Recognizing the Signs of PPD - Britt J's Story

After a traumatic birth experience left her feeling dismissed and unseen, Brittny found herself battling postpartum depression without realizing what was happening until nearly a year later. 

In this candid conversation, she discusses being gaslit by providers, how she learned self-advocacy, and the moment she realized her pain was valid.

Learn more about Brittny on her website or Instagram.

 🗝️ Key Takeaways

• Birth trauma can leave invisible scars, even when providers insist everything is “fine.”
• Postpartum depression can go unnoticed for months; recognizing the signs is the first step toward healing.
• Gaslighting during the perinatal period can deepen emotional wounds, but validation and community can help rebuild trust.
• Advocacy isn’t just about fighting for others; it’s about learning to stand up for yourself.
• Healing takes time, and grace is an essential part of the process.

🎧 Soundbites

1. “I didn’t even realize I had postpartum depression until almost a year later. I just thought I was failing."
   
   
2. “When they told me everything was fine, I believed them — but my body knew it wasn’t.”
   
   
3. “It took me being gaslit to learn how to stand up for myself.”
   
   
4. “You can be strong and still need help. Those two things can exist together.”
   
   
5. “Healing isn’t linear. It’s messy and real, but it’s also beautiful.”

Transcript

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Chelsea Myers (00:44)
Hello! Today I'm here with Brittny. Brittny, how are you?

Brittny Johnson (00:48)
Hey, I'm good. I'm really good. How are you?

Chelsea Myers (00:52)
I am okay. As we are recording this, it is a Friday evening for me, a Friday afternoon for you. And listeners will know my Monday mornings and my Friday evenings, I'm always like, we're just going to power through. It's like, we're going to power through and we're just going to, we're going to pretend we have it all together. Cause I definitely don't.

Brittny Johnson (01:10)
get her down.

Chelsea Myers (01:17)
But I super appreciate you coming and spending some time with me. And yeah, I would love it if you could introduce yourself and let us know who was Brittny before Brittny was a mom.

Brittny Johnson (01:33)
Who is she? So before I was a mom, so I am Brittny Johnson. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (01:37)
You

Brittny Johnson (01:41)
Before I was a mom, I was a teacher. Like primarily I was a teacher. I was a wife, a sister, just someone trying to figure out like where I wanted to be in this crazy world. A lot of what I thought I wanted to be. Of course, I am not that anymore, but yeah. I think through both of them.

I was happy. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (02:12)
Yeah? Yeah!

Who's Brittny today? What's Brittny doing today?

Brittny Johnson (02:17)
Brittny is a mom to five kids, two sets of twins. also am an entrepreneur, so I have my own natural skincare business. Still a wife, still the same husband. We've been married now for 12 years? Nope, it's 11 years. It's 11, I fast forwarded year. It's 11 years for us this year.

Chelsea Myers (02:21)
Yah!

Whoa. ⁓

Wow.

Brittny Johnson (02:46)
and still on this journey. I think that's, I remember telling my students that you don't have it all figured out and you're always on a journey. Yeah, we're still riding the journey. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (02:56)
Yeah.

Yeah, that's so weird. ⁓ I have, this is off topic, but I have this like couples app and it asks you questions every day. And it was like, when the question today was like, when did you finally feel like an adult? And I was like, I don't, I don't, I'm 36 and I still don't feel like an adult. ⁓

Brittny Johnson (03:13)
No.

Like, is this a real

question or is this a trick question?

Chelsea Myers (03:21)
Right. And it's like, when do you get it all figured out? I don't think you do. think you just evolve. I don't know. Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (03:27)
I know. You just keep going. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (03:31)
I love that you have this like super positive attitude and like when you're talking about everything, it's just like, yeah, I'm just figuring this out. I'm also an entrepreneur. I'm also a mom of five. Like that's not badass because it's kind of badass.

so let's, let's go back in time a little bit. Like, did you always picture yourself having kids and follow up a big family?

Brittny Johnson (04:02)
No, and no.

Chelsea Myers (04:04)
Ha

ha ha!

Brittny Johnson (04:07)
No, I tell people so when I was I was living in DC I was getting my master's degree in chemistry from Howard University and I came to this point in my life where I knew that I was like, okay Not having kids not getting married. I just came from Johannesburg South Africa on a missions trip and I was just like I'm good like I'm happy I am content ⁓

I was serving children in South Africa and I was just like, no, I don't need any kids, like I'm okay. And of course, like my husband then like strolled through my life. that moment I was like, I can have kids with this man. Like I could marry him. He could be, you know, he could be my baby daddy.

And, but when we were, you you have this conversation, at least you should have this conversation. My husband and I do marriage prep through our church and you should have this conversation. It's like, how many children do you want? And mine was like, you know, two, maybe three and a possible, like if that is even like two and a half, can we have that? his was like, okay, I want like three, four kids. I was all right, so let's just settle on three.

And then like, just stop.

Chelsea Myers (05:27)
Yeah, yeah, there's some middle ground.

Brittny Johnson (05:30)
Yeah, I was fine. I can compromise. And yeah, no, we didn't have just three.

Chelsea Myers (05:38)
No, no. Talk to me about that journey. So and I don't know the order of your kids either. like, did you start with twins or like, no. Okay. All right. Walk me through this.

Brittny Johnson (05:46)
Yeah.

So we started, we had our first daughter, she was singleton. Took us a long time to get pregnant. Like I remember us like we were about two and a half years into our marriage. We were like, okay, now we want to start planning for children. So everybody that I knew who were like got off their birth control or whatever they were doing, know, trying to plan for children, they immediately got pregnant. And I was like,

I don't understand. Is there a button I need to push in order to like, is something in my body that's not computing, like the computer is not functioning properly. so that took at least a good like nine months to a year for us to get pregnant. I like, so I found out at that moment, which I kind of knew, but I didn't understand the whole process at the time. I think sometimes we know things are happening with our bodies, but we just don't really understand.

Chelsea Myers (06:21)
No

Brittny Johnson (06:43)
how it all works out, especially when you're trying to get pregnant, you're just like, I just wanna be pregnant. ⁓ And so I found out like my prolactin levels were very, very high at the time. And I had stopped, I knew that I had had prolactin levels and I'd stopped my medication a while ago because I didn't think I had to be on it anymore. Like I thought I was healed, cured, fine. And that wasn't the case. they, know, all they did from that moment, they were like, well, you need to go back on.

your medication to regulate your you know, your hormones, and then you should get pregnant. And then of course, like, did all of that, still didn't get pregnant right away.

Chelsea Myers (07:19)
Mm.

Brittny Johnson (07:20)
I pushed the button. I pushed the button. So like what happened? And eventually like we did get pregnant once we found out that we were gonna move to Arizona. And on our way here, took a pregnancy test and I found out we were moving to Arizona. And I mean, we found out we were pregnant and I was like, wow. And I think of all the moments, like I probably would never have moved because I was very close to, I'm from Ohio originally.

Chelsea Myers (07:21)
Yes. Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (07:48)
very close to Ohio, now we're on the other side of the country. And it was just like, that was in 2017, we had her and then 2020 came. I had true pandemic babies. I was born on the day that we said it was a pandemic, literally.

