Birth Prep Reimagined: Jessica’s Story

In this episode of Quiet Connection, Chelsea sits down with Jessica Hill, co-founder of The Parent Collective. Jessica opens up about her transition into motherhood while living overseas in London, where an unexpected medical scare with her newborn sparked a season of hypervigilance and postpartum anxiety. 

We talk about the raw grief of adding a second child, the stark differences between maternal care systems in the UK and the US, and why having a built-in peer cohort is the ultimate antidote to early parenthood isolation. 

Whether you're in the trenches of the newborn phase or navigating life with teenagers, this conversation is a beautiful reminder to extend yourself some grace. 

Key Takeaways

• The Reality of Maternal Systems: The UK maternal health model builds community and continuous care through midwives and home visits, whereas the US system often leaves perinatal individuals feeling clinical and isolated after birth.
• The Trap of Maternal Gatekeeping: Postpartum anxiety and hypervigilance can cause us to tightly control routines, which unintentionally shuts out partners who are simply trying to bond in their own way.
• Grieving the Shift to Two: It’s completely normal to feel deep grief during a second pregnancy over losing the exclusive, uninterrupted bond you share with your first child.
• Community is Postpartum Medicine: Having a cohort of peers who are in the exact same seasonal trenches (diaper blowouts, sleep regressions) reduces the risk of PMHDS and shields against isolation.

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:02.808)
Today, I'm here with Jessica. Jessica, how are you?

Jessica Hill (00:07.54)
Great! Thanks for having me.

Chelsea Myers (00:08.622)
You're great! I love that. I don't often get an I'm great, so that's nice to hear. No, it's good. You know, get the typical like, I'm okay, or I'm doing good, but great is...

Jessica Hill (00:11.427)
Thank

Jessica Hill (00:22.038)
This one is shining. Both kids went to school. They've been sicking out. So I'm going to take the win.

Chelsea Myers (00:24.878)
Ugh.

Chelsea Myers (00:28.526)
I feel that and I'm gonna celebrate that win with you. Yeah, both my kids are at school for the first time in a while. So let's hope it stays that way. my God. Yeah, please, please. I know I have my phone right there just in case. And I'm like, please don't ring, please don't ring. Anyway, I'm really excited to get to connect with you today. And I'm gonna ask you what I ask all of my guests if you could.

Jessica Hill (00:35.15)
Thank

Jessica Hill (00:38.727)
No phone calls.

Jessica Hill (00:46.729)
Thank

Chelsea Myers (00:59.17)
give us sort of an introduction to who you are today, and let us know who you were before starting your parenting journey.

Jessica Hill (01:08.206)
Okay, who I am today, I am a mom of two teenage boys. I live in Connecticut, I'm a business owner. I run a company called The Parent Collective, which is very focused on helping expecting parents find support to help them through their journey into postpartum. And, you know, I'm...

in this sort of season of life where I'm starting to grapple with that phase of empty nester, you know, with a kid going off to college in the fall and another one who, you know, mostly grunts in my direction in full teen splendor. So, you know, it's sort of a time of reconnection with who I am outside of being a mom, which

is an interesting journey. And was it before I was a parent? Is that the other question? Well, I was, who was I? Man, that was 17 years ago. It's been a while. You know, I was a traveler, I traveled a lot, I lived overseas for almost 15 years. And

Chelsea Myers (02:15.511)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (02:38.99)
worked in consulting and partnership marketing, which I think has really informed a lot of the ways that I approach the work that I do now. And, you know, I was a foodie. I am a foodie. I still am a foodie, but I was, I had more time to indulge in that interest. And, you know, I think I just have always been really curious.

you know, to learn about different cultures and different, you know, constantly, I was constantly planning the next trip. So that, think, is a bit about, yeah, a bit about me before, ancient history. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (03:19.191)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (03:24.748)
Yeah.

In the before times. Well, a few things. It's so comforting to know that grunting and angst just doesn't go away. I have a 10 year old, so we're in the prepubescent stage and we're living by that same kind of lifestyle right now. So yay, I've got more to look forward to.

Jessica Hill (03:50.158)
Side hugs and sort of eye rolls. That's where we are.

Chelsea Myers (03:56.098)
The eye rolls, the eye rolls. Also, I am totally vibing with the curiosity and the love of learning and love of cultures. If I could travel, I would. I'm so envious that you got that experience to sort of live and travel just at your, it sounds like just at your own pleasure. Like, okay, I want to learn about this. I want to go here. I'm going to go there. Yeah.

Jessica Hill (04:21.142)
Yeah, it was pretty awesome. it's, you know, it's really, I've tried to instill some of that in our kids. And I mean, we had both of our boys in England and so they, you know, had a little bit of exposure to growing up somewhere else. And my son is spending the first semester of his freshman year in Prague. So I'm, fact that he's open to that kind of an experience, feels like a win, I feel.

Chelsea Myers (04:45.229)
Wow.

Chelsea Myers (04:50.315)
Yeah, that's really cool. That's very cool. I mean, I could geek out over traveling and culture all day, but we're here to focus on you. So another question that I ask that feels really mundane, but it tells me a lot before we dive into your whole journey. Did you always picture yourself as a mom?

