Quiet Confessions, Episode 27: I Said I'd Never Be a Van Mom

In this week’s Quiet Confessions, I'm sharing a big change in our family that came with a surprising mix of feelings. We finally upgraded from our beloved, tiny Honda Fit (the TARDIS!) to a minivan, a Kia Carnival, and yes, I am now officially a van parent (even though I swore I never would be!).

But this episode isn't just about car shopping. It's about an embodiment of evolution, a reminder to stop shrinking my dreams to match what I think I deserve.

Listen to feel seen, validated, and reminded that good things are allowed to happen.

🗝️Key Takeaways

1. Comfort is Deserved, Not Earned: The notion that you must push through hardship to earn simple comforts like space and safety is a myth. Every parent/caregiver is deserving of peace, comfort, and joy, regardless of job status or personal struggles.
2. Outgrowing Guilt is Empowerment: Intentional planning and budgeting, even when done while managing disability or chronic illness, is an empowering act. It is okay for good things to happen.
3. The "Upgrade" Can Be More Than Material: A physical change, like getting a spacious new car, can embody a much deeper, personal change, an evolution away from older versions of yourself that feels less empowered. 

💬Sound Bites

1. "I am still grappling with shame and guilt that comes with being disabled and unable to work a regular 9-to-5 job. I'm going to smash that right now, because that's what we do here."
2. "I had to intentionally let myself feel deserving of this upgrade. And I still do. Every day, I have to remind myself: I deserve comfort. I deserve space."
3. "I think a lot of us struggle with self-worth, and we shrink our dreams down to match what we think we deserve. But we are deserving."
4. "The van isn't just a van to me. It's kind of like this embodiment of evolution as a family and as a person."
5. "We kept saying to each other, 'We deserve this. We deserve to be comfortable. Our kids deserve to be comfortable. We deserve to be safe'."

Chapters

• 0:51 Goodbye TARDIS: Becoming a Van Parent
• 5:55 Confronting Shame: Disability, Income, and Guilt
• 8:13 We Deserve This: The Empowerment of Planning
• 10:02 The "Date Night" Test Drive and Pure Joy
• 13:10 Final Thoughts: Permission to Feel the Joy

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:01)
Well, hello! Welcome back to another Quiet Confession. Little mini episodes, 30 minutes or less, I tried my best, where we get to hang out and I get to catch you up on what's going on with me. I'm still on a roll of not scripting, so we'll see how this goes. But yeah.

Today, I have a theme at least. I mean, I had a theme last week, but ⁓ this week I want to talk about a change in our family that came with a lot of feelings, a lot of really, really good feelings and a lot of, well, not a lot of, but some uncomfortable feelings too. And it's probably not what you're thinking. Again, no drama in this episode, but.

We, I have been driving a little Honda Fit for ⁓ six years now, I think. ⁓ we called it the TARDIS. If you're a Doctor Who fan, you'll understand why, but it was blue and tiny, but it felt much bigger on the inside. Or at least it did when we only had one child and one dog. but.

in in recent years as our family has grown with two kids and two dogs. ⁓ The TARDIS was was feeling pretty cramped. So we upgraded and I am now officially a van mom. Which is funny because when I first became a mom, I said I would never be a van mom. I wanted SUVs.

And I said, that's as big as I'll go. And then we'll get into it. But ⁓ my mind has been completely changed and I am, I love, I love vans. I love them. But it's weird how many different feelings and emotions the shift from my little Honda Fit to my Kia Carnival. ⁓

just made me feel all kinds of feels and tapped into things in me that I didn't realize that it would. So yeah, that's what this episode is about. And it... I'll edit this because I don't know what to say.

So yeah, I'm obsessed. did so much research. I did so much. my God, I can't talk. I did a lot of research on vans after our trip to Disney because we rented a van to drive to and from Disney. And that's not our first van rental. We also rented a van when we took a trip down to see family in Alabama about a year and a half ago.

And I had a van rental when Lily was very, very young after my engine blew in a car that I had just bought. So this is my, I had three previous van experiences. But these last two trips for sure solidified in me that we needed the upgrade. We needed the space. We needed the comfort and

saying this feels weird, but we deserved it. ⁓

The fit was so good to us for so, so long. It really was bigger on the inside, you guys, I promise. That car looks so tiny, but you can comfortably sit two adults and two children for the most part until you try to fit anything else in there. And then it gets a little cramped. So like I said, I did my research.

I didn't, my husband and I set a budget and I was on the hunt. I was looking at different local car dealership websites, looking at different types of vans. I looked at Honda's, I looked at Toyota's. I think I looked at Nissan, but I'm not a hundred percent sure. But I settled on Kia, which is a brand that I have.

never driven before. I have always been a Honda person with a couple of other cars sprinkled in there throughout my youth, just because when you're young, you kind of have to drive whatever you can afford. ⁓ My first car was a Honda. Several of my cars have been Hondas. I am a Honda person. But the more I looked into Kia, the more I really liked the safety features. I liked the just

I don't want to say luxury features, like the comfort features. ⁓ and I found a van that I just loved the look of. I did not. No, I tried really, really hard to not get my heart set on this van just in case, but it was.

within our range of what we could do. it wasn't, it didn't feel

How do I even want to word this? So going to see it at the dealership didn't feel like, okay, we're just going and we're just going to come home and we're just going to go.