Chelsea Myers (08:01)
Mmm.

Yeah, you do.

What? Okay, yeah, you can claim that you've got the... Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (08:12)
you

They're true. Everybody's like, yeah.

No, like they're on the day of that national pandemic. These are my children. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (08:24)
Wow.

How did that even play out? Like when you're in the hospital?

Brittny Johnson (08:29)
So there was no plan in place. It was just like, I just had these kids.

That's it. Like I didn't have, know, the whole mask wearing like everybody else had to wear. ⁓ my husband was still in the room. Like they never kicked him out at all. It was just, we were in there, for like, I think three days. And then of course we left and it was just like, all right, let's the, is shut down. Like, let's just figure out how to navigate life with a set of twins. You another job.

Chelsea Myers (08:36)
Yeah, like, okay.

Mm-hmm.

and and another child

yeah ⁓

Brittny Johnson (09:04)
Even

the story for us to get pregnant with them, that was also, it took a long time for us to get pregnant with them again. ⁓ So going through that whole process, we ended up doing ⁓ trigger shot, time infertility, and ⁓ another medication, I can't think of right now. But we did all of those, everybody's like, well did you have any, so it was like slight infertility, but nothing, it was more so just hormonal.

They told me at one point, they were like, you have a low egg count for your age. And I was like, am I an old woman? Like how many eggs are left? don't know. Is it a dozen? We got two dozen? Like, what do we got? we working with? Yeah. And so like we did all of that and you know, they were here and like, you know, navigating life during a pandemic. was, I will say it was easy. I don't know if,

Chelsea Myers (09:37)
my God.

How many eggs are in the basket? Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (10:00)
I didn't have to go to work, so I was teaching at the time. And ⁓ so I didn't really have to go to work. I was just teaching online at home. Like everything was easy. And so I am very thankful that they were born during a pandemic because I didn't have to worry about like, ⁓ we have the daycare, we have to purchase, we didn't have to do anything. Like we were home, my husband was home. Like all of us were home ⁓ at one time. That was really, really nice. So that was a perk of all of navigating three children.

Chelsea Myers (10:27)
Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (10:30)
at one time. And then my parents had come into town. like, you know, we had, we had some help while we were here because they had already had their trip planned before the whole pandemic thing happened. And then we fast forward to 2022, but we had our second set of twins

Chelsea Myers (10:32)
Yeah.

Yeah!

Brittny Johnson (10:51)
The story behind that.

So we have three children, that was our game plan, three kids and them, but we had one girl, our singleton, and then we had boy girl twins. And so my husband said, well, let's try for a boy. And I said, well, that's not how science works, but.

Chelsea Myers (11:09)
No, it's not!

Brittny Johnson (11:12)
Everybody says that that's not how science works. You got a 50-50 chance. There's nothing guaranteed unless you're doing something that's not out of the norm. So we said, OK. Once again, I went back regulating my hormones like I did with every pregnancy. And we said, well, if this is supposed to be a true fourth child,

then it's gonna happen, we're not doing the trigger shots, we're not doing the time fertilities I'm not doing any of that, because it was just, it was annoying. We went through three rounds of it to get the first set of twins, and I just didn't wanna have to go through that again. I was like, I'm not doing that. It was a lot, emotionally, honestly. Emotionally, was just, no. And so he said, we're gonna have any more kids, like if this is God's plan, it will happen. If not, we won't have any more kids.

Chelsea Myers (11:55)
Yeah.

Yeah.

You

Brittny Johnson (12:06)
We know

now that was God's plan

Chelsea Myers (12:08)
Yeah! He was like, hey, here's a bonus.

Brittny Johnson (12:11)
Yeah. Like, no,

like I will tell you Chelsea, how we've had so many different, like it was so many issues with the first and the second set, second pregnancy. None. First time pregnant. I was like, wow, my body pushed the easy, easy button. And we're now here with two sets of twins. this set was both girls. No boy.

Chelsea Myers (12:26)
my god.

Wow, you've got, yeah, no boys.

So you have one boy and four girls. I had to do math in my head for a second and that wasn't even a big number. Did you see me struggle? I was like, wait a second.

Brittny Johnson (12:39)
So I

for workers. ⁓

I like, I'll you, I'll help you.

Chelsea Myers (12:53)
Yeah. Oh my God.

All right. So you've got, you've got five girls and two boys in your house. Like you've got, including you. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, dad did not get what he was hoping for. No. No. Um, yeah, that, um, I love that whole thing. Like, Oh, are you going to try for a boy? Are you going to try? It's like, no.

Brittny Johnson (13:00)
No, yes, yes.

And we're not trying anymore.

No.

Chelsea Myers (13:22)
There is no trying for, that's not how that works exactly. ⁓ Exactly, right? Or like, are you trying for another baby? Well, like, yeah, that's, I'm not trying for a puppy. like, you know what I mean?

Brittny Johnson (13:22)
Thank you.

hope. Yeah, hope for a boy.

Exactly!

Chelsea Myers (13:41)
so getting pregnant with your first, like it was, it was challenging and you were going through things and you're like, what the heck is going on with my body? Like, why is this not happening? ⁓ and you did sort of mention it a little bit. You're like, I hit the button. What am I, what else am I supposed to do? What, what sort of impact did that have on?

your mental health or even just your your relationship with your body at that time.

Brittny Johnson (14:07)
Yeah, so it was very hard. ⁓ Like thinking back, you know, like putting myself back into that time, was just, I was like mad. I was mad at my body. was mad that I couldn't get pregnant because everybody else around me was getting pregnant. Like everybody around me. And I remember...

just like seeing one person like, we're having a baby. And it was like the first couple of times you're like, oh, congratulations. And then after a while you're like.

I could care less what you have. Unless it's a dog, I don't really care. An iguana? But a baby? No, I'm mad at that. I'm mad at that. And that was really, really hard to continue to be happy for my friends and family who were conceiving and having babies while I'm like... I know that I'm... I knew in my heart, and then the question you asked was like, did I ever want children?

Chelsea Myers (14:41)
Mm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (15:05)
I knew I was going to have children in my life. I just didn't know. I got content with not having children. And then meeting my husband and understanding this is what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to have children. We want children. And not being able to have children, that was rough. And so for a long time I was like, well, clearly it's just my body. then we were like, well, maybe it's you. I don't know. Is it you? I was like, no, it's me.

Chelsea Myers (15:13)
Mm-hmm.

Hahaha

Brittny Johnson (15:34)
the issue and that was me it's me ⁓ yeah that was really tough and then it like the trauma continued after that too

Chelsea Myers (15:37)
the problem it's me.

Yeah.

Yeah, talk to me about that.

Brittny Johnson (15:52)
⁓ So after, you know, she was 41 weeks and they were like, you have to take this baby. You have to take her down. Knowing what I know now, I would have advocated for myself better, but I didn't know better at that time. Like I was about a year into living in a whole new state. I didn't know, like I didn't have my community around me. Like I just didn't have education. I felt like no one talked about.

Chelsea Myers (16:08)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (16:21)
the options that were available to you.

And then, you know, like, so I just didn't know anything. And I had a really great team. think that if I would have had a different team, things may have been better or may have been different. I don't know. I'm not, I can't go back in time, but we went 41 weeks.