Jessica Hill (04:52.022)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (05:16.34)
You know, no, not really. think my mother used to always talk to me about how hard it was raising kids, especially when they were little. And I think she shared lots of stories that were real. I mean, was intended to scare me. was...

Chelsea Myers (05:20.766)
No.

Chelsea Myers (05:38.411)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (05:42.71)
you know, this is don't essentially the message was don't do this until you're ready on some level to give up things because you know, this is going to be an all consuming endeavor, especially with young kids. And so the message I think was live your life, you know, before you, you know, you go there, essentially. So, you know, I didn't have rose colored glasses about

Chelsea Myers (06:07.478)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (06:12.472)
Parenthood, I sort of went into it a little bit scared because I thought it was going to be hard. And I think that actually set me up for success because I went into it clear-eyed, you know? And I think my husband was the same. think he, you know, grew up in a house where he did a lot of the parenting, you know, he was, and so he was very ambivalent about it in advance as well, right? He was...

he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to have kids. And I think because we both really took the time to make that decision, I think we were in a really good place once we decided to do to go for it. You know, I remember my mom, my mom's stories about her labor were harrowing and and

Chelsea Myers (07:05.652)
Yeah

Jessica Hill (07:10.088)
And, you know, I think the way that she described parenting babies was that she

she liked she liked parenting much more when we were kids when when our personalities started to you know she didn't love the baby phase and I think that sort of seeped it you know I was just nervous about you know how how am I gonna knowing my mom's story how am I going to

Chelsea Myers (07:28.8)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (07:44.718)
handle this. And but I think that because I was aware of that, it forced me to really be mindful and have those conversations in advance and and share my fears with my husband so that we were sort of able to support each other in a way that we might not have had we both been like, let's go for it. Well, that's yeah, I mean, once I did kids, I was super excited to have kids, but it was

Chelsea Myers (08:07.085)
like gung-ho from the start yeah

Jessica Hill (08:14.24)
It was a journey to get there.

Chelsea Myers (08:16.619)
Yeah. But that also is a great example of like communication, right? And how, I mean, your mom did communicate with you. It was an interesting type of communication because it definitely instilled a little bit of fear. But also, like you said, like I like to say, like be prepared, not scared. So at least you had somewhat of an idea of what it could look like. But then also communicating with your partner about like, yeah, we could or we couldn't.

Jessica Hill (08:29.102)
you

Chelsea Myers (08:44.749)
or we can just wait until we're ready. And I don't think any of us are ever 100 % ready, but as ready as you're gonna be. yeah. So let's talk about that a little more. Well, one of the questions that I had too is, did you have any like younger siblings, younger cousins, did you have any experience with, cause your mom didn't love the baby phase, did you have any experience with little babies? Okay.

Jessica Hill (09:11.854)
have a younger brother. I have a younger brother, not like the, you know, we were three years apart. So I didn't, I wasn't, you know, taking care of him in any real way. My husband had like siblings when he was like 11, 12, 13. So he was a little bit more hands-on.

Chelsea Myers (09:19.242)
Okay.

Jessica Hill (09:37.294)
And I think because of that, he knew how hard it was, right? So he was also very aware of, you know, this is not a rose-colored glasses situation, right? This is like, this is the trenches, you know, of early parenthood. It's like, it's a lot, you know? I mean, it's wonderful and beautiful, but it's earth-shaking as well, right? So...

Chelsea Myers (09:40.503)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (09:49.886)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (10:03.403)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (10:05.806)
No, I had we I have a very small family. I have no interaction with babies before I had a kid I mean I had no idea how to hold a baby but anything so

Chelsea Myers (10:13.878)
Okay.

Yeah, I mean that I was just curious, just total curiosity on my end, because I'm and it is is interesting. I'm I'm kind of like grateful and almost shocked a little bit just because of the generation difference at how honest your mom was about like, because a lot of time you hear I loved the baby phase. And then once they get a little older, like it's harder or like I loved the toddler phase. And I'm like, it's all phases, you guys like it all, it all changes. but let's follow the path a little bit when you guys did decide

Alright, we're gonna go for this. You said you got excited. You got, you were looking forward to it. What was that journey like? How was your experience of pregnancy and slash the trenches of childbirth?

Jessica Hill (11:03.174)
Yeah, I mean, I loved being pregnant, especially my first pregnancy. think the second pregnancy by the end I was over it because it was just chasing after I had my kids two years apart. So I was chasing after a two year old. And, you know, as the pregnancy wore on, it became just sort of more exhausting. But my first pregnancy, you know, I sort of I'm a little bit type A and a little bit, you know,

of a doer. And so I just plowed forward like nothing was happening. And I think it was sort of made my husband a little bit nervous on occasion because I would just, you I'd be like, I, know, the commute, were living in London at the time and my commute was, you know, an hour or whatever. And sometimes I would just decide to walk for miles. And my husband was like, you're, you need to

Chelsea Myers (11:38.946)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (12:03.532)
you're not who you were three months ago, four months ago, you need to like slow down a little bit. And there was, I remember one moment, you know, where I just, I was just go, go, go. And I had gone, I'd walked home and gone to the grocery store and I had all these bags of groceries and I tripped and fell. And this was probably, I was probably six months pregnant at this point. And

Chelsea Myers (12:10.56)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (12:31.562)
It really, that was like, I vividly remember, it really shook me up. It was like one of those moments where I was like, okay, actually I do need to slow down. Like I have to sort of be listening to my body a little bit more and not pushing through, which had always been my way. but yeah, we, my pregnancy was great and we, know, not to talk about

Chelsea Myers (12:41.217)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (13:01.098)
my business, but we had been a part of this program, which my business is kind of inspired by, called the National Childbirth Trust, which has been around for over 60 years in the UK. you know, they create these cohorts so that you can find your group of local parents that are kind of going through, like you were saying, it's like these this series of transitions, these series of seasons.

