

But if they see me setting boundaries, if they see me resting when I need to, if they see me talking about how I'm really feeling...

If they learn that no is a valid answer and a full sentence, they're learning something completely different. They're learning that love means protecting yourself and in turn, the ones you love. So here's where I've landed for now. Saying no doesn't make me selfish.

It does not make me a bad mom. It means I'm protecting the version of me that my kids actually need. The one who isn't completely empty. It means I'm choosing sustainability over burnout.

And these are my reminders for me and you, if it resonates. We are allowed to say no. We are allowed to choose ourselves. And we are allowed to not do it all. I hear you and I see you cringing because I'm doing the same thing. That voice in your head is still going to be there.

What I'm going to work on continuing to practice is just telling it to be quiet. Be quiet. I need to take care of me.

So yeah, I used to think saying no meant I was failing. Now I'm learning that it's one of the bravest ways that I can love myself and my family. So before you head back into the chaos of your day, I will leave you with this. Do something kind for yourself.

Maybe that looks like putting your phone down and closing your eyes for five minutes. If I do that, I'll be down for two hours. Maybe it looks like ordering takeout from a local restaurant instead of cooking tonight, support small business and get yummy food. Win-win. Or maybe it just means saying no to something that isn't serving you or that you're not looking forward to or that you just don't want to do. Whatever it is.

Just remember that you are worth care. All right, I'm excited to hang out with you next week. I'm gonna go fill up my water bottle. Hopefully you'll do the same.