I went to the hospital like the first time because I had a doula and she was like, well, are you ready to go to the hospital? And I was like, yeah, sure. Like, let's go. I don't know. Like I never had a baby before. Like what are you supposed to feel like? I have a very high pain tolerance. So was like, I don't know what we're doing here. We went, they took us on. were like, you're not even like three centimeters dilated. You need to go back home. I went back home, labored at home, went back. think like labored for about close to 48 hours. And then I went back into the hospital.

Chelsea Myers (17:02)
Mm.

Brittny Johnson (17:10)
As soon as I got to the hospital, they put me in a triage and then my water broke. So of course, you're not going home. You're in the hospital now. I was, when I was there, I ended up getting labored in the hospital. I probably did every position that you probably could imagine to try to get a baby to come out. I was on the ball, I was in the shower, I was in the tub. I was...

Peanut, everything, any ball you could think of, was on it, could have been a baseball, I was on it. ⁓ I ended up getting to like eight, nine centimeters, and so they're like, well, we're trying everything. Like I was laid literally, so you we're usually ⁓ horizontal. I was laid vertical, yeah, so perpendicular. Can I do my math today? ⁓ So I was perpendicular on the bed, stretched over on my back.

just trying to get her to come down. Like they could feel her head, but they would turn her head and then she would turn right back. They kept doing this at least two or three times. And I was like, this child will be stuck forever. Like it has to be.

Lo and behold, blood pressure started dropping. Her heart rate started dropping and they were like, we have to take her now before it comes an emergency C-section. And all the things that I wanted, when you have your birth plan, like none of it came true. I had to get an epidural, of course, I didn't want that. I wanted to have a natural birth, didn't get that.

Chelsea Myers (18:30)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (18:38)
And so they didn't, luckily it was not an emergency C-section, it was just a normal C-section, so everything was fine. She was fine, I was fine. ⁓ But what I didn't realize until a year after was I had postpartum depression the whole entire time. I was so, I thought I was ugly. I couldn't understand why my husband liked me. I did not, I was like, whose body is this? I never wanted to.

Like some people have postpartum and they want to like hurt their child or they want to hurt themselves. I never wanted to do any of those. just, I was just disgusted with my appearance, my body, everything about me. I was just like, this is, who are you? Like, this is not cute. Like, why would you want to be here? And that was really tough because I was, of course, after I was very, very into fitness before. So everything I was trying to do was just to get back to what I was before.

I had a baby before I got pregnant. And it's hard because I said like, I wish I would have had people in place that would have been like, you know, you do those surveys when you go to the doctor after you have a baby, like, you like, yeah, I'm fine. But they don't ask the right questions. Like, no, I don't want to hurt baby or myself. I just think I'm real ugly. This is not like, why do other people think that I'm beautiful and quit telling me I'm beautiful? I'm not this, I'm ugly. And didn't realize it till a year later.

Chelsea Myers (19:51)
Mm-hmm. Mm-mm.

Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (20:06)
that I had postpartum depression. And at that time I was like, well, you can't get help for postpartum depression after a year. What are you doing? And so I had to deal with that.

Chelsea Myers (20:17)
Yeah. ⁓

Brittny Johnson (20:21)
And then we got pregnant a couple years later with the second set of twins, with the first set of twins and didn't realize I was going to go through another round of trauma. Not only that I'm pregnant with twins, they're both breech.

Chelsea Myers (20:39)
did they know? Were they like, they're not gonna turn? ⁓

Brittny Johnson (20:43)
So

I was, we tried, I was at a chiropractor like every, every day, trying to, well not every day, but like pretty much every day, trying to get them to turn, they wouldn't turn. And I was like, body, are not, like you don't understand the assignment. Like, we'll have friends over here that are like natural pregnancies, I'm done, one kid, we're great. I'm happy after, like all of the things that I desired, I was like, I'm not getting anything. Not getting anything that I want.

Chelsea Myers (20:59)
Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (21:13)
in this story.

Chelsea Myers (21:15)
Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (21:15)
except my kids, which, know, one point I said I didn't want them either, but like, I love my children. ⁓ It took a long time for me to like, you know, think that through, but with them, it was an automatic C-section. In Arizona, you can't, like, there will be no doctor who will deliver a breech twin at all. You can't home birth, because I thought another thing I wanted, I wanted a home birth, can't home birth. And so said, okay, great. As long as they come to this world, like,

Chelsea Myers (21:17)
Well.

Mm.

Brittny Johnson (21:44)
I had just gotten like a just game face on, like bring them into the world. What else can we do from here? Nothing, bring them in. And they were fine. When I got into the hospital, they delivered them. I suffered a lot of blood loss. Of course the trembles went after epidural. Like I had that bad. And they were fine. Like they were fine. My son was like.

Chelsea Myers (21:48)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (22:11)
He was probably one of my smallest, I think one of the smallest babies at time. was one of my smallest. So, and we got in there and we were like, we just want to go home. We don't want to be here anymore.

Chelsea Myers (22:20)
Yeah, well, and those

were your COVID babies, right, too. So you were like, you're like, we just need to go home.

Brittny Johnson (22:25)
Yeah, it's cool.

And so, and I will say this C-section was a lot easier than my first C-section. That first C-section was rough. It was so rough. And I've heard from other women like there, if you had multiple C-sections, the first one's like, it's doozy. Or the second one is like, all right, cool. Can I do salsa dancing tomorrow then? ⁓

Chelsea Myers (22:37)
Yeah.

my god.

Brittny Johnson (22:51)
you

Chelsea Myers (22:54)
I definitely didn't feel like that after my C-section, but I've only had one. So I've only had, yeah.

Brittny Johnson (22:57)
Really? So yeah, so your first C-Section

was hard, same. Like that first one was like my brother. I remember we lived in the third floor of our apartment and my brother, cause he was in town. He had to carry me up, three flights of steps

Chelsea Myers (23:03)
Yes.

Mmm,

yeah, that doesn't surprise me. There was no elevator?

Brittny Johnson (23:16)
It was

rough. No, there are garden style apartments out here.

Chelsea Myers (23:22)
Okay. ⁓ that just, gets my, no, well, and I'm like, that's like, just, I'm like, hello accessibility, like, but yeah, my gosh. Yeah, that I, so I have, I have two kids. My first daughter was born vaginally, but my second was C-section. And yeah, it was trau- Like if I think about that, I think it was, it was traumatic. It was, it was traumatic for a lot of reasons, but

Brittny Johnson (23:25)
We didn't think that hurt.

Yeah!

in a minute.

Chelsea Myers (23:50)
I think a lot of people who have C-sections, especially, and like you're talking about, thinking about your first one, recall them, those births as being traumatic. And they are.

Brittny Johnson (24:01)
So traumatic, so very traumatic. I think you think of your birth as this beautiful, relaxing, and know, some people have that story. I didn't have that story. It was just, I it was just one thing after another, one hit after another hit after another hit after another hit. And I was like, when am gonna stop taking hits? When is that gonna happen?

Chelsea Myers (24:03)
Yeah.

Yeah.