And it makes such a huge impact to have a person who's in the weeds of diaper blowouts and sleep regressions. You can have a friend who's been through it years earlier and they'll be supportive, but they won't viscerally respond in the same way. having that group of people through late pregnancy.

was huge because I was living far away from any kind of family or friends overseas. And so, you know, that became my lifeline. So, and in terms of my birth, returning to my mother's oversharing, I was terrified of labor because of her stories of her birth with me, which I will not share.

Chelsea Myers (14:18.093)
You

Jessica Hill (14:27.808)
They were not great. And so I remember seeing my doctor and we were talking about vaginal versus a C-section birth. And he said to me, you know, I can give you all the statistics in the world, but my, what I've learned over the years is that this decision is entirely an emotional one, not a logical one. And I had just in my mind, I was having a C-section and that was just what was happening. And so my birth.

Chelsea Myers (14:27.904)
Okay.

Chelsea Myers (14:54.381)
Mm.

Jessica Hill (14:58.06)
was amazing. was this plant, know, for a Taipei control freak. Yeah, was I zero complaints. It was great. And you know, then we were just sort of in the, you know, the off filled stage of postpartum bubble. It was amazing. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (14:59.053)
It was a plan C section.

Chelsea Myers (15:18.827)
Yeah, yeah. Well, and it's interesting to me too, because like you said, like you had your pregnancy and birth experiences in the UK. And we have had, we've had many guests from the UK and from Australia and where sort of the model of maternal healthcare is very different. Yeah. And so it is, it's very cool to hear you talk about like sort of the inspiration behind

Jessica Hill (15:40.142)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (15:48.096)
your business, which we will talk about because it is part of your story. But that isn't a typical experience here in the US of like, yeah, we're gonna set you up with a cohort of peers, essentially, that you get to navigate this experience with through pregnancy and postpartum, because you're right. A friend can come in and say like, yeah, I remember that. And that really sucked.

Jessica Hill (15:50.19)
Yeah,

Chelsea Myers (16:13.537)
But then you have the person who's doing it at the same time and you can both sort of look at each other and be like, what are we doing?

Jessica Hill (16:20.94)
Yes, it's very different energy. Yes.

Chelsea Myers (16:23.485)
Yes. So you had your C-section, and for being a type A, I am a planner. I won't go so far as to say I'm a type A, but I am definitely a planner. So to know ahead of time, like, OK, this is when baby is coming. This is how it is happening. This is where it is happening. Definitely very comforting to have those things in the back of your. Yeah, for sure.

Jessica Hill (16:46.434)
For it was, for sure.

Chelsea Myers (16:50.865)
what those you mentioned the newborn bubble in those first few days I mean C-section recovery is its own beast but like what were those first few days those first few weeks like for you?

Jessica Hill (17:03.906)
They were great, honestly. think, you know, because we were abroad, and I've heard this a lot from new moms in the kind of post-COVID era, because we were far away from family and friends, nobody was visiting us in the hospital. And so was just, we had this little cocoon, you know, to just sort of soak everything in, which was really...

nice and I've heard a lot of parents say that they almost appreciated that they were forced to not have visitors in the post-covid that there was something really peaceful about that. So yeah, we had we had, you know, a few days in the hospital that were, you know, just just awestruck, you know, staring at this little creature that we're like, how did how did we do that? And yeah.

Chelsea Myers (17:39.254)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (17:54.412)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (17:59.181)
that.

Jessica Hill (18:01.302)
And, you know, to be honest, my C-section recovery wasn't that. I mean, I, you know, obviously it was major surgery and I had to take easy. of course I didn't take it as easy as I should have as my story earlier. But, yeah, it wasn't, you know, everybody's story is different and mine was not that. So.

Chelsea Myers (18:11.233)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (18:16.427)
I'm noticing a theme.

Jessica Hill (18:29.43)
You know, I think for us, we had a few, a couple of weeks that were really blissed out. and you know, my hormones were all over the place and my husband would walk into a room and he'd say, I'd be just sobbing, holding our son and be like, are these sad tears? these, you know, hormone tears? Like what kind of tears? Give me what, what's my, what's my reaction to this? You know? And I was like, I don't even know. I don't even know what's going on. just.

Chelsea Myers (18:51.937)
I need some context.

Jessica Hill (18:59.072)
a mess. But then my so you probably heard from other British births that there's when you're released from the hospital, you're admitted into this midwifery system where these midwives come to your house every other day and check the baby check you check, you know, feeding is going well.

and so, you know, they do all of the tests there, your heel prick tests and all that, so that you don't have to go to a doctor's office. which was amazing. and so for, you know, a couple of weeks, things were going really well. my son ended up having some health issues relating to the heel prick test, which sort of burst that bubble, you know, because we were

Chelsea Myers (19:47.457)
Mm.