I do want to talk about the financial side of things though. Because yes, while we talked about a budget, while we talked about what we could feasibly put down as a down payment and what we could pay for monthly payments, we didn't know. We didn't know. The market is not great with interest rates and we really weren't sure.

I am still grappling with shame and guilt that comes with being disabled and unable to work a regular 9-5 job. My income, I say with giant air quotes, ugh, it's hard for me to...

talk about just because of the stigma and shame. And so I'm going to smash that right now because you know, that's what we do here. But I am disabled and I am chronically ill and I do receive monthly social security disability. do. And you can have whatever thoughts that you would like to have about that. And I understand that. ⁓ I won't get into

everything I feel behind that because that is for a different podcast. Listen to Odd Moms On Call and you'll get a better idea of how I feel about that. But, so once a month I get an amount of money and it goes to bills. 100 % goes to bills.

I bring in a little bit extra through doing little projects. ⁓ And that money also goes to bills some, but some goes into my personal savings. And that's just what my partner and I have, have settled on. But when we talked about getting this new car, I said, I'm, said, this will be primarily me driving this van.

I want to contribute as much as I can. So we factored that into the budgeting. So none of this was impulsive. None of this was, ⁓ I want something shiny and new. It was incredibly intentional and it was very planned. And even with all kinds of thoughts popping in my head,

Like, what are people going to think when they see you driving a brand new vehicle? What are your family members going to say about this? ⁓ Yeah, I have shame and guilt because I don't have a regular job and I'm potentially buying a new vehicle. But you know what? It was really empowering to sit down with my partner and plan and budget.

and make our dream a reality. Kind of like the Disney thing, right? Like saving and ⁓ having help from our families in various forms and just making our dream a reality. We kept saying to each other, we deserve this. We deserve to be comfortable. Our kids deserve to be comfortable. We deserve to be safe. We deserve, we deserve to be happy.

And that was really empowering. When it came to going to the dealership, it was a Friday or Saturday evening. I can't remember. And ⁓ it was the employee that we were working with that first joked about like, ⁓ test drives as date nights, but it was absolutely a date night for us. ⁓

We got to the dealership, everyone was amazing. We got in the van, it was everything we hoped it would be, and we were just completely giddy. Because it met our expectations, right? We knew what we wanted, we had looked at this van, and we got in there we're like, my gosh, it's exactly what we hoped it would be. And then as we're test driving and driving down the...

down the highway, there was a moment that I looked at my partner and I was like, are we doing this? And he was like, yeah, we're doing this. And I screamed because like I said, even though we planned and planned, it hadn't quite hit me yet. So we just, had, we both were happy. We were really, really happy. And yes, we were happy in Disney, but that came with a lot of stress as well.

This was just him and me driving a new car and being really excited about upgrading something and doing something for us. As we were filling out the mountains of paperwork that you do when you get a new car, we ordered Chinese food and on the way home, picked it up. And yeah, it was a total date night and it just, ugh.

I don't know. So not only were we getting a new vehicle, but we had time together, just the two of us. And, and it was just full of joy, but I had to intentionally let myself feel deserving of this upgrade. And I still do. Every day, I have to remind myself, I deserve comfort. I deserve space.

I deserve, I deserve, I deserve, I am deserving. I think a lot of us, whether you are a parent, whether you have a disability, whether you struggle with your mental health, whatever your circumstances, I think a lot of us struggle with self-worth and we shrink our dreams down to match what we think we deserve.

But we are deserving. I am deserving. You are deserving of whatever it is that brings you peace and brings you joy and brings you comfort. That is a reminder to myself as well. So yeah, this, the van isn't, it's not just a van. It's not just a van to me. It's kind of like this embodiment of evolution.

as a family and as a person and just, don't know, and a reminder of...

the empowerment that I felt in this decision making process that I was able to contribute. We made a plan. We stuck to our plan and yeah, and that good things can happen. It's okay for good things to happen. So there's a lot of like outgrowing of things in my life. That's a theme, I guess. Outgrowing of cars and

end maybe versions of myself that that don't value I'll say that different

and outgrowing older versions of myself that feel less empowered. And that's gonna be a journey. I don't think that's gonna be a constant, like, I don't think I'm always gonna feel proud or empowered. ⁓ But I wanna hold onto that for a little while. I'll end by letting you know, I, like I said in the beginning, van ma...

than mom for life now. I love archaea. Our kids love archaea. It's everything. It's everything that we hoped for. It helps with needs that I have due to my disability that I didn't even anticipate. It's everything that we hoped for. And I'm excited. And I'm allowed to be.

And so were you. And I hope, I hope that you give yourself permission to feel the joy and to do the things that make you happy. And I hope that you feel deserving of good things in your life. I'm going to keep working on that. This doesn't feel like a great ending point, but I'm out of things to say, cause I'll just keep telling you how much I love my van and

You don't want to hear it anymore. I'm not going to go through the whole list of things I love about it. But I am going to go fill my water bottle and put another log on the fire because it is freezing and I don't have my snow tires yet. Those are coming next week. So fill your water bottle. Make sure you are warm and toasty and I will see you here next week.