When do you catch your break?

so you had already had a C-section and you had already experienced postpartum depression, you didn't recognize it right away. So you may have had an idea going into this, but like, how did your mental health fare after the birth of your first set of twins amidst COVID?

Brittny Johnson (24:46)
So.

Same. Of course, I felt... Yeah. I was like very alert, because I started feeling some of the same things. When I was pregnant, was primarily all belly. I'd walk a lot during my pregnancy, for the most part, because I also, I was teaching at the time. And the same feelings kept coming back, like, once again, girl, you are not sexy. This is not sexy. Let's figure this out.

Chelsea Myers (24:50)
Yeah. Did you recognize it this time? Okay.

Brittny Johnson (25:18)
And that, you know, it was just, was like, I was reliving the same experience that I was living postpartum with my first pregnancy. And ⁓ this time I was at a new practice and they had in place that you can get therapy. And they were like, I said, I need somebody to talk to like now, like help. So there was.

Chelsea Myers (25:38)
Mmm.

Yeah.

So you

advocated for yourself. Okay.

Brittny Johnson (25:46)
Yes, absolutely.

it was just, I feel like the team was okay. You know, they were good. asked the, they were asked the right questions. So they were better than my first team, but it was at that point, like there has to be a point where your doctor or midwife can only do so much. You also have to say like, yes, I'm going to do this or like, no, no, no, I think I'll be okay. And I knew I wasn't going to be okay. So it was like, I have to do this and we have to do it.

Chelsea Myers (26:11)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but like backtracking a little bit too, because we didn't even, we kind of glossed right over this. You didn't realize it the first time. When was, what was the turning point? What was the light bulb moment that you were like, that was PPD.

Brittny Johnson (26:30)
You know, I think I was probably looking something up and like said, it was a year after like, and I was like, oh, I had a postpartum depression.

Chelsea Myers (26:38)
Yeah!

So you were like, it was just like a click. It was like, that's what that was.

Brittny Johnson (26:45)
Like

after doing research and reading, you know, like I was like, my God, because everybody talks about postpartum depression as this traumatic, like I said before, like I want to, I want to hurt somebody. I didn't want to hurt a lot. I didn't want to hurt anyone. didn't, I didn't want to hurt anyone. So I was like, well, I don't, maybe I don't have that. And then when I started reading more in depth, was like, ⁓ that was what I had.

Chelsea Myers (26:59)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (27:15)
Nobody said anything. And I didn't know anyone either in my circle who went through postpartum depression. Like there was nobody around me who were like, oh, I had PPD. What did you do? So like my, think like even now I just try to be an advocate for it. had a conversation with one of my friends and I was just telling her there's these expectations that we have and where I had very high expectations.

Chelsea Myers (27:29)
Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (27:42)
Allow your body to do what it's supposed to do and be OK if a change occurs. And I was not OK with any of the changes that occurred when I went through any of those. I think if I would have been if I would have come to this like. Little peaceful mindset that if Brittny if you do not have a natural birth. Will you be OK?

Chelsea Myers (27:50)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (28:07)
Yes or no? And if you're not okay, what do we have to do to get you to be okay? I feel like there should be some therapy while you're pregnant, to be real with you, to prepare you.

Chelsea Myers (28:18)
Yeah, yeah.

Well, so, so many of the things that you are talking about are the biggest issues with maternal healthcare in this country. And it goes so much deeper than that. So the disparities in maternal healthcare and maternal mental healthcare are insane. And they are double, sometimes triple for

women of color. the thing, what I wish I could say to you is like, wow, like I'm so surprised, but I'm not, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised that you didn't know about PPD. I'm not surprised that you didn't hear people in your community talking about it. And that feels horrible to say. I hate that. But...

Brittny Johnson (28:47)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (29:09)
people like you telling your story and having conversations like this is going to make it so that that next person who is feeling the way that you were feeling or maybe even a little different can be like, ⁓ they can have that light bulb moment a little sooner and not feel ashamed to be like, I need, I need some help with this. Like even you saying like people need therapy during pregnancy. I think people in general just need therapy. Like,

Brittny Johnson (29:29)
Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Chelsea Myers (29:38)
But yes, there needs to be like maternal health care should include mental health care throughout the whole thing. preparing you for birth, you should be preparing for every outcome. ⁓ You felt you had your power taken from you in both of those situations. We haven't even touched on your third pregnancy and delivery yet. But like

Brittny Johnson (29:45)
Yes. You don't realize

Chelsea Myers (30:04)
you had your power taken from you and you didn't have the birth experiences that you wanted and you were slammed with postpartum depression. It's super important to remember too that like there's all kinds of, there's several different PMADS, but postpartum depression especially can look different for so many people. Like you were saying, you're like, no, I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to hurt my kid. Like I'm fine. I'm fine.

Brittny Johnson (30:21)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (30:31)
Postpartum depression also doesn't have to look like crying all the time, right? Like for you, it manifested in your self-image. And it also sounds like there was a lot of anger and resentment.

Brittny Johnson (30:34)
Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

Thank

yeah, absolutely.

Chelsea Myers (30:48)
And so when you made that distinction and you like, you were amazing and you, you advocated for yourself, when did you notice some shifts starting to change and how did those things start to change?

Brittny Johnson (31:02)
Well, I also, before I even tell that story, there is also the idea of nursing children, twins, that also brings another level of image because, ⁓ now you're not able to produce enough milk. So all of those things started in play. So I have self-image. I'm not good enough or worthy enough to produce milk for my children. ⁓ Because with my first one, I was a milk.

Chelsea Myers (31:06)
Yeah.

⁓ yes.

Brittny Johnson (31:29)
Cow, milk was everywhere. And I was like, there's gonna be milk all over the place for twins? Brittny, there's two kids, okay. ⁓ But just thinking I wasn't enough, but a lot of it then played into me even thinking like, so I got, so with this set, the first set of twins, I got therapy very quickly. I think it was within that three month window I got therapy.

And I talked to an amazing woman. ⁓ She walked me through like practical steps to take ⁓ that made sense to me. And it was all online. Like we would meet via video, would talk. And it was to a point where I like, I didn't want it to end. I was like, please keep talking.

Chelsea Myers (32:19)
Yeah

Brittny Johnson (32:21)
It was like what exactly I needed to heal the trauma from both pregnancies.

Chelsea Myers (32:26)
And was it, it was like a limited time thing? Like it wasn't something that you continued?

Brittny Johnson (32:31)
I didn't continue it. you know, I think we got to a place where she was like, I don't really think I can help you anymore. And in my mind, was like, no, I still need help. But that's honestly, that's how I'm wired. I'm always the person who will seek out help. Like each of my pregnancies, I had a ⁓ lactation consultant for every single pregnancy. And I went at least to three or four visits with every single pregnancy, at least three. I've talked to people who've had multiple kids, like I didn't go to see a lactation consultant.

Chelsea Myers (32:46)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (33:00)
You know, the third, I was like, why not? How do you know everything's right? Like, I just want someone to check, make sure. If it is great, great. it's not, okay, fix it. That's just, that's just how I'm wired. I love feedback and I love criticism, constructive criticism. I'm just, that's how I am. So yeah, it only lasted for a set period of time. I never like figured out should I have kept going, but she told me that I was good and I felt good. I will say I did feel good. So I didn't feel.