Jessica Hill (19:52.972)
than very in the medical, you know, we were in having all these tests and it was traumatic, to say the least. So, you know, I think that that sort of sparked a little bit of hypervigilance and some, some postpartum anxiety for me. You know, being someone that likes to control things, like we were talking about, I think that that felt very

Chelsea Myers (20:04.193)
Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica Hill (20:23.008)
out of my control. you know, so I just became a little bit more hypervigilant, but thankfully it all worked out. It's just that I think when something like that happens early on, it sort of highlights the possibility that things can go wrong, right? In a way that you maybe aren't feeling when, you know, you see 10 fingers, 10 toes, and you think, it's perfect.

Chelsea Myers (20:49.931)
Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica Hill (20:52.49)
So yeah, that was a tricky transition, especially with hormones and everything as it was and my healing to have to navigate that. yeah.

Chelsea Myers (21:01.271)
Yeah, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (21:06.571)
Yeah, you had noted one of the things that you had noted was like you said, that hypervigilance and that anxiety. And I think that that something that my therapist likes to tell me, anxiety is, because like we like to get really angry about it. Like, what is this? Why is this happening? And it's trying to protect you a little bit. And

sort of giving, what is, my brain does this by the way. Sometimes it just closes the tabs. giving validity and sort of like holding space for the fact that, that yeah, that you were going through a lot. You're still in the newborn era, era. You're still in the newborn phase. This isn't Taylor Swift. You're still like sorting through

big hormone dumps, and now you're dealing with medical things. So that fear and that hypervigilance definitely came from somewhere and was valid. You were dealing with a lot. Did it ever get to a point where you felt like it had more control over you than you had over it?

Jessica Hill (22:24.212)
You know, I don't think so. I think that how it translated was in my, I think that the way that it showed up most was in my relationship and my trying to control everything relating to our son. And, you know, I remember having these, you know, one of the themes that comes up a lot with New Moms, right, is, is

Chelsea Myers (22:38.733)
Mmm.

Jessica Hill (22:54.45)
frustration that there's an imbalance in who's doing what, right? That's a near universal conversation that comes up. And I think often about my situation and how I was sort of gatekeeping in that. I was doing most of the things, but that wasn't my husband's fault. It was more my fault because I was so controlling over

Chelsea Myers (22:58.86)
Mm-hmm.

you

Jessica Hill (23:22.934)
the systems that I had created and how, you know, I, you know, envisioned us taking care of our son, that it didn't leave him much room to be a parent. You know, I remember having these, these whisper fights at 3 a.m., you know, when he would be like, I'm on it, I've got him. And he would go into the nursery and turn all the lights on. I was like, what is happening? What are you doing? And he would, you know, his response was,

Chelsea Myers (23:46.931)
OOF

Jessica Hill (23:53.58)
I'm a parent too. Like I am allowed to do things my way. And it was a hard lesson. we had to have, there was some time of friction while we kind of established this, you know, this new dynamic, right? One of the things I think people don't appreciate is you go from being two largely independent individuals, right? To now all of a sudden,

You have to be a team caring for this, you know, it's a huge ballooning of work that has just, you know, shown up this, this, this totally dependent human. And with that, have to navigate how you're going to.

Chelsea Myers (24:32.758)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (24:44.562)
that work together, right? And so I think we don't give enough airtime to that transition and how to navigate it together instead of looking at each other as, I don't know, opponents. I guess I think that sometimes happens.

Chelsea Myers (24:45.782)
Right.

Chelsea Myers (25:04.075)
Yeah, I'm actually really glad that you brought that up because just like you said, it isn't something that's talked about often. And it is something that like, as you were saying it, I was like, I completely forgot about that. And my kids aren't 17. And like, my kids are still very young. I have a 10 year old and a three year old, but I do remember I think even if you are

And like you said, every experience is different. You can have a super strong partnership and a super strong connection with your partner and with your spouse. But adding parenting to the dynamic, it derails. Maybe not derails, but it shifts everything.

like when you said when you said the part about your husband like going into the nursery and turning the lights on I literally felt like physically I was like no no no no like don't do that but just like you said my husband has said the same thing to me he's like I am their parent too and I can like they're fine they're fine I'm doing things my way and they're okay but you're right like that I think for a lot of us or maybe not a lot of us maybe I'm just connecting here but like

Jessica Hill (25:55.406)
Yes. Yes.

Chelsea Myers (26:17.651)
that feeling of control like we have to do it this way we have to do it this way especially when you have a little one that has medical needs too you're like we we gotta follow this schedule we gotta do this thing

Jessica Hill (26:22.627)
Yes.

Jessica Hill (26:31.768)
I think that there's a lot going on there, right? One of the things that I grappled with is, I'll give you another example. My husband would come home and he'd say, I'll do bedtime. And amazing, you got it, right? So I would be downstairs cooking and we had a routine for bedtime, bulbs, dim lights, soft music, whatever.

Chelsea Myers (26:47.789)
Mm.

