Quiet Confessions: Episode 29 - Survival is the Only Option

A Note from Chelsea: This episode was pre-recorded, but the content definitely still applies to my current situation. I've been battling a respiratory virus on top of chronic illness and exhaustion in an endless germ cycle. In this episode, and today, I remind myself that some phases of parenting aren't about thriving; sometimes, just surviving is enough. 

🗝️Key Takeaways

• The Revolving Door: The constant cycle of sickness—one kid, then the other, then the spouse —leads to chronic illness and deep exhaustion for the primary caregiver.
• The Guilt of Survival: There is intense guilt associated with being tired, wanting space, and craving more than just survival.
• Self-Care is Relative: True self-care becomes nearly impossible, reduced to fleeting, low-effort tasks like washing their face or putting on a mud mask.
• A Shift in Mindset: The key is accepting that some seasons are just about getting through and finding moments of breath inside the chaos, rather than waiting for the chaos to stop.
• Resilience is Showing Up: Kids don't need a Pinterest mom or perfection; they need resilience modeled by a parent who shows up anyway, even when it's hard.

💬Sound Bites

• "It feels like my family is living in a revolving door of sickness."
• "The mental wear and tear of never being able to just stop and reset."
• "I feel guilty for wanting more than survival."
• "Parenting through these cycles feels like running a marathon that has no finish line."
• "Survival is okay. Some seasons of this whole parenting journey are not going to be about thriving."
• "They don't need a Pinterest mom. They don't need perfection. They just need me and their dad."

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:35)
Hey hey, welcome back to another quiet confession. A little bit of time for you and I to hang out and catch each other up. I wish I could hear your side of the story. I really wish I could. But for now, I'll at least catch you up to where I am. And boy howdy, are we still in the thick of it. Every time.

I think we have finally made it through and everybody in the house might be healthy at the same time. Another bug hits. Another cough, round of endless tissues and boogie wipes and sleepless nights. All the things. It feels like my family is living in a revolving door of sickness.

One kiddo recovers just in time for the other to get sick. I think I said this a couple episodes again. It's one kid, then the other, then my husband, and in the midst of all of it, I'm just trying to dodge all the germs along the way. So here's my confession this week. I keep waiting for life to go back to normal.

for things to slow down so that we can catch our breath. And what is normal anyway? I don't know. I don't know. My days are blurring together in a haze of humidifiers, Tylenol. Don't come at me. We're not having that conversation today.

and cancel plans. Sorry, I got a little aggressive there. My kids have been sick so often it feels like I can't remember what a healthy week even looks like.

And I've been sick too. Maybe not always with the same virus, but with just chronic illness and exhaustion from trying to plug all the holes in the ship that's going down. The mental wear and tear of never being able to just stop and reset. There's this frustration.

of knowing that the laundry is gonna keep piling up faster than I can deal with it. Meals, especially lunches and breakfasts are gonna become whatever I can throw together. And self-care is frankly a joke. Self-care is me washing my face in the morning and putting on a mud mask for 10 minutes and scaring my kids. ⁓ I found myself just...

sitting and staring at the clock sometimes thinking, I have no idea what I'm doing.

And I feel guilty. Isn't that ridiculous? I feel guilty for being tired. Guilty for wanting space. I feel guilty for wanting more than survival.

If you've been there, which I know so many of you have, you know what it feels like. You know how heavy it is. It's not just about the sick kids because yes, I am a caregiver to my core. I want to take care of my kids, but ⁓ my gosh, the way it strips you down to survival mode. How you stop.

recognizing yourself when every ounce of energy you're trying to save goes into just trying to make it through the day.

Ooh, parenting through these cycles feels like running a marathon that has no finish line. There's no cheering crowd at the end. There's this like unspoken pressure to just grit your teeth and get through it. But the truth is it's miserable. It can be miserable when

When you are not thriving and you are barely holding it together, that's not fun. And we don't have to pretend that it is.

We're not failing when we feel this way. I keep coming back to this week after week. We're not failing. We're tired. We're stretched really, really thin. And saying that out loud can just be a form of release. Maybe it's all the release we need. Because waiting for the chaos to stop is not always realistic.

Sometimes the only option is to find moments of breath inside the chaos instead of hoping it will disappear. So here's what I'm learning. Here's what I'm working on. Survival is okay. Some seasons of this whole parenting journey are not going to be about thriving. They're going to be about getting through.

I'm reminding myself my kids don't need a perfect parent. They don't need someone who has it all together all the time. They don't need a Pinterest mom. They don't need perfection. They just need me and their dad. Even when we're tired and even when we're not getting it right. And even when the house is a total disaster, which full disclosure, it totally is.

And you know what, think they need to see that resilience isn't about never struggling. It's about showing up. Showing up even when it's hard. Showing up anyway. So if you're in the middle of your own never ending germ season, otherwise known as back to school, otherwise known as just having kids.

You are not alone. Before we go back to whatever chaos today has in store for us, let's both do something nice for ourselves. Maybe it's microwaving your coffee for the fifth time, but actually finishing it this time. For me, it'll be tea. Maybe it's ordering your groceries.

instead of going to the grocery store. If you haven't done that, like pro tip, just try it. Try it once. Just do it for yourself. Or maybe it's just taking a moment to pause and breathe. Count to 10 and let that be enough. Whatever it is, let's keep reminding ourselves we're doing our best and that has to be enough.

Alright, I will see you next week and I'm really looking forward to hanging out with you again.