Chelsea Myers (33:05)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (33:30)
how I felt before in terms of like my self image and half of my body. Like, my body the way that I wanted to be? No, but I also was two pregnancies in. Like, I knew I wasn't going to have rock hard abs and, you know, skin. No, it's gonna be little flabby and it's okay. You just had twins. So.

Chelsea Myers (33:52)
Yeah.

Yeah,

you had three children, your body grew three kids. But bounce back culture is not a fun, fun thing that we're faced with as birthing people.

And we have, and again, we haven't even touched on your third pregnancy.

Brittny Johnson (34:12)
I know this was, how can I lead this one? Okay, so like I said, magical number four and five immediately found out that we were pregnant and like my body knew. I didn't know that I was pregnant with twins, but I had a very strong inkling that we had conceived twins. Your body just kind of knows when you had one. And I remember having, I called my midwife,

Chelsea Myers (34:15)
Yeah.

Mmm.

Brittny Johnson (34:39)
And I said, don't feel, know, like something feels off or wrong. Can I just say, oh, a appointment, I come to see you. She's like, yeah, it's the other appointment, see me. I said, okay. Get in, had to go to a different office. I remember this one, like it was yesterday. And she's like, okay, well, we should do an ultrasound to see if everything's okay. And I was like, all right, great. Like check them out. This had to be before the like six week mark. And, or eight weeks or whatever.

Chelsea Myers (35:03)
Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (35:06)
to go in, the stenographer's scanning and she's like, and as she's scanning, my midwife was like, wouldn't it be funny if you had triplets? I said, girl, not.

Chelsea Myers (35:16)
my god.

No.

Brittny Johnson (35:21)
Hmm, you. Like, no. As soon as she says like triplets, ha ha ha, the sonographer says, there's twins. So I'm immediately like not processing what she's saying. I'm mad at still what she's saying. And I'm like, and she says like, do you want to see? And I'm like, she did just say what I think she did say. I said, no, I don't want to see. I do not want to see. Like where are these kids going to go?

Like, are they gonna live in the ceiling? Like, my house is not big enough for another set of twins, ma'am. I mean, of course I eventually saw it. I was like, she's not lying. There's two babies in there.

Chelsea Myers (35:54)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (36:03)
And it

was like a flood of like joy and anger because I had to do it all over again.

Chelsea Myers (36:13)
Yeah. Yeah, that's so valid. my gosh. You're like, are you kidding me?

Brittny Johnson (36:20)
Like, no, this is not real. I said, OK, I'm one kid I'm giving to you and the other kid I'm giving to you. So that way I keep my three. Everybody gets a kid. And I come home with the ultrasound and I show my husband. I was like, here you go. And he was like, there's only one in there. And I was like, keep looking, homie. And he was like, ⁓ it's twins again.

Chelsea Myers (36:32)
my

So yeah, so you said too, you said you were like overwhelmed with joy, but then you were also like a little bit angry. Like, whoo, what a perfect example of holding two or more emotions at once, right? Like both can exist at the same time. yeah, and I can't imagine it. What was your husband's reaction?

Brittny Johnson (37:04)
That was me.

So he goes into like, as any typical man goes into, he goes into like, okay, how can we prepare for these twins? Yeah. Okay, so we got to keep both cribs. Okay, so we need this. We don't know if they're boys and girls yet. Like we don't know anything. So his was just like, how can I prepare the house for another set of twins? That's all he did where I was just like.

Chelsea Myers (37:19)
like fix it mode, right? Like, yeah.

you

Brittny Johnson (37:34)
How can I prepare my mind, my mental capacity for five children? Like I thought I was going into here have four we're at five now. Okay. And I will say like, what I didn't tell before, each of my pregnancies, like my pregnancies are perfect. Like I don't really, like I have like maybe a little bit of morning sickness initially, other than that. They're fine. I don't have anything.

Chelsea Myers (37:37)
Yah.

Yeah.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (38:04)
any other issues with So like, I was just, you know, hoping and praying that I would have the same kind of pregnancy. But my, like I said, my postpartum and my delivery, labor delivery are always like a whirlwind.

Chelsea Myers (38:19)
So it was the same with the third pregnancy.

Brittny Johnson (38:22)
There's some vindication. There's a happy ending to this story. So we were, you know, we go to regular ultrasound. So now of course I am, I think I was what, 36? Yeah, 36, 37 with my second set of twins going to the doctor just as regularly as I did before. Of course I'm considered high risk in a sense.

Chelsea Myers (38:26)
Ooh, okay.

Brittny Johnson (38:49)
One of my first questions I asked them, said, will I be able to have a VBAC if possible? My midwife, she said, absolutely. I said, you give me hope. Okay. ⁓ She said, because neither of the pregnancies were like emergency C-sections, so there is a possibility that you can have a VBAC.

Chelsea Myers (38:55)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (39:16)
And so I got in my mind, I said, what we won't do is I'm not going down the road of you will have a VBAC, you will have a vaginal delivery, anything is possible. And I was, my mind was open to both possibilities, which it wasn't previously. So during the time,

Chelsea Myers (39:32)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (39:36)
And this is just as a note. During the second set of pregnancy, the first set of twins, there was a doctor who I wanted to go to because I knew he would deliver breech babies. But something in me told me, do not go to him. Not for these, just because it was just like, don't do it, because it was so late in my pregnancy when I found out about him. So with my second set of pregnancies, I was with my midwife. She was still at the same practice she was before. And so I knew it was just like, is anybody's game? And of course, babies are always flipping.

And so at one point they were both head down, another point one was breech, another one was head down. So we kind of went through that at no point were they both breech.

My midwife sends me, she pulls me into the office one day and she's like, I have something to tell you. And I was like, what is it? Like everything in me was like, please, I don't need any bad news during my pregnancy. And she was like, I'm moving practices. And I was like.

What does that mean for me? Like, could I go? Could I hold your hand the whole time? Like, I want to be with you. You are my people. And she told me the practice that she was going with was the doctor who delivered breech babies And I said, I'm coming. Like, I was coming anyway, but now I'm really coming. And ⁓ so I went to his practice. I ended up meeting him. ⁓ He was a black man.

Chelsea Myers (40:28)
Yeah.

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (40:55)
Which I had never had a male doctor before I still stayed with her the entire time We ended up I still went through my chiropractic care, you know making sure that they were head down it at most as possible We found out that baby a was head down and she stayed head down the entire pregnancy Baby B was breech

Chelsea Myers (41:15)
Mm.

Brittny Johnson (41:16)
So once again, I knew that there was a possibility that either they would be both C-section or I could have one of them being a C-section and the other one a vaginal delivery, or I could have both being a vaginal, like there was, I had three options. We get to, I got induced at 38, 38 weeks with them. We did a natural induction. We did the Foley bulb. And then we also did the milkshake. And from there, like my body was,

prepared but they like had to do a little bit of pictosin just to kind of like well I didn't ⁓ sorry not pictosin they had to do ⁓ an epidural and that was that was very traumatizing because I did not want to epidural I was like no we want to do natural and she was like what is stopping you from getting the epidural and I said

Chelsea Myers (41:56)
okay.