Chelsea Myers (26:59.981)
You

Jessica Hill (27:01.75)
And I would hear coming from upstairs like music, like really flaring music. And I would be seething in the kitchen thinking, what part of winding down do you not understand? And I would be thinking in my head, right, this is going to have knock-on effects for my day tomorrow, right? Because I'm home with the baby. He's going to be riled up. He's going to sleep.

Chelsea Myers (27:08.443)
no!

Chelsea Myers (27:23.979)
Mm-hmm.

Jessica Hill (27:29.954)
differently, like I would spiral thinking about all of the ways in which my day and my night would be negatively impacted by not following the schedule, right? And I would, because the thing that I was most concerned with by a mile was sleep for me because I'm not, I'm not, I'm not well when I don't sleep. know nobody, that was something that really.

Chelsea Myers (27:48.727)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (27:57.442)
that really consumed me was anxiety about sleep. And so, you know, we had a couple of like knock down, drag out kind of brawls about this, this situation. And he said to me, and I'll never forget it. He said, you know, I knew you'd be mad and I did it anyway. And the reason that I did it was because you have all day with him, right? I come home and I have

an hour if I'm lucky, you know, to spend time with him. And I want to bond in my way too. And I have, you know, I want to laugh with him and play with him, you know, and I don't have, you know, the opportunity during, during the week. And so I made a judgment call that I knew this was going to piss you off, but I did it because I'm a parent too, right? Like I, I want to have those opportunities to connect and bond with him. And

Chelsea Myers (28:51.883)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (28:58.53)
you know, knowing his motivation for it, right? It didn't lessen my anxiety about not following the system, right? But it gave me a window into understanding where he was coming from. And I think that when you're in that survival mode of kind of, you know, just trying to make it through the next sleep progression or the teething or the whatever, you...

Chelsea Myers (29:08.289)
The routine. Yeah.

Jessica Hill (29:27.938)
forget to have those conversations with your partner, right?

to understand where they're coming from or what they need, you know, and so I think it forced me to loosen my grip a little bit, is I guess what I'm saying, because I was overly controlling about there was a right way and a wrong way, the right way was my way, and then the other way was the wrong way. So I had to check myself a little bit.

Chelsea Myers (29:53.663)
Yeah

was it wrong way?

Chelsea Myers (30:03.265)
Yeah, so relatable, at least to me, and I'm sure to many others, but like, yes, yes, I totally get that. Kind of like, fast forwarding a little bit, when you did decide to have your second son, your second child, I mean, you didn't decide to have a second son, did you notice any sort of

Jessica Hill (30:24.769)
you

Chelsea Myers (30:31.293)
differences in your frame of mind going into the experience this time.

Jessica Hill (30:36.994)
interesting. You know, yes, I was, and this is going to be incredible. I know this is going to be relatable for a lot of parents listening. I was through most of my pregnancy, I think really struggling with grief around losing the bond that I had with my first. I mean, just

every time I thought about it, just, you we had such a special connection and it was just us most of the time. And I could not wrap my head around loving somebody as much as I loved him. And I was, you know, totally conflicted about how our relationship would change with the introduction. And I spent, I mean, it took me...

Chelsea Myers (31:21.196)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (31:33.44)
most of my pregnancy, I mean, was excited, don't get me wrong. I was excited about, you know, this baby and all of it, but I really struggled with that to the point that my water broke in the middle of the night when I was going into labor, had a C-section also with that baby. I went to the, they wanted me to go to the hospital for monitoring. was the middle of the night. And I just laid in that hospital bed.

sobbing because I hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye. You know, like I was thinking, this is my last moment with it just being the two of us. And I was still, you know, and then the second this baby was born, was like, you know, but it was, it was a real journey that, that, that piece of it during my second pregnancy.

Chelsea Myers (32:27.691)
Yeah. I'm glad that you brought that up. That is something that I think we kind of touch on as parents, especially like the more kids you have and that loss of, it's not only a loss of or grieving the connection that you have with your first child, but it's grieving a version of yourself that isn't going to exist anymore, right? That there's a version of you that existed before you had any children.

There's a version of you that existed when you had one child and now there's a whole new version of you to accommodate.

Jessica Hill (33:00.942)
Well, and even through the process, sorry.

Chelsea Myers (33:04.822)
No, it's okay, go ahead.

Jessica Hill (33:07.544)
I was just going to say, even through the process of being pregnant and feeling like I wasn't as able to be present, right? Like I was nauseous or I was exhausted or I was, I wasn't able to kind of.

chase them around the playground in the way that I had, know, there, are just these moments where you're struck by, right, this is, this is happening, you know? So I think, yeah, it's a real, it's a real adjustment. And I struggled with it.

Chelsea Myers (33:31.423)
This is happening and it's different.

Chelsea Myers (33:38.798)
Yeah, yeah. And then baby came. Because they do. That's what they do. What was that dynamic shift? I mean, were you able to enjoy a newborn bubble again? Or were you kind of thrust back into, okay, this is what we're doing now.

Jessica Hill (33:48.374)
They do show up.