Brittny Johnson (42:03)
I don't want what happened with my first pregnancy to happen again. And she was like, this is not your first pregnancy. She was the coach I needed in that moment to be like, you're going to be fine, which I did not have in my first pregnancy.

Chelsea Myers (42:20)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (42:22)
I did not have that. And when she said it, was like, there was so much peace that came over me. It was like, okay.

Cause I knew that she, I knew she would take care of me. I knew that she wouldn't allow the rest of the medical team to do something to me that would hurt me in any way.

Chelsea Myers (42:42)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (42:43)
I did not feel that confidence with the first set of team. And even though they were amazing, like they were amazing people, they did an amazing job. They just did not, I needed a coach. needed someone to, to calm my spirit and hype me up and all of those things at one time. And there was just little, you know, little things that I did during the time that I was in the hospital that didn't get a chance to do. Prayer was really big for me.

So like having a space to just like kind of sit and pray and they're like, well, you're right. was like, no, need, I just need y'all to go. I just need the time to like, I need to process and pray. That's what I need to do. ⁓ And I had that time with my husband, we sat and prayed and like everything was just peaceful. I took a nap after the epidural, which like those are the things that I didn't get a chance. Like it just, everything was a whirlwind with her. This last one, I took a nap. I woke up and they were like, we're ready. You are 10 centimeters. Let's go. And I said, ⁓

Chelsea Myers (43:21)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yes!

Brittny Johnson (43:44)
Are you

ready? was like, girl, I'm ready. Like, let's do it. I had to deliver in the OR because they say twin pregnancies need to be delivered in the OR. And of course, with my previous C-sections, I had to go to the OR. Went to the OR. My midwife delivered baby A, vaginal, perfect. My baby B.

Chelsea Myers (44:08)
Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (44:10)
My breech baby. So since she was breech the obstetrician delivered her. ⁓ We're in the room and he's like elbow deep trying to get this kid to come out. And he's like, okay, we have to prepare for a C-section. We've come so far. Like literally I remember me saying those words, like we have come so far.

Chelsea Myers (44:36)
Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (44:40)
Like, I don't wanna do this again. And as he's saying that, he's still in there like trying to get her to come out. As soon as he said it, the anesthesiologist like bolsters another, like epidural. I was like, no, we can't feel anything. Great, thank you, sir. But as soon as he then says it, so it's like, he says prepare for the C-section, he bolsters the C-section, and then the obstetrician then says, get ready to push. And I was like, I'm even doing a C-section. It doesn't matter, push.

I think it was like three pushes and she was out. And so I...

Chelsea Myers (45:16)
But

you delivered her breech. So you got to deliver both your babies. my gosh. Yeah, you did have a redemption story at the end. my gosh. Well, and you know, and it's like you said, like, you had people who you trusted. You had a team that empowered you. And you felt safe.

Brittny Johnson (45:18)
I delivered a brick.

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (45:43)
Like this third time around, was just a totally different experience.

Brittny Johnson (45:49)
everything about from trying to conceive to pregnant, everything was different. Everything was different. I'd say like, I say this in like the most loving way, like they were the babies I'd never wanted, but I'm glad I had.

Chelsea Myers (46:05)
Mm-hmm. I feel that.

Brittny Johnson (46:06)
Like they are,

they are my conflict. They are literally my finish line.

Chelsea Myers (46:11)
Yeah. Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (46:12)
They are.

And it was like, didn't, know, like sometimes I'm like, am I going through postpartum? And like, no, I'm okay. I think it's just life. You know, there's just life. And like we said, everybody needs therapy, but like, felt like the joy, there's so much joy that I had with them. Like I was able to, the issues that I had with nursing my first set of twins, I didn't have with them. It was just, they were different.

⁓ I got like as I'm telling the story like they are my thought process as I'm thinking about them, but they are They're everything that I didn't

Chelsea Myers (46:54)
Yeah, your story, which again, you can only tell so much of it in such a short amount of time, like, it encompasses so many things that are so misunderstood in terms of just becoming a parent in general. Like, A, we're all taught that it's like, we're all taught when we're young, don't have sex, you'll get pregnant.

Brittny Johnson (47:21)
What?

Chelsea Myers (47:22)
Right?

Like, we're taught that it's easy. You have sex, you get pregnant. And that's not true. For some people it is. And I know those people. And I'm just like, I know those people who, like you said, like, the delivery is just like, I sneezed and they were born. Right? Like, but that's also not always the norm. And you had three

Brittny Johnson (47:30)
Yeah.

Yes!

Chelsea Myers (47:48)
very different pregnancies and three very different deliveries. And it just goes to show that like, like you said, like when you come, I don't know, this is easier said than done, but like coming to a place where you can be like, okay, whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. And I can either choose to prepare myself for it and move through it, or I can...

Brittny Johnson (48:03)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (48:17)
be pissed and resist it. I don't always think we're in control of that. Like you said, like with your first pregnancy, in your second and first delivery and second delivery, like I think circumstances impact that. Like if you feel safe with your team, if you feel like you're in control and the fear is real and that can cloud everything. But like you said, like with that, with your third

Brittny Johnson (48:36)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (48:45)
pregnancy and delivery with your last set of twins, you finally were at a place where you were like, I've got my people. I'm going to roll with this and whatever happens happens. Yeah, it's, it's super powerful. It speaks to, and I didn't even like, I don't even know like what kind of community you had. Like you said, you moved, you moved across the country. Like did you,

Brittny Johnson (48:55)
Thanks

Chelsea Myers (49:11)
Did you have to build a village? Did you have a village or was it just you and your husband trying to figure all this out?

Brittny Johnson (49:13)
with.

So we moved to Arizona for our church. ⁓ There was a church plant, a pastor currently, it was the pastor who married us in DC. And so we knew people here when we moved, but they weren't necessarily like a community at the time. I just kind of knew them ⁓ for the most part. There were acquaintances in the most part besides our pastor. We knew our pastor. So after I had my first...

Chelsea Myers (49:22)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (49:48)
I remember going to church and I just felt like mad. was like, why am I here? I don't know anybody, they don't know me. ⁓ I could go back to DC at any time. And in my mind, I was like, we're gonna be here for five years anyway, so I don't really care. That was my thought process. How old are you? You sound like a teenager, get over it.

Chelsea Myers (50:01)
You

It's valid though, you were going through some things.

Brittny Johnson (50:12)
hormones all over the place. And then after our second set, like we had started, know, after our first set, we had started building our community, and I knew like the people who were around me still weren't like my people. I started putting like, there were some strong pillars, but they weren't, all the pieces weren't connected. And now like we have a community and we have a very strong community. We don't have any family out here, but there's a lot of our,

Chelsea Myers (50:15)
Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (50:42)
those pillars that we have within our community who are like family to us. I could call on them and be like, would you watch all five kids? And they would be like, sure. We sure will. Which I know that's not a lot of people's story. And I appreciate that. As much as my mom and dad would love to be here, they try to come out at least once a year. They say it's too hot in Arizona, and I say that's just fine with me. I do not want to leave them at all. So I'm not moving back.

Chelsea Myers (51:06)
You

Brittny Johnson (51:11)
So I hope you move here.

Chelsea Myers (51:12)
says the same thing about Arizona. He's like, it's a dry heat. It's a dry heat. That's what I like. I'm like, okay, I just, don't.

Brittny Johnson (51:15)
videos.

I don't have any

humidity. I could put some crows in my hair and they last all day.

Chelsea Myers (51:24)
Oh man. Yeah, no, I live in Vermont where the weather changes like six times a day. like, yeah, I don't know that. I don't know how that goes. But, but yeah, so you, you have a community, you have people behind you now and you evolved that and you grew that. That's, it's like a recurring theme in my, in this season of guests that I'm speaking with is

Brittny Johnson (51:28)
Yeah.

But yeah, so we have a We do.

Chelsea Myers (51:51)
the village that we were promised, it doesn't exist. We have to build it ourselves. And you did that. It does exist in other cultures and it's supposed to exist, but you have to build it yourself and you did. And that played a role in your postpartum journey following your youngest kids. Yeah. And there are they two or three?

Brittny Johnson (51:58)
Mm-hmm.

There'll be three at the end of the month.

Chelsea Myers (52:24)
Okay. Cause when you said you had them in 2022, my youngest was born in 2022. So she'll be three in June. I was like, I know that. So, um, you're, you're in that fun phase between I hate, um, no, I saw your face. I know when I, the fun was sarcasm. Yeah. The, the fun was sarcasm. Um, everybody talks about the terrible twos and nobody warns you for the three nagers and

Brittny Johnson (52:52)
Yes.

Chelsea Myers (52:54)
Yeah, while it's really, really cool to get to meet them and learn their personalities, ⁓ they're also some of the sassiest and most feral, I don't even, three-year-olds are something else.

Brittny Johnson (53:04)
⁓

They're like a mixture of

all the tears that you get at like two years old plus the attitude of a three year old, like in one person. And it just is like a catastrophic explosion almost every day. Like, yeah. And I think literally the other day I was like, you are being a horrible three-nager Like why don't do that? Not yet.

Chelsea Myers (53:25)
And you've got two of them right now. Yeah.

Like stop it. You have one more month.

Brittny Johnson (53:35)
Or I love you

unconditionally, but girl.

Chelsea Myers (53:40)
So you've got two almost three year olds. You've got two five year olds. Yeah. And then a seven year old. I can do math. We're math in this episode. my gosh. my God. I don't. And I was a teacher too. I was a special educator.

Brittny Johnson (53:45)
Yep. I love a ⁓ good math session.

Chelsea Myers (54:07)
Like, no, no, you can do the math out. I'll do the reading. ⁓ Anyway, I want to kind of transition us into like where we're at now because I've loved I've loved how real and authentic and like also you can laugh through this. I feel like those of us who have gone through it, who have gone through whatever it is, if you've been through it, if you can't laugh about it.

Brittny Johnson (54:34)
I'm

Chelsea Myers (54:37)
⁓

Brittny Johnson (54:37)
not gonna get through it. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (54:38)
you're gonna have a bad day. it's not, and it's okay to feel the feels. It's okay to have those days. I still have the anger. It's still there. Some did. I mean, I won't even say some days, a lot of days. And I'm sure you have those days too, where you're like, what the heck? ⁓

Brittny Johnson (54:53)
It happened about maybe

45 minutes before we got on the phone. I was just like, like today is not the day. It's not the day.

Chelsea Myers (54:58)
Yeah!

No,

no, but then we can also, but we can get on a call like this and we can talk about it honestly and we can be real and we can laugh at the utter just chaos that is parenting and pregnancy and postpartum and the whole thing. So you have five young kiddos and you run your own business because you are a boss.

Brittny Johnson (55:17)
you

Chelsea Myers (55:31)
What? How? This is such I have to be careful how I word this question because I hate this frickin question. The typical question that I'm sure you get asked all the time is how do you balance family life? And that is not what I want to know. I want to know is what like, are you intentional about how you take care of you?

while also filling these other roles. Because you're not just one thing. You're a lot of things, but at the heart of it, you're Brittny. So how do you make sure Brittny is being taken care of?

Brittny Johnson (56:17)
So I think it plays into a lot of my business is kind of like how I have to keep driving myself towards, which is we kind of cater to ⁓ self care, but also like dry skin is a huge issue. so ironically, like with each of my pregnancies, I had eczema after each pregnancy and it got worse and worse and worse. And so like I...

have to make sure that my self-care is, like, I'm very mindful. Like, I think the other day, I remember telling my husband, I had to put a face mask on, and he was like, you said it like you do this every day, and I was like, yeah, when you're not home.

put my mask on and I like, once the kids take a nap, like I zone out and zen in, like that's what I do. And it doesn't look like, I love doing my nails. So he calls it cuticle care. I call it doing my nails. ⁓ Like, I would stay up till 2 a.m. just to make sure like I have that time alone. And so I think for like, probably about a good year, I would stay up like in the wee hours of the night where like nobody is awake.

Chelsea Myers (57:11)
Hey, I like it.

Brittny Johnson (57:24)
It's just me, a TV, like if I wanna do work, I can do work, like whatever I wanna do, like that is my time. And like, yeah, maybe I don't wake up until nine o'clock. I'm like, good luck guys. But like, I'm not mad at you guys. When I don't get sleep, that's when I'm mad. Like that's when I feel the most anxiety and anger that kind of spurs up because I know that I have not prepared for the day But when I'm rested,

Chelsea Myers (57:40)
Yeah.

Brittny Johnson (57:52)
I'm happy. I feel like everything is in place. Like I've worked out. I just joined this new workout ⁓ Group where I'm like when I was you know talking about like myself image. I don't longer think that I'm ugly I just want this the saggy little belly skin to go away and I was talking to a friend and she was like there's nothing wrong with your body I was like there isn't however Everybody has an expectation of what they would like to be and I'm not gonna get surgery to get there to somebody else Let them do that

But I know that I can work out. I was an athlete all the way from five years old to college. So I understand what hard work feels like and I know what it looks like. And I can do it. It's just now it's time to do it. It's time to be disciplined for me instead of being disciplined for everyone else. I know I'm about to step into a new chapter of my life where I can take care of myself, but I forgot what the discipline looked like. That is where I was like, I've really been, I made sure you go to the bathroom.

Chelsea Myers (58:39)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (58:51)
I made sure you were fed. I made sure you were happy. You had a nap. I was very disciplined for your life where I lost the discipline for my life. I started eating whatever you were eating. Whenever it was, you have half a piece of leftover? I'll eat that. Why? Eat some real good food, And so self-care for me is now making sure I work out, making sure...

that I get my moment where I take care of my skin, where I'm taking care of my body, I'm putting good foods in my body again. All of those things, that's my self-care. I don't have to go out and drink every night. That's not how I do my self-care, which I know for some people that's the case, is kudos to them.

But it just looks different. Like if I have some girlfriends that want to go out, I'm like, okay, I've penciled this in. Like, I'm going to go head out with my girlfriends tonight. Like tonight I'm going to go to a spin class with one of my girlfriends. Um, so like he does allow me the space to get away, which I greatly appreciate where I know that some people that's not their, their story. And so like my husband and I, are truly a team. And if I have to like run away and hide in the closet.