Thank

Jessica Hill (34:07.47)
So I, he was a much fussier baby. And so I called him my little koala because he just sat on my shoulder. And that was like the only time that he wouldn't cry. If I put him down, he would, he would be fussy. So it was a little bit more stressful in those early months just because he was, you know, it was, it was, I remember my husband, I,

I had been adamant about not buying baby gear that felt superfluous and like not, you know, not something that we needed. And one day he just walked into the house with a swing and he was like, we need something. I was like, we can only use that for two more months. He was like, well, it's worth it if for those two months you can put this kid down and he's not crying. So we, and it actually was the best thing we, we just, cause it

Chelsea Myers (34:46.763)
You

Ha ha!

Jessica Hill (35:04.642)
did buy me time. But then, it's just a joy to see how they grow together, right? How they interact with each other to see his brother be interested and loving and just that brother dynamic. You would never know it now if you saw them today, but they were very cute together.

Chelsea Myers (35:29.897)
No.

Chelsea Myers (35:34.43)
Yeah, I'm often told by more seasoned parents, remind them when they're older of that. And I'm like, no, my 10 year old begged and begged us for a little sibling. no, she's just never really, I mean, they love each other, obviously, but they fight like, no, like nothing else. Like you.

Jessica Hill (35:35.438)
Thank you.

Jessica Hill (35:58.178)
Well, nothing gets one of them riled up like the other. It's like they are perfect little angels when they're by themselves and they become puppies when they're together. you can't, my children are 15 and 17. If I take them to the grocery store, I mean, you would think I was there with a one and three year old. Are you rolling around on the floor in the grocery store? What are you doing? They just can't.

Chelsea Myers (36:03.027)
Exactly!

Chelsea Myers (36:14.508)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (36:25.784)
help themselves when they're near each other. It's really something.

Chelsea Myers (36:29.129)
my God. the image. The image is just amazing. Can't wait. Can't wait. So I'm curious about a few things. Did you still follow the same model of kind of aftercare of having the midwives visit and being in sort of a mom group with similar?

Jessica Hill (36:51.816)
So I didn't do the mom group with my second son because my first one was already in a nursery and so I had connections with other parents and we had such a schedule to kind of keep that was, you know, with subsequent kids there along for the ride of their older siblings. Yeah, right, they just are like, okay, I guess we're going to preschool now. I guess we're going to, so, you know,

Chelsea Myers (37:10.911)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (37:19.916)
That sort of informed a lot of what he did. He was kind of with his brother's friends. occasionally that friend would have a sibling that was near. That was kind of, we'd strike gold if like one of my older son's friends had a sibling that was his age. So.

Yeah, he, no, I mean, I had lots of friends from that first time around, but didn't seek out the same kind of community second time around.

Chelsea Myers (37:58.58)
sense. That makes sense because you had an established village. You had an established community like you said from from your first son. I'm curious when the transition happened to coming back to the states.

Jessica Hill (38:02.168)
here.

Jessica Hill (38:17.716)
So we had been sort of talking in circles about it for years and we kind of hit the inflection point when our oldest son would be going starting school, like school school, which is at four in the UK. And it became increasingly evident that we were either going to be moving to the suburbs of London or moving back to the States. And I said,

you know, to my husband, I, you I didn't move to London to live in Surrey. You know, if I, if I'm going to be in the suburbs here, I'd rather be in the suburbs and be close to my parents, you know, so we, you know, we maneuvered a transfer for my husband's job, and ended up, moving when the boys were two and four so that our eldest could kind of slot into kindergarten, which, was a great,

Chelsea Myers (38:52.246)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (39:17.774)
it was a great time to move because then our younger one was just starting preschool and so we sort of got a community through that and it was it was just this natural kind of transition point over here so it worked it worked.

Chelsea Myers (39:35.192)
Yeah, that like flawlessly answered my next question too. Yeah, because, well, because you had such an established community. Like you said, you're away from family or in the UK, obviously, unless you had family there, but you didn't, you had family back here. But it sounds like when you came back, you did, you had your family nearby, you, both boys were going to be in some sort of school. So you were forming connections. And again, you had community. When

Jessica Hill (39:38.664)
Chelsea Myers (40:04.971)
Did... is this when the idea behind the the parent collective started or did that come later?

Jessica Hill (40:16.59)
It came later. think it came from just, you know, I was with no, I had no intention of starting a business. That was not even remotely in my mind, but I, but I am, you know, I'm, I am, I'm a doer and I like, you know, I constantly, I was home. I wasn't working. Um, and I'm not somebody that can, I needed to kind of

Chelsea Myers (40:26.701)
As so many of us do not.

Jessica Hill (40:44.014)
throw myself creatively into something. And I had had countless conversations on the preschool playground with parents about their experience having a baby here in the US, just because I was curious about the differences, because I'm a doctor's daughter and I was really a little bit nervous about the NHS and

you know, socialized medicine and all of that, and became such an evangelist about it. It was so amazing. in, in, you know, there are a lot of ways in which it's, you know, problematic. I'm not suggesting that it's, you know, some utopia, but when it comes to pregnancy and new mothers and babies, it's, it's amazing.

Chelsea Myers (41:19.829)
Yeah.