He's like, don't mess with mommy, let her be, don't call her name. And so I greatly appreciate that. I greatly appreciate that.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:16)
Yeah. What I love so much about what you like just described as self care is A, there's so many aspects of it. B, it's evolved. It's evolved throughout your your parenting journey. And C, you spoke about it with zero shame. And I know but I love that so much because mom guilt is such a thing. And there's so many things that you said that resonated with me. Like I

Brittny Johnson (1:00:27)
I'm good.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:46)
Totally. And so many moms totally love when everyone else in my house is asleep. Like even my husband and it's quiet. And yeah, it's probably way too late for me to be awake, but it's quiet and I can do what I want to do. So like that resonates with me. And like you saying like nap time. Yeah. I put on my face mask and I chill out. Yes, girl. Like, yes.

Brittny Johnson (1:00:54)
Isn't it?

Chelsea Myers (1:01:14)
You do not need to go load the dishwasher and do the laundry when your kids are sleeping. You can sit down. You can do...

Brittny Johnson (1:01:22)
I

I have gotten to this point now where I will load the dishwasher right before I put them down for a nap so that way I do have time that I'm like, and there are some days where I'm like, okay, great, we'll just hurry up and put these dishes in, but it's like, then just run away. And so, yeah, like that's so important.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:35)
Yes.

⁓

yeah, I mean, I, will say like, I will put laundry in in the morning. And then when my little one goes down for a nap, I'll fold and watch a show. But folding isn't like a big deal for me. So like, that's like, I can binge my show while I fold, you know what I mean? Or sometimes I don't sometimes I, I'm learning how to speak Chinese. Like, that is not important to this episode at all. But like, that's like my self care. Like, she's taking a nap and I'm on

Brittny Johnson (1:01:49)
Mm-hmm.

You're good.

Yeah, I like this show. Yeah!

Chelsea Myers (1:02:08)
I'm on Duolingo or whatever it is learning Chinese. So like I'm trying to communicate to listeners like the way that you speak about it, there doesn't need to be shame. You need to take care of you and self-care can look however it needs to look and however fits you. Yeah. So for time's sake, that I, these are my favorite kind of episodes because I feel like I could just laugh with you like forever and ever, but I...

Brittny Johnson (1:02:09)
Woohoo!

Chelsea Myers (1:02:36)
Like, I can't, I can't have a forever podcast. ⁓ No, I don't want to be like the Kardashians. Like, I don't want my life 24-step. Nobody wants that from me and my life. ⁓ But back to you. ⁓ I think to sort of like, wrap this up, I kind of always get like a theme.

Brittny Johnson (1:02:40)
Wouldn't that be interesting?

reality TV show at that point.

you

Chelsea Myers (1:03:04)
from every guest that I talked to and with you, the word that keeps coming up for me is like empowerment. And it's not something that you necessarily like, were always empowered. You said like, you had a pretty clear definition of who you were and you knew how to do the work and get the work done. But throughout your motherhood journey, that empowerment developed. And you're now in a place like you said, where you're stepping into this new, like this new chapter and you

You are empowered. I can see it. Like I can see it and I can feel it and I can hear it. I think I told you this in an email earlier, but like, always have one of two questions that I end on and I, I use the whole episode to get a feel for which question I want to ask. And you're making it challenging for me, Brittny, because both of them would work for you. So I think I just have to pick one.

Yeah, I think I'll go with this one because all of your experiences were so different. And you've really, you've really come through some super challenging things. What do you hope listening to your story? What do you hope my listeners take away from your journey?

Brittny Johnson (1:04:16)
That's a good question.

Hmm.

I the thing that I hope that they would take away is to trust your body and your mind. I feel like I told this to one of my other friends, was like, you know your body better than anyone else. And as I kind of go back and replay each of those pregnancies and even where I'm at now, the one thing that I lost was the trust that I knew that I held in my body.

I have, my husband and I, we haven't talked about it. I don't know if we'll ever do it, but we said that one day we have to become a doula and a dude-la And.

Chelsea Myers (1:04:57)
That is so cool! Oh my god, if you do that you need to tell me because I will like blast that everywhere. First of all, we love a doula Second of all, a dude-la? Are you kidding me? Yes, please.

Brittny Johnson (1:05:01)
I'm

If it ever happens, once my kids get bigger, we'll kind of figure it out. But ⁓ we always said of just like being able, I needed a coach. I feel like everybody has different needs. And for me, not, I'm not, I'm not delicate. And I think that's the beauty about me. I don't think that I'm delicate. I know that I'm not, and I don't want anyone to handle me as such.

I was handled as if I was delicate for that first pregnancy and I'm not delicate. There's power in me and I lost her. I lost where the power was. And I feel like you really do have to, there are things that are out of your control, of course, but if you trust your body, trust your instinct and that goes like that doesn't just go for a pregnancy or labor or delivery that goes for life in general.

When you trust and you know your strength, there's beauty in that. And not everything is gonna come out maybe the way we want it to come out. But what we can come out saying is that I did what I knew I was able to do. And these were the things that are out of my control. But I allowed them, I allowed myself to be at peace with them.

Chelsea Myers (1:06:34)
Mm-hmm.

Brittny Johnson (1:06:34)
And I think

that it takes a lot to get there. But like, you know, like I said before, it's like, if you can prepare your mind and your body for those things, things would be a lot, a lot easier. I had like the joy of being in the labor and delivery room with one of my friends. And I was there until her mom came. And I remember it was just like,

I wanted an advocate and I was like, whoever I ever impart, know, having the opportunity to be blessed in the labor delivery room, I wanna be the advocate. And that was one thing that has been told over my life many years ago that I would advocate for people. And in those moments, it was just like, I'm going to advocate for you the best way that I possibly know how, even when you cannot advocate for yourself. And so I say all of those things, you know.

to tie it back in, but just to be, just to trust yourself ⁓ and to allow the people around you to lift you up.

and really promote you instead of just kind of sitting at your feet.

Chelsea Myers (1:07:47)
Yeah, I love that. I think that's beautiful. I also think that you and your husband need to be doulas and dude-las and for all of the reasons that you just said. ⁓ But yeah, so Brittny, thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for making me laugh on a Friday evening. I needed that.

Brittny Johnson (1:07:55)
Yes.

you

Chelsea Myers (1:08:11)
If my listeners want to follow along your journey and keep up with what you're doing, where's the best place they can find you?

Brittny Johnson (1:08:18)
⁓ They can find me at Trades of Brit. So Trades, T-R-A-D-E-S of Brit with one T on Instagram and any other platform that's in my business. And so I thank you Chelsea for allowing me the opportunity to share my story. This is one place that I have not shared my story publicly. And so this is the first time that like people outside of my circle of people know my story. ⁓

People on my Instagram will see my kids every now and then, but no one truly knows this story. So thank you for giving me this opportunity.

Chelsea Myers (1:08:54)
Thank you for trusting this space and for trusting me with your story. Honestly, that you just made my like, I don't know, my, whole week. Like that's amazing. ⁓ I appreciate you. appreciate your advocacy and I just, yeah. Thank you for being you.