Jessica Hill (41:43.314)
and I just felt so cared for in the system and just with all of the other, like we were talking about the midwives and the there's this other program called health visitor program. I just felt so sort of lifted up by the, by the system. and so I was asking people what it was like to have a baby here just out of curiosity and just kept being regaled with story after story about how lonely and isolating it was and how they were secretly excited to go back to work.

because they felt lost at home and then they felt massive amounts of guilt about that. and that almost all of them didn't find their people until their kids went to preschool. And I think, you know, that's such a massive, mean, it is the biggest transition of your life, right? Having a baby and to not have people sort of along for the ride with you.

I just, you know, I just think is such a missed opportunity. think it's such a, like we were saying, it's such a unique kind of like time warp that you find yourself in where all of a sudden you can't, you know, your best friend from high school sort of takes a backseat to the woman's, stranger at the park who can relate to the, you know, the nipple on your bottle.

and what the flow is, right? Like there's just a, your, your, your world just, you know, one eighties. And so that was, you know, it was a few years after we moved back that I was just sort of noodling on this idea of, know, there I experienced this better way. And so how can I help bring it here?

Chelsea Myers (43:14.508)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (43:35.414)
Yeah. Yeah, which is amazing. And like you said, I mean, you even said it, you said it in the little questionnaire that everyone has to fill out when you said you're a doer. That was one of your top, like one of your top things. I'm a doer. And you saw and now I'm thinking because I have a Disney brain, I'm a Disney brain and you see a need, fill a need. And so you that was from

I don't even remember what that one's from. But anyway, you saw a need and you saw a deficit. Yeah, I mean, I should know I'm a little disappointed in myself right now. But anyway, you saw a need and you saw you saw a different way because you experienced a different way. Talk to me a little bit about the evolution how how it started and where it is today what you what and what you guys are doing today.

Jessica Hill (44:05.248)
I wouldn't know.

Jessica Hill (44:30.818)
So how it started, I mean, it was definitely a labor of love. I mean, it took years and years for anybody to care, take us seriously. But it was sort of years of background, of just interviewing people, trying to learn the landscape, working with.

know, OBs and midwives and nurses to build a curriculum, because obviously this is my background. My background is partnership marketing. And so, yeah, I mean, it was great and it sort of informed how I, you know, built a community around the parent collective. But, you know, I wanted to work with doctors and nurses and really understand the reality of

Chelsea Myers (45:00.066)
Mm-hmm.

Which is helpful.

Jessica Hill (45:25.388)
that landscape that, you know, of pregnancy here in the U S obviously I hadn't experienced it. So, you know, for years, it was just a class here in Connecticut where I live. you know, taught by certified nurse midwives or labor and delivery nurses, and slowly started gaining traction with the OB GYNs in the area as they started hearing, you know, because we were totally.

unvetted, you know, there was, there was, there was no reason for them to take us seriously in the beginning. And so as they started hearing positive feedback from patients and, and, you know, learning more about us, we slowly built that traction here. And then COVID hit. And so that sort of derailed things for a while. But post COVID began exploring

national expansion, looking to essentially local champions that could bring this to their community. And that's been going on for a couple of years. And most recently, we've started exploring licensing of the program to bring it to health systems and, you know, larger OV practices.

so that they can support their patients in a meaningful way. I there is this sort of feeling among a lot of pregnant patients, right, that they really are.

clinical, you you're just sort of a number, right? It doesn't feel like your practice cares about your success in the transition to parenthood. It's the, you know, healthy mom, healthy baby check, right? And I don't think that that's what the doctors feel. I think that that's just the perception because the realities of our health system are such that, you know, there are quotas and there are, you know, there are just these realities that don't let, let doctors

Chelsea Myers (47:11.563)
Yes. Yes.

Chelsea Myers (47:23.127)
Yep.

Jessica Hill (47:40.108)
spend the time that they want to with their patients. so, you know, our classes are a way for a practice to show that they care about the whole patient and that they care about their success emotionally as well as physically. I think that that's huge because, you know, there are all these studies that show that if you have one person, like real person, not, you know, someone in the comment section, but

a real person to talk to that understands what you're going through and validates your experience, that it can have a huge impact on your postpartum mental health. so, you know, I see the, I see the prenatal education piece of the parent collective as almost as secondary, really. I mean, it's important for a short period of time, but really it's the sticky stuff that helps you make friends that can kind of see you as you get transitioned. So.

Chelsea Myers (48:38.731)
Yeah, I love that. And I'm also learning more about it as we as we talk about it, because my experience of the parent collective, just through like you said, through social media is this community building and to hear that there is a lot of I mean, I knew to a certain extent that there's this clinical piece to it and training and stuff is I don't know, it's I don't even know how to word this exactly. But

to know that someone like you exists, like, and like you were saying, like, yes, you went through struggles in early parenthood and you went through challenges and you experienced things, but not but and you also didn't come on here today, like proclaiming I had a traumatic birth experience and I like

this went wrong and this went wrong. You told me so many things about what went right, even along with the things that were so really ridiculously hard and to still have that motivation to look to others and say, wow, okay, this doesn't feel right. How can I help others to have an experience similar to what I had? Like that is a superpower.

that's a superpower that you have and what you're doing it is and what you're doing is huge and I'm I'm grateful for it. If you again another one of those silly questions but

If you kind of had to summarize the parent collective into like a single tagline or sentence in terms of what your goal is and what you do, how would you summarize that?

Jessica Hill (50:25.452)
Well, Chelsea, I have a tagline, which is essentially it's birth prep reimagined with your village built in. That's our tagline. And I think that summarizes it perfectly.

Chelsea Myers (50:27.351)
you

Chelsea Myers (50:41.909)
I think it does too. And I'm glad that you caught my little nudge to fill in the blank. So, I mean, as we wind this around, again, just what I really love about being able to get to know you more today and know more about your story is, and this is the thing that I think a lot of people don't understand is like, I get a sheet of

paper where everything's digital. I get a little set of questions that I have my guests answer and I learn as little about you as I can so that I can get to know you authentically. And the story that you told today is a very different and very

very validating story than the one that I thought I was going to get. And those are always my favorite connections. Because like you said, you can put all these things down on paper, but when you meet the person and you make the connection, like

it's a completely different experience. So, so much of what you said is relatable. It's relatable to me. It's gonna be relatable to so many people. But I love it when I'm caught off guard. I love it when I try not to go in with a set idea of what I think I'm gonna learn about a person. But when it goes like so far off the path and it just is this, I don't know, I just think it's beautiful and organic and I love it.

To bring us back home, we've talked about it a little bit, as we've talked about the evolutions and how you've grown and post-COVID, and I think that shifted a lot of things for a lot of us. For listeners who want to learn more about you, about the Parent Collective, and these will all be listed in the show notes, but where would you say is the best place for them to look?

Jessica Hill (52:15.982)
you

Jessica Hill (52:40.554)
I think, you know, our website is where our story and our schedule and all of those, you know, where people can engage with the classes is, but I think probably Instagram is where you get a sense of who we are and what our motivations are. So, you know, our website is just the parentcollective.com and our Instagram is the parentcollective TPC, which are the initials of the parent collective.

Chelsea Myers (53:07.809)
Yep.

Jessica Hill (53:10.114)
But I think that that's where people will get a sense of what we're trying to build in a...

Chelsea Myers (53:18.625)
Yeah, that's where I found you. And that's where, I mean, it's where I've learned the most about you guys. And I've loved that I've been able to learn more about you and about your experience and about just the evolution of the Parent Collective. So I'm very grateful. I'm gonna bring us home for real this time. And we're...

We're playing a little game with these seasons, the end of season six, the beginning of season seven, as we wind in. I'm ending my episodes a little differently. I'm asking us...

Jessica Hill (53:44.11)
.

Chelsea Myers (53:57.462)
elder millennials to end above to think back to the days before cell phones and back before the days when you had to call someone and if they weren't there you had to hope that the answering machine picked up before their parents did because dear Lord you don't want to talk to their parents. So put yourself in that mind frame. Remember those days.

Jessica Hill (54:00.366)
You

That's good. Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (54:25.309)
So you don't know who my next guest is gonna be. You don't know anything about them. You don't know if it's a mom or a dad or a caretaker or a provider or an advocate. Don't know what their story is gonna be. But you called into Quiet Connection today. They weren't here to answer. So you're gonna leave them a message. And you can literally interpret that in whatever way.

you would like. Some people interpret that as like leaving an affirmation. Some people literally are just like, Hey, what's up? I'm so and so so glad you're here. Like you can interpret it however you want to. but what's fun for me, and I'm going to be checking back in is that to get your message when, when your episode comes out, like next season, you're going to have to listen to the episode before yours.

Jessica Hill (55:00.334)
You

Chelsea Myers (55:18.047)
and see if the message resonated. That's my woo-woo side that I'm like injecting into the podcast. Like, so your message will come in the episode before yours and you'll have to be like, that hit home or like that was so off the mark. But what would your message be for the next guest?

Jessica Hill (55:40.632)
Wow, I think my message would be.

Chelsea Myers (55:41.901)
You

Jessica Hill (55:51.298)
I think I'm going to draw, I was on a call yesterday and I think my message would be that just to give a reminder to whoever your guest is to be kind to themselves and give themselves grace. You know, I think whatever phase of parenthood or advocacy, especially in advocacy right now, which is

you know, a daunting, daunting space that we need, we need to check in with ourselves and make sure that we don't lose ourselves in whatever season we're in. So just be a reminder to, you know, take care of themselves before they take care of everybody else. That would be my message.

Chelsea Myers (56:42.433)
Yeah. I love it. I love it so much. And yeah, we'll see. We're going to have to see. This is, this is me like trying to infuse a little, I say it's a fun little game. Some of my guests are like, God, I have to what? And I'm like, just, just trust the process, man. Like, but just go with it, whatever comes to mind. but yeah, thank you for indulging me and

Jessica Hill (56:47.566)
You

Jessica Hill (56:58.41)
You

Jessica Hill (57:03.816)
Just go with it, just go with it.

Chelsea Myers (57:12.193)
I'm just so grateful. I'm so grateful that we connected. I'm so grateful that I was able to learn more about you, your story, and the Parent Collective, and grateful for what you're doing. So thank you for spending some time with me this morning.

Jessica Hill (57:26.658)
Thanks for having me, this was fun.

Chelsea Myers (57:28.846)
Alright, I'm gonna hit stop. It's not gonna hang up.